Why are you letting her? You know what you have to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
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Why are you letting her? You know what you have to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Which begs the question, "Why the hell are you talking to her in the first place?"Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
You know it's the same with me. When I first came on here it was to tell my story. But when I decided to give advice to others, it made me see the that I'm not in a rut. I was rather in a phase which I've passed. Now I'm at a stage where I enjoy every single day and thank God that this happened to me now. To be honest, this was the best present my ex could have given me. I found out now rather than later who she was, and I know that there will be someone out there better than her. So all you hafta do is keep your chin up and enjoy being single.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I don't want to sound corny or cliché, but I agree with that. For some reason, it always makes me feel a little better to have tal the veteran reply to my posts.Quote:
Originally Posted by nickshehe
And Chuff, when I was here a year ago, I looked forward to your responses as well. To be completely honest, I was missing you the first week or so I came back here this year. Glad to have you back :)
Thanks a bunch guys (and I mean everyone)
Starting day 8.This is the longest period EVER I've went without talking to him.
P.S You know when I broke NC recently he again insisted on beign civil friends and stated why NC is pointless and I should stay :
1.even if I was gone the earth wouldn't stop turing so I wouldn't have achieved much
2.there is nothing that can't be changed
3.he's not dependent on me for anything so basically doesn't NEED me around
He stated that 2. wasn't a mixed signal( it was just a reply to my comment that I've accepted he can't and won't love me again and that's fine,because something's can't be changed).Wait what?Not a mixed signal?Suure.
Guess what?Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneda
You'll soon find out you're not dependent on him either and that YOU don't need HIM around.
Just stick to the plan!
Nichsheshe- You're so right. You finally get to the point where you realize YOU don't need HIM around. You finally get to the point where you DON'T want them back. You finally get to the point where you actually kind of feel sorry for THEM not you.
Sad at what was lost? Yes. But looking forward to my new life and my new opportunities. And new possibilities of being with someone who WANTS to be with you always. Looking forward to someone who wants you as much as you want them, and values you as much as you value them. That's what I deserve. And I'm not going to settle for anything less. Life lesson learned.
Losingit,
It sounds like someone lit a fire under your rear. I'm glad to see your still checking in once in a while. Sounds like you've got the right mindset now and you can handle whatever gets thrown at you.
kaneda: I agree with the posts above. You need to realize that you don't need to put up with the pain and suffering your being put through. It's not worth your time and effort anymore. I think a lot of times it takes a little bit of thought and honest "self-conversation" to realize that the person who is your ex was NOT the best person in the world for you. Once you realize that, the entire healing process becomes easier. You start to get excited about meeting someone new...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rs+to+the+exes,
Read post 41.
Aw,that's why I love this place!Right now there is nobody else I xcould ask for help or support so... thank you.
I hugged my cat for about 10 minutes because of the strong desire to IM him.
It's been 13 days since the breakup and 13 days of 100% no contact. No attempts from me or from her. You can read https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rs-213090.html for my story.
What makes this especially painful is that our breakup was "amicable." After all, we've been together for almost 7 years and practically breathed as a single unit, one blood... one person.
I'm still in the denial/is she hurting too/will she come running back/what the hell ever happened, I thought everything was great as usual/ stage. It's so surreal. Even if I'm busy at work, all of a sudden the thought will hit me like a train: "Oh god...she's not my baby anymore." We've been together for 7 years, all the way back since senior year in high school, so our lives before we met is such a distant memory... it's like we've known each other forever. She used to laugh and tell me that all the time... "I can't believe there was a time when we weren't together! How did we survive, haha."
The thing with my NC is that during the breakup we both agreed to meet again so she could finally visit my mother's grave with me (it's a long story, see my other post if you want). I really DO NOT want to be the first person to break NC because that would imply weakness and neediness, especially since I'm the dumpee. I want her to call me first.
Now every day seems a little bit better; actually more like nanobit. For a week straight since the breakup I've been eating one meal per day, crying until my eyes swell. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, then again early in the morning wishing she was in bed next to me. There is this particular part on my chest that she would always snuggle her head into as we went to sleep; she even had a pet name for it... ok I'm going to start crying again now...
I hang out with some old friends... it's helps a little, but just makes me miss her more because I think to myself, "I'd so much rather be hanging out with her." Yes, I know, she dumped me so I should let her go and say screw her... but like I said our breakup was too damn... civil. She was crying just as much as I was, even though she was the dumper.
