Anyways, I do not know what I should do.... more problems arise into my life =/
As for ex, we are "friends"....
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Anyways, I do not know what I should do.... more problems arise into my life =/
As for ex, we are "friends"....
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
Before I answer, Biggie, love you to bits, you know that, I wouldn't give you this advice unless I cared, so take it that way and no other, okay?
Why do you want to go out with your ex's sister and her friends, dig deep, is it because you're hoping to run in to the ex, or because you want some info on what she's doing now, or is it just to have a good time? If it's to have a good time, then go for it, but, do not mention the ex, ask no questions, and if she appears, be prepared to leave.
You aren't nuts, but you've been having a hard time dealing with what the ex might be doing now, so are you looking for info? Sweetie, this would be a step back, not forward. Nothing can be gained by this. That's my take on it, and remember, I've been down that road, and actually had a similar experience. I was invited out by my ex's friends, I told myself I was only going to have fun, but I really went hoping he'd show up, he didn't, and all the questions I needed (or felt I needed) answers to, went unanswered. I went home feeling worse than I had in weeks, allot of steps back that night. Don't make the same mistake.
If you are really only going to have fun, then go, but be honest with yourself sweetie, because I don't think that's the only reason.
Remember, love you to bits, only trying to tell you what I feel is going on. I don't want to see you hurt again.
Alty
I think I have finally hit the two month mark for NC.
It feels like it has been forever, more like 6 months. I wish this was going to be another strong supportive post for all of you, but I'm not feeling it. This last week has been one of the tougher weeks in a long time. When I was having a down time at the beginning of the week I was hoping that I would snap out of it in a day or two. Not so.
After this long it blows my mind that I am finding myself hung up on issues like "Will she ever call me again?" and "Why doesn't she love me?". Totally pointless, even stupid, questions at this point. After seeing something she wrote which made it seem as though she was going out of town, I have been a mess. Even when your not looking for it, the bits of info find you :(
Last time I had a down time, it only lasted a day or two and it was great. To be back riding high so quickly really boosted my confidence in how well I was doing. Now that all I think about is her and how much I miss her, I'm really sick of the whole situation.
It's the constant thought that she is with someone else already that hurts me. No proof that its true, and I want to believe what she told me, but I'm finding it hard. This is a topic for another thread however...
Sorry to be long and drawn out, needed to vent.
Come on Bigbird, you're stronger than this! Pull yourself together man!
If, IF she has a new man.. I'd pity him if I was you. He's going to go through the same thing that you're going through in a matter of time not that far away.
If she was worth missing, she wouldn't have dumped you. I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about her if she doesn't care about you. Don't believe a word she says.. ex's talk a lot of crap to us to make us feel better and so they can have a clear conscience.
Stop thinking about the past, look towards the future. You are young, you have plenty of time to find someone even better than this girl! Someone that won't dump you, tell you a pile of crap and then gets a new boyfriend in the small space of 2 months!
Harsh, but I hope it gives you the kick up the arse you need to get over this girl.
Hi bigbird. Mate you do not have to be strong for anybody here. I just want to know how you are doing and what you are feeling. The way you help me most is by letting me know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Me I am totally stressed out at the moment and I feel sad and angry and upset and all of that is okay. I know it will pass but I also know it will take time. You will be okay and I am glad you are here.
Hey bird,
Read your post on your thread and now this one so I thought I would respond here. Just understand that this is going to happen from time to time during the break up, and I am sure once you pull out of this funk you are going to be doing even better than before. It's hard not to think of your ex with other guys, but in your case you really don't know what the hell is happening. It could be worse...
My ex went down to see the guys from cuba last night.. (by herself). So that means she spent the night at one of their houses... and they went to the bar so I know she was drunk.
So just remember that you don't know, and that every scenario that your brain makes up is just that... made up!! Not true!!
Your ability to do no contact for 2 months is a great thing that you should be proud of. Sure it may make your mind wander at times.. (sometimes to the point of being miserable) but at least you can tell yourself you don't actually know what's going on.
All I have thought about since last night is that she stayed in some guys bed and things just happened. It sucks... She has also been texting me every night this week... Thursday night She said "goodnight my big tough man xo". Pretty weird thing to get, but then of course I don't get one last night when she is out. I haven't been responding but its pretty obvious she is only thinking of me when there isn't a distraction.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that it could be a lot worse... Ignorance is bliss!! Sort of...
