Hey guys,
Today was a tough day for me... As many of you know, I am in high school. I have 3 of 4 classes with my ex. So NC is not a possibility, although sometimes I wish it were. Like today for example.

There is a guy in her cooking class who I think she likes. I was talking to her, and came up. They practically flirted with each other RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!! This guy that she may like is also one of my good friends. Even though we were friends, I felt like standing up, and kicking him down, and punching him out (no action will EVER be taken, I have good self control).

I have always taken break ups well, and I am good friends with most of my exes, because I continue a friendship with them after we date. So, I am not going to tell this friend something like, "stay away from her" or anything like that. If he will make her happy, then I can accept it, although I know I am better for her.

Anyway, summer break starts today. School is over (exept for a few exams). So, from what I know, she will not be seeing this guy anymore. And, I have the option to bring on NC with her, although I don't think I want to. I still want her friendship, like most of my other exes, and it doesn't kill me to see her anymore.

bigbird, those are words of wisdom. I really don't expect to get back with her because of the person that she is. I know she is playing mind games and trying to use every opportunity to stick a knife in my heart. I think I know what my answer is.
I know what my answer should be which is thatI don't think I will be wishing her a happy birthday, even though it's a small gesture, we all know that there is more to it than its face value. The only problem is getting myself to actually go through it.

I've been this strong for over a month and a half with NC and I don't want to stroke her ego by wishing her a happy birthday knowing that I still care.

And a bit of a story (I know, he has more to say? lol) if you guys are willing to read this.

The guy she dumped for me became suicidal after their break up. After he found out she was going wth me, he made an attempt on his life. He failed. The is one of the reasons she broke up with me. Another reason is because she will have no time for me, and she is going out west (BC) for 4 weeks. So, she says she didn't want to get into a relationship when she is going to be away for a month in a little while.

Anyway, she is going out with this suicidal ex again. She says she doesn't like him anymore (why she dumped him), and her plan is to get him to dump her, so that she can get away.

She leaves me with this little hope that after her trip, and if she can get her crazy suicidal b/f to break up with her, that we can get back together. That is one of the reasons I still want to hang around her.

Some of you may say I'm crazy to wait, but I am going to wait. My minds made up, and as much emotional distress this may cause, I am willing to go through it for her. Maybe she will never come back, but I can hope. So, go ahead, and tell me I'm crazy, I don't care. All I know is I want this girl back, and I may have a chance.

She still shows signs that she likes me though. She wants to go to the local theme park with me (once I get my seasons pass) and she wants me to volunteer with her. She also wants to help me study for a class that I am taking out of high school. So maybe she still likes me. There is that hope. That hope makes me happy.


Somebody said a while back in this thread (sorry I can't give credit, maybe somebody can help) that being the dumpee is like being dumped twice. I hope she comes back, because that feeling of FINALLY being let go may come soon, if we don't get back together. Crap, I am in for a roller coaster ride, aren't I. BRING IT ON! Just give me what I want in the end (the girl). I will be here on those days when I take it hard. I know it is not NC, and that it is a little off topic (for this thread), but can I trust you guys to support me, and keep me going?

Lol it was me who said about begin dumped twice my good man

Well, that is too true. I hope I don't get dumped a second time.

And by the way, I love U2 too. I'm actually listening to 'staring at the sun' right now. Favourite song ever is 'Sunday Bloody Sunday.' Never really got into the zooropa album though...

Don't get me wrong zooropa isn't my fave album but it's the only one I know of with a cool sounding name lol

I think who's going to ride your wild horses is a perfect break up song or with or without you.

Well bad luck strikes again...

Not by my own choice, but I came across information about my ex. Once again I was hit with the flushed face, the shaking and the knot in my stomach. I saw something about her leaving at 2:15 AM and "going to miss you guys (her sisters) and will call because she is sure she will be bored". REALLY eating at me wanting to know where she is going, who she is with and what they are doing. I won't dig for details because I know better, but the temptation is killing me...

In reality, she could be with her friends, no guys. I don't know anything, and I don't want to find out.

Can anyone explain why, even though I don't want her to be miserable, it kills me to think of her being happy. Its like when she is happy she isn't thinking about me even one ounce. That hurts, I guess because I feel left behind thinking about her still...

