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3 weeks before break up- I don't think I'll ever love anyone like I love you
2 weeks before break up- I think we need to take things easy and just have fun
1 week before break up- Im not really sure about us now.. but I can't imagine losing you in my life.. or never speaking to you again
Break up- I don't want anything to do with you any more.
1 week after break up- lets be friends
NC
Every 2-3 days msn message "hi"
Day 32 NC I believe?
Haha Nickshehe - I love it.
4 weeks before breakup: "You know my mom and your mom should meet up. I mean, if we're going to get married they'd have to meet up first, right?"
2 weeks before breakup: "I can't imagine my life without you. I think it'd be great if we could be together forever. These past 4 years have gone by so fast".
Breakup: "I don't know what I want out of my future. I don't like where my life is headed. I need to build a new life and I can't worry about you while I"m doing that."
4 weeks after breakup: "I love. I will always love. I miss you. I just can't be in a relatinship right now. I want to be free to do whatever I want. Ur an amazing woman. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't deserve this. I'd still be willing to hang out if you want to."
Agh, Day 13 of NC. NC is awesome. It keeps you completely out of their confusion. And let's you start to see things more clearly. See the ex for what they are, " a confused messed up person who just lost the greatest thing that ever happened to them... forever.
I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking about every word their exs said to them in the few weeks before they broke up, then critically tearing it apart and analyzing every single word. I'm not sure this is the best way to go about it because people tend to feel as if they were lied to or lead on.
I'm sure if I thought about it there were things my ex said to me before we broke up which I could look back on now and say "Why" and probably get all teary-eyed. However, that they did not mean it personally. I can guarantee none of them were thinking: "Let me say this to keep them hanging on so it hurts that much worse when I dump them." Its just simply not the case.
I try not to look at the breakup as a personal attack, rather just an incompatibility. Once it becomes personal, it hurts that much more.
Just my opinion
LosingIt77 aww : / it seems to me you dream a little too often of him :'x you'd have to be really strong to make it past this point,so hold on both of you (bigbird213 too!).
As for me I rarely dream of him,when I did I always ended up crying and feeling well... really hurt.
Bigbird, recalling the words that were said to me, don't make me teary eyed they make me laugh at how ridiculous of a month it was.. Almost unreal :]
I agree with you though that it's the case 90% of the times.. and I've said before- the only reason I AM taking this break up personally, and I am angry- is the way that she handled it. Though I must say it left me without hope so I should probably thank her at the same time..
What I heard 2 months before the breapup was "I never want to love or have another girl" riiight
Breakup? "Err...we have to talk...so that you dont feel lied to later.I dont feel the same about you anymore.Sorry.Now then how about that 4chan,huh?"
Unfortunately, for me I've always been a very "active" dreamer. Its funny, when we together, I rarely had dreams with him in them. Now, that we're apart, they're starting up. Oh well, guess that's just the "missing him aspect." Just got to keep remininding myself its natural. I mean its only been 2 weeks since I last saw him. It okay to miss him... its NOT OK to call him though! So, its all good. Just looking forward to getting through the next couple of months and keeping myself busy. The last 2 days have been a little hard but I know its all going to be ups and downs for awhile. As long as I just cope with the emotional roller coaster for a bit, I'll come out the other end a stronger and better person for it.
You sure are levelheaded wow
Okay :( I just saw this LoveShack.org Community Forums - View Single Post - What the hell happened? Falling out of love it made me cry because almost every aspect was present before my breakup and it may ruin my NC because of the sudden need to confront him :(
Kaneda - Don't do it!
And don't kill yourself by reading all those things on the net that give a million different reasons as to why it didn't work or what YOU did that caused the breakup. Its not you. It was the both of you. Some times people just aren't compatible. Don't worry, you'll meet the person that's the right mixture of love and compatibility for you one day.
For now, just keep up with the NC. It'll make it a lot easier and try not to sit around dwelling on what went wrong or what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you! He just wasn't the right one. One day you'll meet someone who feels equally as strong about you as you do about them. Just let time heal this. It will. I know I'm going through the same thing, we'll get through this.
losingit77 thank you so much. I know I shouldn't blame myself or play the blame game at all.Its just he was so disrespectful to me,he even said it himself and it drives out of my skin right now.
What I did was make a cake.Not a big success but hey I kept NC.
TrueQuote:
When that love is gone, it's usually gone for good.
So if your partner has fallen out of love, it's time for you to do the same. When love isn't reciprocated, it comes back to you as pain. It's time to move on and start your new life.
Starting day 6.Last night he IM-ed me saying "i hate you".Why?
May have been the "drunken IM" ignore it, don't let it get to you as how he feels about anything is meaningless at this point.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneda
Probably thought it would make you crack and contact him, we know you're stronger than that though ;p
At this point in time, the last thing you need is to wonder why he is doing, what he is doing. Not only will unanswered questions drive you crazy, and keep the confusion going, but will take the focus from where it should be, on YOU!! He is an immature NUT, so leave it at that, and start making yourself happy.
