Fair play if you can wish your exes all the best. There will always be a part of me that will be bitter that she dumped me, probably because of the things she said during the relationship that made me believe she really did want to be with me. Alas in the end she didn't.

So whilst I still think of her, and remember her fondly and kind of still hope in a way she may contact me, I am much better, can certainly think of a bright future with someone else for sure, as she is not worth wasting my thoughts on. The bitterness will probably always be there to be honest, so I have desire to ever see or hear from her again.

Just the way I feel, and I'm totally fine with that.

Onwards and upwards bank holiday weekend, got a roller disco on Saturday night, lol!

I cannot roller, but I sure can disco, should be a blast!

If someone wants you


If he/she wants you nothing can't keep them away
If they don't want you nothing can make them stay
The volume on your intuition is turned up don't ignore it
Don't make justification for their improper behavior
If they mistreated you why are you moping around as if they were the best thing in the universe? (Unless you like the abuse which I highly doubt)
Don't try to change yourself in the liking of your mate.
Don't try to make them happy if you are not happy.
If someone has mistreated you in your relationship and want to remain friends decline! Friends don't mistreat friends.
Don't stay with the hopes it will get better, you will only resent it in the long run, and dwindle in misery for letting time pass.
Avoid conflict with kids mother/father drama.
Don't share friends, your partner friends should not be your friends.
Always be true speak your mind to your mate
You can't change anyone's behavior they have to change themselves
Don't ever put your partner on a pedestal and make them more important than you are.
If they cheated with you they will cheat on you!
Don't always be responsible for arguments even when you know they are wrong
Never look for someone to complete you, each person need to be THEIR own individual. Someone complimentary not supplementary.
There is nothing wrong with dating..
Don't always be available give each other space they will come around when they miss you.
Don't commit to anyone who is not giving you all you want DO NOT lower your standards.
Don't let anyone manipulate your mental state by telling you what you want to hear instead of showing you what you need to see.
Don't neglect your hygiene and wonder why he/she don't want to get intimate with you.
Stalking, harassing, prying, assuming, plundering, into your partner's personal belongings are NOT ADVISABLE you may find what you deserve.. Curiosity killed the cat!

Kaneda - Trust me, don't keep an eye on him! I did last time we broke up. For 2 months I knew every phone call he made, every post on myspace. It only made my life miserable. By holding onto the past, you're missing out on the present and delaying the future. Don't look back!

With this our final breakup, I'm 2 months into the break up again and I feel 1000% better than I did last time at the same time mark. You know why? Cause I know NOTHING!! Its great. Its only been 2 months but by remaining out of his life, its been able to give me the feeling that its actually been over for a lot longer than that. Why? Because he's not part of my life. I'm not living my life as if he's still part of it (by checking up on him, etc.). He's out of my life. I have a new life. And its sooo much better. Don't waste any more of your precious time on someone who's not wasting a second of their time on you.

Gosh, I've come a long way in a couple of weeks. Today's actually 2 months exactly since we broke up and it feels like so much time has passed (in a good way). I feel stronger, more confident, and more "me" than I have in a long time. And people are definitely noticing! Rock on! Being single and free really ain't that bad! In fact, it's a heckuva lot better than being in a unhappy relationship!

Thank you all. Actually this is the last piece of "contact" we have left .His phone number is different now,he has no regular email,doesn't use Facebook or MS. Just this IM account and who knows for how long since every once in a while he changes it. I was actually waiting for the moment he does exactly this and I would see first hand - I can not reach him anymore ever. I know that when this day comes I'll be in great pain, but it will finally be over. Its just today that I was keeping an eye on him, I deleted my old IM-user and just made this "ghost" one some time later,but rarely use it at all.
I like having to restrain myself from contacting him via IM, because it helps me build willpower, patience and discipline. It does, however, turn into a setback once I try to write something - which I am NOT intending to do. So no worries, I am logged off as we speak :)
P.S I'm having a good friend over for a nice long weekend so I wouldn't even think of contacting him. Buu-yeah!