As I delay posting this, I can feel myself evening out, but it still sucks. I'm not sure if it's a fair statement that she is SO happy and not thinking about me anymore, but it hurts to think that might possibly be true.

The worse thing about being the dumpee is that we never get the chance to move as fast as the dumper does. Now I don't know why or how they are able to move on so fast cause in theory if they loved you then they should be feeling hurt as well, right?

I guess its to do with two things, first is they knew what they were doing, so that means they must have thought about it for a while and so they don't get that shock treatment that the dumpee has to endure.

Another thing is the control, the dumper holds all the cards, the dumpee has nothing but no contact on their side and its really not a good place to be.

Maybe are exs are happy without us, I know mine certainly seems to act like it and tells me about it. The truth is there is nothing we can do and so the only thing we can do is keep going, try and make the best possible life for ourselves and hope that there is better to come.

And bigbird, its best not knowing where she is, would you rather not know or would you rather know that she's out with some other guy? Personally I think ignorance is bless. That way the only thing our exs are doing is what we make up in our own minds.

God, almost 3 months post break-up and things are really starting to clear up in my head. Meaning I'm really starting to see my past relationship through unfiltered eyes.

Funny story. My ex (the same ex) broke up last summer a couple of weeks after his b-day. I hadn't bought him a b-day present because we were still shopping for it so since we broke he never wound up getting it. We broke up for 2 months over the summer then got back together. My b-day rolled around then, and guess what? He didn't buy me present because he was mad I had never gotten him a b-day present. Fast forward 6 months, and he walks out on our relationship again. Yet still wants to be friends and doesn't want me to be angry with him.

So, yes, let's get this straight! He has a right to be mad at me because I didn't buy him a lousy b-day present but I don't have a right to be mad and never speak to him again because he broke up with me... TWICE! Too funny. What the F was I thinking being with him?

Ah, its all so clear now!

Its funny how someone we once loved or was happy being around can become the person that causes you so much pain simply by thinking about them.

Love is cruel

Thanks for the input zoo,

I know ignorance is bliss, and I honestly had no intentions of finding that out, its just funny because now I want to know more. NOT Going to HAPPEN.

I guess I'm just going to stay off the damn thing for good. I thought I was good as I deleted her as a friend, but I guess I was wrong. Stupid Facebook.

I've calmed down a little. She could be doing any number of things, so why should I assume that she is out with a guy. Who knows what the truth is, and I don't want to know. The less I know the better.

Lol get this big bird, my ex told me she was going on a hot date tonight so I was all upset and angry, you know the usuall stuff.

So I decided to go out a drive to clear my head, go into my exs workplace to buy a drink and low and behold she's working there lol.

Not only did it make me feel good that she must have been lying but I also happened to have a girl - friend with me whom I know my ex is jealous off.

Dam it was a good ego boost when I needed it lol she nearly broke her neck watching us.

Yep, it all sucks...

At least I know now that I will be feeling fine fairly soon. It won't talk long to stop thinking about this and get back to normal. Just sucks to have the most graphic, worst case scenarios running through my head.

Almost makes you feel insane because you imagine things which you know have no factual basis and almost no imaginary basis either...

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Yep, it all sucks...

At least i know now that I will be feeling fine fairly soon. It won't talk long to stop thinking about this and get back to normal. Just sucks to have the most graphic, worst case scenarios running through my head.

Almost makes you feel insane because you imagine things which you know have no factual basis and almost no imaginary basis either....

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Ahhh but here's the good news, all those graphic worst case things are more than likely not happening at all, that's where you can take comfort in that.

Although most of my worst case scenarios seem to be coming true lol

You know what it is...

It's the fact that after being in a relationship for so long, things sort of became routine. For example, I'd go over to hang out and she wouldn't spend a lot of time making sure she looked great, doing her hair, doing her makeup, etc, etc... (which is understandable)

It hurts to think that now that she is single she is doing that, even though I am doing the same by working out like crazy, dressing nicer, eating healhtier, etc...

Almost makes you feel like you weren't worth it, which isn't true...

Anyway, enough of this "pity pot" talk. Onward and upward

Not only do they start looking better but they start being flirty again, like they were with you at the start but then it wore off cause you got used to each other after a while.

