Ha! You're so right. "If you can walk away from us, I can walk away from you!" I'm going to keep reminding myself. Yeah, my ex-bf is like "I love you, I will always love you, I want you to call me whenever you need someone to talk to...someone who knows you..someone who loves you"... ha, how could I do that? Call the person that walked away from me? He should be worrying about who he's going to call now when he needs someone!

Day 10 NC. Sad, but OK. No chance of breaking NC. I set a goal for myself. 5 weeks! We've never gone longer than 2 1/2 weeks without speaking in 4 years so that should really put the hurt on. Well, 3 1/2 weeks to go! Hopefully, by then I won't care so much anymore. I know you shouldn't put a time limit on NC, but in these early days, a goal is the only thing that keeps me sane and not so sad.

Day 4... so horrible just saw something on a friends Facebook about him scoring a girl on the weekend. Feel horrible and sick all at the same time, it hurts so bad to imagine him kissing someone else. But I know I can't judge him I have been out on a few dates and kissed another guy. Its weird though I don't think I should do much more dating cause I just think about him when I am with someone else. I hope secretley he does the same... man this sux:-(

Len21 - Definitely don't check the facebook/msn/myspace... any of that. Trust me! It will only hurt so much more. Not worrying about that stuff makes it so much easier. Years ago, I broke up with a boyfriend and spent months "checking" up on him (ie. Phone records cause the bills were still coming to my house, myspace pages, etc.). All it did was make things 100xs worse.. and I was just doing it to myself. Now, I have zero contact with my current ex, zero contact with anything to do with his "world" and it really makes the separation sooooo much easier. I'm not going to spend my time focusing on what he may or may not be doing. Just focus on what I can control and that's myself and my own actions.

The way I look at, anything he does after you've broken up is no reflection on you. So don't worry about it. Like you said, you've kissed other guys, and its still no reflection on how you feel about him.

I'm also going to try to hold off on dating for a while because the thought of it just makes me think more about him and only makes it harder.

I am on day 51 of NC with the Ex Girlfriend and we have been broken up for about 2 1/2 months

I am on day 2 of no contact and this sucks so bad. I'm so hurt over everything that happened. I just don't get it. I fought for my gal over and over throughout our relationship (about a year and a half), and never gave up on her. I just feel so betrayed.. I was so committed to her, and yet she could just walk away and not look back. It frickin' kills. I love her so much, and the last time I talked to her she said she still loves me too, but that we won't ever be together again. Everyday since we broke up (about a week and a half now) I get off work and just come home and cry. I'm so heartbroken. And I'm so tired of being sad, but I just can't help it. We were each other's support, and that is lost now. God I want to be better, but I don't see it happening any time soon.

Day 42 of NC 2nd time around ( with a minor run in on Monday the only bl, but I'm not counting that as it was an accident, and lasted about 15 seconds! )

If I look back on how I feel at christmas time when this crap all started compared to now, I'm miles better. I know that this is not going to be a quickly resolved pain, but from reding the other posts on this topic I know it will fade in time.

I get annoyed when I think of her now, as it really sucks to get dumped, but its her loss, as she will never find another me, so she can get on with it.

Just try and keep as busy as you can, when you busy doing an activity especially a physical one, it puts the thoughts of the ex out of the mind, for a while at least, and that's the goal.

Focus on what you can control, and let them go and get on with their decision.

Well done Canefan for getting to day 51, and belight, I couldn't eat or barely sleep on day two of NC, so if you can eat, your doing better than I was,

And now I'm on that road to recovery, just hope I don't have any more run ins with the ex, but it's a small town, and I'll be strong again if it happens again.

