Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar III

I have been breaking NC over and over the last few weeks. After our phone call yesterday I think I just have to stick with it. I told him yesterday I'm to the point where if he doesn't care than I don't want to try anymore. Today is exactly 1month mark of our break up. I have been trying to keep busy but I can't get him out of my head. Today is the first day it kind of set in that it's over and I don't think he'll even contact me again :( It makes me so sad. How do you stop caring in order to keep NC?

Its not that you stop caring to keep NC, rather to keep NC to help yourself stop caring...

Instead of thinking of it in that way, try to care more about yourself and less about others. This is one time in your life when you need to make yourself number 1.

*sigh*
Relationships..... make me sick~

Sure, there are a lot of attractive girls around...

Hopefully, I'll enlist myself summer 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by barney1010

First day is today, but honestly, when I think about at least one of the things she said was true, I can't just not take blame for at least one thing and that was how I did actually smother her. Like getting annoyed at text delays, or call even if she said she couldn't talk after x amount of text delays. Or if she didn't reply after like 10-15 mins would call repeatedly back to back til she did. I think I went way over the top with that, ended up being more of a stalkerish move than anything else. I don't honestly know what's wrong with me, probably fear and this being my first time feeling such a strong connection to someone, but that's still no excuse to hound someone like that. She said it wasn't because of the calls, but I don't see how it couldn't have had at least some small bit to do with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Theres no point in blaming yourself now and thinking about it. What happened has happened and you can't take it back. The best you can do is understand your faults in the relationship and work on improving those faults. You don't need to dread on the negative...

Still, though... I did kind of go over the top with it I think. Going to point one of the experts to what I said and see what they think also. Sometimes you can get confused between too much, especially if you've developed insecurity issues over past failures like I've developed. I had the insecurity issues when this relationship started, so I always would have issues with that when I should have been, etc. Stuff like that, which ultimately would lead to the nagging calls over and over.

Okay you have issues to work on, do so. Also realize that she does also, so let her. No point in dwelling on the past, just because you to were not compatible enough to keep things going. It happens. Time to let it go, and work on you, so you don't repeat the mistakes of the past.

Besides the sad, depressing, lonely life of mine... I am doing alright..

Earning a lot of reputation around my new job =]

I am exhausted. EXHAUSTED. Mentally and emotionally. I am fed up of thinking of my ex and how bitterly he has disappointed me from the morning I wake up until the minute I fall alseep- and then I dream of him, and I walk around with this heavy weight inside like around the chest area and it's exhausting and I want it to go away. Even when I am working and fully busy it STILL plagues my thoughts. I am feeling very pessimistic lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

I am exhausted. EXHAUSTED. Mentally and emotionally. I am fed up of thinking of my ex and how bitterly he has disappointed me from the morning I wake up until the minute I fall alseep- and then I dream of him, and I walk around with this heavy weight inside like around the chest area and it's exhausting and I want it to go away. Even when I am working and fully busy it STILL plagues my thoughts. I am feeling very pessimistic lol

I'm right there with you. It is soooo draining getting over everything that has happened and now trying to keep NC. I think I made it through day 3. Baby steps... I almost broke NC today but I made it :)

NC is pretty tough at the beginning because you guys are still holding out that hope of reconciling, and you think that contact will help facilitate that...

But as of yet has any of the contact you have had with your ex's lead to anything?? No... Its just hurt you more and set you back further in your recovery... Trust me, if your ex wants to try again they will come and get you. And the bitter truth is that they probably won't so don't hold out that hope.

Myself and a lot of others on here were the same emotional wrecks you are, so take that as yes it will get better, and it's a time game. Time will heal these wounds and sticking to NC will help you get there faster... Do whatever you have to do to make it easier. Myself, I blocked and deleted her on Facebook and msn... Called my cell phone company and got them to block her calls and texts from my phone... Might seem like a bit much but hey, it helped me in a big way knowing I wouldn't have to hear from her... And whatever helps you feel better is what's important...

I know you are weak but please do your best to cut them out of your lives... trust all of us, it makes a world of difference...

Just thought I'd share for those struggling to keep NC or just starting...

I just happened to go through the saved away message I have for my instant messenger which are still there from my breakup... Looking at them now, I feel a little of the sting, but at the same time I have to smile a little inside and laugh at how pitiful they seem...

Its just proof that in time you feel better, time goes by and things get better... Take it day by day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Just thought I'd share for those struggling to keep NC or just starting out....

I just happened to go through the saved away message I have for my instant messenger which are still there from my breakup.... Looking at them now, I feel a little of the sting, but at the same time I have to smile a little inside and laugh at how pitiful they seem...