For the life of me, I just cannot let her go even though she let go of me... we've been together for 25% of our lives, it's like cutting off half of my soul. I'm well aware that like less than 3% of ex's come running back, but regardless I still believe she will. My brain and body just can't accept it yet, even though in the back of my head I know the real numbers. It's like my mind is a paradox.
I feel your pain, I really do...Quote:
Originally Posted by Eraserhead
See I think a lot of people think the way to do it is to say "She broke up with me, screw her!" but I don't believe that is always the case. There are times when people are amicable about breakups (Mine was somewhat) and you need to reach a mutual understanding that it is over without getting angry.
I think you should know that everyone understands how tough it is and nobody blames you for being upset about it - it's a natural and necessary part of the breakup. To be honest, I am impressed with the self control and rationale that you are showing.
Since it has been since your senior year in high school, I imagine that this was one of, if not your first serious relationship. Seven years is a very long time and it will take time to get over, and you are on your way.
You say that you feel she will still come running back, but you are aware of the possibility of that. While I don't think that is good for you, I am hoping that in time you will fade from those feelings and start to realize that you can live without her. Its hard to pick yourself up after you have let someone become such a large part of your life.
I, like others, have been through breakups where the dumper was just as upset as the dumpee. It isn't a good experience for anyone involved, but that doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to happen. Give it time, the feelings will start to fade into the white noise of your day.
It's going to be an up and down ride, but your in the right place to get that boost when you need it.
Good luck...
Thanks for the reply. Correct, she was my first love; actually my first girlfriend ever. Prior to meeting her, I was never interested enough in anyone else to go out with them. She was the first girl to "connect" with me, and vice versa. After we talked about ourselves on our first date, we laughed and came to the conclusion that we must have been separated at birth, hah.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
She had 2 boyfriends before me, but they were little 3-5 month "high school deals;" pretty much meaningless. So it's safe to say we were each others first big love, and I mean BIG. I think the length of our relationship speaks to that.
Right after she broke up with me, I actually wished to myself that she had cheated on me or something of that nature so it would be "easier" to cut her out of my life... but that has since changed. Although the thought of her having a grand 'ole time with someone else makes me want to die (at this point in time), I'll hopefully be able to accept it.
As I wrote in my post we will eventually see each other to take care of something very special to us, but I'm waiting for her to call first. When we do meet, I think need to play it cool. No questions about the breakup or even our relationship. Act civil and strong, like my life is progressing and I'm back on me feet.
Also, my 25th birthday is coming up fast on June 6th. I'm wondering if I'll get a call or text. Every year for my birthday we'd either go to Little Italy in NYC or this very romantic Japanese restaurant in Edgewater, NJ... god I miss having her as my girlfriend!
A couple days after the break up, I went out and got an apartment. Don't worry, I did it for me, not as a form of escapism. I've been wanting to move out of my parent's for a long time, so I guess this provided the catalyst. I think the fresh environment will help a lot. Ironically though, the apartment happens to be within 10 minutes of her house. I'm not trying to "get close to her," it just turned out to be the right price and location for my needs, so hey what can you do. Yesterday I started moving my stuff into the new place and I kept thinking, "Man, she would of loved this place." We spoke about moving in together for a long time, but were bogged down by college/waiting to get steady jobs. I was really counting on moving into my first apartment with her (as was she), so it's going to be sad at first. What a shame, because if we were still together she could continue living with her mom in the meantime and just sleepover or hang out at my place as often as she wants.
I also wonder if she's out high-fiving her friends and loving life right now, or if she's also hurt but progessing like me. Being the dumper, she is definitely more ahead of me since the concept of us not being together was already in her head, but I have a VERY strong feeling that I linger in her mind. Even if they aren't romantic or regretful thoughts, it would hurt me to know that I went from being her proclaimed "most important person in her life" to a total stranger. As many others have said on this site, NC and healing is a lot easier if we knew that both of us are hurting.
"Getting dumped is like being stabbed in the heart. Being quickly forgotten is like having the knife twisted." That's my quote for the day.