Keep going all

JPM

There's been an update in my no contact... last time we spoke was 2 weeks ago when the last thing she said on msn was "are you ignoring me on purpose?" on which I didn't reply.. and then a couple of days later I found she blocked me..
About 15 minutes ago she tried to send me a song on msn.. I didn't say anything I just accepted.. and like 3 seconds into it I'm like " am I doing?" and I went offline, and back online.. hoping that she thinks maybe I got disconnected or something and didn't accept...
But I guess it shouldn't matter what she thinks as long as I didn't speak to her right??

I showed her I was there I kind of feel I showed weakness in some sense?
Reassurance . :/

Are you ignoring me on purpose?

Tough one, but essentially you are. Your ignoring her for your own good.

As far as receiving the song, I would have been inclined to reject it, as you did in the end.

Your still in the early days of NC really, so your bound to be a bit confused if she's sending you things when your both online.

~I wouldn't say it was weakness and you aren't there for her anymore.

Your doing well, but if possible id avoid putting yourself in situations where you can interact for now, such as msn.

My ex wanted me to be afriend on Facebook but I ignored her request. She has no right to see what I'm up too, and I sure as hell don't want any contact with her, though there will always be a part of me that does, if that makes sense.

Keep going with the NC, but try and stay away from situations that you can control such as chatting on MSN.

I just figured I don't want to block her from msn and Facebook.. I always considered it kind of lame in that sense.. and the truth of the matter is my Facebook is blooming as opposed to hers that's dead, so I want her to see that I'm getting on.. though I don't really care if she doesn't see...

It just annoys me how she dumps me but now she wants my attention.
I wish she would leave me alone

Quote:

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I wish she would leave me alone

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It starts with you leaving her alone, until she gets the message.

It sucks because part of me wants her to keep trying.. like.. it would hurt if she just stopped talking to me even though the NC thing was my call so I could heal or get away or whatever..
Whatever the case this sucks I guess..
Oh well.
Does this count as breaking the NC ? Should I reset the counter?

Well, I have a slight problem now.. it's got me thinking about her a wee bit more than I would usually. Its her sisters birthday party and she's having a houseparty. When we went on a break one time, she got off with one of my friends (not a close friend, would just talk to him in school) and they got up to some stuff. When we got back together, she told me this and I went crazy.

I'm over it now and I'm now playing in the same football team as the boy that did the badness with my ex. Trouble is, he's been invited to the sisters houseparty and now he'll be there and so will my ex and no doubt they will do the same stuff again!

I know it shouldn't bother me but I just get an awful feeling when I think of it. Worst of it is, I have to work on Sunday so I can't go out and get drunk to just forget it :(

DazT
Getting drunk is not the answer anyway , it doesn't make you forget it in fact you end up being more emotional , and then more chance of doing something silly like drunk calling etc.

Quote:

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he'll be there and so will my ex and no doubt they will do the same stuff again!

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That's her business, go home, and watch the playoffs, and have a beer with friends, but no need to get drunk. Get a good nights sleep instead. You'll feel much better the next day, as these things come, and they GO!

No, no, no.. I don't do the whole drowning my sorrows thing. When I'm down or something I try to arrange a party with all my friends and by doing that, it makes me not think about what she's up to.

Anyway, I don't care what she does. It's her life and I'm not apart of that any more (thankfully) so she can do what she wants.

Ugh, today was the 3rd day of no contact and the official 2 week mark of my gal and I being split up. I broke no contact today... I had this massive urge to talk with her at work. We started just talking, and then when I had about 3 hours left working, she said she had to come by and get her snowboard boots and we could talk then. I agreed and said we needed to have a massive heart to heart. About an hour before I got off she wrote me saying she would have to cancel because she was feeling sick and we could try to meet up Monday. I said I was sorry that she was feeling sick, and that if she needed someone to take care of her, to let me know. To this she said something like "Dont worry about me! I'll worry about myself enough for everyone else." I replied that now I was worried. She said "I'll be fine. We'll talk later ok?" I am really feeling like there is no hope for us now, and it sucks. Essentially the break up went like this: she made a mistake (the reason she broke up with me), when she realized her mistake, she called me frantically telling me she made a mistake and needed to talk. I blew her off not really understanding how everything was happening, and then the next day she said I completely let her down and she had taken my not calling her as my decision to end things. Completely opposite, I just needed a second to catch my breath. Ultimately, I should have called her, but some stupid part of me told me maybe it would be good for us both to soak things in. I kind of feel to blame; if I had called her, there is a very good chance I wouldn't be posting on here and still would be with her. Argh. Now she's throwing out things like "I don't think I was ready for a relationship in the first place" etc etc. I know she still cares about me, and I have pretty much exhausted myself between trying to get her to snap out of whatever she is doing and being depressed over the whole thing. I'm trying to do all of these things to show her I do still love her like crazy, but I feel like all I'm doing is hurting her in the process. The mature thing to do would be to let her have her space and let her sort things out on her own, and that's what I plan on doing. It just sucks because like I said I know she still has feelings, and the longer she is away the easier it will be for her to decide that she doesn't want to be back together with me whereas I am deeply in love with her, and my feelings aren't going to fade anytime soon. In that regard, there's this huge part of me that wants to keep trying and trying, but I have to let go of that. This blows. I'm tired of losing it every day when I get home from work.. I had to leave my nephews second birthday party yesterday early so I could come home and be myself and cry. I know I'm a man, but God I feel like a little kid. I've been in tons of relationships, and never once have I had one affect me this drastically. I care about her so freakin' much. Bleh. With all of that said, I'm restarting my nc again.

Belight -

I agree. It totally sucks. And it feels like you are just letting them slip away, even though you "know" they love you.

I mean, my boy even told me he loved me as he was breaking up with me. But you know what? If she loved you as much as you think she'd be with you or she'd be back. And if she doesn't come back and if she isn't with you... you deserve someone who loves you every bit as much as you love them.. you know?

It's hard for me to say that, because I feel like you do. But if they really loved us, they'd be with us.. or they'll realize and come crawling back. But hopefully by then, we won't care because they shouldn't haven broken our hearts in the first place.

That's the kicker though, is what if she doesn't still love me? I am almost certain she does, and I would wait forever for her, but it's one of those "what ifs?" I don't think I can put all my eggs in one basket on this one. I need to move on. There were several times in the beginning (probably once a month for the first 4 months) that she would do the "I don't know if we're right for eachother" thing. And when all was said and done I would always forgive her and welcome her back in to my life. I just feel kind of betrayed you know? I put so much strength into welcoming this girl back in to my life on several occasions, that it's like a slap in the face that she can just move on and forget. Maybe she was right all along and I should have jumped ship. I accepted her insecurities when maybe I shouldn't have. Hopefully the next time she loves she'll remember all I did to let her know I wasn't going to ever leave her, and will show her next guy that kind of dedication.

The sad part is, if she did come crawling back, I would probably take her back in a heartbeat. At least I say that now, who knows what I'll feel like in the future. My heart is just crushed though, and I really hope I don't have to go through this ever again.

And I agree with you about the "if she loved you so much" part. You're entirely right. Maybe that will be my motto for awhile. It's just really hard. I'm 28 and she's 26, and we've talked about marriage countless times. How we want our house, kids, etc. I put so much emotion in to the whole relationship, only for her to be able to walk away so easily. I really just wish we could hug it out, speak our piece, and move on with what we had. It's a sick world! Thanks for your response Nicole.

I went 2 months of NC with my ex of 2 years, I initiated it though. Because I smacked him in the face :] [[[LOOOONNG STORY]]]] but yeah 2 months, and lets say a couple days after that though. Then suddenly out of NOWHERE I see a note, for me, by him. He says he wants to talk again, but doesn't want to be with me. [[[[that was about a month ago]]]] and lol, even though he claimed he didn't want to be with me [[[[for the sake of being a macho guy and not showing emotions]]]] we got back together. Its funny how love is, the minute you're ready to walk out, they come strolling back in. but I'm happy, he's happy, we're happy. And I guess that's all that matters :]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by belightingguy

That's the kicker though, is what if she doesn't still love me? I am almost certain she does.

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Like Nicole said , if she loved you she would still be with you. Honestly ask yourself , would you leave someone you loved??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by belightingguy

I put so much emotion in to the whole relationship, only for her to be able to walk away so easily.

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The reason it looks so easy for her is she has thought about this for a while , nobody just wakes up one morning and thinks I'm leaving this relationship today. Therefore emotionally she is well ahead of you at the moment.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

I went 2 months of NC with my ex of 2 years, i initiated it tho. because i smacked him in the face :] [[[LOOOONNG STORY]]]] but yeah 2 months, and lets say a couple days after that tho. Then suddenly out of NOWHERE i see a note, for me, by him. he says he wants to talk again, but doesnt want to be with me. [[[[that was about a month ago]]]] and lol, even though he claimed he didnt want to be with me [[[[for the sake of being a macho guy and not showing emotions]]]] we got back together. its funny how love is, the minute you're ready to walk out, they come strolling back in. but im happy, he's happy, we're happy. and i guess thats all that matters :]

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I'm glad it all worked out for you lost.

Day 4 of total n/c for me, anyway last night I went out on a date with a guy that I was kind of seeing about 2 years ago, I know I should proably wait a bit but it was great we get on really well and we just have fun together... it ended with a small pec and him saying he would really like us to hang out a bit more, he knows I don't want anything right now cuase it has only been 3 months since me and my ex broke up. But it is so encouraging to actually feel something for someone else even if it is only a small something... yay!

Day 12 of NC. Why does it suddenly start getting harder and harder? I guess the reality is kicking in. I want to call him so bad and say "we can work this out"! But how many times can you say the same thing over and over to a person? No chance of me contacting him. I've just turned it into my goal. I'm not breaking before he does. My goal is 35 days... for now. Once I reach 35 days I guess I can just keep going forever.

I wish he would call so I could at least know that he's thinking of me. And also I want him to call so I can NOT answer and feel like I got a little more power back. Well, after the last time we met (12 days ago), I told him not to call me and that I would call him when I felt I was ready so I guess he's respecting my wish in that respect.

Its just hard to get it in my head that after 4 years together, he's no longer part of my life. : (

Well I guess she broke NC tonight. I was walking to my office and she was sitting on a bench outside. I didn't see her and she said, "are you working this weekend, Mr. Chuffington?" I, like a tool, walked right up to her, at which point I realized I had just walked up to her and must look like a tool for giving her that power so I said, "no I have the whole weekend off", and walked away. She wished me a good weekend and I assured her I would have one and left it at that.

Well, had 3 drinks tonight with friends and its amazing how the only thing alcohol seems to do is make you think more and more about the love you lost. All I could think about was talking to him again and saying "I understand what you're saying, we can work this out"... I was so close to calling him but didn't. Thank God! There's nothing else I can say to him. I can't change his mind. The more I say, the more I just push him away. Oh, well. At least I've maintained NC for yet another day. Day 13 here I come. Just missing him way too much. And its only been 13 days...

Well I return again with a NC update. Due to somebody not showing up for their shift this evening I had to tough it out until 3 am. Across the street there is several bars and low and behold she is over there and she is drunk. Several people who work in my building are screaming at me to be funny and she screams "I love you." I pretend not hear her, and then she says "I thought you didn't have to work tonight?" to which I told her why I was here. She then says, I called you, why didn't you answer?" I said, "when?" and she says earlier. So I go and look and sure enough she had called a couple times.

So I called her back and she answers the phone by saying "Why don't you call me anymore?" I pointed out that she was the last one who told me she missed me and was going to call me that night, which never happened. She then said, I wish you told us you were working, you could have let us in the building to park for free (I have the highly sought after parking access card that she does not). I then said, "Yeah the last time I got hit with that scam I was told I was getting lunch, which I never got." Her immediate reply "What do you want from Subway?"

So a little more of this nonsense and finally she says flicks me off (mind you she is across the street and I can see her while talking to her) laughs and says, I just flicked you off, to which I said very arrogantly "but I still love you." I think I want to stress this to those reading this, I wasn't a wimp about it, I said it more like with the tone, "you had to resort to the finger and I went the high road." It was a huge gamble because even just writing it down here I see how this could have backfired on me. However..........

the next words out of her mouth were "If you want, you can call me and we can hang out some time." Now I made a huge mistake here because I said, "we could probably do that" instead of demanding she call me when she's sober. Stupid move on my part but I have to share it so others can learn from it. But the good news was she repeated this statement 3 or 4 more times that we could do something. She seemed to want to make it clear.

The last time I talked to her a few weeks ago she picked up her cell phone in my mid sentence and called somebody else at which point I walked away. So I told her that if she wants to talk to me I'm going to start holding her to what she says and said, "you understand that, no more calling other people when you've got my time?" She said "yes"

Unfortunately, she got the last word as she said, "I've got to get back to my friends so I've got to get going," which pissed me off because I was about to end the call myself so she got me there.

I don't think I won the fight but I think I won this round.

My plan now is to NOT call her this weekend and then call her on Monday and ask "Will you be providing a drink with my lunch?" and see what her response is. But let me turn this over to some of you... I'd be curious if you think I should not call at all and just expect my lunch to arrive.

I would expect nothing, as drunks are notorius for forgeting what they said, let alone any promise they made.

Chuff - Don't even mention it. If you do, you'll be giving her all the power cause she'll know that you've been thinking about it since she said it. If she does even remember asking you that and then you don't ever even mention it, it'll make her wonder why you never brought it up again.

Agh, Day 13 and now the constant dreams are coming through every night. Dreams of him. So many urges to call him, but then I remember myself what's the point. Either (1) he won't answer or respond and I'll be more miserable and have taken 20 steps back or (2) I'll call him and be all sad and whiny which will only serve to push him more away or (3) I'll call him and try to act happy and fine but he'll still know that I'm still waiting here thinking about him and he'll think he has me right where he wants me...

I know letting go is best, but I can't lie.. I want him to come back to me. I know we can work this out if we both want it.

Well, hopefully if I continue to act like I'm moving on, maybe one day I will feel like I have actually moved on.

losingit77, I go through the same jazz every day.. I know we can work things out e.t.c e.t.c e.t.c
But then I just stop and think "okay she doesn't want to be with me..boo-hoo" It sucks and its hard and I want to hear her voice more than ever.. but she's at a different place now and she doesn't want me..
We can't keep dwelling on it.

Thanks, nickshehe. You're right. Every time I start to think "we can work this out"... I remind myself that he lost the option of working things out now. If he wanted to work things out, he would come to me, he knows where I am. I'm not chasing after someone who's only going to keep running farther and farther away. Whatever. Just keep reminding myself that one day one of us will see the light and come to realize that at least one of us made the right decision here. Don't know yet if that right decision is (1) working things out, or (2) breaking up and walking away... but one of those has to be the right answer and with time the right answer will show itself. All I can do know is to keep walking away...

My ex contacted me on msn again today... she said hi... I dno what to do its been 3 weeks she's been trying to talk to me every 2-3 days and I don't reply.. she isn't stupid I'm sure she knows I'm ignoring her :/
What's going on?
I know if she ha dsomething important to say she would call or something... should I tell her to stop talking to me or what?

She will eventually get the message on her own. Stay no contact.

