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Yea Nick.. Keep it up, we are all here for you. What I did was turn all my anger into motivation for the gym. I went from going 2 days a week when I was with her to going 5 days a week, for 2 hours. I would take the anger out on the weights, and since you know your ex is with someone. A little tip, when you can't get that last rep, just tell yourself that he could get it(even though it's not true). I don't know, that may be the complete wrong was to think of things, but it helped me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
No, he's really a d*ck.
Sorry I just couldn't resist.
Actually when I first came here he was the same way and even just a few weeks ago after my lateest fall back into "nice guy hell" I basically was begging for him to slap me with reality.
On the topic of the advice that has been given out here.
One thing I noticed is that the adivce I had gotten about my situation helped me in many aspects of my life. Not only has the advice here helped me to get over the situation I was in, it is helping me to grow and learn how to handle myself in the future. If I had never found this site, I am sure that my next relationship would turn out very different. It will be nice to go into a new relationship (friendly, romantic, or business) armed with the knowledge of how things work and what to watch out for.
Its great how good personal growth can really make you feel. I am so much more self aware than I ever was before.
All right so I really messed up here...
I met with my ex today, she came over to my place. I played it pretty cool while she was pretty emotional. I acted like my life had been going very well.. (it actually has) She was very sad and upset about us and was pressing really hard that she didn't want it to be over. And when I would say things like I was moving on she would really press that no, I don't want to lose you and all this. Well I decided to console her a little by giving her a hug, only she didn't let the hugging and touching go. She sat on my lap hugging me repeatedly, rubbing my back and being really affectionate. And I mean every time we would hug she would start to cry. Than I don't even know how it happened she started kissing me and I returned... And I am guessing you can all see where this is going... we slept together... I told myself no but like most other man was too weak to pass up the opportunity. And it wasn't just mechanical sex, she was actually passionately into it. And even afterwards she didn't get distant and would continue to hug me and asked me to do lunch and maybe help her pack later... I said no to this however. I don't know, does this sound to you guys like there is a chance. I never begged or asked for her back and I made it very clear that if she did want me back she would have to work hard for it. I am not going to talk to her till she contacts me, I will give her her space. If this fails though I know that I am in for a world of hurt with no one to blame but myself. I guess I had to find out if there is ever really a chance for us, I suppose I will know in the next while, and I won't have the feeling of what if at least. As of right now though I feel horrible and am checking my phone every two seconds... idiot...
Don't be too hard on yourself.. I guess you can only wait and see how things turn out since you opened pandoras box. Hopefully all will fall in its right place. Most of us would have had difficulty in resisting.. We all care for our ex's it isn't only the physical attraction.
I suggest you hang in there and wait and see what is down the road. But like you've already rightly suggested - don't call her or push her into anything.
OK so this is going to sound dumb! My ex has this watch he brought me for xmas and he was getting something fixed on it I have never worn it cause we broke up soon after he gave it to me and I felt weird. I text him the other day and said that I didn't really feel right having it anyway and he could take it back to the store if he still had the receipt he got all upset and said why do you want to forget me, I said that was what I wanted to do right now and that he didn't seem to have any issues with forgetting me so I wanted the same. He then replied that he would never forget me and thought about me all the time but was better at hiding his feelings and that he wanted me to have the watch and remember us when I wore it... god I hate that a message like that can make me break down and make me cry even after so long!
All right people, as I was saying yesterday - my ex contacted me very randomly looking me to give her sister (I go to the same college as her sister) her stuff back. She texted me off her new number (she told me when we were breaking up she was changing her number but I wouldn't get it). When I asked her sister where my things were, she told me that my ex hadn't even mentioned it to her.
Anyway, I arranged for me to get my stuff back and to give hers back on Monday when I see her sister next.
It made me feel very strange and gave me a mix set of emotions.
And back to no contact it is.
len21 you were wrong in texting him, so in a sense you got what you asked for.
I hate to be so strict on you but what sort of reply were you expecting?
If he said "sure" wouldn't that've hurt equally?
If he had said he was coming to pick it up sometime during the week and you would see him again wouldn't that also hurt?
You put yourself in a lose-lose situation and you only did damage to yourself.
You should be careful next time hun :/
Quote:
Originally Posted by len21
To be honest, sending that message was stupid. It seems like you were trying to play games with him. How would you like it if he brought you back gifts that you gave to him? If the relationship was meaningful, you would want him to keep those gifts so that he could (one day) look back and cherish what you guys had. Giving gifts back is immature in my opinion.
At least you know that it wasn't the right thing to do, and you won't do it again right? I've heard that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting different results. Let this one be a lesson to you. It might work out for you, but I'm banking on no. She is confused, lonely and misses the connection you guys had.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
I was in a similar situation once, and after it happened I remember feeling so vulnerable and stupid it was ridiculous. Sure, it was great at the time. I thought things were awesome like they were before anything happened (note: not my recent situation), but as soon as it was over, I was shaking. I was so afraid of what was going to happen because I totally surrendered all power to her.
Be careful bud.
Day 3 of NC! Agh, can't I at least say it's day 38 of NC with 2 days of hiccups in the middle? ; ) Don't I get something for ignoring 5 texts and 2 calls yesterday. : )
Feel fine. Finally, at the stage of "disappearing". Time to disappear from his life and move on with my own new and improved single and ready to mingle life.
Again she messages me on FB saying "Oh i remembered the name, it's not like you replied to me anyways................."
I laughed again and deleted the message. I know it means nothing but it's these subtle messages that u hafta ignore and be strong with. They try to give u a jab in any chance they can.
I know it was stupid and imature, most things I have done since the breakup have been stupid but it is like all logic I had goes out the window. I wasn't saying for him to come and get it from me he has it and was getting something fixed on it cause he had the receipt. I actually don't want it anymore maybe one day I will but right now it reminds me of us... but I know I was asking for it and I got what I knew I would get sooo my own stupid fault. It is just when he brings it back to me it will be like he is giving it to me all over again, maybe I should just ask him to put it in my mail box when it is fixed!
Good work man, you seem to be doing well...Quote:
Originally Posted by spion_kop
Len,
I think maybe you should put it in a box, then take it out the future when you can look at it without getting upset. I'm not saying you need to be using it right now, but I don't think you should ask him to take it back, or tell him you don't want it.
Best of luck.
Bigbird, I'm doing all right.. I mean I could be doing better. I still think about her a lot, that's my heart talking. But then I realize what she did to me and how I'm better off without her, that's my head talking. Every now and again I get curious as to if she still thinks about me and this message tells that tale.
I keep telling myself that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder and the ultimate revenge for me is to prove to myself and to her that I'm moving on without her in my life.'
Had an interesting talk with one of my buddies last night.
We were on the topic of another friend of ours who has gone the path of abandoning us guys for his new girlfriend (all the guys out there know what I'm talking about). We'll we went from there to talking about arguments in relationships and how people handle them. Then he said something that sort of threw me for a loop. He said:
"I don't know why people act like they're married when they are dating. They act like they need to solve every single problem. If it isn't working out, why not just try dating someone else for a while, I mean they're in college - they don't need to act like they're married."
I'm not sure why this surprised me, maybe because he never seemed to have an intention of dating anyone. He never seems under pressure to find a girlfriend or to do anything of the sort - he's just genuinely happy the way he is. The statement he made was sort of shocking coming from him and I was impressed at the simplicity of it.
Just thought I'd share.
Hello everyone.I broke NC just after I had managed to keep it for 7 days.I am so ashamed of what I did that I couldn't gather myself enough to post about it here.
It felt horrible - coming back to him with my tail between my legs,him denying he EVER send me or will be sending me mixed messages.I started crying all the time again.The second I realized this I strated NC again without warning him.I feel somewhat better now but damage was done.