You're both right.It wasn't the drunken IM though,since he doesn't drink but questions shouldn't be asked,Getting past your past explainted pretty good why not. I guess he's frustrated he's losing his puppy love girl ha! He'll get over it I'm sure.
Kaneda - Good for you for not responding! See, the NC is getting to him. But anyway, don't respond and don't dwell on it. Don't get sucked back into his land of confusion. You don't deserve that and it'll only prolong your hurt.
Ah, Day 14. Going good. Missing him but looking forward to getting to the 30 day milestone. Can't wait to see how much better I feel by then. Its weird, I've never been on the receiving end of a breakup before. Wow! Makes me feel bad for anyone I've ever broken up with before. Oh well. That which doesn't kill us only makes a stronger. Everything happens for a reason. Time heals all wounds. Look forward not backwards. Ok, that's enough sappy one-liners for today.
Day 14...
Funny how its easier, then gets harder, then gets easier again. I like roller coasters, but not the emotional kind :)
Three days and I'm back home for summer. Looking forward to it. So much more to do at home then at school. That should make all of this a lot easier as well - I'll be much busier :)
Oh yeah, and I get to ride the motorcycle I'm buying myself next week :)
Yeah, its amazing how it gets easy, then hard, then easy, then hard. But I guess that's just how it is. Anytime I start to think, "god, i can't do this"... I remember myself, "wait its only 14 days, thats 2 weeks..come on, that's nothing, you can keep this going!"
The greatest thing about NC is it eliminates all the "what ifs". At least for me. I can pretend he just doesn't exist anymore. We have no friends in common (atleast anymore since we all kept our respective friends post-breakup) and I never have to run into him since we live so far apart. If I don't want to know nothing, I don't got to know nothing. Its great!
Its like, come on losinit, you're doing fine, you can't expect to get over 4 years in 2 weeks? One day at a time. Looking ahead to the summer. Should be fun.
Motorcycle, huh? I need to make a "change". Think I'll just go a cheaper route and dye my hair blonde. And of course, go out and buy a whole bunch of new summer clothes.
It becomes a lot cheaper when I factor in gas for my commute to work :)Quote:
Originally Posted by losingit77
... I hope your nothing like a lot of the women I know, or else 'cheaper' is relative :cool:Quote:
And of course, go out and buy a whole bunch of new summer clothes.
Haha, yep. With the money I was saving up to get a condo for my girl and me... I bought a gsx-r.
Day 30 is the milestone eeek It seems so ffar way... Till now I only managed 5 day NC and now I'm at the end of day 6 :)
Well I'm back to day 1 no contact. Lol I'm determind this time,probably more than ever. But hey bigbird, I'm looking into buying a bike too. I'm thinking it will actually help keep my mind off my ex. Being free, one with the road so to speak. And gas will be saved like never before. I'm excited about that.
day 6 and I broke NC. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I went online after about two weeks. Last I was on it was two days before my boyfriend told me he didn't see us together and felt he was trying to hard to fall for me. Anyway, we were having a conversation online two days before. We both were involved in some celebrations. People from my community came together and were celebrating in another city few days before. He was with his friend talking to some girl. I was close by with my friends. Surprisingly I meet one of my exs from 10 yrs back. We met, I gave him a friendly hug and we just stood their talking for a few minutes. All of us (we all had traveled from this city to the other) came back. My boyfriend and I were talking online that night and he kind of told me he saw me turning into one of my friends who flirts with anyone and everyone. I was taken aback. I'm generally considered the conservative type who is very professional and highly respected by my peers. I was like what are you talking about. He didn't go into details, he was like I just wanted u to know that. I let it slide. I told him how I met my ex after ten years and along with all my other friends. I never hid anything from him, nor did I want to. He was like OK.. I thought he logged off, so I logged off too. I didn't log back on until now and what I saw was an I-m that said, "if u find ur ex attractive, dont let me be the one to stop u." well apparently, I made no comment about that because I never saw it, nor did he say anything. Two days later we break. I've been maintaining nc.. but now that I saw this, I lost it. I figured this was the reason.. that he thought I would cheat on him or something. So he just bailed. I sent him an email saying I wasn't sure what happened, but this is what my imagination stirred up. I basically tried to tell him that if after all this time, he saw me as such a cheap, lowly person who had no values and ethics, then he doesn't know me at all and if I'm right about this, then I don't know what else to say. And left it at that. Was my reasoning wrong?
This is the start of day 7.I never made it that far so I'm pretty proud of myself. :)
All right day 2 of NC. Still waking up is the hardest part.but there are good days and there are the bad. Not much I can do about that. I have one problem that I'm not sure if anyone else has... I have a college class with her every Tuesday and Thursday. I'm not talking to her in the class or anything but is their anything else I can do to make it easyer?
classicrocker - be civil with her. Do not show and preach about your hurt feelings,your relationship on so on.Be business,no drama,no over-emotion.Dont play it too cool though,just act as a regular guy.