I have heard this before and I never thought it sounded like a good idea. It hurts enough to be quickly forgotten, how much more would it hurt to be cheated on? Bad idea if you ask me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eraserhead
Its going to be tough, but that's the way to do it if you can't really avoid it. Keep it distant and professional, not mean though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eraserhead
Don't count on it. You might or you might not, I have no idea, but I wouldn't count on it. On top of that, you don't really want to be jumping at the chance to talk to her if its over. Over and over again the dumpee gets excited because they think it's their ticket back in, when in reality the dumper is just feeling a little guilty or genuinely cares how your doing, in a friendly way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eraserhead
After seven years, I doubt she's out high-fiving her friends. You know her better than anyone else and its usually pretty hard to forget a relationship that long. I haven't talked to my ex in a month (after 4 years) and I'm sure she isn't "high-fiving" her friends about it. She might not cry every night and be upset about it, but hell -- neither am I. It really doesn't matter how they are feeling because you need to stop concerning yourself with her. She was your #1 for a long time, and now you need to put yourself back in front, and keep it that way... That's the true lesson in all of this break up garbage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eraserhead
So true.Quote:
She was your #1 for a long time, and now you need to put yourself back in front, and keep it that way... That's the true lesson in all of this break up garbage.
Day 7 feeling good. Going to san diego tonight till Sunday, should be a good get away
So I am finally through my first week of nc. Almost didn't make it yesterday though. I was out grabbing a bite to eat, got in my car and drove off. Went to go around the corner and just as I was making the turn, sure enough she stepped off the curb (she was crossing the street illegally). Nearly ran her right over. I'm not sure if the look that she threw me was one of disgust, being surprised, of just taken aback. None the less, I just smiled gave her a quick wave and kept going. Thinking back on it, had she stepped out any sooner, there would've been no way that I would've missed her.
I just hope that she doesn't think that I'm stalking her or anything. Just a weird coincidence that we were at the same corner at the same time, but hey, funny to me none the less.
At least you have something humorous to look back on now...
Keep strong and try to make it another week now... you can do it.
Haha it would be funny if she got a restraining order :]
But yeah I think you should remember this as something humorous too...
Not really considering that I am in the law enforcement community...
But still funny.
Hey,
I didn't say that to kill the thread...
Come on guys.
I'm now on day 9 and feeling pretty good about it. It is amazing how you go through so many different emotions not only during a week, but during a day.
Anyone else??
I had a weird dream last night.. I was really really wasted cause I'm almost finished with my exams and went out to celebrate. (Yeah I know you're supposed to celebrate at the very end.. but anyway). And I just fell asleep and I was on this bus (in my dream) with all the girls that I've been meeting since I was single.. It was quite strange, my ex wasn't there but I would think about her in my dream.. It was quite odd. I don't exactly remember what happened next but even so. I was thinking yesterday, when I was at my unis main campus how many girls are out there that could make me happy. And that I could easily fall in love for a fraction of them.. there are just so many possibilities out there for us.
I don't believe in one person in the whole world that is made for you.. I think there are lots.
Nichsheshe - I'm right there with you!
I stopped counting the NC days, because frankly, its now just a way of normal life not a goal. Ex is slowly working out of my system! Granted, I had a dream last night, and who popped up in it? My ex's mom of all people. That was weird. But as far as I'm concerned, there is no reason to EVER to talk to my ex again. I know some people can stay friends with their ex (and I know that's what my ex really wants) but honestly, its not something I feel like I'd ever be able or want do with him. There's no point. So, suck it up, to a life lesson learned!
Anyhow, had an awesome weekend! Actually met 2 guys who kind of gave me those butterfly feelings again. And both keep calling me to hang out again! Wow, its nice to feel desired again. I still got it!
Lots more than you think!Quote:
I don't believe in one person in the whole world that is made for you.. I think there are lots.
You never lost it, you were distracted.Quote:
Wow, its nice to feel desired again. I still got it!
I got a coupla tickets here..?Quote:
Not really considering that I am in the law enforcement community...
Very funny Tal.
Maybe you shouldn't be exposing yourself in public that much then...
DAY 73 NC, for some reason last couple of days been thinking of my ex, think its because its pretty much exactly 6 months since she broke up with me. Can get through days fine now, but the thoughts are still there. Not cripling thoughts that they once were thank god, just a pang when you stop and think for a bit, then I slap myself and get back on with living my life and being me.
Keep going all, it's a tough ride, not easy, but it'll be worth it in the end,
Keep posting
JPM
It is so weird, now it feels now like I miss my ex so much but then in a way I think I am also afraid of letting go, it is like I don't want him to let go of me and I know I should let go of him but I don't want to cause then I will lose that part of my life, it scares me that he is drifting away... shouldn't I be happy that I am starting to slowly forget about him?
Len,
Your thinking like it hasn't happened. The relationship has ended and at this point what he is doing, how he is feeling, and if he is drifting away or not doesn't matter. You don't have to be afraid of "letting him go" because he is going, whether you let him or not. What matters is you getting to be healthy and happy by yourself.
