Ask Me Help Desk - Should children date?

It all falls on the parents.

Little girls can't dress like tarts unless their parents buy the clothes. I had no problem telling mine, "you will not wear that!" Parents need to know who their child is hanging out with. You can demand to know that! Parents can know what sites their child is visiting Online. Parents can be all up in their pre-teen's business!

We had exchange students (teens) in the house from the time our daughter was 8, so she grew up knowing she could not date until she was 16. It was a given she never questioned it. At 13 she went to the middle school dance, her "date" met her there. This boy had been her friend since Kindergarten, they are still friends at 29 years of age.
When kids are in middle school a lot of them have "boy friends/girl friends" but it stays at school. She had friends that would come to the house, they would watch movies (in the family room under my watchful eye) but it was never one boy at that age, it was always a group of kids.
Parents have to learn how to put down rules, set boundaries and learn to say No! The kid may get mad, but they will get over it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

It all falls on the parents.

Little girls can't dress like tarts unless their parents buy the clothes. I had no problem telling mine, "you will not wear that!" Parents need to know who their child is hanging out with. You can demand to know that!. Parents can know what sites their child is visiting Online. Parents can be all up in their pre-teen's business!

We had exchange students (teens) in the house from the time our daughter was 8, so she grew up knowing she could not date until she was 16. It was a given she never questioned it. At 13 she went to the middle school dance, her "date" met her there. This boy had been her friend since Kindergarten, they are still friends at 29 years of age.
When kids are in middle school a lot of them have "boy friends/girl friends" but it stays at school. She had friends that would come to the house, they would watch movies (in the family room under my watchful eye) but it was never one boy at that age, it was always a group of kids.
Parents have to learn how to put down rules, set boundaries and learn to say No! The kid may get mad, but they will get over it.

Homegirl... you said it.:D

I don't think that children should be dating seriously until 18. That may sound strict but the last thing parents need is to be grandparents in their 40s. Even at 14 I was still into video games, baseball and rock music, I didn't even think about dating until I was approaching college age.

Unfortunately kids are thinking about it at an earlier age. There are ways to allow boy/girl interaction with supervision. That is why it is so important for parents to know the parents of their kids friends. You can work together to supervise things. Parents must set rules and boundaries. I also know kids are going to do things behind our backs, but they need to know there are rules and repercussions when those rules are broken. We are not their friend but their parent.

We used to tell our daughter, "our home is not a democracy! We set the rules and she follows. When she is paying her own bills, paying for the roof over her head then she can be the ruler.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Unfortunately kids are thinking about it at an earlier age. There are ways to allow boy/girl interaction with supervision. That is why it is so important for parents to know the parents of their kids friends. You can work together to supervise things. Parents must set rules and boundaries. I also know kids are going to do things behind our backs, but they need to know there are rules and repercussions when those rules are broken. We are not their friend but their parent.

We used to tell our daughter, "our home is not a democracy! We set the rules and she follows. When she is paying her own bills, paying for the roof over her head then she can be the ruler.

That's exactly how it should be. I heard a well renowned "Doctor" tell parents they need to let their children "express themselves, even if it's by yelling at the parents or other siblings" I always let mine express themselves as long as I couldn't hear it. :rolleyes:

We let her express herself, we even allowed her to question our decisions as long as she did it in a respectful way, she could always give us her point of view, but she also knew we had final say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

We let her express herself, we even allowed her to question our decisions as long as she did it in a respectful way, she could always give us her point of view, but she also knew we had final say.

Good for you!:)

I tell young couples "Parenting is more than a notion. As prepared as you think you are, you still get caught with your pants down"
But it is the most rewarding and best thing I have ever done.
My daughter is now 29, and I thoroughly enjoy having an adult child. She and I have a wonderful relationship as does she and her dad.
We are truly blessed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I tell young couples "Parenting is more than a notion. As prepared as you think you are, you still get caught with your pants down"
But it is the most rewarding and best thing I have ever done.
My daughter is now 29, and I thoroughly enjoy having an adult child. She and I have a wonderful relationship as does she and her dad.
We are truly blessed.