Day 15! 3 more days and I reach my own personal best. (Last time on the 18th day he called and I foolishly answered and we wound up getting back together for another 7 months... only to break up again for the same stupid reasons). Agh!!
My dilemma is now that his b-day is in 5 days and I don't know what to do. Last time we spoke other than him telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for everything he actually said to me "you'll call me for my b-day, right?"... I don't want to be a b*tch but I want to do what's best for me. I'm thinking maybe I'll just send him a voicemail this way I don't have to actually talk to him that just says "happy birthday, hope all is well, bye"... But I also don't want to be a chump! We'll see how strong I feel later this week. If I'm strong enough, I'll do it.. if not, I won't. I don't want to get pulled back into any confusion. I know, NC means NC... its just hard when these things come up in the middle of them. He has attempted contacted twice and I ignored it so I don't know what to do. I think at least it'll show him that I'm OK and not a crying sad mess anymore.
I'm trying to live everything now by the motto, "just play it cool"...
I had the same dilemma for the birthday... my thing was: they want you out of their lives, then that's exactly what they get. Calling/leaving v-mail/texting for birthdays... open up a hole for communication. Do what you feel is best for you. If you don't feel like contacting them, then don't. There's no wrong to it... yes, they may think you're a jerk for not calling, but... it's what they wanted right?
Stay with NO CONTACT. Keep the door closed. Its his birthday, and your attention, is not his present. Why give him false hope?Quote:
My dilemma is now that his b-day is in 5 days and I don't know what to do. Last time we spoke other than him telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for everything he actually said to me "you'll call me for my b-day, right?"... I don't want to be a b*tch but i want to do what's best for me.
Sneeze/Tal - I know you're both right. I was thinking a lot about it today and I was like wait, why would I wish him a happy b-day. If he wants me out of his life, than I'm out of his life. Regardless of how "friendly" the breakup was, the fact of the matter is, I still got dumped. So why in the world should I give him one more second of my attention? He gave that up the second he walked away from us. I'm tired of being the nice girl to him. Its over!
Looking out for yourself doesn't make you a beeyatch at all. Plus its okay to be one, if it protects your own interests, right!Quote:
He gave that up the second he walked away from us.
Today marks the first week of NC.Yay :(
Losingit77, keeping the NC and not giving your power away is a fine advice but think of that : why not just politely and coldly wish him a happy birthday? There's nothing wrong with being a genuine nice person.And IF he tries to communicate after that- no.Keep NC.There - you were friendly.
Yeah I am on this train.
Was really tempted to e-mail. "if when you think of me your hurt and stuff... doesn't this mean u still love me...?"
We broke up more than 3 month ago. And been on nc few times. Once for two weeks than told my ex wasn't ready but than was contacted a week later... than now we are on out 3rd NC. Its been 3 weeks now. But I contacted my ex yesterday by text, which I am letting go :P
Aiming for about 3 months before I try talking to my ex...
My ex has a new lover... I really want my ex back...
Thing that worries me the most is them getting over me :(
This is when I panic... I think... maybe I am letting them go...
The problem is that... I dumped my ex and now I want them back. I have asked and my ex said no.
Haha. And my ex did pretty much the NC technique so it differently works.
OK day 3 of no contact. And I woke up feeling decent... weird. I mean she's still on my mind... but I don't feel like crap this morning. Things are looking up?
Well I've hit the big number 60.
Bar a minor run in, in the street, its been 60 clear days of NC.
Am I better, yes
Do I miss her, yes
Can I see a bright future for me despite the pain I went through, yes
Did I die, no
Did I feel crap for a fair while, yes
But I'm still here, doing all good.
Haven't met anybody that floats my boat just yet, but no hurry. I'm just glad that I'm so much better than I was, and I my day is no longer full of thoughts of her.
I miss my ex terribly, buts its just one of those things.
Keep going all, it does get better.
Jpm, has it really been 60 days for you? It seems like you were just here telling us about how you started NC... congrats!
Usually, 90's the goal... and after 90, you'll be much better.
33 or 34 for me.. I was fortunate enough to have broken the first run in of NC quite early and I got rejected outright.. so sticking to it 2nd time around was a lot easier than most people :)
I also deleted her phone number so that probably saved me several times when I was drunk... I have to go through my phone bills to find it and I don't think any drunk is capable of doing that :)
I'll raise a glass when I get to 90 sneeze :)
Just wondering if a group of folks on AMHD has actually had a synchronous toast?Quote:
Originally Posted by jpm247
I wish I could delete his num off my ph I know it off my heart!! It has been my downfall wayyyyy to many times! My ex picked me up from the airport again this week, we kissed in the car was dumb felt like all over again plus toatally rejected. I am going on a movie date with a guy tonight who is really into me kind of freaks me out but will keep me distracted.
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