Its just proof that in time you feel better, time goes by and things get better... Take it day by day.

I deleted all the messages to save myself from the pain...

But I face a bigger problem... I can't trust any girls anymore~

After all the friendships with females, majority of them flirt with me extremely...

I get attached and all of a sudden, they tell me they're committed to someone else or they are in a relationship

*sigh*

Yes I keep breaking NC because I do want to reconcile. I sent an email that I thought would not get a response kind of like closure to end things on a good note and got a pretty long response and it just ends up confusing me. I do want to remain friends but a lot of people on here say friends is too hard. I don't know I guess it's just too early and too fresh a wound. I'm too weak and confused.

I also now have trust issues. I'm scared of being with a new person and always having in the back of my head they will screw me over or lie to me somehow. Even just day to day things like at work I take phone calls and this lady was calling in for her "boss". I was like I bet this lady is having an affair with her boss. That's so bad... but kind of funny to me too that I'd jump to a conclusion like that. I have soooo far to go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

I also now have trust issues. I'm scared of being with a new person and always having in the back of my head they will screw me over or lie to me somehow.

Same here...

I have been played with by girls, majority of them were my friends...

I stopped talking to them and I feel really depressed, down, and unhappy.

Yes, there are many pretty/cute/sexy girls out there, but I'm also afraid that I will be cheated on, dumped, and/or lied to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

Yes I keep breaking NC because I do want to reconcile. I sent an email that I thought would not get a response kind of like closure to end things on a good note and got a pretty long response and it just ends up confusing me. I do want to remain friends but a lot of people on here say friends is too hard. I don't know I guess it's just too early and too fresh a wound. I'm too weak and confused.

I also now have trust issues. I'm scared of being with a new person and always having in the back of my head they will screw me over or lie to me somehow. Even just day to day things like at work I take phone calls and this lady was calling in for her "boss". I was like I bet this lady is having an affair with her boss. That's so bad...but kind of funny to me too that I'd jump to a conclusion like that. I have soooo far to go.

Take anything your ex says to you with a grain of salt... My ex would tell me over and over that she wasn't sure if its over and all that stuff, meanwhile she was sleeping with some guy... even to this day she says that. It's a load of bull though and you have to see through it and ignore it.

That reconcile feeling really gets in the way though... But you have to try and put it out of your head and understand that 99% of the time its over. And there are really better things waiting out there for you.

And I think you only think you have trust issues, you are heart broken and a bit jaded. You are seeing everything through a cloud of thick emotions... I did and thought just what you did, its normal. Once you really start to heal that will fade away. There are a lot of great people out there so try not to let them pass you by.

I am going into my 3rd month of NC and I feel pretty good. I think of her but I do not yearn for her like I once did. I also believe that I can finally move on and meet somebody else. This site has been great.

So has anyone broken NC and then realize they need to go back to it? Reason why I ask is because I've broken it and now he's trying to give a half attempt to communicate with me about basic things not "us". Today I want to go back to NC and I wonder what to expect from him if he just out of nowhere stops hearing from me. I'm on this rollercoaster of wanting to reconcile and wanting to forget all about him.

Well, I got bored so I went on my ex's myspace profile ~

Eh.. what do you know? I don't feel bad about it cause she's having fun up in San Francisco instead of getting her head straight with "art animation" program. For me, I've been working... saving up... researching on modifying my future-to-drift car xD

Besides that, I'm just tired of girls & relationships.... every single one I've met would flirt with me, then get down, and tell me that they're taken last minute *sigh*

Quote:

So has anyone broken NC and then realize they need to go back to it?

Darn near everyone here, so join the party, LOL! Thought you were unique for a minute, didn't you??

Haha, you kidding me?

I've broken NC time and time again... only to come here and whine, then get my @ss kicked my tal... til I stuck with it.

Really, it's the only way to go.

Yes my brother and I were talking about it yesterday and he said it's really the only way to go. Deep down I know it is but it's just the letting go that keeps me breaking it. I am having a hard time letting go. So today will be day one AGAIN. I stopped responding to everything yesterday and it felt better. Today should be easier. It's not as bad a day for me as yesterday. It is such a rollercoaster though it's tough. One minute I'm all motivated and the next weak as ever... eesh!

The time it will take for me to get over my ex will be longer than our actual relationship. That's quite--sad.

This morning with be my starting date - its so hard right now. I'm at work and all I can do is think of him. I can't get anything accomplished. Just thought I'd join this thread for support. It gives me hope after reading everyone's post that it gets better as time passes.

