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Originally Posted by bustertypsy

Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,cos in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them??? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number......"I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"......
Just remember this,next time you get weak!

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That is exactly it. By contacting I would be saying to her that I am still needing her, a bad situation to present to her. Even if I did persuade her to try again I would always be wating for the "do you think we have made the right choice getting back together" and "I am still not sure" type comments. Why have that anxiety again!

If she contacts me, it is because she wants too.

I have a tip, sign up to internet dating e.g. match.com or similar. If you are sat at home on your own feeling a bit down there is nothing like an ego boost of going online and seeing the number of top quality women that are single, attractive and like the same things as you! It may help you to start to move on, it has helped me!

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

That is exactly it. By contacting I would be saying to her that I am still needing her, a bad situation to present to her. Even if I did persuade her to try again I would always be wating for the "do you think we have made the right choice getting back together" and "I am still not sure" type comments. Why have that anxiety again!?

If she contacts me, it is because she wants too.

I have a tip, sign up to internet dating e.g. match.com or similar. If you are sat at home on your own feeling a bit down there is nothing like an ego boost of going online and seeing the number of top quality women that are single, attractive and like the same things as you! It may help you to start to move on, it has helped me!

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Hey thank's for the tip.I will look into it.Luckily I have a good circle of friends and can go back on the social scene.At the moment I am just taking a "time out" for me.I think after Xmas I will pick up the pieces and move on properly.It helps to know I am in a similar situation to you and we are both doing the right thing.

I'm technically on... day 0.

Broke up last weekend, but she calls me everyday. So I explained to her that talking will only delay the getting over period... and she said that she didn't want to get over me. Strange how girls are...

Anyway, we have the same classes and the same friends, so I maintain contact with her at least once a day... somehow. For example, yest, I realized that she borrowed a book of mine that I needed... so I called her to get the book. See... contact I can't avoid. 2 days ago, our professor paired us up for the same project... contact I can't avoid. HOWEVER! I am keeping it shallow and professional. Only talk about what needs to be talked about. Then I'm out. ZING!

After nearly 4 weeks, I broke NC, as I needed certain things back from her. She's still seems to have the same attitude towards me, but I think I have got through it rather well, as I didn't say anything emotional etc. kept it cool and calm. So not such a bad outcome...

Ha, even asked how she was doing... guess that was a mistake on my part. Got no reply except 'i think we should still wait awhile before we talk'... done with waiting. I give up.

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Originally Posted by bustertypsy

Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,cos in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them??? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number......"I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"......
Just remember this,next time you get weak!

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It is funny how that is the case. The more they know they can have us, via our pleading texts/calls etc, the more they back away, but still run the "lets be friends" line. In a lot of cases, it seems to me, that over time, NC makes them re-assess what they want and it is them that initiates contact but, bizarrely, the dumpee has moved on!

Funny! I know a friend who is in exactly that situation. His girlfriend dumped him out of the blue in June. He pleaded, begged etc for another chance, she said no. He then broke off contact. She initiated contact 3 months later (Sept) only to say to him she "hoped they could be friends". He said no.

In Oct, he met someone else, they see each other every day, he will shortly move in with her. The ex has now contacted him virtually pleading for another chance. He said no.

I don't think that is an unusual situation either!?

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

It is funny how that is the case. The more they know they can have us, via our pleading texts/calls etc, the more they back away, but still run the "lets be friends" line. In a lot of cases, it seems to me, that over time, NC makes them re-assess what they want and it is them that initiates contact but, bizarrely, the dumpee has moved on!!

Funny! I know a friend who is in exactly that situation. His gf dumped him out of the blue in June. He pleaded, begged etc for another chance, she said no. He then broke off contact. She initiated contact 3 months later (Sept) only to say to him she "hoped they could be friends". He said no.

In Oct, he met someone else, they see each other every day, he will shortly move in with her. The ex has now contacted him virtually pleading for another chance. He said no.

I don't think that is an unusual situation either!!??

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It's kind of proof of the old saying "what goes around,comes around" isn't it?
I think you and I see NC in the same light.Of course the let's be friends trick is a no go,in my opinion.Just disappear!

The story of your friend is quite common.I seriously think some dumpers think that the dumpees cannot live without them.They think they can leave them and have them back at the click of a finger.I find it hard to have any sympathy with her.Now it is her turn to really feel the pain.I wouldn't wish this on anybody,but she just might think twice next time before she goes and breaks someone's heart.