Yea losingit, totally agree on shutting them out of your life. I have blocked and deleted her IM, her Facebook, and actually went as far as deleting 6 of her friends that I had on my Facebook. She has also texted me a couple times from her new number but I always make sure not to look at the number and delete it. I couldn't call or text her if I wanted. I don't want to know anything. Ignorance is bliss if you ask me.

Just when I thought I was out!!

OK so I went out, bought a new phone just so I wouldn't be waiting on any texts coming through but I didn't think of bebo lol.

Basically a few weeks ago I sent my ex a message saying I loved her and she was the one for me.

Today she replies...

Hey I got your message, in the library using their computers because my interent still won't be up 4 sometime. I have changed my number on my other fone but still have the number which you have.
Do you still mean and e of those things you wrote in that message?
Steph
I have added you as a friend because that's what I want you to be


Now I'm back to square one again, dam women lol

Just when I thought I was out!!

OK so I went out, bought a new phone just so I wouldn't be waiting on any texts coming through but I didn't think of bebo lol.

Basically a few weeks ago I sent my ex a message saying I loved her and she was the one for me.

Today she replies...

Hey I got your message, in the library using their computers because my interent still won't be up 4 sometime. I have changed my number on my other fone but still have the number which you have.
Do you still mean and e of those things you wrote in that message?
Steph
I have added you as a friend because that's what I want you to be


Now I'm back to square one again, dam women lol

Just disregard the message, friends is not where you want to be right now until you are comfortable with hearing from her, and you are not at this point. I bet you had butterflies in your stomach when you seen a message from her, perhaps shaking, nervous wanting to respond so badly. Its eating you up inside.. Don't read too much into the email because it was safe, very bland, and generic.


Her statement lets be friends has you all the more confused.
Now that she "wants to be friends" how sweet, it sounds promising but the reality is that friendship this soon after a breakup is not advisable, because emotions are still involved. The 'let's be friends" is being polite.

Don't respond back, and now that she responded delete your bebo, and create a new one for the new you...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

yea losingit, totally agree on shutting them out of your life. I have blocked and deleted her IM, her facebook, and actually went as far as deleting 6 of her friends that I had on my facebook. She has also texted me a couple times from her new number but I always make sure not to look at the number and delete it. I couldn't call or text her if i wanted. I don't want to know anything. Ignorance is bliss if you ask me.

---

GOOD start of all those sites Facebook is the most painful it is a stalkers bible... I have heard some stories about Facebook, because it emails all the friends of everything you do on your page.

She just contacted me over msn again... she hadn't tried in the last 3 weeks.. nearing 50 days of NC.. I was so tempted to reply.. arghh
I need strength :/

Well - I didn't reply..
I got a call from a private no. shortly after - there seemed to be someone on the other side of the line but no one said anything.. Im not sure if it was her..
It's her birthday tomorrow - so, last night was a great way to kick off the drama fest that is this weekend.

P.S: She seems to have deleted a comment she left on my myspace when we were together, and I think she removed me from her friends..
Cool.

Got another one just now.. I don't get what she's trying to accomplish.
I feel like she's taunting me in some way.. I'm still in disbelief at the way she walked away from us :\

God, nicksheshe! You are unbelievably strong! You should be really proud of yourself. Really, what the heck is going on with her? Well, nothing you need to concern yourself with I guess. You don't need the drama. This girl is starting to seem really confused and really immature. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your own best interests.

You've played your hand well. I bet she's feeling like you're the one who dumped her now instead of the other way around. Way to go!

Nick,

Hang in there, you'll be able to handle it. You know what you need to do, the struggle is making sure you have the strength to do it. If she tries again, leave the phone home and go out. Go for a drive, a run, anything... Just get away. It always helps me out to just get out and go (and listen to some good music)

Good luck, you know where to come if you need a hand.

Hey guys...

Just wondering if any of you have gone on any dates and how they went. I went on one tonight, it started pretty good, went to a movie, but than we went to grab some food later and I felt like it bombed. Just conversation started to get strained and I don't think either of us were enjoying it a lot by the end. And I found myself comparing how effortlessly my ex and I could talk. Just took a hit to the ol ego, one that I didn't really need right now.