NNG is pretty right. BB - your always going to have tough days mate. Always. 2 months isn't that long at all. You've got massive feelings for this girl, and that pain and hurt doesn't go instantly. The best I way I found to deal with the thoughts of what she is doing and who with is to think like this...
Whoever she is with, it isn't me. That made me smile not cry, as I know she would never find another like me. So I smiled to myself and looked in the mirror, and said JPM you are a top man, and destined for greatness, and this woman clearly has bad taste in men.
Then smile to yourself, that no matter what she is doing BB - the best thing that happened to her is not there. And that my friend is her big bird loss!
BB, even the best of us have days where we are unable to cope with. Today too I've been feeling a bit down. My ex's whole birthday thing has hit me hard. I put it into perspective and I realized that by not wishing on her birthday, it was a way for her to finally leave me alone and say goodbye for good. I feel that now is when everything starts because the rope has finally been cut and we're now walking two different paths.
This is what I wanted and even with all the advice I give, the pain is still there. I know it will get easier as time is a healer. I guess the main thing that bothers me is her boyfriend and if it was any other guy but that weasel who's been hitting on her for the past year then things would be a bit different.
I really hope karma comes into effect...
Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
Very True, I'm going to print this response and put guy instead of or he instead of her because I believe this is very much similar to my situation,this reply hits in right on the spot.
BigB,I'm going on 4 months,and I still think that way,but it does get better,try to read positive books, when you get a chance,Bible for starters,somehow it feels great to know that there is someone,a higher supreme being in charge,even if you're not religious,it helps a lot and also Law of attraction books,there's tons out there.
I read something that says, what you focus on you will attract,so you're focusing on your ex not cotnacting you,the same with me-and that's what you're getting more of,
I don't want you to hold out and wait but if you learn to let go and sone day say,I won't worry about this,its all for the best,not only will a weight be lifted off,you'll feel a little better. Hope it helps
Vivia I like that. Law of attraction books sounds like a good idea to me. I will have to check those out.
Kind of sounds like that movie/book the secret... is it? I liked that one, pretty uplifting.Quote:
Originally Posted by vivia12
Le sigh. No contact starting today for me.
Day 1... down. Lolol.
Before you know it it will be day 30, and then day 60. Better times are ahead!Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
I don't know even know what day of NC I'm on... guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Just as long as I'm sticking to it until better things come along in my life, like a beautiful woman who is kind and caring, can easily have fun just hanging out not having to actually be doing anything, you know lol something like that ;)
Haha I was just saying that to my friend the other day. I need to find a cool chill girl... Do we have to get drunk and go to the bar every weekend??Quote:
Originally Posted by classicrocker
NNG, I was having this same conversation a few days ago with a buddy of mine. But likewise, even though we're still on NC the wounds are still there no matter how much we tell ourselves that we're close to being fully healed. Today, however, things have taken a turn for the better. This weekend in general has brought me a lot of ups. Hang in there guys
How's the rest of y'all doing?
WOW,
I wanted to say thanks to all you guys. The support you guys give is unbelievable. I am feeling a little better today, and much better than the mornings now that it is early evening. The mornings are what suck the most - that's for sure.
I have saved those responses with the intention of reading them next time I am feeling down. I hate to say it, but being a little angry lately helps me to get over this. I thought I was past anger and bitterness, but for now, whatever works. Instead of saying "why did she throw me away" I can say "Too bad for her she threw me away."
Thanks again guys/gals,
I needed that.
Good Luck!Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
Stay strong... and whenever you feel like contacting your ex, come here so that we can convince you otherwise :).
You can do this, and we are here to support you!
Good Luck again!
Hey guys just thought I would give an update.
Me and my ex met up tonight, we got talking. We talked for hours without realising it and ended up making love, it was just like old times.
Anyhoo afterwards we are cuddling and we start talking about why it ended. We talk some more and then she looks at me and says we should try again. I have to tell you, as soon as she said that I burst into tears, I couldn't help it lol.
So as of right now, we are a couple again, only we are taking it very slow and we are only going to meet up a few nights a week to see how we go.
I advise NC to anyone but sometimes these things happen. Its still early days but the sheer fact she wants to try is great.
I'm so happy at the minute, thanks guys and ill be here for you.
ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO, congrats bro. Hopefully you take things slow and can work on the issues at hand first before you guys continue in developing your NEW relationship. Yes, that's what it is, don't treat it like the old one, start fresh be the person she fell in love with and make sure that she is also the girl that you fell in love with. Take it slow but enjoy any minute.
If you're having any problems, let us know, we're always here to help
Nice Zooo
Only if my life was not full of sh*t
Hey guys & girls..
I guess you are all right. I should forget my ex & be just friends. For some odd reason, she LIED to me about taking her classes online; she told me straight forward that she's moving to the college campus...
*sigh* fuq... why are girls so complicated??
Zoo,
I'm glad to hear that things seem to be going well for you. Just a word of warning, make sure you really are taking it slowly. I have been down that road and it didn't turn out the way I had planned. Just be careful and keep your eyes open.
As far as taking it slow - making love the first night isn't really slow! I hope it slows down a little more than that hah.
Keep us posted though, and keep coming back so we can help you keep a level head :)
hjpan,
If she is lying to you why do you want to be her friend? Would your other friends lie to you? I'm not sure its worth the hassle to continue trying to be this girls friend if she is going to lie to you and make you feel bad.
I do not know...Quote:
Originally Posted by hjpan
I guess so =/~ it's just so frustrating... I am caught up with classes, family, and financial issues...
Congrats Zoo!
I only hope I can be telling your story soon...
I hope it works out for you Zoo. All the best mate.
Thanks guys, its weird but I can't shake the feeling that any minute she's going to change her mind lol its so surreal.
The main reason we are taking it slow is because we don't want to make the same mistakes again, also we don't want to spread the word and then end up breaking up again so we are keeping it to ourselves for now.
I just had to tell you guys.
Listen for what its worth you never know what the future will bring, all of us on this site deserve happiness at some point, and each of us will get it. Maybe not with the person we want right now but that only brings us one step closer to the real prize.
Try not to let the past influence your feelings in this relationship beyond what you have learned. Don't let past events muddy your chances - though don't overlook the valuable lessons you learned during your breakup.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Go into this like it is a new relationship.
Hey guys... hope you're all doing well and keeping NC...
I had a little situation...
On Friday I went to the movies with aa friend and I got a called from my ex's uncle... That was weird I thought... I picked up and told him I was at the movies so w.e... that was it... On Saturday I was doing laundry and a strange number calls... I didn't pick up but they left a message.. Guess who it was?. my ex.. telling me to please listen to the message, he needed to talk to me... blah blah blah... l8r on I get a call from another strange number.. Me being the smart person that I am picked up the phone and there he was telling me to please not hang up the phone that he needed to talk to me... I said OK, then hung up... during the entire day I kept getting calls and texts.. well yesterday we talked... he said he was sorry, that he hasn't been able to sleep, he cries when he thinks about the good times, he can't forget about me, he said he knows he ed up but he wants another chance even though he knows he doesn't deserve it... He asked for another chance and he gave me my ring back (a promise ring I returned to him after we broke up).. he told me he didn't want to lose me ever again...
Im so confused!. im fine without him, but now for some reason I want to get back with him.. IDK what to do,. what do you think?
I think that he heard about you going to the movies from his uncle and he is panicking now. Not worth giving into, though I wouldn't answer the phone and lead him like that. If you must tell him then go ahead, but I think you should stick to NC.
That's a tough one damaged... BB may be right but its really hard to say. You really have to ask yourself what you want on this one. You have mentioned before that when you have reflected on your relationship that this was for the best, I know you care for him and still love him but if you were to get back with him would it be for the right reasons or more for comfort?
Think with your head and not with your heart when you make your decision. I was with a bunch of friends last night and my ex called and texted me quite a few times saying she needed me right now, and had to talk to me. Part of me wanted to walk away from my friends and call her back but I said no to myself... You weren't there for me when I needed you so why should I leave my friends for you. Don't forget what they have done to us... now that they are sweating bullets because they think we are moving on they want us to be there for them, selfish really.
Also, if you did get back with him do you think it would ever be the same. To me there has already been way too much damage for me to ever trust and be happy with her again.
You have to be 100% honest with yourself. At times I can think that her coming back and us living happily ever after would be the best thing ever. Problem is, that would never happen. The trust is gone, the relationship wouldn't be the same.Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
Too much damage done.
@ damaged:
Guys can be clingy and wanting, but when the relationship starts... they will be different.
