Ask Me Help Desk - Tough Love?

These are all very wonderful posts and you are all very caring, loving people, but I have to ask this in a "tough love' manner-who made you all "experts"? Did the web site owners classify you as this, do you have degrees? I've heard a few of you refer to yourselves as "experts" on this thread; however, when reading many, many other threads you have all posted to, the majority of you, if not-then all of you have started your answers out with "I'm not an expert but... "
One last thing...who all do you consider "youngsters"? Teenagers? Is there an age limit? I find some comments on here to be a bit discriminating. But please do not be offended. You have all given wonderful advice and I am sure will continue to do so. It's just that this thread is insinuating that you all know all the answers because you are "senior members"... I could be wrong, but that is the impression that I've gotten.

First off, as far as the experts goes, I had to submit a resume of sorts, if you will, so that Admin could determine if I had enough background to be considered an expert.

Secondly, as far as youngsters, in my opinion,it could be any age, it is all a matter of experience. I believe for the most part it is all in how the question is asked in the first place then in how they decide to take the advice and their reactions to that advice that gives me an idea of the "mental age", if you will, of the person in question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Depressed in MO

These are all very wonderful posts and you are all very caring, loving people, but I have to ask this in a "tough love' manner-who made you all "experts"? Did the web site owners classify you as this, do you have degrees? I've heard a few of you refer to yourselves as "experts" on this thread; however, when reading many, many other threads you have all posted to, the majority of you, if not-then all of you have started your answers out with "I'm not an expert but..."
One last thing...who all do you consider "youngsters"? Teenagers? Is there an age limit? I find some comments on here to be a bit discriminating. But please do not be offended. You have all given wonderful advice and I am sure will continue to do so. It's just that this thread is insinuating that you all know all the answers because you are "senior members"... I could be wrong, but that is the impression that I've gotten.

Hi, Depressed-I think your questions are very fair and I hope I can give you answers just as good. First off I'm no expert, and have never said I was, but my bio will tell you that I hold a masters degree from the college of hard knocks, that is a humorous reference to a well lived youth and life beating me in my young head before I opened my eyes with the help of many people and started to be a lot smarter in the things I do and how I do those things. It also says I retired after a 30 year career as an engineer in a steel mill in Indiana and moved to Texas where my wife of 32 years and I are living a very carefree relaxing life. I raised two kids of my own and 5 nieces who don't know there fathers and 4 nephews all around the same age 24-30 so I'm not a spring chicken and am proud to say they all work and raise families of their own. I've about heard or done it all in those years and honestly try to help those I can. At 52 my knowledge of people places and things is rather extensive and I try to pass it on as I also volunteer tutoring young people so they can get their GED to improve their lives. Everyone under my age is a youngster, or a kid depending how they act to me, and sometimes as this thread will a test I can be very blunt if I think the person asking the question needs my tough love, but I can also be very understanding and try to be as fair as possible with everyone. Trust me it ain't easy getting the proper balance but I try to HELP! Read my bio and the posts I've made and judge for yourself as I have been here less than a year. WHEW- I sure hope you understand all this ,if not ask more questions as I'm always glad to give my answer and hope it helps.

Mental age! I like that expression!

Merci beaucoup or as we say in da south, "mercy buckets" Cassie

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Hi, Depressed-I think your questions are very fair and I hope I can give you answers just as good. First off I'm no expert, and have never said I was, but my bio will tell you that I hold a masters degree from the college of hard knocks, that is a humorous reference to a well lived youth and life beating me in my young head before I opened my eyes with the help of many people and started to be a lot smarter in the things I do and how i do those things. It also says I retired after a 30 year career as an engineer in a steel mill in Indiana and moved to Texas where my wife of 32 years and I are living a very carefree relaxing life. I raised two kids of my own and 5 nieces who don't know there fathers and 4 nephews all around the same age 24-30 so I'm not a spring chicken and am proud to say they all work and raise families of their own. I've about heard or done it all in those years and honestly try to help those I can. At 52 my knowledge of people places and things is rather extensive and I try to pass it on as I also volunteer tutoring young people so they can get their GED to improve their lives. Everyone under my age is a youngster, or a kid depending how they act to me, and sometimes as this thread will a test I can be very blunt if I think the person asking the question needs my tough love, but I can also be very understanding and try to be as fair as possible with everyone. Trust me it ain't easy getting the proper balance but I try to HELP! Read my bio and the posts I've made and judge for yourself as I have been here less than a year. WHEW- I sure hope you understand all this ,if not ask more questions as I'm always glad to give my answer and hope it helps.