All right guys, I'm a bit of a newbie on here. My girlfriend broke up with me toward the end of march and I think she's with another guy now. I'm not 100% on that though as I don't have any definite evidence and she has said there isn't anyone, but I just get that feeling. We haven't spoken apart from when I had to go to our old house (where she still lives) to pick my stuff up. I've read through a lot of the posts here and I have to say that they have helped no end. I'm on day 25 of no contact and apart from the odd hiccup I've been doing okay. It's the mornings that are the real killer.

Anyway, to the point, the whole no contact thing is pranging me out. Though I find that it's good to forget about her, she hasn't initiated contact with me once since we broke up. It's hard to believe that after 2.5 years she's just forgotten about me and doesn't even want to speak to me. We didn't end on great terms, but we tried to make it amicable. I've seen loads of people on here saying that their ex's have tried to contact them but I've had nothing. Is anyone else in a similar situation? Personally I'd be happy to never speak to her again, but a little something to let me know she still cares would be nice. Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

jammyb, I get the contact here and there.. and trust me - her contacting me doesn't mean she cares. It's probably her trying to drown her guilt in some way - I don't know.. I could do without the contact though.. Everytime she makes contact I feel like I'm taking a step back even though I'm not replying.. Just hang in there man...

--
p.s : ex's birthday today.. hope she isn't expecting a happy birthday from me.

Yeh I can see what you mean about drowning the guilt. Though I don't think my ex really has what you and me might call "emotions", not that I'm bitter or anything lol. At least it seems like that. Unfortunately its my birthday first so I won't get the pleasure of letting her know I've supposedly forgotten about her, than again it might be interesting to see if I get anything from her... hmmm.

Incidentally NorthernNiceGuy, I have had a thing going with one of my new housemates, and I'm also supposed to be dating a girl I used to work with at some point in the near future, and I've actually found that the mere fact that Im with those girls tends to be a bit depressing for some reason. I can't put my finger on why, but it makes me feel a little more lonely; maybe its because the new girls remind us of our exes or something, who knows?

Jammy,

I know what you mean. I'm not intending to date too much at all until I'm over my ex, as I'm still in the comparing stage, which I don't want to be, but I still do it. No pressure though, you'll find someone when your not looking for it. Which is how I've met my exes. Wasn't looking and then they turned up.

And I know you say you'd like a bit of contact to say she cares about you, but I had that, and it made me feel worse.

You don't need it, and don't contact her at all.

JM

Okay day 8 is going good.This is my longest NC ever! A week and a hour ago I was in tears,hugging my cat as if my life depended on it.Today - just got back from work,snacking and posting here finally :)

Day 6/7 since break

Day 3 from NC

Doing better than ever

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jammyb[CENTER

][/CENTER]Though I find that it's good to forget about her, she hasn't initiated contact with me once since we broke up. It's hard to believe that after 2.5 years she's just forgotten about me and doesn't even wanna speak to me.

---

Don't make assumptions. You have no idea what she is thinking (thats the idea of NC). Why are you going to assume that she is not thinking about you and is getting along fine.

If your going to make an assumption, why not assume that she is struggling every day just like you are? You haven't made contact with her, so she might be saying the same thing about you...

All right guys, here's the update from my ex.

This is what she sent me last night at 2am.

i find it really immature for someone who says they care alot about me to lie to my face and tell me that they want to be friends when really, they dont...

since the beginning of the break-up i told u time and time again that if u didnt want to be friends, i would understand. and u came to me and said that we would be...and i beleived u..

im sorry for what ive done to u ramsey, but really, lying to me isnt going to make u feel better.

but whatever, if u want nothing to do with me, then fine. this is the last time ill contact u...

have a nice life.

Spion_Kop

This is my opinion on this one. Make of it what you will. I think I'm going to have to take the comedy Chuff route on this one.

i find it really immature for someone who says they care alot about me to lie to my face and tell me that they want to be friends when really, they dont...

