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Yeah. The more you stress about making her feel bad, you lose focus of the whole thing... then suddenly, if she starts to "not feel bad"... then you'll actually feel worse.
Best thing to do... let it go. Go on your own path. Someday, you may run into her... and if you do, it'll be a different feeling. And it'll be your own personal victory.
Ex has been calling. Great, right! NO! More of a nuisance then anything.
Broke up almost 4 months ago after 4 years together. Haven't spoken in about 2 months. Now, this week he's called twice and not left a message.
I got to be honest. When I saw his number pop up on my caller id, my heart did skip a beat for a second but I had enough wits about me to NOT answer. Things have been going too good for me lately and I've been too happy to jeopordize that for some silly awkward conversation.
So, to those hoping to see/talk to your ex: One day you'll get to the point where you really would rather not... and then eventually to the place, where you really don't care.
I can admit I feel a little bit bad about ignoring him cause the breakup was amicable (as amicable as getting dumped can be, I suppose). But for the most part, I'm pretty indifferent about the whole thing. Never thought I'd make it to this point but I have. And it really feels pretty f'in good. : )
There you go losingit. No point in talking to him if there's no benefit to you, right?
My ex did the "call once a day for 2 weeks" thing about... 4 - 5 months after our breakup. Granted, our breakup was amicable... until I found out she got a new boyfriend about 3 days after she ended our 3.5 years.
If you ever get a call, and you're unsure, just don't pick it up. There's no reason to. If you later decide that it's not a bad idea to talk to them, then you can always return the call. Until then, rationalize it with the thought, "How will this help me...?"
I guess you're right... I should focus on my success and when I see my ex in the future, I shall rub it in her face... telling her that if she did not give up on me... she'd be standing right next to meQuote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
::hits head::
Hj... that's not the idea behind it. The idea behind it is to get better, so that YOU'RE better. It's not for anyone else to see, but simply yourself. Hope that makes sense. If you do it for someone else, I can almost guarantee you that you will lose focus soon enough. It's like the guys I see at the gym. You can pick out the guys that are there because they want to get fit simply for themselves, and the guys that are there so they look good for the beach.
The guys that are doing it simply for the beach... lose focus quickly and mostly just "mess around"... while the guys that are there just to get into better shape, work hard, get into better shape, and mostly end up looking better than the pretty boys that just show up.
Hope that made sense. Don't let HER be the focus. Remember, the idea behind it is for you to forget about her, live as if she no longer exists. She is a stranger to you. Let the focus be on YOU.
Thank you =]Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
I guess I should focus on MY life and make my ex feel like trash in the future...
Trust me, right now, revenge IS sweet... but in the end, it just takes a toll on you and in the end, you just end up feeling worse. Focus on yourself, and you'll fee MUCH better in the end.
Best wishes bud.
I have to agree with Sneezy - getting revenge is a sign that you aren't at a point yet where you are ready to move on and get over this. In time the feelings of resentment and anger will settle down. Work on keeping busy and you will help get these feelings out of your system - it's the best cure.
I hope the feelings of revenge settle down. Lately I have been feeling like getting revenge. I want to put sugar in the gas tank of her jeep. I know it's not right but I want to. I won't but I want to. In reality I am dreading running into her when fall quarter begins. Have even considered transferring to a different university for a quarter.
hjpan, remember: "revenge is a dish best served cold." Listen to Sneezy. The man knows what he's talking about.
So I am feeling pretty good. :) I actually made plans to meet up with my ex next weekend. I actually feel badly because he seemed happy to hear from me, only now I don't think I can meet up. All of a sudden, I have 3 friends who I promised to meet up with and are incidentally going to be in the area. Problem is I'm barely going to be there for 2 days. I'm not sure the ex and I will have time to meet up. Moreover, he doesn't know my friends and everyone is sort of from different circles. It'd be awkward to invite him out. I'm not sure why everyone chose to come out around the same time. Argh! I may have to tell him that we need have to postpone. I hope he doesn't take it personally. :T!