Thanks for your reply, I truly appreciate it. Now that is a respectful answer. No doubt in my mind that you all have experienced a lot in life and are truly knowledeable on many matters of the heart (or whatever). I just appreciate the fact that even though you may have been offended by my statement and questions, you answered me with diginity and respect and in return, I know have more respect for you (whether it matters or not). If most people answered these topics like you, there probably wouldn't be so much animosity on this forum.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

First off, as far as the experts goes, I had to submit a resume of sorts, if you will, so that Admin could determine if I had enough background to be considered an expert.

Secondly, as far as youngsters, in my opinion,it could be any age, it is all a matter of experience. I believe for the most part it is all in how the question is asked in the first place then in how they decide to take the advice and their reactions to that advice that gives me an idea of the "mental age", if you will, of the person in question.

First of all, the only way you could truly be an expert is if you had a degree in psychology-I don't maybe you do. In that case, I would be wrong about my questions.

Secondly, the idea of the "mental age" is just that-an idea-a theory based on opion, not fact and should not be taken seriously because of those very same particular reasons. It's not right to judge people. Sure you may be able to tell if someone is younger or oldder by their post (although again, only a theory-there are, unfortunately, immature people out there in today's society), but someone young or old to you, may not be to someone else. So therefore, it is not fair to judge someone's post by their age or your perception of their age because it is irrelevant to the facts. You should always ask the person's age if you are curious or trying to figure out the best way to help them. Never assume... just my opinion

You are absolutley correct about being an "expert" however, my expertise is in nursing which in all actuality encompasses psychology, spending a semester at the hospital for the menatlly ill in Haiti, MO.

And, again your are correct about the "mental age" I can project to be much younger than I really am. And, therefore, I NEVER judge people according to their posts. It is harder to "read" a person than it is to actually listen to one in person. If you are face-to-face, you can read body language, tone of voice, that sort of thing, but here you cannot.

You say that their age, or perception thereof, is irrelevant, I beg to differ, I may be wrong, but when answering you must take that into account. It all truly depends on how the question is asked. And with age, comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes knowledge. I do not think it is right to beat a person into the ground, but once you have been through the school of hard knocks, which has already been mentioned, you learn to read between the lines.

If you were 15 and I said I needed to use the sphygmomanometer to tell if your heart is not beating too fast, you would look at me like I am crazy. Would it not be more simple to say "I am going to put the blood pressure cuff on your arm and take your blood pressure?" So we have to try to respond accorgingly and sometimes that is not easy.

So, unfortunately, on this kind of forum we have to read between the lines. Sometimes we are wrong, and those of us who are mature enough will admit that we are wrong. There are a few who will not, and I am not talking about you. So far from what I have seen of you, you are one tough gal who deserves the best that life can give.

Very true. Good points

By D/MO

Quote:

Thanks for your reply, I truly appreciate it. Now that is a respectful answer. No doubt in my mind that you all have experienced a lot in life and are truly knowledeable on many matters of the heart (or whatever). I just appreciate the fact that even though you may have been offended by my statement and questions, you answered me with diginity and respect and in return, I know have more respect for you (whether it matters or not). If most people answered these topics like you, there probably wouldn't be so much animosity on this forum

You have brought out a very important point, Having read your other posts on different occasions I have gotten to know you a lot more therefore my comments will reflect that familiarity. Others probably have experienced the same thing with other members on this forum as many have gotten to be very close. When a newbie or younger person comes on the, I would have to use my best judgement or instinct to gauge what I think is an appropriate response and to be honest sometimes I'm not right aat all so I just do my best. I have had to eat my words or apologize on occasion ,but that's life. We are all different in the way we approach things and in our reactions and that what makes this site unique, you can't expect everyone to agree or even get along ALL the time.
Also by D/MO
First of all, the only way you could truly be an expert is if you had a degree in psychology-I don't maybe you do. In that case, I would be wrong about my questions.