I wouldn't take a billion dollars for any of the days of my children growing up. They are wonderful adults... :)

I think I need my mum to educate the enitre world.

She bought them and my 2 sisters up to be young ladies. Neither of us swear, drink, do drugs or ever been in trouble with the law. None of us have even had a speeding ticket!

One of my sisters had a boyfriend at 16 but mum would drop her off and pick her up from his house or other locations. My other sister first got a boyfriend at 22. And I got my first boyfriend at 18.

We never wore anything trashy. In fact my mum was the one to make me show a little cleavage lol.

You don't see people like me and my sisters anymore unless they are stict religious people. Which we arnt.

Good for you Aimee :)

My parents were pretty liberal. They were hippies for lack of a better description. My father was in the Navy and was gone 11 months out of the year.

I grew up fast, and I did a lot of regretful things, but in the end I think I turned out okay. My mother and I never got along until I moved half way across the Country and got pregnant. She was disappointed, I had to drop out of University, but I was in my 20's, and it could have been a lot worse. She was always there for me, and always let me know that she loved me, but I spent more time grounded and doing manual labor for punishment than any kid I knew. I went through a lot of stuff growing up moving all over the place as a kid.

I ended up putting myself through school, and am back in school now. I have done pretty good for myself, and those that know me and my daughter, know that she does not want for anything. So if I can behalf the mother my mom was, I'll be okay.

I know I talk a lot about my Dad but all during my childhood he was the kindest man I have ever known. I think my Dad saw the good in all his children. My mom, God love her said he spoiled us but he didn't.. he listened and that means a lot to a kid.

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Good for you Aimee :)

I do agree...

So many parents complain saying they can't control their kids no matter how hard they try...

My mum controlled 3 as well as my dad wgo is in a wheel chair and can only do limited things himself.

A couple of few days ago I saw a boy who looked like he was in kindy telling this other girl the same age that she was sexy and he was doing to do to her what parents did.

I straight away followed the little girl home and told her parents about it. All her parents said was stay away from him! I would have gone to the school and complained till something was done!

What's happening to society!

I agree, answered the poll.

Children are children. As parents they are the ones that need to set boundaries. A lot of children now a days do not set boundaries or have any type of control and that is why there are so many problems with teens these days.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aimee_tt

So many parents complain saying they can't controll their kids no matter how hard they try...

My mum controlled 3 as well as my dad wgo is in a wheel chair and can only do limited things him self.

A couple of few days ago i saw a boy who looked like he was in kindy telling this other girl the same age that she was sexy and he was doing to do to her what parents did.

I straight away followed the little girl home and told her parents about it. All her parents said was stay away from him! I would have gone to the school and complained till something was done!

Whats happening to society!

Good for you for speaking up.

I'd love to know who buys these and why:

Heelarius high heels for babies go on sale - Telegraph

I think they are disgusting. Why would any parent want their kid to look like a hooker?

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Originally Posted by QLP

I'd love to know who buys these and why:

Heelarius high heels for babies go on sale - Telegraph

They look like cabbage patch kid shoes! :eek:

There's something wrong with the world.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

They look like cabbage patch kid shoes! :eek:

There's something wrong with the world.

Yep!

Quote:

Originally Posted by aimee_tt

So many parents complain saying they can't controll their kids no matter how hard they try...

My mum controlled 3 as well as my dad wgo is in a wheel chair and can only do limited things him self.

A couple of few days ago i saw a boy who looked like he was in kindy telling this other girl the same age that she was sexy and he was doing to do to her what parents did.

I straight away followed the little girl home and told her parents about it. All her parents said was stay away from him! I would have gone to the school and complained till something was done!

Whats happening to society!

You are a lucky girl!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are a lucky girl!

I agree!

This is a different world.
I'm glad I'm not raising kids now.

I'm glad I don't plan on having any. I'll stick to raising cats, thankyouverymuch.

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Originally Posted by hheath541

I'm glad i don't plan on having any. i'll stick to raising cats, thankyouverymuch.

Well, you're at the potty-training stage now. Soon you'll be managing the dating stage. Then there'll be the adoption stage.