Hi guyz and girls,
I have been hanging out here for a while, decided to post, here is my story, nine years ago I started dating my ex, I was a freshman at college and had recently moved to the U.S( did not have any family here). She was basically the closet thing to family that I had here. Long story short we dated for 6 years and broke up about 2 and a half years ago.I hung around for a year and a half waiting for her to come bak, I would call every day send her flowers on valentine day and on her birthday even though we were not going out.SHe would not retun my calls at first but eventually she started calling me too every night telling me how her day went. We did that for about a year( she was messing around with other people while we were still talking to eah other).6 months ago she asked if I wanted to do the dating thing again. I jumped at the opportunity. We started talking about marriage, and I was planing to propose in about a month. She calls me 4 days ago saying she that she doesn't know if it is going to work betwenn us. I told I was willing to compromise on a lot of stuff that we had problems with. But I guess it wasn't enough for her. SHe said she couldn't do it anymore. I tried to convivnce her otherwise. Didn't work. Now she is gong. I feel this empty void. I am very sad, usually cry a couple of times a day. But the funny thing like last time I don't have the urge to call her. For some odd reason I am missiong something but its not her. Its hard to explain. I haven't had any contat with her fir the last 2 days. It hurts a lot.I hope it gets better with time. I really do

Should have used spell check, my bad

You are missing what she was, or what you thought she was, and not who she is. That is a good thing, though it may not seem to be. You can use that as motivation to move on from her, since she is not what you want anyway -- and begin looking to the future to find what it is you want, and what it is that makes you truly happy...

Nine years of my life wasted. I guess that's why it hurts. We share the same phone plan too so I would have to talk to her about getting my name off the plan.Thats the last thing I want to do right now is talk to her, will probably bring back all the memories. Any ideas on how to deal with this

First off - none of that time was wasted time. Everything you do in life is a learning experience. All of the time you spent together helped to shape and mold you into who you are now, that's hardly a waste of time.

As far as the phone plan goes - if you are worried about talking to her on the phone or in person about it, perhaps you can write an email or a letter. That way you can keep it very professional, impersonal, and plan out what you write rather than having to think on your toes and watch what you say...

Thought of this, but don't you think it might look a little strange. When she ended the relationship we both agreed we would be friend( I don't know why I agreed). I know for a fact that I could probably never be just her friend. So I really don't know how to approach this, an email or a letter might just come off childish or immaturish..

I am also very confused. Mostly everbody on this forum has an urge to call their ex.Why is that I am not feeling it,(atleast not as strongly as I should)?? Even though I am really hurt and have to deal with these massive mood swings

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

I am also very confused. Mostly everbody on this forum has an urge to call thier ex.Why is that i am not feeling it,(atleast not as strongly as i should)??? even though i am really hurt and have to deal with these massive mood swings

Bro~
Don't sweat it. I had the urge to call my ex, but it lessened to the point where I don't care if she called me or not. Yes, 9 years has been wasted... but look at other users... hjpan (me), romefalls, bigbird, boris etc. all suffered the same thing!

Guess what? It gets a bit better later on :D!
Right now, I got few girls who want to hook up with me :)! Two of them have already said "I love you" to me~

Just takes time.. which is hard

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

Thought of this, but dont you think it might look a lil strange. When she ended the relationship we both agreed we would be friend( i dont know why i agreed). I know for a fact that i could probally never be just her friend. So i really dont know how to approach this, an email or a letter might just come off childish or immaturish..

Well I wouldn't contact her at all regarding that matter... if she makes it a point of trying to talk to you as a friend, than just tell her simply that you were wrong and that you can't be her friend right now... there is no point in going out of your way to tell her this, it will look as you said... childish..

Also it's not really weird that you don't want to contact her. While I was miserable, I would never contact her first ever. It was always in response to her (which I should have ignored). But who really cares why, just be thankful that you don't have the urge to call her.

Thanks. The problem I am having is that I Don't have the urge to call her, even though I can fell the pain.I thought this was strange.Minds playing tricks on me

Thanks a lot guyz. This really help.Day 3 of NC is almost over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

Thanks. The problem i am having is that I DONT have the urge to call her, even though i can fell the pain.I thought this was strange.Minds playing tricks on me

Haha I think that's what I wrote.. . that I didn't have the urge to call her either...

Didn't see that sorry. As you said just be happy that I don't have the urge.

Haha no problem my friend

I really don't want to talk to her about getting my name of the bills that we had together, I guess I will have to though.

Yea, well that's something that you can't really avoid... get it over with though as soon and as fast as you can.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

I really dont wanna talk to her about getting my name of the bills that we had together, i guess i will have to though.

Forget the name.

Just cross it out.

Still can't get over it 9 years.thats one third of my whole life