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Yeah I totally understand what you mean.. I fear that the same would happen to me. I was thinking "what IF she calls me someday this month? what would I do?".
The good thing is that you're thinking the right way in my opinion and if he truly shows you how big of a mistake he made and how he regrets it and you decided to have him back, then I'd advice to show him hell before he steps in once again. That's what I'd do IF she ever calls back (won't happen, but IF).
The last time we spoke before today (which was 18 days ago).. I told him, "I don't want to be friends, don't call me to be just friends"... and then he goes and does this. I don't know if he calls again.. if I should reiterate that again or play it cool or just ignore him all together.
Any suggestions on what to do now? I want to call him and just say listen "what do you want from me? Its all of me or none of me. If you want to be friends, find someonelse to be friends with..." or am I just better off leaving well enough alone and doing nothing... I know I'm probably better off doing nothing, but I just don't know...
Wow Suelle, that's rough I can't even imagine being in your situation at this point. I would cave I'm sure of it. But something you said earlier about you don't want him back if he's just coming back because his life sucks. Think about it this way on some level he would only want you if his life sucks because he realized it sucks because you're not in it. Does that make sense? I mean if and when they do realize they scewed up and want you back wouldn't their lives suck because they know they threw away the best thing that ever happened to them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Suelle383
Yes, missinghim2much, you're right about his life sucking cause I'm not in it. If he realized that, that'd be one thing. Its just he should just come out and say it then! Its almost like he's trying to feel me out to see what I'm thinking.
I'm going back into NC mode again. I'm thankful that I was able to play it completely cool and that I was the one to end the conversation and get off the phone rather than him. Now he can stir in his emotions like I've had to for the past 2 months. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing his life hasn't been all crazy and fun since he left me. Now he can start guessing what I'm up to... If/when he calls me again (which by the sound of him sounds like he's going to), I'm just going to tell him, its all of me or none of me...
If you ask me, I'd say keep it cool. To tell him to make choice will certainly show him how desperate you are and that you are ready to have him back. Let him take the lead and do the step.. girl, now if he wants to be back, he better come back ON YOUR OWN RULES!
On the other hand, would you really want him back after all of this?
Exactly, numb. I'm not doing anything at this point. Its right back to NC with a vengeance. I just soooooo wish I hadn't answered the phone this morning!
It's OK, he'll be calling back tomorrow... once they start the calling they never stop... so just act cool and ignore your phone for a while, cause it will never stop ringing these days! It's obvious that he's cracking up! Pay back time!
Aaghh! Why am I sitting here thinking about all this again? I had given up hope that he'd ever come back and that phone call yesterday really screwed me up. What if he's realized that he screwed up and he's trying to reach out? If he calls again, should I just ignore or answer and ask him "why are you calling me? I already told you I don't want to be friends, if that's what you want, STOP calling me!" And then, just end the conversation. And go back to NC?
Suelle,
I hear you on that... I'm going through the same with a woman I proposed to and 1 week later she wants to take a "break". You have to be strong and don't cave in... do not sacrifice yourself anymore. Ask yourself if this is what you want down the road if things get patched up. I'm on day number 5 of NC and 21 of physically seeing each other. Sure it hurts a lot wanting to call and reach out to that person you love. Just remember if they truly love you then they will be going through the same agony that you are now. If that is true... then why the "break"... was it true love to begin with? True love knows no boundaries and it waits for no one...
So, now by ex texts me, and says " i still love u. absolutely". That's its. Nothing about getting back togeter or anything. So what the heck am I supposed to do with that?? Aagghh, he's so frustrating. I can't believe I have to start all over again with NC.
Suelle Do you think he finally knows what he wants? This has got to be making you crazy
Im going through the same with my ex g/f of 3.5 years, she rings, emails... she doesn't want to be with me, she just wants to see if I'm still on the back burner. I answered one of her calls by mistake as she phoned from a number I didn't have an whilst I wo asleep.. she then rang from her number which I ignored, bcos I ignored her she emailled me then accusing me of showing people photo's of her which I bit to, an I shouldn't have because she knows full well I wouldn't do that but she just wanted me to respond! Ex's are weird!