F his feelings. Pretty sure he didn't take your feelings into too much consideration beforeQuote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
Thanks everyone =]
I really want a sweet revenge when I see her in San Francisco but I need to make sure I have my path to success in front of me. Recently, I have been working out, paying more attention in class at community college, doing homework, reading dating books (corny, eh?)...
Around mid-August, I'll be going to technical school and finish May 2009... I have considered enlisting in the Army right afterwards :O...
Life is complicated D;... but everyone says I live in a very simple life =/
This is true... lol. I surprisingly don't feel any anger toward the guy though. I actually feel a little bad for him and I'm not sure why.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Oh well~ if we meet up, we meet up. If we don't, we don't. That's how I'm going to look at it. :)
-J
OK.. so is it weird to feel no feeling whatsoever when talking to an ex?. doest it mean you are totally over them?.
That's when you lost everything about themQuote:
Originally Posted by gg23
I don't know how to cope I actually don't. Just when I start dealing with my miscarriage and the fact that he hasn't said a word and he doesn't care, his ex that he's with all the time is pregnant and he's there for her. It's like--- can anything worse actually go wrong for me?! I can't describe how I feel, I'm on the verge of throwing up and I'm... sad isn't the word. Angry, upset, depressed, betrayed, alone... I'm at rock bottom. I don't know what to do I actually can't deal with this.
Don't worry. Karma will get back at everyone sooner or laterQuote:
Originally Posted by Boristheblade
Hi you Boris. All I can say is that I feel sorry for you. I hope things will get better. Are you able to spend time with friends and family. I find it is important to spend as much time around those who care about us as possible during a break up.
Its normal to have these feelings... Its not uncommon to be upset about something, finally start to feel better, then find yourself upset about something else. You might skip from issue to issue for a while, but as time goes on, you learn to better deal with all issues, not just the one your currently upset about. It takes time, and it sucks, but it does get better...Quote:
Originally Posted by Boristheblade
And don't feel alone, whenever you need advice, you can trust someone will be here to give it to you.
Know what sucks? When you have a dream about your ex, a good dream... and then u wake up and it seemed so real that its disappointing, just happened to me and a flood of memories just came back to me, argghhh... this isn't easy
I had a small dream of me & my ex seeing each other past 2007 winter.... It's so frustrating cause she slept on MY bed and I'm now sleeping on it...Quote:
Originally Posted by pwtnu4
Times like this... I just want to drink some alcohol but there's none at my sisters' place and my mom is around... *sigh*
Hey guys, it's been about 2.5 months but I broke NC. Not because I was weak, it was because I was annoyed and angry. However, I reverted back to it ASAP, I'm not going to keep track of the days because I know what I have to do.
Please read my updates so that I can use you're advice and feedback.
Thanks
It's all right.. I broke NC after a month of no talking... my ex is an assh0le nowQuote:
Originally Posted by spion_kop
That's okay spion it is all about progress not perfection. Welcome back.
Yea I don't see it as a step back but rather a speed bump in the middle of a road where you slow down for a bit before you speed up once again.
I broke N/C today after a very, very long time.. and not because I was weak, because I'm over my weakness. I am over my ex-girlfriend. Now you read my posts from a few months ago and you'll see from my writing that I was in quite some pain. Anyone that doubts N/C, please, please stay strong.. it does get better.
I broke N/C with my ex today because I told her to pick up her belongings that are still at my house (I've left them outside).. and told her to bring back my belongings (because I need them).
The secret to getting over your ex is to go to a different country, relax and chill out. You will see soooo many beautiful girls, meet lots of new people. It has really helped me.
N/C - is the way forward!
I like how you wrote that. I "TOLD HER to pick up her stuff." You didn't beg, you didn't ask for another chance, you told her what she needed to do, and I'd bet money she was holding onto your stuff so that she could use to bring you back if she had to, but now she's got nothing. You got the last laugh in the end.Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
Yeah Chuff, and guess what she text me back?
She told me that she's not giving me back my old shirt because it reminds her of me! So I just said, "look, I really want it back, you have plenty of other things to remind you of me".
