Len21 - Don't worry. You'll have good days and bad. Today's a bad day so there should be a good day in the horizon somewhere.

Yes, don't sleep with him again! Of course, if he can sleep with you and not actually be in a relationship, he's going to jump at the chance. But that's not what you want, right? Focus on what you want. Not what he wants. Its all of you or none of you! He can't get the all the great benefits of a relationship without any of the responsibilities. Trust me, I've been there. Not with my current ex, although he was 25, but with guys I was involved with in my early 20s.

(And before you guys get upset, I'm not saying all guys are like that, you guys are great bunch and I only wish I knew guys like you. But I'm just saying some... I mean who's not going to jump at sex with no strings attached?)

BTW, I wish I could change my screen name now cause its been 5 weeks now and I honestly don't feel like I'm "losingit" anymore. Oh well, I'm sure there may be more of those days to come.

You are right and it is funny cause I know all this but somehow I think I can jusitfy it to myself, like thinking it is not such a big deal but if a couple of days later like now it is affecting me then of course I should just stop it... sux when it is so fun at the time lol! I really am kidding myself though so I just got to keep on trucking along and def not text him for some more no strings sex!

This guy who has been asking me out heaps just asked me out for dinner again tonight and I am very tempted to go, at least it will take my mind of things but I am worried that I might start comparing...

So weird though even if my ex said he wanted us to get back together I think that would be the last thing I want right now, think I just miss the comfort! Crazy how the human mind can play tricks..

len21 - you're so on your way to bigger and better things and are starting to really think clearly so just keep on your path.

I've thought the same thing. I miss the comfort and physical interaction my ex and I had and have thought, "well, maybe we could still do that sometimes with him and be fine and still move on..." And I think "agh, don't kid yourself. it'll feel great at the moment but the next day you'll start right back to square one. I still love him...doing that with him would always mean more to me than just sex..." Don't tempt yourself.

Yes, if you want to go out on a date you should. Just get it in your mind, that its just a fund night out. This guy doesn't need to be "the one", he doesn't need to "measure up" to your ex, and understand that just because you may not feel anything for this new guy doesn't mean you won't one day find someone who will make you feel the way you felt about your ex or even better! That's what I keep trying to remind myself. : )

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Originally Posted by len21

Wish i was having a good day am jealous... god i am sooo tempted to contact him today. after spending the afternoon together and then sleeping together again on Sunday (stupid i know) and him saying he wants to see me again this week. It ended with a txt from me saying that i would give him a txt this week to catch up but managed to hold off till now and really want to not txt again because I know it sounds messed up but i am hoping that he is waiting for my txt!!!

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I've learned that every time you make contact, you're tempted to make more contact. Like tempted more than you were before, I would say after about 3 weeks of absolute no contact, it becomes a breeze. And then before you know it you're actually moving on... insane, I know. I knew I when I was pretty much over her when certain songs on my iTunes list came on, and I smiled at the memories I have. And didn't curl into a fetal position and cry myself to sleep lol.

Hi guys, WOW! I just surpassed the nine month mark. Nine months broke up, nine months NC.

I read this thread a lot. I wonder how some of you can remain friends with your ex's. I still hold a lot of resentment towards my ex and could never be his friend and that makes me feel kind of small sometimes. Like somehow I'm not a big enough person to just let it go.

Then what really pi$$es me off about myself is when I read the posts here about the ex's making contact I find myself feeling a little envious because my ex left and never ever looked back.

Kind of makes you feel like you never exsisted... Like you've been erased.

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Kind of makes you feel like you never exsisted... Like you've been erased.

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Wow, Its okay to have those feelings. 9 months is not a long time to heal, after a 7 year relationship, but your doing great.

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Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

Then what really pi$$es me off about myself is when I read the posts here about the ex's making contact I find myself feeling a little envious because my ex left and never ever looked back.