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Originally Posted by bustertypsy

It's kind of proof of the old saying "what goes around,comes around" isn't it?
I think you and I see NC in the same light.Of course the let's be friends trick is a no go,in my opinion.Just disappear!!

The story of your friend is quite common.I seriously think some dumpers think that the dumpees cannot live without them.They think they can leave them and have them back at the click of a finger.I find it hard to have any sympathy with her.Now it is her turn to really feel the pain.I wouldn't wish this on anybody,but she just might think twice next time before she goes and breaks someones heart.

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The funny thing with him is that he was dumped by her out of the blue. He gave her the chance (3 months later when she contacted him) to try again, she ran the "let's be friends line" which we all know means "I want to keep you around to ease my guily and/or as a back up". He rejected that.

The person he is now with is way better for him, less high maintenance, less highly strung. Classic example of the grass isn't always greener.

I think that happens in a lot of these situations.

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

The funny thing with him is that he was dumped by her out of the blue. He gave her the chance (3 months later when she contacted him) to try again, she ran the "let's be friends line" which we all know means "I want to keep you around to ease my guily and/or as a back up". He rejected that.

The person he is now with is way better for him, less high maintenance, less highly strung. Classic example of the grass isn't always greener.

I think that happens in a lot of these situations.

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High maintenance!! Wow does that ring a bell. My ex was extremley HM.She threw me out of her house on 4 occasions because I didn't agree with her point of view(I live 15 miles from her,had to sleep in my car on 1 occasion,because I had some drinks earlier) On 1 occasion I threw her out of my place(I know,but where did I get the idea from)Anyway she hasn't spoken to me since.I tried the phone calls and even went to her work place,but she said and I quote "It's different,I am a woman,you don't do that to a woman" So my assumption is it's OK for a woman to mistreat a man,but not vice versa.I shouldn't have stooped to her level,but I feel she bit of her nose to spite her face.If she wants me she knows where I am,but like your friend I may meet someone better and lower maintenance.

Its been a week since I last had any contact with my ex and 2 months since she dumped me, she did some classic moves, split out of the blue then contacted me none stop for a week telling me I'm the best boyfriends she's ever had etc... the nothing until she told me to move on. After that she showed up at places she'd know id be clubs etc then made an excuse to see me and then again nothing... so I sinned and got in touch it didn't get me anywhere and the very next day she cried when she saw my sis in a club!

I still want her back.. we had a six year relationship we met at 18 but she's had a lot of older boyfriends etc in the past... no contact is best all around you get on or they come back you can't loose really but then if they do you have to decide what's for the best FOR YOU!!

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

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Originally Posted by spartan24018

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

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You are doing the right thing. NC will either bring her back or help you move on it is a win win situation. Stick to it and work on u.

Good Luck!

:)

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Originally Posted by kuulski

You are doing the right thing. NC will either bring her back or help you move on it is a win win situation. Stick to it and work on u.

Good Luck!

:)

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I really appreciate the support. Thank you very much.

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Originally Posted by spartan24018

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

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Can I ask what your timescales are here? i.e. when did she end things? How often have you been in contact since? Is it you or her who contacted?

You are doing the right thing. Put some distance between you. It can only have a positive outcome.

Spartan

Hey man were all in the same boat my friend... we all feel bad but don't give up! We all here to help if you want it just reach out! N/C is the only way to get yourself sorted and if (big if) she wants you back then you have the choice to decide.

Im the same mate but it will get better... no person is worth feeling like you life is worthless!

5th day NC,one month since he broke up with me,I am going crazy because I'm sure he isn't coming back ever and I won't see him for God knows how long.I really hate good byes.I really wish we could just be friends.for real,JUST friends,just chat on the internet like once a week.it's awful,I can't even wish him happy holidays

NC apart from one occasion we were at the same club - no contact happened. Well nearly 5 months now : ), time flys when your busy.

Can be done, keep at it people.

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

Can I ask what your timescales are here? i.e. when did she end things? how often have you been in contact since? Is it you or her who contacted?

You are doing the right thing. Put some distance between you. It can only have a positive outcome.

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Me and her ended in August, and we've kind of been in touch ever since then
I started NC around 3 days ago, and she contacted me yesterday of why I have been ignoring her for a while.