Today is NC day 7 (NC2 that is).Losingit77 - many hugs
kaneda,
Don't beat yourself up. Learn from your mistakes and keep going forward.
Best of luck.
Kaneda, well hopefully you have learned from your mistakes and realized you're only hurting yourself. ERASE his number, Facebook, myspace, bebo, e-mail address. H*ll if you have a tin can attached to a string cut that line. This guy is no good and you need to realized this fast or you will be stuck in a vicious spin cycle of wash and repeat
When are we having an NC party?
Day 6 NC.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
I don't know, but I'm there.
A few hours ago he IMed me saying "Talk to me damn it".What? Was he being playful?
He's being lonely.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneda
So... we've established he's a liar.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneda
Don't give in, your doing the right thing.
Both of you are probably right,but maybe I'm at fault too - trying to overanalyze simple words and gestures.
Very dangerous territory and many of us have been there. I know it sucks to hear "Just don't do it" but check the sticky in the forum, it has tons of things to do to keep busy. That's the key, keep yourself busy so you can't sit and think about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneda
BigBird, I must admit, I am very pleased with the progress you have made. Just take a look back to your original posts here and then read the posts you have done within the past couple days. It's truly a breath taking experience when you realized you are starting to heal
Thanks man. It really is pretty breathtaking as you say. It's such a good feeling. I think I started to notice when I began coming on here to help other people more than I came on here to get help myself. In a weird way, answering other questions gives me the answers to my own questions before they even come up. Its funny really...Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I know what you mean, I spend all day at work on this site and it's not even for my own accord now. It's to hopefully prevent others from making similar mistakes or aiding them with the break up.
What is the NC??
sweetlee102 - No Contact. But its almost a religion around these parts :]
This thread has got to be headed for a record for longest on the site...
I think the NC calender is genius... We should start making them and selling them..
You know what's interesting about this statement is I'm a living example of what happens both when you come and when you leave. When I first came here it was because I got used again and after being put in my place I started posting here to help others and to strengthen my brain. Using what I learned here I got a girlfriend and when it ended I felt the sting for about a week but I knew how to handle it and moved forward. I also saw it coming which was the first time ever, and when I did everything right. Then I moved on to my last girlfriend and I stopped coming here because of the lack of time and I completely got used again. I guess what I'm saying is, once I stopped using and assisting others here I compeletly forgot the basics and allowed myself to get taken advantage of again. In just a couple weeks I'm back to my old self and I see clearly again. I have to give most of the credit to Tal for steering me with just a couple of messages and I'm good. But this place steers you without emotions when you need it the most, which in turn as you said will help you when they get in your way.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
Well, almost 2 months since we broke up. Still feel a little low but not so much from missing him. More so sad at what we've become. Rather than leaving on a good terms, it got really ugly this past weekend and A LOT of things were said that shouldn't have been said (So, don't ever break NC!). And that hurts. Don't miss him though. I miss what we had, miss who I thought he was, but not him. That's all.
Sometimes you think you know someone. You put them up on this pedestal and then BOOM. You got to knock them off and put yourself back up on that pedestal!
Tal, the only reason you want to patent the calender is so you can needle in all those philosophical quotes of yours ;[].
The calendar would mostly consist of tal quoting "Sorry for your loss - read my signatures" - lol. To be honest though you're somewhat the hero of the forums I think we all owe you our thanks ( Im sucking up to be your favourite broken-hearted one) :)
-Chuff I wanted to give you a greenie but it didn't let me.. You're so right though.
Guys I have to say right now I'm sooooooo angry at my ex, she's done nuttin but mess with my mind all day, I'm seriously thinking of changing numbers
Why not?? How about my latest, "Learn from it, don't dwell on it".Quote:
tal, the only reason you want to patent the calender is so you can needle in all those philosophical quotes of yours ;[].
Seriously, I appreciate the kind words. Anyone seen the OP?
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