But like you said, enuff of this self pity nonsense, time to move on

Damn..

summer is here~ I have no plans =/

Most likely I'll be working or enlisting in the Army for training..

I have no idea yet D:~

holy sh*t... I just want to pick up my cellphone & call my ex =/

it's just.... so frustrating

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Originally Posted by zooropa1985

lol get this big bird, my ex told me she was goin on a hot date 2nite so i was all upset and angry, you know the usuall stuff.

so i decided to go out a drive to clear my head, go into my exs workplace to buy a drink and low and behold shes workin there lol.

not only did it make me feel good that she must have been lying but i also happened to have a girl - friend with me whom i know my ex is jealous off.

dam it was a gd ego boost when i needed it lol she nearly broke her neck watching us.

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HAHA! YEAH ZOO

And don't take what I am about to say offensive, but your ex sounds like a really nice person. She told you that she had a "hot" date, just to make you jealous... That is a real low thing to do. Was it her that broke up with you? If it was, then wow, be happy you got rid of her.

Did you make your ex serve you the drinks? LOL

Now I am usually a pretty calm and cool guy, and I don't usually swear but %^#&$#@!&$&^$&^$#!&$&^$!&@$&^$!! Today was the official 4 year anniversary day...

She texts me "Happy Anniversary :) "... Who the hell does that?? Common now that's cruel. I don't respond.

And than she texts me later on in the day, "we should get together in a few weeks". I say why, and I meant it as in why what's the point, (should have said nothing I know) I guess she miss reads that and thinks I mean why in three weeks. She says "This weekend I am going to see the guys from Cuba, next weekend I have a friend coming to stay with me and then to a guys camp the next weekend... Can she really be this naïve and stupid??

Seriously, I have done mostly no contact, but if any of you need a reason as to why you go full no contact there you go. I say why and that's what I get. Good riddance.

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Now I am usually a pretty calm and cool guy, and I don't usually swear but %^#&$#@!&$&^$&^$#!&$&^$!&@$&^$!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was the official 4 year anniversary day....

She texts me "Happy Anniversary :) ".... Who the hell does that??? Common now thats cruel. I don't respond.

And than she texts me later on in the day, "we should get together in a few weeks". I say why, and I meant it as in why whats the point, (should have said nothing I know) I guess she miss reads that and thinks I mean why in three weeks. She says "This weekend I am going to see the guys from Cuba, next weekend I have a friend coming to stay with me and then to a guys camp the next weekend.... Can she really be this naive and stupid???

Seriously, I have done mostly no contact, but if any of you need a reason as to why you go full no contact there you go. I say why and thats what I get. Good riddance.

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Denial?

NNG,

I feel for you man, I really do. I can only imagine how hearing those things must make you feel inside. I have had slight instances of that panic mode which sets in, but I assume you probably felt a little bit of that during your breakup.

My analysis (which may be as far from the truth as possible):

She is not feeling like she thought that she would after the breakup. It almost seems as though she is going above and beyond to make you think that she is happy. Maybe she wants you to crawl back to her? Maybe she needs some confirmation that she is doing better than you? In either case, I wouldn't bother with a response. If you must, tell her that you can't see her in a few weeks, no reason necessary.

Hearing all these things about her plans and other guys and all of this other BS isn't going to help you at all. Its going to hurt and its going to keep you thinking about her. I can guarantee that you are no where near healthy enough to go and see her and risk hearing about these other guys and her escapades since you have broken up.

I can tell you that from my experience, I often feel like I am doing really well and sometimes get to thinking about contacting her and wanting to meet up as friends and just see how she is doing. Then something so stupidly small comes up and sends me reeling. This alone is enough proof that your progress may be deceiving.

Its easy to feel like your doing really well when you haven't been tested...

Damnnn.. that was so messed up what she did... How could she?. They are so selfish.. only thinking about them...

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Originally Posted by damaged

Damnnn..that was so messed up what she did...How could she??..They are so selfish..only thinking about them....

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Yep

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Now I am usually a pretty calm and cool guy, and I don't usually swear but %^#&$#@!&$&^$&^$#!&$&^$!&@$&^$!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was the official 4 year anniversary day....

