Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicole0425

Day 4.

I also suck at not looking at his facebook. I know I shouldn't.

:-(

I know its hard, its been a little over 3 months, and I caved the other day and checked it... I know I still have this false hope that we'll see each other again, and who knows what could happen. I do know that my ex doesn't know what she wants and needs to grow up and learn about herself, but she jumped in with a new guy almost immediately after breaking up with me. And how can you learn about yourself if you're trying to learn everything about someone else... but yeah, even worse, I helped my ex set up almost everything that has a password, and I know it -_-... I've snooped before by logging into her account and it caused a lot of pain and confusion, but I learned that she really has no more feelings left for me. And its like, I don't want to date for awhile because I think I need to improve myself some more (even though I've been on about a dozen dates), but I just miss having someone to talk to like I could talk to my ex. There's only a few people I know where I can really be myself around, and my ex got it all, I gave her all of me... I know now that it was a mistake, there's no such thing as a "sure thing" anymore... relationships are so unpredictable... but maybe it was if I had loved myself a bit more, maybe I could have spared some heartache if I had a little more love for myself instead of giving it all to my ex. And it sucks to know that almost nobody marries they're first love. I mean, I really thought I did everything right, and I still kind of think I did. We hung out as friends for about 5 months before I asked her out, then we started dating, I took everything nice and slow... it's a personal choice of mine (and hers, as we are the same religion) to wait till marriage for sex so we never did (there was a lot of "alternatives" teehee). But yeah, things went slow, we built something so strong, and then she left for college, I thought it was going to be tough, but that we'd survive... didn't last 1 semester... lol. *sigh* and she tells me that she wasn't sure if she had ever loved me... ouch! I knew I loved her... but maybe this was to teach me that maybe it wasn't "real" love... ill never know till I fall in love again. It doesn't seem like it now, but I guess it will just happen. I hope.

It sucks because she really knew me so well... and we had absolutely no problems, I think we had maybe 2 major fights, but they were always resolved through peaceful conversation and reasoning...

Anyway, about Facebook... lol, sorry for the rant. Its been 3 months and I still slip up, nothing that really shocks me, and makes my heart beat real fast. But I got I little feeling of something. Goodness, I almost checked her email. (go go self control!) I don't know, I just want to see something that might feed my false hope, something wrong with the new guy, some sort of problem they have. My ex's friend used to email me, she hasn't in awhile, and part of wishes that she would... but the other part wants to slap that part and tell me to focus on me, on what I want, on what I'm going to do with my life, on why its nice to be without a girlfriend for awhile.

Well, I've wasted enough time... got to get back to my paper.
Sorry this is so long everybody... rough night I guess, yet I had a great day.

Well my ex has blocked me on Facebook so I can't even look. Which in a way is good for me but not a good sign.

Well, at least it's better knowing for sure, right? Trust me... it's better that she blocked you... rather than to trail you around with the whole "I want us to be friends" bs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

I know its hard, its been a little over 3 months, and i caved the other day and checked it... i know i still have this false hope that we'll see each other again, and who knows what could happen. i do know that my ex doesnt know what she wants and needs to grow up and learn about herself, but she jumped in with a new guy almost immediately after breaking up with me. and how can you learn about yourself if you're trying to learn everything about someone else... but yeah, even worse, i helped my ex set up almost everything that has a password, and i know it -_-... i've snooped before by logging into her account and it caused a lot of pain and confusion, but i learned that she really has no more feelings left for me. and its like, i dont wanna date for awhile cus i think i need to improve myself some more (even though i've been on about a dozen dates), but i just miss having someone to talk to like i could talk to my ex. theres only a few people i know where i can really be myself around, and my ex got it all, i gave her all of me... i know now that it was a mistake, theres no such thing as a "sure thing" anymore... relationships are so unpredictable... but maybe it was if i had loved myself a bit more, maybe i could have spared some heartache if i had a little more love for myself instead of giving it all to my ex. and it sucks to know that almost nobody marries they're first love. i mean, i really thought i did everything right, and i still kinda think i did. we hung out as friends for about 5 months before i asked her out, then we started dating, i took everything nice and slow... its a personal choice of mine (and hers, as we are the same religion) to wait till marriage for sex so we never did (there was a lot of "alternatives" teehee). but yeah, things went slow, we built something so strong, and then she left for college, i thought it was gonna be tough, but that we'd survive... didn't last 1 semester... lol. *sigh* and she tells me that she wasn't sure if she had ever loved me... ouch! i knew i loved her... but maybe this was to teach me that maybe it wasn't "real" love... ill never know till i fall in love again. it doesn't seem like it now, but i guess it will just happen. i hope.

it sucks cus she really knew me so well... and we had absolutely no problems, i think we had maybe 2 major fights, but they were always resolved through peaceful conversation and reasoning...

anyway, about facebook... lol, sorry for the rant. its been 3 months and i still slip up, nothing that really shocks me, and makes my heart beat real fast. but i got i little feeling of something. goodness, i almost checked her email. (go go self control!) i dunno, i just want to see something that might feed my false hope, something wrong with the new guy, some sort of problem they have. my ex's friend used to email me, she hasn't in awhile, and part of wishes that she would... but the other part wants to slap that part and tell me to focus on me, on what i want, on what im going to do with my life, on why its nice to be without a gf for awhile.

well, i've wasted enough time... gotta get back to my paper.
sorry this is so long everybody... rough night i guess, yet i had a great day.