Quote:

Secondly, the idea of the "mental age" is just that-an idea-a theory based on opion, not fact and should not be taken seriously because of those very same particular reasons. It's not right to judge people. Sure you may be able to tell if someone is younger or oldder by their post (although again, only a theory-there are, unfortunately, immature people out there in today's society), but someone young or old to you, may not be to someone else. So therefore, it is not fair to judge someone's post by their age or your perception of their age because it is irrelevant to the facts. You should always ask the person's age if you are curious or trying to figure out the best way to help them. Never assume... just my opinion

I do not totally agree here as an idea of someone's age greatly affect my whole approach to the way I deal with this person. If I get what I think is an attitude then it may show in the way I answer, that's just me right or wrong. If I sense respect That's the way I comeback, again just me.

Not knowing a person you have to use your own judgement

Tact is a skill. It can be used like a double edged knife. It just depends on how much politness a person deserves. In some circles, politness is a weakness. I try not to leave myself open.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Recently we have seen many younger posters take exception to the blunt language or criticism of some of the answers to there post. My question is should we as experts be able to tell it like it is or down tone our opinions to accommodate their sensibilities?

How do you guys feel?

I think tact and diplomacy go a long way and says much of the expert. :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

You are absolutley correct about being an "expert" however, my expertise is in nursing which in all actuality encompasses psychology, spending a semester at the hospital for the menatlly ill in Haiti, MO.

And, again your are correct about the "mental age" I can project to be much younger than I really am. And, therefore, I NEVER judge people according to their posts. It is harder to "read" a person than it is to actually listen to one in person. If you are face-to-face, you can read body language, tone of voice, that sort of thing, but here you cannot.

You say that their age, or perception thereof, is irrelevant, I beg to differ, I may be wrong, but when answering you must take that into account. It all truly depends on how the question is asked. And with age, comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes knowledge. I do not think it is right to beat a person into the ground, but once you have been through the school of hard knocks, which has already been mentioned, you learn to read between the lines.

If you were 15 and I said I needed to use the sphygmomanometer to tell if your heart is not beating too fast, you would look at me like I am crazy. Would it not be more simple to say "I am going to put the blood pressure cuff on your arm and take your blood pressure?" So we have to try to respond accorgingly and sometimes that is not easy.

So, unfortunately, on this kind of forum we have to read between the lines. Sometimes we are wrong, and those of us who are mature enough will admit that we are wrong. There are a few who will not, and I am not talking about you. So far from what I have seen of you, you are one tough gal who deserves the best that life can give.

I understand what you are saying. I know I sound bitter a lot lately because I am-I have been through a lot. So thanks for your clarification.

To D/MO-Feeling bitter? You know what to do ,lay it out here and let us stomp on it for you. You'll feel so much better!:cool: :) My fingers are just itching to... help, Or that mosquito got me... hmm!

Absolutely... I hope they get the message - and think years later where they got it from.

Quote:

Originally Posted by magprob

I am sorry, tact is not a virtue we all have. When it comes to telling the truth, short of blatent, cheap shots, just tell it like it is. I am politically incorrect and I am quite happy being such. All of this politically correct nonsense is bull crap! The people that wish to destroy the moral standing of this country use it as a sheild. Besides, what is wrong with pissing people off? As for the sensitive people that are being harmed by the hard cold truth or just by someone elses freedom of speech or demeanor, as George Carlin said, if you don't like what is on the radio, turn it off. It really is that simple.

As far as some of these "young" posters, with some of the retarded crap I've heard from them I would rather just give them a spankin! There is nothing you can tell them that will help. The school of life will teach them or kill them.

Now that I have upset some one, and I am sure I have, let me just say...tough! :mad:

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_55.gif
I guess my comment didn't fit into the space... but you're so right. I've ignored many where I should have reached out and 'spanked', - thank goodness they are not my kids.

I also feel that some purposely post ridiculous issues just as a prank or to test us.
It takes all kinds.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

to D/MO-Feeling bitter? You know what to do ,lay it out here and let us stomp on it for you. You'll feel soo much better!:cool: :) My fingers are just itching to ...........help, Or that mosquito got me.................hmm!

LOL-Oh you all would have a great time on this forum if I give you an update on what has currently been happening in my life since my last posts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Depressed in MO

LOL-Oh you all would have a great time on this forum if I give you an update on what has currently been happening in my life since my last posts.

Oh Oh, Depressed... that sounds like a 'cop out'. You know us well enough by now, so why don't you give us a try -

You know we are just waiting for a new challenge, so go for it.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_5_143.gif Challenge is good! - We might just surprise you...