A whole new generation of kids. Parents need to set boundaries and be consistent. Mine were and we were with our own.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

This is a different world.
I'm glad I'm not raising kids now.

I knew there had to be some benefits to me being so old. :p

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It's the movies and TV and the music industry.

Bingo! They see this highly romanticized version of love and relationships and they want in.

In my opinion one on one dating should not start until 14. Between 12 and 13 I can see group dating where they hang out in groups. Before that no boy-girl relationships.

But I have to agree that girls are developing earlier. And this is contributing to the problem.

Alty,

I agree with you. I didn't have trouble with my 17 year old.. he still thought girls had cooties when he was 12. ( I keep telling him they STILL do... but the hormone thing has kicked in and taken over.. ha ha)

BUT... my 12 year old is another ballgame. He doesn't go out on dates and in fact never gets to see his" girlfriend" except in the halls at school. BUT the kids his age are out of control. They thow the words "i love you" around like it has no meaning. He is only 12 and I have caught him telling two girls now he LOVES them.

I think Facebook and texting has a lot to do with it too. It is so easy to say ANYTHING through texting. They can ask girls out, say things they'd never have the guts to do otherwise. He recently asked me how his dad asked me out if there was no texting when we were dating!?

I think more parents should take an interest in what their kids are doing and saying to the opposite sex. He is no different than the rest of the kids his age BUT.. I have to get involved and redirect him from time to time. It is not a good thing.

I agree classyT, the times are different and the kids are doing more but as parents we have to step up our game. We need to be more involved, redirect them from time to time.
I'm a firm believer in staying in your kid's business.

Homegirl,

I agree! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by classyT

Homegirl,

I agree! :)

I also agree..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Well, you're at the potty-training stage now. Soon you'll be managing the dating stage. Then there'll be the adoption stage.

my furbabies aren't allowed to date. The last time edith dated, she got knocked-up. No more dating for her.

edit:
just to clarify, I'm talking about my kitties ^_^

Quote:

Originally Posted by hheath541

my furbabies aren't allowed to date. The last time edith dated, she got knocked-up. No more dating for her.

:eek:

I started thinking... when I was 12 I liked boys went to boy/ girl parties and played spin the bottle.. ( yes, I am OLD). I still think they are too young to be "going out" or dating. Certainly they are too young to tell someone they are "in love" with them. So I totally get the concern and rightly so. But I will share something with you that my youngest said last night that helped me out and put things into perspective for me.

He told me he couldn't wait until sixth grade was over when I questioned why, he said, "because sixth grade drama is the worst because it is the first year you really have drama". Then after he heard me talking about some problems with my sister, then he said " i was wrong, OLD people drama is the worst".

Quote:

Originally Posted by classyT

I started thinking....when i was 12 I liked boys went to boy/ girl parties and played spin the bottle..( yes, I am OLD). I still think they are too young to be "going out" or dating. Certainly they are too young to tell someone they are "in love" with them. So I totally get the concern and rightly so. But I will share something with you that my youngest said last night that helped me out and put things into perspective for me.

He told me he couldn't wait until sixth grade was over when I questioned why, he said, "because sixth grade drama is the worst because it is the first year you really have drama". Then after he heard me talking about some problems with my sister, then he said " i was wrong, OLD people drama is the worst".

Smart Kid:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by classyT

I started thinking....when i was 12 I liked boys went to boy/ girl parties and played spin the bottle..( yes, I am OLD). I still think they are too young to be "going out" or dating. Certainly they are too young to tell someone they are "in love" with them. So I totally get the concern and rightly so. But I will share something with you that my youngest said last night that helped me out and put things into perspective for me.

He told me he couldn't wait until sixth grade was over when I questioned why, he said, "because sixth grade drama is the worst because it is the first year you really have drama". Then after he heard me talking about some problems with my sister, then he said " i was wrong, OLD people drama is the worst".

I agree with him, on both counts ^_^

Classy T... remember. "and a little child shall lead them"

Kit,

LOL... I know it.

Hheath,

You just think" OLD people drama" is the worst because you are closer to my sons age than MINE! :D UGH.. I feel really old now.