Its been a really long day and night with what is on my mind.
So OK she's dating,and excited about it. So OK she's probably not coming back to me.what can I do? Its out of my hands. Out of my control. She's gone. Pick up the pieces and just move on. She was your first seriously relationship and love. Its OK, there is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. She left you in the end cause she's too curiouse about what else is out their... just walk on classicrocker, walk on

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

its been a really long day and night whith what is on my mind.
so ok shes dating,and excited about it. so ok shes prolly not coming back to me.what can i do? its out of my hands. out of my control. shes gone. pick up the pieces and just move on. she was your first seriously relationship and love. its ok, their is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. she left you in the end cause shes too curiouse about what else is out their....just walk on classicrocker, walk on

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Hi Rocker,

I know it's hard, but that is all you can do. Just try and keep yourself as busy as possible and not think about her. I know that is easier said than done, but know as you heal and get stronger and stronger, you WILL meet a new woman who will be so deserving of your love.

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Originally Posted by plonak

Wow NNG,

it's a wonder you stayed with her 4 months more after writing that, but you didn't want to give up on the relationship and that shows that you're a good caring person.. you gave that relationship everything you possibly could and it just didn't work.. at least you don't have the guilt in the back of your head telling you that you didn't try hard enough.. you sure did..

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Yea, there is no guilt here... She actually did this to me last year at this time. Acted like she wanted nothing to do with me and was always out. I even caught her messaging her friends about this big crush she had on her prof... eeesh. I almost left her then and I guess it made her snap out of it. That went on for about 3 months last year, I really should have gotten out of it then, but she assured me it wouldn't happen again, well here I am!

And rocker, try not to worry about it. Like you said you have no control over it. And you really have no idea how that date went, really chances are it wasn't anything special and nothing came of it. I guarantee you he was being compared harshly to you, and probably fell pretty short. Just let what she said to you strengthen your nc.

Good charlotte - dance floor anthem, makes me feel better (the second half of the song anyways). Just crank it.

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

good charlotte - dance floor anthem, makes me feel better (the second half of the song anyways). Just crank it.

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Music is key :p

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

its been a really long day and night whith what is on my mind.
so ok shes dating,and excited about it. so ok shes prolly not coming back to me.what can i do? its out of my hands. out of my control. shes gone. pick up the pieces and just move on. she was your first seriously relationship and love. its ok, their is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. she left you in the end cause shes too curiouse about what else is out their....just walk on classicrocker, walk on

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Can't argue with that. Cracking advice. Hard to do, but like me, and many others its got to be adhered too.

In time someone will come into your life. I haven't found it yet, but one day I know something will happen.

Keep going though, good things will happen for all of us! I know that for sure :)

Hey you guys, it's been a good day so far. But there is one thing that does bother me. Her birthday is coming up in a few days and I don't know what to do. I really do not want to break NC at all but yet I want to do the mature thing and at least text her a happy birthday since I don't want to be rude

OMG I love you guys, I was NANO seconds away from breaking NC.

God job for not breaking it!

Since my ex called, I have not called her back

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Originally Posted by spion_kop

Hey you guys, it's been a good day so far. But there is one thing that does bother me. Her bday is coming up in a few days and I dont know what to do. I really do not want to break NC at all but yet I want to do the mature thing and at least text her a happy bday since i dont want to be rude

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Hey man,

My ex's birthday is coming up in a few days as well, and I haven't talked to her in almost 2 months now. I'll give you the advice, and what I learned, about my situation.

First off, you want to call her because you aren't bitter, you don't want to be mean, and you still want to be a good guy - just like you were, no doubt, during your relationship. This sounds good to you, and it sounded great to me too.

But think of it this way. The reason that you still have this urge to send her a card (and the reason I did) is because you are still stuck with "Nice Guy Syndrome". You want to be the good guy, you want to make sure she knows you aren't angry with her/hate her/anything else. The funny thing is, why would she hate you? She dumped you, so you shouldn't have to worry about her being angry with you etc...

When she broke up with you, she was making the decision to move forward in life without you. That means no calls to make her feel better, no more presents, no more dates, and no more birthday cards. That's what she wanted, so give her what she wants.

Don't think of not sending the card as a mean thing to do. Think of it as doing what she asked, and at the same time doing what is good for both of you.

The PROS: You feel better that she might not be angry with you.

The CONS: It can open a line of communication you don't need (NC remember?).
You might be hurting her more than helping if she is being reminded of you (she might be hurting too... )
You might put yourself back in the healing process and end up bitter and angry at her.
Etc, etc, etc...

You tell me, which list is longer??

After some sincere thought, I decided against it, and I hope that you do too...

EDIT:

In case it helps, here is my post. Look at #145 and onward...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...207720-15.html

Guys I'm feeling horribly depressed right now...

I'm am studying for the CPA exam and while it's keeping my mind off things, I have to take a break in between things or I'd go nuts, and then I sit there and have nothing really to do.. and I can't stop thinking about him and feeling the loneliness..