She texts me "Happy Anniversary :) ".... Who the hell does that??? Common now thats cruel. I don't respond.

And than she texts me later on in the day, "we should get together in a few weeks". I say why, and I meant it as in why whats the point, (should have said nothing I know) I guess she miss reads that and thinks I mean why in three weeks. She says "This weekend I am going to see the guys from Cuba, next weekend I have a friend coming to stay with me and then to a guys camp the next weekend.... Can she really be this naive and stupid???

Seriously, I have done mostly no contact, but if any of you need a reason as to why you go full no contact there you go. I say why and thats what I get. Good riddance.

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NNG she is being so cruel. That sucks mate.

Hi all,
Losingit77 I can't wait until I reach the 3 month mark. Getting back with an ex and then breaking up again must be really hard.

Zooropa man I totally agree with you. I guess that is why it hurts so badly.

Bigbird I feel you man. I am dreading hearing any news about what my ex is up to. I am not looking forward to it at all.

A couple of friends are suggesting I break NC. One says I should e-mail my ex just before I go bed telling her "Goodnight and that I am thinking of her" the other says I should call her and tell her "That I love her and would like her to come back." I am inclined to think I should stay with NC, which as ZOO pointed out is the only card we have.

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Originally Posted by f104

Hi all,
Losingit77 I can't wait until I reach the 3 month mark. Getting back with an ex and then breaking up again must be really hard.

Zooropa man I totally agree with ya. I guess that is why it hurts so badly.

Bigbird I feel ya man. I am dreading hearing any news about what my ex is up to. I am not looking forward to it at all.

A couple of friends are suggesting I break NC. One says I should e-mail my ex just before I go bed telling her "Goodnight and that I am thinking of her" the other says I should call her and tell her "That I love her and would like her to come back." I am inclined to think I should stay with NC, which as ZOO pointed out is the only card we have.

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Bro, don't do it...

I am trying my best not to call up my ex =/

WHOA!

Please, don't say any of the things your friends have mentioned. Do you have any idea how needy that would make you look? What would you think of your ex if she were to send you a message saying: "I love you and I would like you to come back."?

I can imagine it would be something along the lines of: "She broke up with me, now she wants me back? Thats pathetic, grow up."

For your own good, don't listen. It isn't a sensible thing to do. It is perfectly normal to be feeling down about your situation, trust me, I have been there over and over again. I have the feeling like I would want to call her, but I know deep down that it isn't the right thing to do and with a little self-control the problems pass right over.

Would it really make you feel better to have her ignore your text, or to have her tell you that she can't get back together with you because she is seeing someone else. It isn't worth it man, it really isn't.

You just said you were dreading to hear any news about what she is up to. It isn't something you really want to hear, trust me from experience. I didn't go looking, but I found it nonetheless, and it didn't feel good.

Don't go looking for heartbreak, you'll find enough of it by accident.

ahhh... I really want to call my ex =/

So, I hit 3 week period of NC with my ex~ it's hard because I'd see her online when I'm online as well =/

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Originally Posted by hjpan

ahhh... I really want to call my ex =/

So, I hit 3 week period of NC with my ex~ it's hard because I'd see her online when I'm online as well =/

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Simple - stay offline :)

I know its tough. I removed my ex from my buddy list but I have her step sister's names on there and I just don't want to risk it. Especially since I have been in a down mood for the last day or so, I'm just playing it safe. Sure, there are people on there I want to talk to, but it isn't worth seeing anything I don't want to see...

The funny thing about seeing things about them is this. You notice something you know you shouldn't see. It upsets you, and then your mind does something so utterly stupid - it wants to know more. If you give into that, its just a vicious circle downward...

My ex dumped me very out the blue over 4 months ago and since he said it was over I vanished and went into NC. It's the best thing I could have done, I broke the nc once and that was to respond to a message he sent me. Don't know what he thinks of me vanishing but I know him breaking up with me has hit him harder than it did me. So NC Does work, never thought id feel normal again!

Still not feeling that great...

Seems ridiculous to me that I saw something to stupid and it has had such an impact on me. I feel like I am thinking about her like I was a month and a half ago, and it doesn't seem to be letting up at all. I'll just keep giving it time, but after a while, you get real sick of the same thing going through your head over and over and over...

