Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar II

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

oof. someone opened up pandora's box.

I think I SORTA understand where hj's coming from. I don't think he's talking about sex, per se, but the drama that comes with it. I think he just prefers a girl who is inexperienced and isn't knowledgeable in hurting a guy.

Granted, it's a misconception, and perhaps he should have worded things better...

Yeh... I'm not that experienced... lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew916

i am a virgin. and my girlfriend is too. i laughed at what HJpan said because where i go to school i am surrounded by lots of girls who have sex just to be having sex. if i'm going to lose it i want it to be with someone who feels that sex shouldn't be used as some means of building a reputation. it brings the relationship onto a whole new level and to take sex lightly isn't right. unfortunately girls like that art school, outside of school, and in my neighborhood are rare. let's face it- this generation treats sex like it's a joke.

Hahaha~ wait until college.... there's more drama...

I went to a friends' summer-is-here frat party~not a lot of guys besides the frat brothers..

Well, I was talking to couple dudes and they said to me
"If you ever want to hook up with a whore or get laid, just talk to us"

Seriously.

Oh that explains a lot hjpan... lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by magrock

oh that explains alot hjpan...lol

Explains?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I think he just prefers a girl who is inexperienced and isn't knowledgeable in hurting a guy.

Occasionally we get women who post things here to the effect that they are in there 20's and never had a boyfriend or never had sex and they have somehow come to believe this is negative. As God is my witness, I, and I dare say the majority of good men would be thrilled to have an inexperienced girl who doesn't want to play the game for the sake of hurting the guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this....

EDIT: Did you mean that most people who carry STDs/STIs are men? I could understand that more than the fact that most men have them...

Sorry I wasn't more articulate. I didn't mean to say that most people who carry STDs/STIs are men per se. My point was that women are not the only carriers. We all are or can be. Actually, a large proportion of people (I'm uncertain of international figures. I'm speaking American statistics here) have STDs/STIs. They just don't know it.

You can get the stats from CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) at Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
A frightening factoid: "CDC estimates that approximately 19 million new infections occur each year, almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24."

I thought men were the biggest carriers and distributors of STDs?

It seems like the numbers should be pretty even- it takes at least two to transmit...

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Explains?

Well the fact that your only 19 you have a certain about sex... when to do it & when its done it's a disaster or sleeping w/ an certain amount of people is bad... think about it your 19 your sexual peak is still very high... I am 29 so I am just speaking from my experience... it just seems you are judging people based on sexual experience... I lost my virginity @21 as a woman I was very proud of that... because I personally do not sleep around however I am human & make mistakes... I just think that everyone should speak or give advice based on their experience. The fact that you are 19 explains a lot of why your responses seemed a bit unfair. But I respect everyone's opinions...

Wait, hj... do you by chance go to my school.. because... my buddy and I were being serious about that. Just talk to us, all is taken care of ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

wait, hj...do you by chance go to my school...? because...my buddy and I were being serious about that. just talk to us, all is taken care of ;)

I'm rolling my eyes... :rolleyes: lol.

Btw- nice new avatar, Sneeze. Really subtle. :p

Why thank you. Yours too. Really screams the "jilted" part with your fancy hat.

I don't think it matters how many partners you have or haven't had. The point is to find someone who looks at "sex" in a similar light as yourself. This goes for both girls and guys. If you look at sex as a beautiful, natural thing that 2 partners do to show and express their love to each other in a very intimate way then look for someone who shares that same view. (Also know, that there are other ways to show that love as well without just the sex). If you look at sex as a primal urge, need to feel the warmth of a human body on yours for the moment then find someone who's looking for the same. Over your lifetime, you'll probably find yourself jumping between these 2 extremes. There's no right or wrong here. Just make sure whatever you are doing is what YOU want to do and whatever you are doing is what the other person WANTS to be doing too. Make sure you're both on the same page about what the act of sex is representing and it will hopefully keep the hurt feelings down to a minimum.

And of course, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS use a condom.

I'm an old lady compared to you guys so I have some experience. ; )

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

why thank ya. yours too. really screams the "jilted" part with your fancy hat.

Umm... I'm a sophomore at Univ. of California, Davis... :O

But I'm taking a year off for advanced school program...

Anyways, since I'm inexperienced.... I just rather date/go on a relationship with a virgin or a girl who has the same inexperience as I do =/

... twas a joke hj. Twas a joke.

It's fair to prefer girls who are "as inexperienced" as you are, but I'm simply advising you to not brush off other girls because they've been with 4 - 5 guys... because really, the number of guys they've been with means little to nothing. It's how they treated the guys they were with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

...twas a joke hj. twas a joke.

it's fair to prefer girls who are "as inexperienced" as you are, but I'm simply advising you to not brush off other girls because they've been with 4 - 5 guys...because really, the number of guys they've been with means little to nothing. It's how they treated the guys they were with.