I am also the same, I check her Facebook page evry so often. I know I shouldn't, but in many respects, I consider that to be way better than breaking NC, and it stops me contacting her too!

I know that eventually I will have to stop checking her fb site, I am almost at that stage. I think that is part of the gradual process of letting go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Numb

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

Having just posted a few answers to help other people, I have realised that today is 8 months of NC for me. Time does move on quickly!

Grrr stupid Facebook, I don't have him on mine anymore I blocked it so I can't look at it, anyway after seeing each other last week he has text me and then put a message on my Facebook last night saying "nice profile pic, you look too hot you should change it:-)" so anoying, I don't know what the hell is going on with him right now. I think he is having second thoughts but if he did want me back I don't know what I would do I don't even think I want that anymore...

Has it only been 5 days of NC?

Feels like a life-time. I'm still having those urges of.. "Oh, he'd think this was so funny." or "Oh, I feel so crappy, he'll make me feel better." Nope. He's the reason I feel so crappy. Stay strong everybody.

Seneca - I too have been guilty of snooping using their passwords. *Sigh* It's all so tempting.. but at least I haven't called him. I have been staying busy with school and stuff, it's just hard when I'm alone in my room..

Nicole, I feel you, which is why the first month of the breakup, I picked up another job and a volunteering job, and started to write a book.. . nothing makes the time pass than coming home at 2am to go to sleep, only to wake up at 8am to go to work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicole0425

Feels like a life-time. I'm still having those urges of.. "Oh, he'd think this was so funny." or "Oh, I feel so crappy, he'll make me feel better." Nope. He's the reason I feel so crappy. Stay strong everybody.

That's been happening to me a lot too. Back when we were together and a day was going by where I was feeling down... I would just text him saying "can i spend the night?" and he always said "of course". It always made me feel so good. I miss being able to do that. But I try to tell myself... hey, sure I had a bad day and Im feeling down, but I'll get through it on my own. I can be strong. I don't need anyone to run to. I don't need anyone to protect me. I can make it on my own.

I feel Im doing well as far as facebook/myspace is concerned. About a week after the break up I cancelled my myspace account and blocked the site from my computer. (his profile is public) and I haven't been there since. Im not getting rid of Facebook since I have a lot of friends on there who I'd like to stay in touch with, but I did remove him as a friend. But, yet again, since we're in the same network I can still see his page. Im trying to be good about not checking it out. It's good he doesn't really update it at all, so the couple times I've gone there nothing has been changed. But that is how I found out about his "new relationship" w/ his friend. Made me so sick, but that's why it's a good to stay away from those things. I tell myself this every time I feel the urge to check in on him. I know I'm not going to like what I see, so I try to distract myself. I go to another site or I call up a friend. Then the urge goes away.

I feel things are getting better, even though I'm constantly thinking about him. Just as someone else had pointed out... I fear I also still have that little hope that maybe he'll come back into my life somehow. This is probably bad, but it makes me feel better having this hope. I know I shouldn't though, because it just slows me down from moving on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

I know its hard, its been a little over 3 months, and i caved the other day and checked it... i know i still have this false hope that we'll see each other again, and who knows what could happen. i do know that my ex doesnt know what she wants and needs to grow up and learn about herself, but she jumped in with a new guy almost immediately after breaking up with me. and how can you learn about yourself if you're trying to learn everything about someone else... but yeah, even worse, i helped my ex set up almost everything that has a password, and i know it -_-... i've snooped before by logging into her account and it caused a lot of pain and confusion, but i learned that she really has no more feelings left for me. and its like, i dont wanna date for awhile cus i think i need to improve myself some more (even though i've been on about a dozen dates), but i just miss having someone to talk to like i could talk to my ex. theres only a few people i know where i can really be myself around, and my ex got it all, i gave her all of me... i know now that it was a mistake, theres no such thing as a "sure thing" anymore... relationships are so unpredictable... but maybe it was if i had loved myself a bit more, maybe i could have spared some heartache if i had a little more love for myself instead of giving it all to my ex. and it sucks to know that almost nobody marries they're first love. i mean, i really thought i did everything right, and i still kinda think i did. we hung out as friends for about 5 months before i asked her out, then we started dating, i took everything nice and slow... its a personal choice of mine (and hers, as we are the same religion) to wait till marriage for sex so we never did (there was a lot of "alternatives" teehee). but yeah, things went slow, we built something so strong, and then she left for college, i thought it was gonna be tough, but that we'd survive... didn't last 1 semester... lol. *sigh* and she tells me that she wasn't sure if she had ever loved me... ouch! i knew i loved her... but maybe this was to teach me that maybe it wasn't "real" love... ill never know till i fall in love again. it doesn't seem like it now, but i guess it will just happen. i hope.