Ugh.

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Simple - stay offline :)

I know its tough. I removed my ex from my buddy list but I have her step sister's names on there and I just don't want to risk it. Especially since I have been in a down mood for the last day or so, I'm just playing it safe. Sure, there are people on there I want to talk to, but it isn't worth seeing anything I don't want to see....

The funny thing about seeing things about them is this. You notice something you know you shouldn't see. It upsets you, and then your mind does something so utterly stupid - it wants to know more. If you give into that, its just a vicious circle downward....

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Well, I'm not removing her from friendslist since she wants "to be friends" so I let her stay on.

I might just call her later in the month and make myself clear that we are just friends.

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Originally Posted by hjpan

I might just call her later in the month and make myself clear that we are just friends.

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But... are you? Are you capable of being just her friend?

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

But....are you? Are you capable of being just her friend?

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I can be her friend, but if she suffers.. I have no remorse for her.

I told her clearly "if I became famous and popular because i contributed something to others, please don't crawling back to me and ask me for forgiveness."

I am very down for this. If I can handle the stress of being played by previous girls, I can definitely handle the relationship stress.

In my heart, it may be difficult but I may sure grow myself to be stronger than ever.
Actually, I am looking forward more into life...

I think I'm scared of women in a way now. My ex who I thought was sweet and the best, turned out to be a closest skank kind of, I don't know if that's her way od dealing with her breaking up with me or if women in general are just no good. I don't know but damn what the hell

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Still not feeling that great....

Seems rediculous to me that I saw something to stupid and it has had such an impact on me. I feel like I am thinking about her like I was a month and a half ago, and it doesn't seem to be letting up at all. I'll just keep giving it time, but after a while, you get real sick of the same thing going through your head over and over and over...

ugh.

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Hey bird,

Yea I feel you man, been in the dumps the last few days. Haven't been on here as I am working shifts right now and have been pretty tired. I haven't let it affect what I am doing though at least. People told me it would be like this though, you would hit some major bumps on the way to feeling better. Doesn't help that she told me that crap the other day. But it is so weird the little things that happen that show you just how not over it you are. I hate it because I don't want to think about it, and I want to feel better, but its like your brain just decides... "no we're going to be sad and think about this a lot"

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

i think im scared of women in a way now. my ex who i thought was sweet and the best, turned out to be a closest skank kinda, idk if thats her way od dealing with her breaking up with me or if women in general are just no good. idk but damn what the hell

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I'd sadly have to agree with you on that rocker. I told myself it wouldn't jade me in any way but it has. Hopefully it will go away with time and when I do meet that "it" girl. Its like a lack of trust I have or something, I thought I had an honest exceptional girlfriend, but in the end all she did was deceive and make me feel horrible. I also feel like my standards have gone through the roof... I was told this is not a bad thing and that I just know what I really want now. Its weird though, when I meet new girls I evaluate them big time, not in a shallow way but like with the things they talk about and how they act. I want to avoid as many of the problems from my last relationship as possible.

Update: I have resisted the urge to call my ex. I talked to my sister about the urges and problems; she says it's best to tell my ex straight up (later on) about being friends or not. I have been running, jogging, and "working out".. basically sweating.

Oh damn... it feels so good when I'm in the shower with cold water.. lol


anyways... I really don't know how to control myself. Apparently, I am EATING way less than I used to which is a good thing since I used to over-eat.

Yes definitely. I'm evaluating every girl as well. It's a curse and a gift at the same time cause I think it really does show us what were really searching for. But it's a curse cause I end up not really giving other person a chance to truly get know each other. This is probably because I'm evaluating them right off the bat. And not to mention the trust factor... man my ex really F***ed me up on a few things.

Well, my ex texted me at half 2 in the morning the other night.. asking about her bike that is still at my house! That lead to other conversations and we ended up texting for a couple of hours.

I got a bit lonely the other night and texted her last night. We texted all day on and off. She said she had to go at around 1 AM last night and she said "hopefully we chat soon".. I'm starting to regret texting her because the old feelings I had are being brought back up when I was over them (or so I thought)..

I won't contact her the next time, wait until she contacts me. Then I'll either not reply or be very quiet with her.