Yes, its like pull-push, push-pull. Its like the exes want to make things as confusing as possible. Then, my ex texts me again and says, "your still my girlfriend, always will be." What does that mean? We broke up 2 months ago! The only way to the end confusion I guess is back to NC. I can't believe a word he says anymore. I don't know that he's realized his mistake or is just trying to keep me in the back burner for a booty call. I'm not falling for it.
I know, its weird how there's so many people experiences the same issues! So it must be right when everyone says... definitely trying to keep us on the back burner! I'm not falling for it either, too many people out there that would treat you a whole lot better
New development. He texted me today and wants to come to see me. Fortunately, I actually have plans today so I told him I couldn't. Ha, take that! NC really does work.
Suelle, the ball is in your playground now... congrats :)
I'm on the 5th day of NC.. no word from her.
Ha! Good work... yeah NC made my ex g/f come sniffing round but I think lads will take back their ex g/f's more than if a women dumped their ex b/f... if you know what I mean! So I think you stand in good stead compared to my situation
I've made no contact for 6 weeks and he hasn't even so much as tried to make contact with me. I guess it works for some but not others. Besides he's been seeing someone else so I'm sure she keeps him busy so I'm not on his mind in the least.
I've made NC for 7 weeks yesterday, she's iniated contact 3 times... but it's pointless, unless she sent a text/email saying I've made a mistake I want to give it another go then I'm just moving on, an even if she sent that... with the way I feel now I prob won't take her back... my ex dated a guy straight away after us breaking, like 2 days after, so it was hard for me because I did 2 months worth of chasing before I started the NC... she then dumped him after 2.5 months, so there was nothing ever in it but I think it was to get a point over to me that she doesn't want to see me anymore an that's the only way she could get over me as I wo her first love etc after a 3.5 year relationship!
It won't last with that girl he's seeing, it never does. So stay strong an then at least when it fizzles out you'll be in the driving seat!
4 weeks to the day of no contact! Two more days and it will be a record for me!
We split up 6 months ago, she ran the whole lets be friends line. I let her do that, she clearly wanted to do that to 1) ease her guilt; 2) for someone to hang out with until she found a new bloke. I said we couldn't be friends 4 weeks ago, and I wouldn't contact her, and only expected to hear from her if she wants to talk about us.
3 months to the day. Impressed with myself! I am way happier now, and know that if the ex ever contacts me I will be rationale in deciding whether to meet. I have felt myself thinking that now I see things with a clearer head (I am not sure I want to get back together with her) I was debating whether seeing how she is at somepoint soon! Is that a good or bad idea? I know from a mutual friend she is still single, is not happy with it, but thinks that I have no interest in seeing her. Thoughts?Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb
Thursday will be 10 weeks for me... Crazy.
I am going on my 4 month with zero contact. It is tough. My ex has a boyfriend who is down visiting her. It's a big pill to swallow but remember gents, she is no longer yours so just let go. I have trouble some days but there is nothing I can do. Good luck to you guys. It is a long and bumpyroad.
Since July now! :)
Probably for ever also now.
3 months and feeling good. Still miss her allot but I don't dwell on it as much as I uset too.
Not interested in dating right now either. Most girls I have met for whateva reason just don't interest me.
Last time I spoke with my ex was on Oct 24 so tomorrow will be two weeks.. that day she called while I was in class I wouldn't had picked up if I knew it was her but she called private and I thought it was one of my friends who always calls private... when I picked up she sounded shy.. n then just said that she was calling to see if I was still alive?. I actually called her two days after that out of anger of hearing that she was walking around my neighborhood with her new boyfriend.. that was it.. even though this NC works I feel like we are all stuck waiting for them to call in my case the day she called even if it was for her dumb question it gave me some sense of relief not even hope but just brighten the day to know that she had to be thinking of me in order for her to call... I don't like feeling like I have to rely or wait for her to call to give me this sense of peace of mind... Do any of you feel the same way??
4 months to the day. I am please I am still sticking to the No Contact. I am now starting to move on, been out on dates etc. I am wondering if she will ever call but there you go, who knows!?Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb
Although I had a bad spell last week when I almost rang her! Should I ever call her?