I wouldn't have sex with other girls who are more experienced... just a nonsexual relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

why thank ya. yours too. really screams the "jilted" part with your fancy hat.

Hahaha! What can I say? That's how I roll.;)

Damn,

Wasn't expecting to cause that much trouble... next time I'll keep my mouth shut :)

Thanks for clarifying Jilted, I get what you were saying now...

Quote:

Anyways, since I'm inexperienced.... I just rather date/go on a relationship with a virgin or a girl who has the same inexperience as I do =/

Everyone has their own ways, but keep your mind open to good people out there that have more experience, and can teach you much, despite circumstances of the past.

Prejudice can be very restricting, when it comes to your fellow human, especially the females.

After reading all this, Im starting to move on even tough its to difficult for me. Im using the nc rule because I want to heal but I also have a little hope that she might come back and if she doesn't, its going to be her lost because I'm becoming a whole different person in a very good way. On Sunday its going to be 2 weeks since she asked me for time, we haven't seen each other but she sent me a message 4 days ago wishing that I was OK which I replied saying that I was good , I made it very short and polite. Since that I have applied the nc rule and even tough its hard, I'm not planning to break it. She asked me for time but I realized that its better to treat it as a break up so you can worry about yourself instead of be waitting for this time to finish. I don't want to kill my hopes by I also don't want to put my hopes up so I wish I can heal soon, regarless if she comes back or not!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Everyone has their own ways, but keep your mind open to good people out there that have more experience, and can teach you much, despite circumstances of the past.

Prejudice can be very restricting, when it comes to your fellow human, especially the females.

Hmmm.... I just don't want someone else who has more experience cause my female companion WILL know what to do instead of us taking it slowly :O

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpio24x

She asked me for time but i realized that its better to treat it as a break up so u can worry bout urself instead of be waitting for this time to finish. I dont wanna kill my hopes by i also dont wanna put my hopes up so I wish i can heal soon, regarless if she comes back or not!

Perfect strategy..

I was asked for time and immediately thought of it as a breakup. She gave me the lines "I just need some time", "We will see what happens", etc, etc, etc. I knew better. The next weekend she said she needed more time and didn't know how long it was going to be and didn't want me waiting around for her. Needless to say I took it much better because I had prepared for it all week long.

I'm glad your taking this approach, it's the smart thing to do and you will thank yourself for it later. I was very happy with myself for going that route, since I didn't have to cry and be upset all over again when she told it was probably more pemanant than a break. She was so worried that I would be crushed, and was surprised at how well I handled it. Upset, no doubt, but respectful and understanding (as much as I could be).

Your in the right place bud.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpio24x

After reading all this, Im starting to move on even tough its to difficult for me. Im using the nc rule because i wanna heal but i also have a little hope that she might come back and if she doesnt, its gonna be her lost because im becoming a whole different person in a very good way. On sunday its gonna be 2 weeks since she asked me for time, we havent seen each other but she sent me a message 4 days ago wishing that i was ok which i replied saying that i was good , i made it very short and polite. since that i have applied the nc rule and even tough its hard, im not planning to break it. She asked me for time but i realized that its better to treat it as a break up so u can worry bout urself instead of be waitting for this time to finish. I dont wanna kill my hopes by i also dont wanna put my hopes up so I wish i can heal soon, regarless if she comes back or not!

Same here... I want to find a way to work with my ex but I doubt that cause I'll be in South California while she'll be in North California. Not to mention, her guy-friends said they'll go clubbing and sh*t...

Thinking about it makes me sick and happy at the same time..
Sick that my ex CHOSE TO fuqing stay near me.
Happy that she might get fuqed over.

Anyways, I'm looking towards my future goal for right now...
I imagine myself driving in a ferrari, going to a good paying job and working with awesome people, enjoying life to the fullest etc.

It's been nearly two months since I broke up with my boyfriend and he has done and said things to me I never would've thought possibloe and cause me SO MUCH HURT and I'm still JUST AS IN LOVE WITH HIM.It's really getting my down. Surely I'm weird for being in love with someone who has treated me disgracefully with no cause to? *SiGh*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

It's been nearly two months since I broke up with my boyfriend and he has done and said things to me I never would've thought possibloe and cause me SO MUCH HURT and I'm still JUST AS IN LOVE WITH HIM.It's really getting my down. Surely I'm weird for being in love with someone who has treated me disgracefully with no cause to?? *SiGh*

Ignore him.