I'm Also in that same boat. I care and Love her but, she did things never forgetable and broke my trust to no end... the unfortinate truth...Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
classicrocker, I'm going to SD on the 27th & LA on the 28th..Quote:
Originally Posted by classicrocker
Hopefully, I can greet you~ lol
No clue where to begin and what to say... been so many months since I have checked this forum and today, while I was searching the net, one of the results had this forum's link and it brought back the bad memories yet, a strange smile got drawn on my face when I re-read my posts and saw my NC thread after almost a year :)
Not sure if anyone of those who posted under this topic re-posted again after fully and totally getting over the whole thing, so I thought that maybe I'd share a thing or two with you all, in case it might be of some help to anyone.
My NC period became a strong castle and yes, I carried on with it the day I started this thread and it was the best thing I have ever done to overcome the pain.
A lot of people advice you doing new things, going out, having fun etc... yet we all know it won't really help first. What I did is that I used "Post It" to carry on with my NC and that was the only thing that kept me going with it (of course beside the great help from all the people in here). I wrote on 6-7 "Post It" the following "No Contact You Idiot" and spread them all over the things I see/use the most (PC screen, stereo, phone, on my bed, bathroom mirror etc.. ). It was hard, I tried dating, going out and lots of other things, but nothing really healed the wound. It was all a matter of time... I accepted the NC strategy and had to carry on despite how badly I missed her. I trusted time and time did indeed take care of that!!
Now I'm completely over the whole thing, re-living the single life, which I have forgotten how it tastes and just carrying on. NC saved me a lot of humiliation and helped me realize slowly that she's not worth it anymore. No contact with the ex = less emotional vagueness.
I sometimes run into my ex here and there and I don't even blink... she's still dating the same guy since she left me and getting drunk every weekend at the pub he works at, yet funny enough, it doesn't affect me. Even after 2-3 months from my NC initiation period I put myself to a test. I went to that pub she hangs in with her boy, all alone, sat there, had a few drinks, enjoyed myself and went back home as if I saw nothing.
She never contacted me nor did I and here we are. I still remember exactly how I felt when I typed that post and how it was like for me back then, it's really "funny" to re-see it again. What was an impossible thing to do back then is now nothing but "history". So you you can do it, no matter how bad it feels. It's really doable... You'd be so surprised to see what time is capable of (e.g. I really can't even recall her phone number!).
I'm still looking for a new relationship and hopefully I'll have one, someday, who knows. It's not bad at all after all being alone, so keep your chins up guys :)
Hope my post could be useful to you all! Stick to your NC! It's your own ticket for salvation, NEVER break it or compromise it no matter what! Each time you break it, things will get much more painful! STICK TO YOUR NC ;)
I think you really have to move on and get rid, 100%, of your past relation, it will bring nothing but heart/headache.Quote:
hey guys... hope you're all doing well and keeping NC...
i had a little situation...
On Friday i went to the movies with aa friend and i got a called from my ex's uncle... That was weird i thought... i picked up and told him i was at the movies so w.e... that was it... On Saturday i was doing laundry and a strange number calls... i didn't pick up but they left a message.. Guess who it was?. my ex.. telling me to please listen to the message, he needed to talk to me... blah blah blah... l8r on i get a call from another strange number.. Me being the smart person that i am picked up the phone and there he was telling me to please not hang up the phone that he needed to talk to me... i said OK, then hung up... during the entire day i kept getting calls and texts.. well yesterday we talked... he said he was sorry, that he hasn't been able to sleep, he cries when he thinks about the good times, he can't forget about me, he said he knows he ed up but he wants another chance even though he knows he doesn't deserve it... He asked for another chance and he gave me my ring back (a promise ring i returned to him after we broke up).. he told me he didn't want to lose me ever again...
Im so confused!. im fine without him, but now for some reason i want to get back with him.. IDK what to do,. what do u think?
Numb,
I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. Its amazing that you have come back and shared your success story on here with everyone. I think it is inspirational to hear from someone who is so recently out on the other side.
Not to say those who went through this decades ago don't provide valuable experience and advice, but seeing the originator of the thread, who experienced the entire thing with the help of AMHD, come back and tout how successful it really is - is just great.
Thanks :)
Numb: just tell yourself that she won't have a future compared to you =]
Good lad, Bigbird.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird213
Now, the next time I come on here, talking like a big nancy boy.. I expect you to kick me up the arse :D
Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
Deal :)
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