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And where does it get them , they get stuck at certain stages or go back considerably. They should be envious of you really.

Like Tal says "missing" 9 months is not enough most of the time to get over a long term Relationship , and yes you are doing great!! :)

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Wow, Its okay to have those feelings. 9 months is not a long time to heal, after a 7 year relationship, but your doing great.

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Thanks tal, I am doing great I think. My biggest concern is the next time I get into a relationship one of 2 things will happen. 1) I won't see it if he's pretending to be in it 100% like the last one... or 2) He'll be in it 100% and I'll think he's pretending because of the last one.

How do you leave the bull$h!t baggage of the last relationship behind?

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

And where does it get them , they get stuck at certain stages or go back considerably. They should be envious of you really.

Like Tal says "missing" 9 months is not enough most of the time to get over a long term Relationship , and yes you are doing great!!! :)

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I know you're right about what your saying. I'm just saying that being completely forgotten hurts a lot too. I guess that just goes to show you that break ups suck regardless of how they play out.

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How do you leave the bull$h!t baggage of the last relationship behind?

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Just learn to love yourself enough to be willing to do what it takes to be happy. We may be gun shy at first, to take a chance in the future, but once you have really healed, and start to be proactive in building a life you enjoy, you won't be afraid to take that chance, and trust again. You just have to be patient and work to be healthy, and happy. Trust me, and I speak from experience, after healing you don't just forget that hurt, and pain, and you handle things much differently. Slowly, and eyes wide open. Love yourself enough to trust yourself.

Day 2 was a total success - no communication whatsoever. Wasn't even close to breaking NC. But I think my ex-boyfriend is being stubborn now and won't break it either which is kind of funny to think of.Reverse psychology.
Day 3 is going great for now :)

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Originally Posted by nickshehe

I think closure is all in our head...I felt I needed closure like nothing else, just an explanation,something..all I got was that she just doesnt want to be with me anymore..which means it was on her mind longer than I thought or imagined...
I know that some couples break up on good terms..but I find it better to be angry at her.
No-shes not a witch for breaking up with me..or getting bored of the relationship and wanting to move on..
But if she loved me like she claimed then we wouldve talked about this and we wouldve tried to sort this out..So I don't excuse her and I am angry at her.
So,confusionmax, you should ask yourself what the conditions of your break up are..and if you honestly want to be a txt , call , or email away...
Because I honestly dont want to bump into my ex or hear from her ever again.

(Day 29 and I deleted her from facebook btw..Next step?)

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I agree with you about closure. I guess its just because I didn't expect it. And the question of do I honestly want to be there for him or not... well he was my best friend... so I guess you I do, but then I don't. I told him that because it just automatically came out.. but now that I think about it.. I'm not sure. And yes, I am angry at him... it helps somewhat.. but I still do miss him. But I know things cannot go back to what they were, so there's no hope waiting for it. I have to move on and that's about it. So... day 3 of reinstated NC... not going sooo welll yet... but I will become stronger!! :)

This question is interesting to me since my ex broke up with me brutally. I was in tears the last time I saw him. It was tough, but I did not contact him at all afterwards. Exactly 4 weeks later, HE contacted me(!) and ironically enough, during that week, I had met a guy I was interested in. I was already going through the notion of moving on and directing my interest in this new guy. It really frustrated me that he would come back into my life the moment I noticed another man. He told me made a mistake, wanted things back to how they were... well, it lasted less than 2 weeks since I caught him lying to me about his whereabouts, which is the main reason why HE broke up with me in the first place! He couldn't even admit that he got caught the second time around, broke up with me again, and blamed it on me, saying I was paranoid, didn't believe him (obviousy!) and whatnot. Unbelievable!

I even deleted him from my Facebook before he could delete me. It was kind of surprising to me that he hadn't done it right away since he was logged on shortly before I caught him lying to me.

