Hello J9,
I am so so sorry to hear about the situation that you feel that your in right now. I hope that we all here can help you in your time of need and hopefully say that right things that will help comfort you. I am praying for you and your whole family to be able to come together in this time and hopefully heal eventually.
You asked us what we personally would do in your situation. It would be hard to know exactly what we would do in your situation unless we went through it ourselves, but I will write hear what I think I would do and how I personally would deal with this situation.
If I understand correctly your father wants to just let go, but honestly since he is still here. It is not really his time to go yet.
Okay I am going to tell you a story. When I was a teenager. I found out that my Step Grandfather was dying with cancer. He lives in the states. I stayed home while most of the family went down to boston to be with him. He knew for a while that he had cancer but never told anybody. His children are all over the place and not all of them could make it.
Apparently close to the end. I remember sitting at home knowing everybody could not make it. Thinking of the pain he was in. I lit a candle and said a prayer. I asked God to take him home and that I know he has suffered enough. I asked God that once I blew out the candle that he would go back home. No more then a few minutes later I received a phone call that he passed away. Even the family that could not make it, once he knew everybody was on the phone apparently that is when he felt it was okay to leave, or that it was his time.
I personally feel that by talking with your mother or even trying to convince her to make a decision that she is not ready for will cause some resentment. I know it is well meaning but I do not think that anybody should convince your mother to do anything she does not want to do. I feel that she just needs support around her from family. Family to be there to help her through this time. It is understandable to want to do everything in your power to Help with your fathers wishes, but in the end it is between your father, your mother and God.
So personally I would not call up to convince my mother to do that. I think that I would show support, at the same time when my fathers time is up it will happen when everything is right. I do believe that to give up hope, or trying to tell your mother that it is time to give up is wrong. 50 years is a long time to be together and I do believe that your father should be communicating this with his wife and that they both are holding on to each other. When the right time does come for him to pass, it will happen. I am so sorry for this and I hope you do not mind me writing my thoughts about this.
J9, I just want you to know that support is important and case worker and nurses have no right to try to get other people to convince your mom to do anything she does not want to do. In the end, I do believe that he will go when he is absolutely ready, I agree with Didi on this.
So, I believe just show your support. Be there in spirit. I know this is a tough spot to be in but I honestly do not feel it is your responsibility to convince your mom of anything. Your mom needs to come to that realization that your fathers wishes on her own time. The only person who will be able to get through to her, even if it takes time is your father and your father alone.
I hope that you all will have your time with your father. I hope that everybody has their healing and support of each other.
Joe