:D
Damn, can't believe I came across the thread. It's been 5 days since I stopped emailing or having any sort of contact with her. It's slowly breaking my heart to pieces. I keep wondering if she ever thinks of me and of our time together. We have been inseparable for 3 years and the memories keep on coming back to me. It's especially hard because I'm starting to pack up my stuff to move into a new place and I keep discovering little cards and love notes that she wrote to me. I can't believe this is happening. Anyway, I'd be lucky to even last one month with NC but I'm trying so hard.
Thanks for being there guys. I'm meant to be moving to America in a year after completing this year of education, but I was going to go in three weeks just to be away from him and her, however, your encouragement has made me a little stronger, and I'm not going to let him ruin my life x
I have the same dream about my ex every. Single. Night. Different things happen but the crux of it is the same, we argue, he realises how nasty he's been and we make up, never getting back together, but always good friends on the VERGE. I HATE waking up and realising it's not real.Quote:
Originally Posted by pwtnu4
Yea in my dream we got back together and everything was pretty much back to normal, I don't remember all the details just that I felt really good... and when I woke up and realized it wasn't real, I felt pretty crappy... that john mayer song is trueQuote:
Originally Posted by Boristheblade
Ex called me again today, twice. That makes 5 times in the past week. I never answered any of them. Today he sent me a text that said "sometimes, i miss you :-'
Agh! Ofcourse you miss me, we were together for 4 years and you broke up with me 4 months ago. Duh? I know you "sometimes" miss me. What am I supposed to do about it? This breakup wasn't my choice, it was yours. There's nothing I can do to make it better!
Just had to vent. I really don't know what to do. I don't know that I'm ready for a stupid, awkward, "friendly" conversation. Sure, it'll make him feel better but I'm not sure how it'll make me feel.
With me its been a tennis game but the last couple of weeks she's been contacting me. It went 6 days of nothing. In that time her new boyfriend flew over from england (we're in ireland) to 'visit' for the weekend. 2 days after he left she asking me how I'm doing and do I want to see her. I shot her down... tramp! She's pissed now but this happened before a few weeks back. Will be a couple of days before I expect another text. We've only broke up 7 weeks! She cheated on holiday!
Supernova glad you are here. NC is a goal do not be too hard on yourself if it takes time to adjust to it. I, and I sure everybody else here will be pulling for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by supernoeva
Hey Guys,
Im sure you don't remember me, but I was on here having problems with my ex-boyfriend and decided to give him another chance and take it slow... and just as I subconsciously predicted he burned me again.. and I dumped him for good..
So, this feels pretty crappy guys.. so now I'm back at square one with the healing, and I see a huge mountain ahead of me.. I know it will get better with time.. I just know that I feel horrible now.. I feel so much anger for him right now.. and I know it's not healthy to feel that way.. but I can't help it.. I hate life sometimes.. well thanks for listening guys...
Uhh well it's been what.. *counts* 11 days without contact, I'm missing her like crazy.. But am starting to heal, she's not such a pre-dominant thought now. But I know she will be when I talk to her next, which will be Thursday.. =/ Am dreading it..
How can she expect us to remain friends when she never treated me like one, nor did she ever have any time for me when we were going out?. I would like to say that I have no regrets in life... But uhh, this is as close to a regret that I will get..
Well anyway, I've decided to spend more time with my family and my dog. Wasn't spending enough time with them to begin with.. So this break-up could serve as a wake up call..
plonak-
See it as a challenge with a very rich reward awaiting you.Quote:
I see a huge mountain ahead of me..
PsYcHoSIS-
Is canceling an option??Quote:
But I know she will be when I talk to her next, which will be Thursday.. =/ Am dreading it..
The same dream again... lol. I'm feeling better though--ISH, it's beginning to sick in that I'm not meant to be with this boy, but my best friend he messaged her about me. I don't think I want to know what it says... should I? Or should I ask not to know? :S
Do whatever you feel is best for you. I think your better off not knowing otherwise your mind will be reeling and thinking things that might not be true. Is it worth it?
I haven't had to ask, but I wouldn't have a problem asking people not to tell me about my ex if they were beginning to. Ignorance is bliss...
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