And thank you, I appreciate it

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Originally Posted by Maggie83

Spartan

Hey man were all in the same boat my friend....we all feel bad but dont give up!! we all here to help if you want it just reach out!! N/C is the only way to get yourself sorted and if (big if) she wants you back then you have the choice to decide.

Im the same mate but it will get better...no person is worth feeling like you life is worthless!

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Thanks, it's good to know that someone understands what I'm going through. It just kind of speeds the healing process, in my opinion. I just start to get depressed, and sad when I start playing my guitar because it just automatically makes me think of her. It was a mistake to build my whole life around this girl.

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Originally Posted by spartan24018

Me and her ended in august, and we've kinda been in touch ever since then
I started NC around 3 days ago, and she contacted me yesterday of why I have been ignoring her for a while.

And thank you, I appreciate it

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If she is still contacting you then you need to tell her that you cannot be in contact anymore. The outcome can only be positive. It may make her focus her mind and see what she has lost, it may not, but you will start to heal over time.

Although getting her back should not be your main aim. NC is about you getting yourself back.

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

If she is still contacting you then you need to tell her that you cannot be in contact anymore. The outcome can only be positive. It may make her focus her mind and see what she has lost, it may not, but you will start to heal over time.

Although getting her back should not be your main aim. NC is about you getting yourself back.

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Yeah, getting her back WAS my main aim for about 2 months or so, but she made some big mistakes with her (ex boyfriend now) and it made me look at who she really was, instead of looking at her like how I want her to be. But in my circumstance, it doesn't matter if she's in my life or not anymore. I'm starting to heal more day by day

I'm sick of all you.
They're NEVER coming back.
At least not this year.So
Cheer up,it's 2008 pretty soon.
Until then,shut up.
Get moving

Yawn. Nc is easy.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Yawn. Nc is easy.

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Letting go and moving on has been extremely hard for me... but you're right, NC is the easy part... I have'nt even been tempted to call him.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Yawn. Nc is easy.

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NC is definitely the easy part. In fact NC is a luxury for the people who can't have it. So if you do have the chance of NC , TAKE IT!

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Originally Posted by Suelle383

Anytime I miss him, I just remind myself that he's not the same person he used to be or the person I thought he was so what's the point in calling him? It will only make things worse....and frankly, he doesn't deserve my time or energy...let them keep guessing forever...they don't know that you're sitting here thinking about them 24 hours a day..the only way they'll know that is if you call them and tell them...you want to NOT call them so they can start to wonder what the heck you're up to.

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You are soooright suelle,about thinking about them 24/7 I thought I was the only one who did that,obsessivelyy think about them,but with NC you can think about them but don't act on it and still protect yourself it's a win win situation. I'm on let see two weeks, hmm, maybe almost ttwo weeks because I did sent him a email attachment w/out writing anything a week ago , I guess that's breaking NC:( but I didn't answer his calls, which was once every two week I see, with no messages. Why don't they bother to leave message if they want to talk to you? But really most of our contact is through the phone which is no more. Now Xmas is coming up and I'm trying hard not to email hi merry Xmas, but NC if you're dedicated is the only way for the rejected to be on equal level with the rejecter, not that we never were equal to them but it seems like they have all the power when they did the rejecting,by doing NC, you're saying, fine you don't want me? You can't have me! %$#@@@! Oops,sorry got a little angry there :)

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Originally Posted by bustertypsy

Yes I too would like to think that at 4 months I will not be thinking about getting her back.Hopefully by that stage I won't want her back.Right now I do want her back,but not at any price.

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That's deep, I want him back to but not at any price, words to live by way to go!

With No Contact because:

1) They are not in your life

2) The reminders are not there

3) It's broke

The thoughts of them will gradually diminish. It has to happen, its pretty obvious. It's hard but its worth it in the end. Also the relationship is over in most cases, so why should there be contact. Keep at it folks.