Get a restraining order.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

It's been nearly two months since I broke up with my boyfriend and he has done and said things to me I never would've thought possibloe and cause me SO MUCH HURT and I'm still JUST AS IN LOVE WITH HIM.It's really getting my down. Surely I'm weird for being in love with someone who has treated me disgracefully with no cause to?? *SiGh*

OMG hun!! You're life is my life!! Except I broke up with my boyfriend on Sat... I broke up with him because he did some hurtful things, where I should be angry.. but I just can't bring myself to hate him or be angry.. I still love him so much, like you said..

I hope it gets better for you.. I don't know about you but going on here is like therapy.. it really helps to talk to people that are in the same spot as us.. it's really a great thing that we have here..

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Ignore him.

Get a restraining order.

Clearly not the case here

Quote:

Originally Posted by plonak

clearly not the case here and uncalled for... why are you so obnoxnious?? this site is here to help people.. not to pi$$ them off!

I'm giving advise, not pi$$ing people off

Restraining order so the ex can't do anything. No phone calls, texts, visits etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

I'm giving advise, not pi$$ing people off

Restraining order so the ex can't do anything. No phone calls, texts, visits etc.

Lol that is ironic- he told my friend he's getting a restraining order against ME. ME who does not speak to him or communicate with him or go near him. Anything to hurt my feelings.

Thanks Plonak yeah I feel the same I should HATE him for how he treated me, and in a way, still is. His ex ( now his best friend) has told me all the things he's been saying about I can't understand why he'd do that, especially as my last request to him when we broke up was NOT to talk about me to her and he PROMISED he wouldn't.I shouldn't be able to stand him and I love him just as much and miss him. :mad:

Granted, I think a restraining order is a bit too far unless the ex starts making certain threats, stalking, etc.

Just keep your head up, and don't forget what your ex did to hurt your feelings. After a breakup, because we miss them so much, we tend to forget what they did and we tend to forgive them. Remind yourself that you two are broken up because you two don't belong together

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

Granted, I think a restraining order is a bit too far unless the ex starts making certain threats, stalking, etc.

Just keep your head up, and don't forget what your ex did to hurt your feelings. After a breakup, because we miss them so much, we tend to forget what they did and we tend to forgive them. Remind yourself that you two are broken up because you two don't belong together

Yea that's advice that I can take too.. I did too much of forgiving because I loved him.. it's about taking care of myself now.. and not about him.. I guess when we love someone we can be too forgiving.. I guess it just comes with the territory..

Restraining order- he's so immature it boggles my mind.That's the strange thing though I DO remember all the things he did and it hurts me very much but at the same time I still love and miss someone that has been so cruel to me. I think about him morning to night literally not a minute goes past where I don't think of him. Is it possible that it will take me longer to get over him BECAUSE of all the things he did?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

Restraining order- he's so immature it boggles my mind.That's the strange thing though I DO remember all the things he did and it hurts me very much but at the same time I still love and miss someone that has been so cruel to me. I think about him morning to night literally not a minute goes past where I don't think of him. Is it possible that it will take me longer to get over him BECAUSE of all the things he did?

It will take time... I think it'll take a very long time for you to heal

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

It will take time... I think it'll take a very long time for you to heal

*Sigh* that's what I was afraid of. He ruined my last summer and he's ruined this one too. I feel terrible :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

*Sigh* that's what I was afraid of. He ruined my last summer and he's ruined this one too. I feel terrible :(

Don't let a rotten apple spoil the rest.

People be strong, we are all together in this !

I just got a date lined up for next Saturday.woot woot! I've known this girl for a while and we used to have a thing for each other before me and sam got together. I didn't have the balls to ask her out before (I HAD confidence issues). It should be fun. We get along great and have the same tastes in a lot of areas so I'm excited ;)

Good for you! Hope it goes well! Im not sure if I'm ready to date yet.. how do you know when you're ready?

Quote:

Originally Posted by plonak

Good for you! hope it goes well!! Im not sure if im ready to date yet.. how do you know when you're ready?

You're right we are in the same boat lol I don't think I'm ready to date again. I guess you're ready when you can concentrate on someone and not constantly compare them to your ex. I'm kind of getting there, but I'm still in love so it would be unfair to someone I thinlk.

Quote:

Originally Posted by plonak

Good for you! hope it goes well!! Im not sure if im ready to date yet.. how do you know when you're ready?

I just stopped thinking about Sam. One day I woke up and all the good memories that used to bring on extreme sadness, only made me happy to know that I was blessed with good times. I had moved on to open up a new chapter. I think some of us are afraid to let go- but that's what we all must do. Move on with our lives and live them to their fullest. You'll know when you're ready- it's a feeling- a realization.