Its somewhat refreshing to see her weak... I see her as being quite pathetic at times.. I mean she leaves me in the most horrible way, out of the blue, as if she was 14 years old or something( no offense to our younger members ).. and now its been three weeks she keeps trying to talk to me..
I don't extract any reason behind it.. I know she's probably just bored or trying to keep the leash close to her, but even so..

.. Im also wondering what happens if I ever bump into her.. if I've ignored her for so long I can't just be like hey what's up :/

Agh! Would have been Day 13 of NC until my phone rang and its my ex and like an idiot and weakling I'm way too eager to answer. So we're chatting and again start discussing the break-up and we wind up meeting for dinner and again discuss the break-up and of course, NOTHING has changed. I want to stay together and be there for each other and he "can't be in a relationship right now". I say, "how can you give me up forever?"... He says, "I can't even understand the concept of 'forever'"... AGAIN, a tearful goodbye. After I leave, he texts... "I love you. You're an amazing woman. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry for this. You haven't done anything wrong. Its just what I feel I need to do for me".

Why!! Why do I do this to myself? At least I know he's somewhat as sad as I am and he hasn't been partying it up the past 2 weeks. He says other than work, he's been doing nothing. Well, back to NC. Except this time with a vengeance and this time FOREVER!! Now, I'm unbearably sad again.

<3
I'm slightly under the influence of alcohol but I want you to know that I love you all :/
Honestly.
You're awesome

Well I went 3 weeks no contact... then she text me to say goodluck for my show... in which she was a week late. I went to a party lst night where her friends were and I wa stalking to them and they kept casually talking about her... ive realised no contact also means spekaing to their friends... coz now I feel rough again and down. And what's worse is I have to see her around college tomorrow for the first time in 4 weeks.. oh joy!

Hang in there srulik... you lasted 3 weeks no contact don't ruin it.

p.s sorry about the drunk post : >

Haha thanks nick. I stupidly replied to her text... quite coldly on Wednesday which I kind of regret now. But as long as I stay strong the next couple of weeks. Tomorrow should be interesting!

So, found out he went out to dinner with this girl. This girl who he never even liked as a friend before. But she's always had a thing for him.

Ugh. Whatever. It's only been one month. We were together 4 years. I don't see how he can move on so fast. It really freaking hurt me.

But I didn't break contact. I was cried for hours but he'll never know how bad it hurts. Ever. He will not see me hurt, he will not know he has any power over me. Ever again.

And I hope it's just a stupid rebound. And I hope he realizes just what he gave up. And not because I want him, but because I'm a great girl and a fantastic person.

He will never have me again. Ever. And I hope he regrets it. But I'll never EVER break down to find out.

Haha, my goodness. What a night I had. Was in a nighclub with lots of hot girls, most of my mates, great night. Get a phonecall after the club was over, it was my ex's sister. She's inviting me to her houseparty, promising me that my ex isn't there..

So I go to the houseparty, have a good time (very drunk).. slept in my ex's bed lol (nowhere else to sleep).. and one of my friends come into the room. In her room there were a few pictures up of her and me still.. but she had a lot of pictures of herself and this new fella.. so I says to my friend, "look at all these pictures of her and this new fella" and he starts to rip all the pictures off her bedroom wall and rips them to shreds!

I was annoyed with my friend for doing that but I fell asleep soon after, went home early the next morning and didn't remember about the photos until a few hours ago when I get a text from my ex saying, "What the $$$$ did you do to my pictures!", I responded.. "I don't know what you're on about, I'm over you so why would I even want to touch your photos?".. I get a reply, "Then why is all the pictures with me and other boys gone? Did Martin take them?", so I replied "I don't know but I swear to God I didn't touch them, now can you please stop texting me?"..

She replies, "Well I want money for the pictures so I can get them done again and stop acting like a $$$$$$, do you really think I want to be texting you?", so I said.. "I understand why you'd think it was me but it wasn't so I don't have to pay you anything. Well then please don't text me any more"..

And it was left like that. Do you think I dealt with the situation okay?