I don't want this to be harsh because I know how tough it is to move on and try to stop thinking about the ex. The best medicine is to keep busy and keep moving forward. You have made so much progress... keep moving forward.
Day 2.Dont ask.
Picked myself up quicker this time.
My ex said I couldn't last a week without calling her again. I guess that motivated me even more as it's now almost a week and a half.
Also her best friend called me yesterday to check up on me, too bad I was at a party and I told her I couldn't talk.
To make things even better, my ex tried calling me this morning and I ignored her call. It gets easier and easier each day. I think the 3 week barrier is key if you want to completely move on with your ex.
I don't know how long its been since I've talked to me ex. I'm not going to count either.
I have been feeling pretty good lately. Keeping myself busy and going out almost every night. Trying to hang out with different people constantly so that I can expand my network of friends and hopefully meet even more people. The group of friends I hang out with more than anyone else (in the past anyway) are all in relationships and don't get out much thus I can't meet many new people with them. I'm getting a little more in sync with my single friends.
For anyone struggling in the first few days/weeks -- trust me, it does get better. I know its hard to hear and you think I'm lying to you, but I'm not.
Good luck to all!
Well I'm starting over again myself but this was pretty awesome. This morning, I was walking into our building and she was sitting there and she just gave this half wave looked down and said "hello," you could tell she was just looking sad. I was having a great day and I said, "Hey how are you doing?" very enthusiastic. She said, "okay" but looked away again so I for once being fully aware of what I was doing and not acting on emotions stopped and said, "Is everything okay?" She just did this pathetic nod. I was then said, "GREAT!" and kept on walking.
Then later at lunch a friend of hers calls me over to the table where she is with a couple other people and we start talking about something, I don't even remember what to be honest. Then I basically start mocking her with some inside jokes that nobody else would have got and make fun of her while pretending to talk about something completely different. Trust me, it worked better then I can explain it, and she was laughing. Then at one point her friend, said, "To stick up for you, I......." I interrupted, "What to you mean to stick up for me, what do you need to stick up for me for?" Of course he says, "She (pointing to her) says bad things about you all the time" I just looked at her and then him and I said laughing, "yeah consider the source." He then said, while she was in a horrible mood until you showed up, now she's having a good time." I then said, again, " I then said, again, " But then I just kept on going doing my funny man routine that so many of you enjoy here on this site. I'm not really paying attention to her at all but she's laughing the whole way through. At the end when they got up to leave they all walked ahead and she just kind of stayed behind and watched me as I was cracking jokes at another woman at the table. I didn't even catch this at first I just happen to look over and see her standing there smiling and kind of laughing. She then walked off.
Sounds like fun Chuff...
Just make sure you don't feel too good and have her coming back around... or at least be able to deal with it the right way :)
That's the way to go chuff!! Keep up the good work. Being confident is the best way to go. When you realize that you're in control of your life/emotions, then you have nothing to be afraid of. I always tell myself to keep my chin up because this is only an obstacle that I need to overcome and so far it's been better than expected.
I've kept in touch with different friends from college, high school and others from work. It helps so much knowing that there are people who get your mind off her and make your life enjoyable.
Day Whatever of NC! I don't count. Ok, actually, I do know. I haven't spoken to him for a week but we haven't actually seen each other in over a month and it'll be 2 months since we broke up on the 23rd. Ok, maybe if I have to I can count : )
Anyhow, I can't believe how great I've been feeling. After a while, the good days really do start to outweight the bad days. Its great. And yeah, NC was broken (by him mind you) a week ago and it was rough for a day or two but I've bounced back quite nicely.
Its amazing to finally realize that yes, life does go on. Time really does start to heal everything if you just let it.. and let it go... let go of everything you thought you're life was going to be and instead look forward to all the possibilities life has in store for you.
Honestly, this break up may have been the best thing to happen in my life. I only wish I had been the one to initiate it. But I can honestly say right now, it feels like it was the right move. I wasn't happy in the relationship. I was just used to having him there and being with him, but I sure as heck wasn't getting out of the relationship what I wanted and it was a constant struggle on my part to keep it above water. I deserve so much better than that! Yay to new beginnings!
Keep up the NC all!
Chuff - I had to spread the rep, but you may be the coolest guy ever!
Just post your picture losingit77 and chuff will be onto you like a flash... LMAO:pQuote:
Originally Posted by losingit77
Quote:
Originally Posted by losingit77
Well I don't know about that, I'm much to modest to accept such an honor. Also check out my new signature.
That is only if she has any good arm pit photos.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
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