Three words spring to mind... pot, kettle and black

im sorry for what ive done to u ramsey, but really, lying to me isnt going to make u feel better.

No, but it's a bloody good start. I don't know about anyone else, but if I had the opportunity, I would jump at the chance of p**sing my ex off (having said that, maybe that's why I haven't heard from her).

but whatever, if u want nothing to do with me, then fine. this is the last time ill contact u...

have a nice life.

Job done... I'm guessing that's the first unselfish thing she's said/done for you in a while.

Sorry to butt in with opinions so early, but I couldn't resist.

I just read your story Spion, and to be honest it sounds incredibly similar to mine. We were together 2.5 years and in the last month she became really close to a coworker, and basically started treating me like crap.

I don't know about you guys, but if I hit on a girl, and she then tells me she's in a long term relationship I back off straight away. That says it all about the sort of people these are. Maybe I'm just kidding myself here, but logic would dictate that that relationship would only end in tears. Either 1) they (new bf) would cheat on the ex, being as they obviously have no moral fibre or 2) the ex would realise that the guys a bit of a (quote from a few pages back) "douchebag". Either way though, they can f**k off, as its not our problem what happens to them. Time to move on to better things (and people).

Jees, that turned into a bit of a rant

So my ex texted me today... I'll admit that I do reply to her texts sometimes (I really shouldn't and after today will really make an effort to stop) She said I was playing games with her. This is way out of left field, because I most definitely am not. She claims that she wants to work on us but that I have to make a large effort. She says things like come visit me or call me, and thinks that's trying. I told her that she would have to really try and that she wanted this so it was up to her to convince me. Does it look like I am playing games? Shouldn't she have to go above and beyond to try and win me back. She is expecting me to do all the work... like always. This coupled with the bombed date last night is throwing me way back. She's cut off now, I can't handle how selfish and controlling she is.

Northern I think you are assuming too much. You have to realize you cannot make either of you go through the change that was needed to get your relationship back on track it is going to require BOTH of you to sacrifice a lot and go through a lot of work to fix a relationship that was flawed. If you are up to it and willing to talk to this lady you have show here that you are willing to try and make the changes and you have to judge if she is as well because as I said before its going to take a lot of work on both your parts to make things work.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by spion_kop

alright guys, here's the update from my ex.

This is what she sent me last night at 2am.

i find it really immature for someone who says they care alot about me to lie to my face and tell me that they want to be friends when really, they dont...

since the beginning of the break-up i told u time and time again that if u didnt want to be friends, i would understand. and u came to me and said that we would be...and i beleived u..

im sorry for what ive done to u ramsey, but really, lying to me isnt going to make u feel better.

but whatever, if u want nothing to do with me, then fine. this is the last time ill contact u...

have a nice life.

---

Its insane how they try to turn it around to make us feel like the bad guy... we do what we must to move on, and all they care about is themselves. Don't respond, you know the deal, more games. The reason she's contacting you is because she does feel guilty, and why shouldn't she? And she wants to be your friend to ease the guilt. Don't give in my friend... you will regret anything you send back, I guarantee it. Stay strong, its obvious you got the better end of the deal on this break up.

I have no regrets or hate towards her. I see this as a desperation from her point of view. She is trying anything and everything to get me to respond. It's not going to work because I know her. This is all sick and twisted. She was always selfish and quick to blame others about lies and being dishonest but never herself. She left me because she's changed and so have her feelings. But I've lied because she was trying really hard for us to be friends. But guess what? I changed as well, and now unlike her, I'm moving on and cutting all ties.

As for her coworker, I really hope they do work out or if she finds someone better than me. I don't hold any grudges/hate/anger, it's a waste of my time and energy. I want what's best for her but it won't be with me. Simple.

Yea, I'm hurt for what she did but the lengths to which she goes to blame me for being decietful just shows that this was biggest blessing I could have received.
Always keep your chin up guys and girls.


Edit: I really would like Chuff's take on this though, lol, his words of wisdom does inspire me ha!

