Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar II

I had a great experience today, thought I'd share with you all. The ex and I work in the same building. This morning, I was wearing a new suit, new shirt, new tie and looking pretty good if I may say so. I walked by a group of woman, about 8 to 10 this morning when they all started hooting and hollaring, basically saying how good I looked. I jokingly said, "One at a time, girls form a single file line" My ex, in this group of women, stood there watching this kind of turned away and then another girl said, "Wow, your all ready to take me out!" The ex immediately shot back, "Did you get a new suit?" I then said, "You have not been given permission to speak to me, your at the back of line." That got a huge laugh... at her expense, and I went inside, happy as could be.

Then as she left tonight she made it a point to come by and tell me how good I looked today. I asked her, "That's a compliment. I didn't think you were capable of giving one." She just said, "Yeah." I then interupted, "......aaaaaand I still don't." I then proceeded to laugh at her, as she walked away, not sure what to say or think. That felt good.

Guys stay positive, the days get better and the good times come back. You have to turn every negative into a positive, when your feeling down turn those thoughts around to your adavantage. This is your time to reclaim yourself, cherish it, relish it, and use it. Your worst time can be your best time if you allow it and make it happen. Break ups make you feeling like you've lost in the short term, but they can be you biggest gain in the long term.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ib1512491136

Jiltedgirl. Im down too at the moment!

:confused:... Eh? I'm a bit confused. Did I say I was down recently? I looked through a few pages back and I don't think I said anything... Heh. But hey, as long as I helped. Lol ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ib1512491136

Just returned home to see my ex has taken my picture down from her facebook. It had me holding a bottle of jack danials with her comment "my two favourite men".

I just keep thinking NC is the best way and shell miss me! Its been a day now and ive got through it! i didnt text back to her!

NC will make them poo themselves! I hope.

Try and read my post

Eeek. I remember doing that. In fact, I took down all the pictures of an ex and me together on Facebook. In retrospect, that action was really dramatic and mean to him, but hey... do what you got to do, right? I now sort of regret it because I looked really good in those pictures... hahaha. Damn it!

Ib1512, CONGRATS on taking a step onto the NC road. I just hope you're not holding onto any false hope of her coming back to you. Don't let that be concern. NC is about moving on for your own good, not to get back together with someone. Move forward.

Keep trucking,
J

Quote:

Originally Posted by plonak

While tricking yourself helps for a little bit it is really a temporary fix.. and i don't suggest you do it all the time..

You have to mentally digest that you're not still not over your ex yet or you will never truly get over her, you'll just be lying to yourself constantly, and then one day without notice, you see something that reminds you of her and you'll break down and it will be a doozy..

Suggest that you let the thoughts in once in a while, tell yourself that's it's ok to be hurting, think about them a little... and then go and do something that distracts your mind.

I am aware of the hurt and I know it's OK. There are certainly memories that still bring a bit of hurt, and I think my new-found happiness is largely due to my realization that we are better off As friends. Our separation was the result of circumstances- not necessarily lost feelings. We barely had time to see each other and it was hurting both of us so although I wasn't expecting it, it was better for both of us and I realize that now. We can still be friends and talk and I'm really glad because she is such an amazing person who I don't want to just kick out of my life. We had a good relationship and I'm glad we did but I think we'll be better off as friends- because we both realize that, we can be friends which is somethinga lot of ex's can't say. I know it wouldn't have worked out in the long run because she's going away to college at UC Santa Cruz (that's the circumstance mentioned above) and I'm becoming a senior in high school here in Sac. Long distance relationships rarely work and it was inevitable so why not make the best of it?

*sigh* I feel soooooooo..... alone~

I craved for my ex today D;

*sigh*

Quote:

Originally Posted by ib1512491136

Jiltedgirl. Im down too at the moment! Just returned home to see my ex has taken my picture down from her facebook. It had me holding a bottle of jack danials with her comment "my two favourite men".

I just keep thinking NC is the best way and shell miss me! Its been a day now and ive got through it! i didnt text back to her!

NC will make them poo themselves! I hope.