Why mess up the healing process, with a moment of insanity?? After you have healed, now that's another story. Most here who have been through the process, have no urge to call the ex. Go figure!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Questions2007
I think that is right Tal. I need to be in a place where I am ambivalent about her. I won't want to call her then anyway. If she does call, I can deal with things with a clear head, which, realistically, by then will probably mean ignoring any call from her or being very blunt.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Sometimes I have moments where I nearly slip though. I have guarded against that! Her numbers have been deleted from my phone and are written down and put away. On the one occasion when I nearly called, by the time I had got the number, I saw sense!
Although I am starting to move to an anger to an ambivalence phase now. If she calls, I will deal with it, if not, well it means it is her loss.
I am at the 2 month mark.It has been a tough,tough 2 months.I was in a daze for the first month.Then I thought I had it beaten,then wallop,more pain and suffering.So although I am healing I do expect tough days ahead.I am proud of myself and will not break NC.If she ever wants me back,she'll have to come to me.That way we would be entering back on equal terms,giving our relationship a much better chance.If I chased her and even got her back,then I would be walking on eggshells forever after.So NC is the way to go,it can do absolutely no harm,but a hell of a lot of good.You will have your dignity intact and walk with your head tall.
It is tough but it sounds like you are doing way better than most at the two month mark. A lot of people seem to still be debating whether to contact the ex. You are not at that stage and are clear that any contact must come from her.Quote:
Originally Posted by bustertypsy
The focus, which I am starting to realise after 4 months NC, should be about you not getting her back. Start enjoying being single again. If she comes back, you can be objective, if not, it is her loss.
I am approaching 4 months now. I still miss my ex and my head is clear and focused. I however don't have the desire to contact her really. I have several ways to contact her if I chose except her cell number it got changed when we broke up and I never saved or memorized her new number I can not say how much that has truly helpded me. I probably would have drunk called her 20 times by now lol! Anyway the holiday season hit me hard until I realized she was not a holiday person very cold about it actually didn't seem to enjoy or get into them that much. She is a good person wouldn't bad talk her but I guess not for me. 4 months and counting till I meet the 1 who truly apprciates who I am.
Yes I too would like to think that at 4 months I will not be thinking about getting her back.Hopefully by that stage I won't want her back.Right now I do want her back,but not at any price.Quote:
Originally Posted by Questions2007
Well that is a good place to be in. You are not going to be needy and try and get her back. Any approach MUST come from her.Quote:
Originally Posted by bustertypsy
As you say, in a few months time, you may not even be bothered about her contacting you!
The view that I take is that if she calls, great, I can deal with it, but it must be her who makes the first move. She must realise it was her loss. If not, well, that's life and I will find someone new and probably better for me before long anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by Unconditional85
She first mentioned this break thing about 2 months ago. But didn't say we didn't have to not talk she just said not talk as much. So I felt bad and id contact her once a week to show I didn't forget her. But she'd never put any effort into it, it was always me doing it. So then finally I stopped contacting. Been 2 weeks. Deff going to go on for a 3rd week because this is finals week for the both of us and I'm real busy so deff not going to try and contact her. But this is the longest time of not talking to each other in seriously 2 years. It's a weird experience for me. I'm hoping she will soon miss me too. I'm also putting to test all the stuff she said about us about this not being some break up that she does have faith in us just wants to hold off till she feels more ready to put in the time needed. I just have to see if she met what she said about everything. So I'm just not going to do anything anymore and let her come back to me. I did send her a card though that was real nice and simple just saying gluck on finals... should be there sometime this week
Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,because in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them?? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number... "I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"...Quote:
Originally Posted by Questions2007
Just remember this,next time you get weak!
Mine will be 2 months tomorrow. I have had ZERO contact with her. She however had tried to contact me up until 5 weeks ago. I would not reply to any of her messages. I am still doing crappy. I have started to get angry and can't believe some of the things she has done to me. I wanted so much for her to come back and I miss her so much but I will never let that on to anyone other than on here. I have been so good about being all fixing myself. I still miss her so much though. It makes me sad we are not together. But I am doing good on my own. Just still shocked and feel dumb as a rock.
We have tried this a whole bunch of times, specially coming out of me. And him just accepting it, but at the end I fell for his calls. Now he is wiilling to start the process, I miss him a lot I did see him today, kalled him again, with no answer. Even though I wish he'd answer, it is good in a way because it keeps me from hearing his voice and struggling with this. So since he did not picked up the phone today I will start the nc tomorrow. Got to go to sleep now..! I just hope I kan.
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