UPDATE

Ok, for all you guys, I figured I better give you all an update. So after a long time of NC, my ex finally decided to talk to me. Basic chit chat while we were in book keeping(we work together at a grocery store) and she was just saying things about how school is going and random things. I kept things civil with her as I am over the hate stage. This happened on Thursday, then Friday I sign onto my myspace and she sent me a friend request, with her default picture being one I took of her on a cruise 2 years ago. Weird. So I get to work on Saturday, and <b>MY</b> friend comes up to me and says we need to talk. I was like OK. So she starts talking to me about how she was on break with another guy when my ex was heating up her food and the guy said to her "how's your husband?" and my ex snaps back "he's not my husband! He's not even my lover" so my friend decides to ask her what's that about and she says "we just don't have a lot in common"(as she's telling me this I'm thinking to myself, No sh*t anyone could have told you that) then my friend asks "then why are you with him" and my ex replies "it's just for the time being"

Still no big reason to go running for the hills yet... Then I get a text yesterday saying "yo boy"(what we used to joke around with each other saying) and I texted back hey(very generic) and then we go back and forth with small talk before I end the conversation. Then today at work, she comes up to me and says hey and how I am doing, blah blah blah. Very quick conversation. I send a funny text to everyone in my phonebook, crap it goes to her since she's recent. She replies "I can't see it until I get home" I don't reply. I get another text "I'll read it and then text you if it was funny or not"

So those are the updates so far. And I must say, I'm not stressing or hoping or feeling much of anything ha ha

Amazing how we deal with things without the emotional baggage. And working hard on ourselves.
You have come a long way in less than 6 months.

FThanks Tal, it means a lot coming from you. The same friend asked if I would ever go back with her. I sat back, and the first thing I thought of was you saying "if the problems that plagued the relationship aren't addressed, the second time wouldn't be any different than the first." So I told my friend, that would have to be something me and her discussed face to face and then after we address everything, then we could make a decision. I won't deny I love her but if don't talk about the past problems they will just re occur.

Don't think of this as, Rome is going to start texting her and calling her. Not going to happen, I'm going to continue on the path I'm on right now. I'm just doing my thing, if she happens to want to talk about things then fine, we can talk. But it won't be because I was on my knees. This site taught me that, I can be fine with or without her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I send a funny text to everyone in my phonebook, crap it goes to her since she's recent.

---

Oh... you're one of those people.

Hmm, I'm having a really strong urge to respond to her message. I don't know I should or shouldn't.

Yep Westy... When something seems funny to me, I text it to everyone. I blame my addiction to my black berry. The only thing my friend brought up was, there really wasn't a reason for her to text saying "she couldn't read it on her phone but can when she gets home"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yep Westy...When something seems funny to me, I text it to everyone. I blame my addiction to my black berry. The only thing my friend brought up was, there really wasn't a reason for her to text saying "she couldn't read it on her phone but can when she gets home"

---

Yeah, your friend is right, I would have expected a chain text if it were something "funny"... and of course, no response is necessary for those, lol.

So I started Last Friday, although I had two run ins with her one in a group setting and one in an elevator, while we did end amicably. Besides the fact that she dumped me. I do feel hurt over certain aspects of our relationship. I don't know how to feel and it changes constantly as if I am on an emotional roller coaster.
But I can tell you I'm not going to call her, she has to call me

Same here mrchef, it is an emotional roller coaster.

But, now she is going to talk to me over lunch tomorrow. She broke NC with a phone call today, so I will see what happens tomorrow.

Rome,

I'm proud of how you handled that. I think you're a great example of the progress that can be made with NC and you are a good inspiration to those who have doubts. Keep it up and I'm sure you'll be doing fine :)

Day 9 is just starting.
You know I've been on the dumpers's side more than once and I can relate to what you girlfriend is trying to pull, spion. You're her comfort, her number 1 backup man and she needs you there always so that she'd feel beautiful, special etc. enough to attract new men (after all there is someone who unconditionally loves her - a safety net). Now, when she is losing you she'll go sweet, angry, pissy, clingy and finally go away and find another sucker. Its good riddance. She sounds immature and dishonest.