I know now not to date liars. Haha. And no, I'm not planning to break the NC rule at all the second time around. I didn't the first time around and he came back. If he comes back this second time around, my answer is simply, NO!

Day 11! Woohoo! Only an infinity more to go! : )

How on earth can they not miss us?
Don't feel tempted to call her or talk to her much... But it is beyond me how she's never called or texted me.. just on msn..

Day 31.

Wow, 31 days and she never even attempted contact.

That's what I'm dreading, him not even attempting, but I know we shouldn't be concentrating on that. He attempted on Day 6 of NC but I didn't answer. Maybe he got the hint. Oh, well. Not my problem anymore.

Think of it this way. Its way easier to keep NC if they aren't trying to contact you and keeping NC is the main goal!

She tried contact via msn every 4-5 days or so.. she would just say hi but I wouldn't reply..
I expected at least a call or a text at some point but it appears I am not worthy :)
Heh
You're right though it wouldve been frustrating if she kept butting in my life.. its better I'm left alone

Can't sleep tonight... its 4AM... its been about 4 months NC... and I'm still having these days/nights... shouldn't I be better by now... I know I've made a lot of progress, and I'm happy with things right now, but I just wish I had another interest... someone else that I could see myself with. Its just so damn unfair... if my ex ends up with this new guy I think I'm going to take karma into my own hands, shed a little blood. (im kidding, obviously) but sometimes I want to hear something, anything about they're demise... I'm pretty sure its going to happen, but I can't be sure, lol that sounds so selfish... goodness writing this makes me feel better, I less than 3 AMHD... I am so glad I found this site, I'm so glad for the great advice... I don't know where I would be without it. But at the same time I'm glad my ex is happy, if she is happy... and I think I would like to be her friend one day, but I'm going to let it happen naturally... I'm not going to call her this summer at all when she comes home, NC is easy, but knowing that she's around doesn't make me feel any better. I also know that she has just about no friends here, what the crap is wrong with me... I know ill feel better tomorrow, and I know that girls will flirt with me tomorrow at work, and I should feel a little prideful about that, but none of them really do it for me... so it has me thinking I'm too picky, but is it so wrong that I know what I want in a girl and don't really settle for anything less? I guess I still have trouble accepting that she just doesn't want me anymore... and it really boggles the mind, we were so great together, and it sucks to think that the guy she left me for is better... women huh?.

Day 3 was purr-fect :) as is day 4 so far :)

West, these things kind of just happen.. I've only been on NC 31 days.. dumped for a month and 2 weeks about. I've slept with 5 girls since then (most my friends in a relationship would swap places with me and they envy that sort of freedom) - but it meant and means nothing to me.. I hate being single.. You mentioned you wish you had another interest.. I have several really but they're all meaningless, but to be honest it makes me feel better. I know nothing serious will develop with thes girls(I make sure I don't mislead them either).. I talk to one in particular that keeps me busy and keeps my mind off things. I miss my ex the most whenever I'm bored really.. So I just have a GIRL to call.. I know many people suggest a friend or whatever but that doesn't cut it for me.. I just call her.. we flirt here and there.. then its off my mind.
You should talk to as many girls as you can.. it really helps I think.

Day 4 going strong! I'm still thinking about him, but I don't have the urge to call him or text him. :)

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

Can't sleep tonight... its 4AM... its been about 4 months NC... and im still having these days/nights... shouldn't i be better by now... i know ive made a lot of progress, and im happy with things right now, but i just wish i had another interest... someone else that i could see myself with. Its just so damn unfair... if my ex ends up with this new guy i think im gonna take karma into my own hands, shed a little blood. (im kidding, obviously) but sometimes i want to hear something, anything about they're demise... im pretty sure its gonna happen, but i can't be sure, lol that sounds so selfish... goodness writing this makes me feel better, i less than 3 AMHD... i am so glad i found this site, im so glad for the great advice... i dont know where i would be without it. but at the same time i'm glad my ex is happy, if she is happy... and i think i would like to be her friend one day, but im gonna let it happen naturally... im not gonna call her this summer at all when she comes home, NC is easy, but knowing that she's around doesnt make me feel any better. i also know that she has just about no friends here, what the crap is wrong with me... i know ill feel better tomorrow, and i know that girls will flirt with me tomorrow at work, and i should feel a little prideful about that, but none of them really do it for me... so it has me thinking im too picky, but is it so wrong that i know what i want in a girl and dont really settle for anything less? i guess i still have trouble accepting that she just doesnt want me anymore... and it really boggles the mind, we were so great together, and it sucks to think that the guy she left me for is better... women huh?...