Try and read my post

Ib,

Your starting to worry me a little bit. The true purpose of NC isn't to try and make your ex feel bad, or get them to come back. The point in NC is to heal, grow and become a happy person alone before you are happy with anyone else. It is a method to be used to get over someone, not get someone back. There is a very good sticky on this forum that I think you should read (and everyone else for that matter... )

Here is the link:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

*sigh* I feel soooooooo..... alone~

I craved for my ex today D;

*sigh*

Right after the breakup I thought that way. It will get better. Go out and find some things to do and live it up for a bit. Then you can settle down and find a new partner when you're ready. What you need is something to take you mind off her! Sitting on your computer reading through theseforums won't help you there! Chances are all this talk of relationships is just remiding you of her! Get out and have some fun! Forget about relationships and live it up for a bit! Focus on YOU, not her. That's all

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew916

Right after the breakup I thought that way. It will get better. Go out and find some things to do and live it up for a bit. then you can settle down and find a new partner when you're ready. What you need is something to take you mind off her! Sitting on your computer reading through theseforums won't help you there! Chances are all this talk of relationships is just remiding you of her! Get out and have some fun! Forget about relationships and live it up for a bit! Focus on YOU, not her. That's all

Thank you =]

I'm actually on just to post how I feel and respond to certain topics.
Anyway, I've been working out, studying/paying attention in summer class, planning my future etc.

*sigh* there are A LOT of cute girls in community college, but I don't feel like going after any. Maybe because the course is 6 weeks & it's ending in 2 weeks... maybe because I still feel unsure... or some reason

Well I'm still in high school and the pool of attractive girls here is very small. I wish I was in college. Hang in there! You'll get through it and find a nice cute girl in the end!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew916

well I'm still in high school and the pool of attractive girls here is very small. I wish I was in college. Hang in there! You'll get through it and find a nice cute girl in the end!

Hahaha~ I wish I'd find a nice, cute girl whose clean xD

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Hahaha~ I wish I'd find a nice, cute girl whose clean xD

Ha ha ha, true that

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew916

Ha ha ha, true that

To me... I'd rather date girls who are virgins or only had sex with one person... =/

hjpan: if that's the kind of girls you prefer, then that's all you. But I wouldn't just toss girls because they've been with 3 - 4 guys... they're nice girls too.

There are some girls who are virgins that actually end up being worse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

hjpan: if that's the kind of girls you prefer, then that's all you. but I wouldn't just toss girls because they've been with 3 - 4 guys...they're nice girls too.

there are some girls who are virgins that actually end up being worse.

I wouldn't care if virgins suck in bed...

No, not in bed. I meant in life. I've dated virgins and I've dated girls who have been with 3 - 4 guys... it's not what defines their character and how they screw you over in the end.

I've dated virgins who have cheated on me, and I've dated girls who are experienced and we broke up very amicably, and vice versa.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

no, not in bed. I meant in life. I've dated virgins and I've dated girls who have been with 3 - 4 guys...it's not what defines their character and how they screw you over in the end.

I've dated virgins who have cheated on me, and I've dated girls who are experienced and we broke up very amicably, and vice versa.

Eh... who knows how my future girlfriends will be? Lol

What I think sneeze is talking about doesn't mean in bed. My last girlfriend had 6 boyfriends before me but out of all my girlfriends- she was by far the best- and I don't mean in bed. Sometimes experienced partners are the simply because they've gone through more and can apply lessons learned in past relationships to yours- making it better.

Well my ex drunk texted me tonight that she misses me... F&*$. I didn't want to hear that. She's been on my mind all week, good and bad. Now this happens. Another speed bump in the road to recovery.

I'm not really sure how the number of partners at all relates to how the person is as a significant other, unless its an extreme case...

Rocker: Hang in there, just let it roll of your back like it didn't happen. If she had something to tell you, she could have done it in a more mature manner. Until that happens, I would forget about it (at least try)

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

I wouldn't care if virgins suck in bed...

In fact I'd be all for it.

If you cannot look beyond a persons past that's not their problem, its yours. We all GROW through life, to be who we are, and that's a process. If you can't deal with it, then so be it, move on. But never pass judgment. Being a virgin says nothing about compatibility, or how you relate to each other, and nowadays it doesn't mean inexperienced.

Curious, since it appears were on this topic...

Anyone ever felt the pressure to get involved with someone new quickly because they were afraid/worried that their ex would end up involved with someone before they did? Seems like it's the only thing about my breakup that still bothers me, I'm fine with everything else, just wondering what the general consensus is on that...

I've seen posts about rebounds, one night stands, etc, etc and thinking my ex might go that route bothers me - guess it would make me feel left behind??

Thanks for any opinions :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you cannot look beyond a persons past thats not their problem, its yours. We all GROW thru life, to be who we are, and thats a process. If you can't deal with it, then so be it, move on. But never pass judgement.

Agree - People change, and if someone can't look past their past and see the changes and improvements they have made, they don't deserve to be with that person anyway.

Bigbird- I have had lot of things happen to me after my break-up not to mention my ex told he me was not in love w/me anymore when we broke up ( you can see my past threads) then this new interest came into my life while I was mourning the loss of my ex.. I think things happen when you least expect it... now my mind is on the new guy & my ex is calling/texting me telling me he never fell out of love w/me that he wanted to start a life w/me & that he will always love me... its weird because I couldn't even imagine my ex being w/another girl but yet I was the one to first kiss someone else... its weird!