I can appreciate your position. It has been my experience here though, that making healthy decisions, is the best way to go, and healing is the best way to be healthy. It is also my experience that limited contact, and even no contact, has brought the exes back, but in every case so far, The dumpee no longer felt the same, and was going to move on, or the dumpee is seeing the ex in a very different way, and no longer wishes to go back. This has been seen over and over, by even the most hardcore determined dumpees who have posted here. I can only put forth the facts, and stress, its better to get your own act together, and then look at the rest of the world, and think, before you make your next move. Its also interesting that those who have moved on, don't hate the ex for dumping them, as they move to better lives, and relationships, and I think that's the best outcome. I point out even in your own case Radan, your story is incomplete as of now, but we look forward to your update, and I honestly hope you get what you want.

Should I wish her a Merry Christmas, or wait for her to do it first?

Btw 2 days and strong... lol, not really, but after every weak moment when I cry, when I'm done crying I remember that she's the reason I'm crying and why would I want to call her and let her know that she's getting to me. I don't think I deserve to be a plan B to anyone.

Way to go west. Way to go.

Roughly... 2 weeks with a hiccup a week ago. Going strong? Eh... still going.

It's been 5 months no contact for me now... I think N/C is the easiest part of all this. I suppose when your ex moves in with someone immediately after leaving you it makes N/C that much easier... I mean what would I say anyway... Offer to buy them a house warming gift?

Haha true. Funny thing is, my ex and I had a "good breakup". One of those, I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT US TO TALK IN ABOUT A MONTH OR SO...

... those.

So it was hard. Not only did I love this girl, she was GOOD. We broke up... WELL. So I missed her even more. I even remember saying to one of my friends, I WISH SHE CHEATED ON ME OR SOMETHING SO I CAN BE MAD AT HER AND GET OVER HER More quick.

3 days later, from her friends, I find out some dude's been spending the night at her place.

... touche fate. Touché.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

i even remember saying to one of my friends, I WISH SHE CHEATED ON ME OR SOMETHING SO I CAN BE MAD AT HER AND GET OVER HER QUICKER.

3 days later, from her friends, i find out some dude's been spending the night at her place.

...touche fate. touche.

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I don't think even the fact that he moved in with someone else made it easier or more quick to get over him... I should've been mad but for months I made excuses for him... In my mind it was almost like I thought he left for some reasons beyond his control... Like he didn't really mean it... But I do think that the fact he's with someone else definitely made N/C easier.. Reason being, I was scared I'd find out he was happy... I didn't want to hear that.

I really really want her back... I know this is probably a weak moment but I want her so bad to realize that she made a mistake. But I swear I'm not going to call her, or even text her a merry christmas. But sometimes I wonder if she won't realize that she made a mistake, and she is stubborn about making the first move... but I guess a phone call isn't really too much to ask for... I know NC is about me, but I just find myself waiting for her to call. Especially now around the holidays when almost all my friends are away.

Day 3... so far so good.

Natural feelings, its only been 3 days, I do suggest you get proactive on your healing though, it will fill the time better than waiting and wondering.

Well Guys I have been doing great until today. Don't want to beat myself up about it but my ex emailed me after 4 MONTHS! This is how it went down lol. First email was a Hi in the title with no body to the email I email back hello. She emails back just wanted to check on you and the baby and see how you guys are doing. I give her a quick snapshot of what has been going on with my daughter in her new school etc.. Next is so what you been up to? Gave her a quick snapshot of that stuff working out diet etc.. HELP! Lol.
I feel I have been progressing sooo much I really don't want to see it ruined cause she decided to contact me. Me and her did not have nasty falling out or anything just went through allot myself personally allot of death and it strained our relationship so we parted ways. But recently I met somebody she works with by chance on a internet dating site once I realized they worked at the same job, had the same manager, etc.. I cut the girl off I don't have any animoisty torwards my ex I am hurt but not bitter. Recently I had been really struggling with missing her and I do miss her badly but I don't want any recurrence or setbacks. Do I love her ? Yes Do I miss her ? Yes would I try to work it out? Probably but I don't want to walk into a bear trap which is what I feel is happening. I will keep my distance and the emails to a minimum. I WILL NOT call her or email her directly myself if she emails I will respond but I won't be as the other post says a WUSS lol.

Im hating xmas, this is my first on my own in six years all I've thought about is texting her even just to say merry xmas... I know I can't but I want to I'm missing her a lot!

Although I've been very busy the last few days, I mean this is the first time I've really sat down since yesterday morning all I want to do I speak to her, there's no real point I know and I know the more I text I lower myself but I just can't help feeling this way is!

Is anyone else feeling the same?