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amazing how many people feel like that west, I know I do too sometimes.

I'm picky with my women too. I guess I wasn't looking when I met my ex, then we randomly met and had a great year together, then she bailed on me.

I guess I don't really feel anything toward any other females at the moment, but I guess this isn't a quick fix especially after we invested so much. The more you put in the more you stand to hurt, if the other person isn't putting in the same amount.

next time around I'm going to be strict 50% input from me.

all I can say, is that keep doing NC, and try and fill the large void as best as poss. I know how u feel as I miss the company and the friendship and the relationship I had with my ex. We spent a lot of time together and its hard to let go, and hard to fill the space they left behind.

ill be dammed if this breakup gets the better of me.

don't put too much pressure on yourself to find another, will def happen, might be a while though, just try and be happy for who you are, and also for what you will become.

that thought keeps me going. My ex let the best thing in her life go, but that was her choice, and one day I hope she regrets it, but its what she wanted, and the day before she split with me was saying ' its taken me this long to realise how much I love you and want to be with you'


next day she dumped me! Lol

women huh!

if I didn't laugh id cry.

keep going, your doing well.

Day 4 is going nicely but :/ it hit me today,the thought that every day further into NC creates a greater and greater distance between us.There will be no turing back.

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Originally Posted by jpm247

amazing how many people feel like that west, i know i do too sometimes.

im picky with my women too. i guess i wasn't looking when i met my ex, then we randomly met and had a great year together, then she bailed on me.

i guess i don't really feel anything toward any other females at the moment, but i guess this isn't a quick fix especially after we invested so much. the more you put in the more you stand to hurt, if the other person isn't putting in the same amount.

next time around im going to be strict 50% input from me.

all i can say, is that keep doing NC, and try and fill the large void as best as poss. i know how u feel as i miss the company and the friendship and the relationship i had with my ex. we spent a lot of time together and its hard to let go, and hard to fill the space they left behind.

ill be dammed if this breakup gets the better of me.

don't put to much pressure on yourself to find another, will def happen, might be a while tho, just try and be happy for who you are, and also for what you will become.

that thought keeps me going. my ex let the best thing in her life go, but that was her choice, and one day i hope she regrets it, but its what she wanted, and the day before she split with me was saying ' its taken me this long to realise how much i love you and want to be with you'


next day she dumped me! lol

women huh!

if i didn't laugh id cry.

keep going, your doing well.

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Thanks a lot Jpm... this is what I'm talking about when I say I love AMHD... always someone with an answer that will make you feel loads better... I guess I just kind of forget that I'm not the only one going through this... and its funny how that works, I started dating my ex when I had just started to not worry about getting a girlfriend... I used to be that guy who would roll with everything and just go with whatever is happening, then after dating my ex, we planned so much stuff out... and I like that I'm getting back to that carefree guy.

And my ex said something along those lines the day before she broke up with me too... "Westy... i am so in love with you." next day... game over.

Women Ha!

Day 1: I love you.
Day 2:... I need time.
Day 3 - 20:... I found someone new.

... should be a t-shirt idea.

Sorry to hear you're down westy. Since the weather's clearing up, you need to get outside. Tell someone you'll walk their dog for them and take it to a park. There're women EVERYWHERE.