it sucks cus she really knew me so well... and we had absolutely no problems, i think we had maybe 2 major fights, but they were always resolved through peaceful conversation and reasoning...

anyway, about facebook... lol, sorry for the rant. its been 3 months and i still slip up, nothing that really shocks me, and makes my heart beat real fast. but i got i little feeling of something. goodness, i almost checked her email. (go go self control!) i dunno, i just want to see something that might feed my false hope, something wrong with the new guy, some sort of problem they have. my ex's friend used to email me, she hasn't in awhile, and part of wishes that she would... but the other part wants to slap that part and tell me to focus on me, on what i want, on what im going to do with my life, on why its nice to be without a gf for awhile.

well, i've wasted enough time... gotta get back to my paper.
sorry this is so long everybody... rough night i guess, yet i had a great day.

That's pretty much bang on for me all round West. Your posts are tip top. My ex luckilly only got the internet in her flat after we broke up, and I rejected her request to be my friend on it, as I know it wouldn't do me any favours to see what she's up too, and whilst I thought about what if she wants to see what I'm too, I decided that to not accept her request was best all round.

I have definite moments when I get pretty sad about the fact we aren't together, I miss all sorts of things. I was a bit like you as well, I gave a hell of a lot, probably too much now I look back on it. Your partner should be a big part of your life, not all of it. She wasn't all of my life, but I sure put her very high up.

The worst bit is the downtime I now have, I'm doing my utmost to do great things with the time I'm now given. I'm doing salsa and jive classes, play soccer on mondays, just need a good outdoor sport/hobby at the weekends now, as that's when the time with her was the best and I've got to fill it myself.

Best thing to think of is that, our exes took a good look at the relationship and thought id rather try my luck elsewhere, or rather be on my own than with you.

That seriously sucks, but things happen for a reason. Now we've got the chance to do a lot of work on ourselves, which I realise now I need to do, and we'll come back stronger all round.

Its definitely their loss and whilst it doesn't feel like it now it is our gain.

Im on day 32 of NC, just got to keep going. Not interested in dating or anything yet, I'll just let nature take its course.

Keep posting though everyone, as it really helps.

Day 6. Feeling pretty OK today, actually.

I stayed pretty darn busy and yeah, no crying.

So.. yay?

Congrats! The no-crying bit is actually a huge step. Keep your head above the water. You can do it!!

So after a week full of set backs and crying I am starting my official no contact again today... so here it is day one! Its funny how it all comes back again so quickly it almost feels like its still so fresh. Just like a scab which I can't stop picking even though it hurts... god I hope I can do this.

I'm on day 16 now.. feels really great most of the time.. but I just got a great memory of us back in the day and it hurts I'll never be able to do that again..

As someone said, when I had a bad day, I would ring my ex up and ask her to stay at mine that night and she made everything better. Now I have to get through it on my own.

But there's sooo many advantages of being separated too. I don't have to phone her every night any more when I don't want to or wait for her to text back.. I get to spend all my own money on ME!

I feel happier than I have for a long, long time as we were messing each other about for the past 6 months.. it's good to be free to do what I want now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazT

But there's sooo many advantages of being separated too. I don't have to phone her every night any more when I don't want to or wait for her to text back.. I get to spend all my own money on ME!

My older brother and his girlfriend just moved in with my mom and me not too long ago... all they do is argue, the same can be said of a couple of my best friends, they're always fighting with their girl. Now my ex and I rarely fought... but its nice that the possibility of someone yelling at me over nothing is extremely thin.

And what you say is so true, there are loads of benefits to being single, more time to do better in school, time to work out, time to do whatever you like to do in your down time. Personally, I enjoy my own company, and I'm so glad I don't feel the need to constantly be with someone. Cheers to all the singles out there! What "leap-froggers" fail to see is that sometimes its good to be single, to be independently happy is something nobody can take away from you.

Quote:

to be independently happy is something nobody can take away from you.

Powerful words.

Hey guys. To Daz.. keep going. It gets a little better. Just keep fighting temptation.

I was really good tonight (Day 7, A WHOLE WEEK NC! ). He was online (he never goes online) and he put up an away message (he NEVER NEVER NEVER does that) saying he was packing for the "big move" and "yay for him."

And I didn't do a thing. I was intensely curious and confused (he never mentioned moving anywhere... probably just to an apartment with a friend.. ) but I just ignored him for the time being.

I really want to be friends EVENTUALLY, but for now, NC is working for me.. so whooo!

Well done Nicole... keep on that NC Highway

NC now

July 2007 - April 2008 :)

WOW... Time flys. I got over it but I still think of her now and again. Life is to busy at the moment. Don't worry peeps it gets easy!

Oooh! For me it's NC starting late JAN 2008- APRIL 2008.
I concur with Jiser. It really does get easier!! I promise.

ALso, I really like your quote likening holding onto anger to grasping hot coal. So true! That's something that I still struggle with every now and then. :T