Quote:

Anyone ever felt the pressure to get involved with someone new quickly because they were afraid/worried that their ex would end up involved with someone before they did

Its like a double rejection somehow. Especially while your still trying to grasp the whole situation. It makes you feel as if you meant nothing to them, and you wasted your time. Be aware that's your perspective on their feelings and only brings out the insecurities we feel after we are shocked, and rejected. My first serious relationship, was a real beeyatch until over time, I learned to cope with my feelings, and not hide from them, or give in to them. The whole idea of coping, and healing, is about being healthy enough, to move on.

Thanks guys,

Magrock - I'm not giving into the pressure of it, it just gets more annoying then anything after a while.

Tal - I can imagine that it would be tough to find out, but I'm not planning on finding out. I figure if I did I would be forced to come to terms with it and get over it, but taking it slow and putting that off as long as possible is my strategy. I would rather have the feelings fade on their own then find things out and be forced to deal with them.

I'm sure the insecurities are a big part of it too, for a while after it happened myself esteem hit a low and I was insecure and paranoid about a lot of things, but not after a few months, I'm fairly sure myself esteem is higher than it was during my relationship.

In the end, biggie, you realize that you're a better person for it... not because you were a "bigger person" but because you took the time off to improve on yourself, realize your mistakes, grow up emotionally, while that other person hasn't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

in the end, biggie, you realize that you're a better person for it...not because you were a "bigger person" but because you took the time off to improve on yourself, realize your mistakes, grow up emotionally, while that other person hasn't.

Makes sense...

For now, I'm sticking to ignorance is bliss :)

Yes, when that voice comes in my head saying "wonder if he's at that concert with some other girl" I just push the voice out instead of asking him or trying to figure it out.. because it's frankly non of my business! And I'd rather not know

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Hahaha~ I wish I'd find a nice, cute girl whose clean xD

hjpan and andrew916.? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn TV if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old?? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next girlfriend is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

To be honest, this whole virgin business is completely ridiculous.

That's all I'm going to say because frankly it doesn't warrant any more of an answer

Quote:

Originally Posted by jammyb

To be honest, this whole virgin business is completely ridiculous.

Thats all im gonna say because frankly it doesn't warrant any more of an answer

Lol. I 100% agree :D

Hijpan- how old are u anyway? If u don't mind me asking... u made a blunt comment about me on my thread... u seem to have a very controversial/offensive attitude

Quote:

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

hjpan and andrew916. ?? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed!! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn tv if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old??? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next gf is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

Lol... practice safe sex?
What if one of the guys my partner dated was infected & didn't know or didn't tell?

I'd be fuqed.. right? LOL

I'm not saying virgins won't carry the disease, but it's less likely

Quote:

Originally Posted by magrock

hijpan- how old are u anyway? if u dont mind me asking....u made a blunt comment about me on my thread... u seem to have a very controversial/offensive attitude

19 year old going in the Army pursuing a degree in psychology...

Possibily psychiatry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Most men are carriers of STD/STIs.

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this...

EDIT: Did you mean that most people who carry STDs/STIs are men? I could understand that more than the fact that most men have them...

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this....

It's actually false.
Males are harder to be tested for STDs/STIs...

hjpan you hold these high standard for a girl to be a virgin right? But what about you? You're allowed to sleep with whomever you want? And it's OK?

Quote:

Originally Posted by plonak

hjpan you hold these high standard for a girl to be a virgin right? but what about you? you're allowed to sleep with whomever you want? and it's ok?

Actually, I've only slept with one girl... that's it...

I've only had one girlfriend for the past 19 years old my life. And I only had sex with one girl...

And I'm not the typical dumbfuq guy who'll go around, looking for hot girls and trying to get with them

Oof. Someone opened up pandora's box.

I think I Sort of understand where hj's coming from. I don't think he's talking about sex, per se, but the drama that comes with it. I think he just prefers a girl who is inexperienced and isn't knowledgeable in hurting a guy.

Granted, it's a misconception, and perhaps he should have worded things better...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

hjpan and andrew916. ?? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed!! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn tv if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old??? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next gf is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

I am a virgin. And my girlfriend is too. I laughed at what HJpan said because where I go to school I am surrounded by lots of girls who have sex just to be having sex. If I'm going to lose it I want it to be with someone who feels that sex shouldn't be used as some means of building a reputation. It brings the relationship onto a whole new level and to take sex lightly isn't right. Unfortunately girls like that art school, outside of school, and in my neighborhood are rare. Let's face it- this generation treats sex like it's a joke.