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My dear friends.. instead of repeating myself and typing again - here is what I passed on to my brothers to let them know what is going on with me.
Lloyd, I hope this finds you in good health and spirits and please pass my love on to Marta.
Jan, the package finally got here and the German Customs have it. They want to see my receipt for purchase and more, so if I have to have them return it, please send it to my daughter's military P.O. Box address so that no customs has to be paid. I wish it did not cause such ruckus as I wanted to give it to Alex on the 29th of this month on his birthday, but I cannot afford to pay any customs tax or fees. I will first reitterate that this is a gift from a friend and not a purchase and hope that they close one eye..
Janine and Ben, I hope that you and yours are well and that you look at them and count your blessings. It was wonderful getting to know all of you and I miss being active on AMHD, but my energy just does not last long. Please pass on my love to all the others.
Start, my warrior, keep on giving all the love you can to those who never really had it before and share the good things in life which are very far and few between. Love you with all my heart... all of you.
Without you and all you prayers, I think I would have been gone a long time ago. I sincerely believe that and feel blessed.
Below is what I conveyed to Ed and John...
Well, my dearest brothers.. it was wonderful seeing you both again this year. Thank you John for coming all the way to be with me and thanks Ed for coming by shortly to say hi and not getting my blood pressure up. I love, miss and worry about you both all the time - because I am your sister and always have loved you, worried about you and miss you. On top of that I am proud of you two for learning skills and reaching some achievements that others could not manage if they worked on them all their lives. I know we have different ideals in life, different ethics, but that is what makes us unique - special as a family. And one great thing we have in common is the love for my daughter Jaime and her little one who is the most beautiful angel this world has ever seen. I am so proud of my daughter for turning out the way she did, her achievements, ease in doing things in her life that make her happy and giving me the most greatest gift in the world - Alexander. There would have been another little one but she lost it and Dan promised they will try again when he comes back.
She asked me today that if I knew what I know now, would I have done chemo and let them operate on me. My answer is still NO - as I studied medicine and worked in Pulmonary Disease long enough to know that that would have killed me earlier and that would have taken the time I had with Alex from me and nobody can take those wonderful memories, even though I cannot walk and play fussball with him anymore, we did have that time and I did have him from when he was born until December of that year every day. I watched him go through a popped bellybutton (like Ed), severe constipation (where I exercised with him and gave him milk sugar to help him poop at least once a week) I was proud of every new step he took in his life while he learned new things. Now he is such a doting young gentleman - when he wants to be- and takes such tender care of Oma when we are together. He comes and gives me kisses all on his own without ever being forced and brings me my cane and oxygen machine for my ''ouwah''. I got him his first bubble blower and clay and love watching his mother spoil him... he has a toystore in the living room that would knock your sox off. Jaime loves to play with her son - as if she is re-living her childhood at his age and I enjoy watching them both have so much fun. My Alex always wants me to be in the same room with them and play too - and I love the way he looks at me when he smiles - with those beautiful eyes - they look deep into my soul and warm my heart.
My Jaime love is paying for my Cable TV, internet and telephone.. gets groceries for me and calls me each day to make sure I am OK. Once in a while Alex even wants to talk to his OMA - and that is when I still sometimes need a translator, but it is what makes each day worth waiting for that phone call. Or worth waiting for the weekend - no matter how I feel - I want to see them as much as I can.
But, the time is getting near when I wll not be able to walk, sit without severe pain, and when I take the new medication Dr. Scherrer wants to try next week - there is no guarantee that my mind will be clear... and you know how much I want my mind to be awake and aware. Once that part of my life is gone, I will shortly follow. The bone scyntigram and MRT I had done show that my monster has spread to the right lung, and also into my bones -- shoulders, hips, spine - even my heels -- so I cannot move withou severe pain or without a lot of medication. Plus, my heart has enlarged for some reason. I am very, very pissed at my body for doing this to me, but I never had much luck anyway since I had fibromyalgia and arthritis all my life too - nobody believed me or took me serious - until it was too late. I do demand to determine how and when I leave this rotten earth - and I still maintain that belief that I have the right not to be in any hospital or strange place in my last few months here. I just hope that I can hold out until Dan comes back in November so that Jaime does not have to go through it all alone.
It probably goes without saying that you too will be there for Jaime whenever you can and will continue to call her and write her - but I thought I would just ask you to promise to continue to be there for her anyway.
If you two are looking for help in getting re-located or new jobs, just write to the appropriate section or the Lounge in askmehelpdesk.com with the caption of ''chery's brother1 or 2'' and state your wish there - and you will have hundrends of people there who will do their best to help you with the paperwork, legalities, and jobhunting. You can even send a private message to ''curlyben'' or ''J_9'' to get started - they will help steer you in the right direction. Everyone there cares and respects me for the help I have provided within the last 6 years and will be glad to help. ''alty'' is also a good person to contact. They can help you find jobs in metal work, security jobs, aircraft mechanics or anything else you would like to do, and also give you advice on the paperwork you need to achieve this goal. I wish there were more that I could do for you - and maybe I can if you both send me your resumes - then I can start the ball rolling for you. If any of you want to try Chicago, Lloyd Smith can get you started there - I have his personal Email address - so just let me know, OK...
I have a nurse come in twice a week, and a companion twice a week, and am in the process of applying for a bed that suits me better, since I will be spending more time in it. My new doctors are also supportive and very nice to me - and believe it or not, I still have my sense of humor - I love maxine.com.. she is just like me. Larry will not leave my side now, even when people come in - he no longer books up and hides but insists on staying right by me. At night he lays on my chest and tries to scratch my monster out - poor baby, I will have to put him to sleep when I am ready to go to sleep forever as he will not tolerate being with anyone else and is 18 years old. And poor Jaime, she has a lot of work cut out for her getting my place cleaned and the precious things I still have, sent to the right people. Wish yard sales were legal here. The things that should belong in the family will be distributed to you when she can - she already knows all about that.
Well, this is probably the last long letter you'll get from your Sis - so let me know through a short message that you got it. I will however, still continue to bug you with inconsequential shorties that I hope you appreciate now and then. Just remember one important thing... WE ARE FAMILY.. and that counts for a hell of a lot to me.
Love and Hugs,
Sis
P.S. I hope to get the portrait from Alex and myself from the below gallery soon - check it out some time. I also wish that we could have the time together so that I could share the wonderful stories of how great your Dad was - can't wait to be with him and Aunt Inge again - they were both my guardian angels all this time - and I plan on being there for Alex, Jaime, and the future sister or brother... as this is Jaime's greatest wish.