As for me, I'm currently infatuated with this one girl... I am told that we're dating (by people around us)... but I don't think we're there yet. We just hung out about 3 - 4 times, that's all.

But yeah, I'm never putting 100% her. n.e.v.e.r.

I love that T-shirt idea :)
Anyway so far day 5 is great but last night he made contact :0 and by contact I mean via an IM he sent me a picture.I took my time trying to decide if I should accept it, seemed harmless enough.Turns out it was a picture of his varorite singer (sp vocalist)?! Wait what? He initiated contact to send me a photo of some other woman?Why would he do that?Complete and utter selfishness? I got pissed, logged off and that's that.

... it wasn't another "woman"... it was a picture of a celebrity?

... did he just simply send you a pic or were you two actually talking before he sent the pic?

Don't let curiosity get the better of you. You know what it did to the cat...

... a dust nap. Well no we weren't talking - he never said anything and I never said anything. Actually he often used to show me pictures of D`arcy and this one was no different.Way to go,push your own interests on someone who's NC-ing you.I'm still pissed :/

[QUOTE=ISneezeFunny]Day 1: I love you.
Day 2:... I need time.
Day 3 - 20:... I found someone new.

... should be a t-shirt idea.

Ha ha, very funny. I think more accurate:

Day 1: I do love you
Day 2: I am not sure about us
Day 3-10: I need time but I want to stay friends
Day 10-30: I have met someone else
Day 30-50: I don't think it is fair on my new person if we keep seeing each other followed by begging and pleading
Day 50ish: You start No contact
Day 120-250ish: You realise you don't really care anyway. What made you such a need fool etrc
Day 250ish onwards: I have been thinking about you, can we talk. You say no, not interested.

Yeah, but I figured it'd have to be an XXL t-shirt to fit all that.

kaneda, I know what you mean. Give it some time, and just try to stay busy. I'm on day... good lord... 140 ish? I lost count. My ex has stopped calling. HUZZAH!

ISneezeFunny huzzah indeed clap clap But why do you still keep count? You seem pretty moved on :confused:
BTW I'm putting serious thought into making that into a t-shirt,it would make nice PJs AND remind me not to give in :)

Yeah, I'm actually moved on quite a bit... currently infatuated with HBIASMS-girl... (hot but independent and sending mixed signals). That number's just off the top of my head... we broke up... 4... 5 months ago? Something like that.

t-shirt idea. I've bee pushing the whole, "I need space" one... for quite some time.

Sounds more like stringyoualong playgirl type,but you know better

Very true. I couldn't agree more... but she's hot enough (not to mention... extremely nice/sweet enough) that I'll allow it.. . that's a dangerous mix. Smart, beautiful, AND extremely nice.

As for now, it's finals week, so I have better things to do than to fawn over her. Last final today. Last final today! Best wishes kaneda. I'm going to go a-fib for the next couple of hours.

Ah yes,ye olde hot factor
Ex showed up in IM hasn't said a word,I guess being rejected sucks huh

I have the same problem... cept HBIASMS-girl's online and she hasn't said a word.. . yes being rejected sucks. Sad.

Dreaded Day 13 of NC. This is the day I made it to last time before breaking it. No chance of that happening this time! I at least have to double it now (little goals ; ))

Now, the dreams have kicked in. Every night for the past 3 days I've dreamt about him. Oh well, I guess they'll go away after awhile.

I'm on Day 13 as well. First time I've actually stopped and counted it out.

For the first week or so I was feeling great. The last two days have been a little tough on me but in less than a week I'm home from school for the summer. Should be tons more to do then.

I think that's a small blessing I have... I rarely dream (last dream I had was... I think 6 - 7 years ago), but when I DO dream, it's WEIRDDDD (i.e. - last dream I had... in high school, I think Ted Turner was choking in a restaurant and I did the Heimlich, didn't work, so I had to do an emergency trach. Weird...