What scares me so bad is this up coming weekend.. it's going to be the first real weekend without each other, and I always hung out with him.. and I'm going to have nothing to do.. most of my friends have boyfriends, and they spend time with them on the weekends.. just having that deep loneliness is so HARD!! Im so scared and sad and depressed...

We have been keeping minimal contact, because I'm going to Al-anon meetings for my co-dependancy and I called him yesterday to tell him how it's been going, and I think that was a mistake, because it just drudges up old feelings.. by the time we hung up we decided not to do anymore contact.. he told me to call him when I'm ready to see him again (not sure if that's going to happen) and so today I was doing pretty well, and then he called me right when I got off work to ask me a question about something (he needed it for work) and then all the feelings came back again

But as I'm writing this now, I'm feeling a little better.. it's so hard breaking up with someone, you all must know that.. I feel so much guilt and desperation, and pain just like you that have been dumped.. it's awful!!

OK venting is over

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Originally Posted by plonak

What scares me so bad is this up coming weekend.. it's gonna be the first real weekend without each other, and I always hung out with him.. and im going to have nothing to do.. most of my friends have boyfriends, and they spend time with them on the weekends.. just having that deep lonelyness is so HARD!!!! Im so scared and sad and depressed...

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A word of advice...

Try to change your ENTIRE routine for the weekend, it might help. What makes it hurt so much is that it is so obvious that a huge part of our life is missing. Something that was always there is no longer there. When you change your entire routine, everything seems different, and your mind is equally distracted by everything else that it doesn't hurt so much.

Even the stupid little things really can help. Try driving to places by different routes. If you have anything that is routine, change it up. Do things at different times. It helped me to break any routine that I had (that I could) and try to mix things up. It makes you feel like a new person entirely...

The thing is I never really had any routine on the weekends, I always played it by ear, and it was usually when my Ex was avaiable that we would do something.. so now that I don't have my ex around I have nothing (except for studying) I guess I could try to see if some friends would like to hang out but it's hard again because they all want to spend time with their guys..

I don't have very many friends to begin with.. but I guess I can always make new ones. Way easier said than done

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Originally Posted by plonak

way easier said than done

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I hear that, but it can be done - does take time and practice though... just go out and have fun, you will attract people who want to be friends and be around you.

Bigbird, I was just thinking of sending her a text wishing her a happy birthday and that's it. There would be no phone call or anything like that. If she were to call, id ignore it. It's all about wishing her a happy birthday.

I get what you are saying about what she wanted and all. Cutting her out doesn't make me the nice guy and I've not been a nice guy to her. I've been nice to myself and my needs.

Im just stuck because of the healing process. I don't want to take a step back nor do I want her to call me and bug me etc. At the same time, if I don't text I don't want her to have a bad impression of me. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't want her to remember me as an . I know I shouldn't care what she thinks after what happened

Bigbird, it's getting kind of late, I will read your story tomorrow, promise. At least I'm honest :P

Lol,

I don't care if you read it or not, I just put it there for your own sake. I thought the advice others gave me might help you. Do what you will with it...

Guys!! I haven't been here for awhile... I thought I would just stop by cause this week has been horrible... in the morning I'm pretty good... wake up work out for about a good hour, and hit the punching bag... so that helps a lot... been broken up for almost two months now... there are days where my heart hurt the whole time... this week especially... although I have to confess that I had contact twice... the day she left town,( almost 1 month ago) and ten days ago... it hard guys... pain pain pain all over... I don't even try to fight these feelings... I just let them run through!!

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Originally Posted by gg23

guys!!! i haven't been here for awhile....i thought i would just stop by cause this week has been horrible... in the morning i m pretty good... wake up work out for about a good hour, and hit the punching bag...so that helps a lot....been broken up for almost two months now.... there are days where my heart hurt the whole time....this week especially....although i have to confess that i had contact twice...the day she left town,( almost 1 month ago) and ten days ago.....it hard guys...pain pain pain all over.....i don't even try to fight these feelings...i just let them run through!!!!

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All part of the human experience my friend, don't suppress the feelings or they will come back to haunt you later. After going through this we will all have a clearer understanding of what we want and desire out of life and a partner. Almost 1 month 3 weeks for me. Next week is our official 4 year anniversary... Going to be interesting I am sure!!

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Originally Posted by plonak

The thing is i never really had any routine on the weekends, i always played it by ear, and it was usually when my Ex was avaiable that we would do something.. so now that i dont have my ex around i have nothing (except for studying) I guess i could try to see if some friends would like to hang out but it's hard again because they all want to spend time with their guys..

i don't have very many friends to begin with.. but i guess i can always make new ones. way easier said than done

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Go to an illegal street race with friends.

You'll probably find a nice guy

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

all part of the human experience my friend, don't suppress the feelings or they will come back to haunt you later. After going through this we will all have a clearer understanding of what we want and desire out of life and a partner. Almost 1 month 3 weeks for me. Next week is our official 4 year anniversary... Gonna be interesting I am sure!!!!

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Wow D: