Ask Me Help Desk - Live together before getting married or no? Opinions

Quote:

Originally Posted by 18Ahunnie

What happens when u have been in a relationship for a very long time, then decide to get married but because of cercumstances you move in together first and then dont like it?
Do you just go your separate ways? But when your married most couples tend to work it out after from what ive seen

What is wrong with going your separate ways? Better to do it before marriage than after.
Unless kids are involved, why try to force it?

Like so many other things in life, I don't think a blanket statement can be made about it one way or the other. Too many variables are involved and one size does not fit all.

I was sharing this with my 21 year old daughter. Her words were...
I think if you live with someone and find out that you aren't compatible, then you have dodged a bullet. That's a good thing.

There is no right or wrong answer, it's up to the individual and the couple.

My husband and I didn't move in together before marriage because we were both still in college, we couldn't afford it.

Neither one of our parents charged us rent, so whatever money we did make went into our savings to buy our home.

As a result, when we got married we had enough money to purchase a home instead of renting.

Now. I'm having a bit of a problem with this question. Here it is.

Are you really asking if it's okay to have sex before marriage?

If you are the answer is the same, depends on the individual and couple.

We didn't live together, but sex, yes.

I don't know if it makes a difference but we've been married for 14 years and still going strong, so we must have done something right somewhere along the way. ;)

I agree with Alten. We never officially lived together before getting married. Sex came way before marriage though. In Nov. we will celebrate our 29th anniversary. Worked for us but like I said, every case is unique.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Who wants to buy the cow if the milk is free?

I think this tired old saw should be retired permanently. It demeans cows and turns milk into a bribe.

I personally would like to live together after marriage, it means more to me that way. It sounds more romantic and keep the chemistry going because I think if you live together before you get married, and seems like you don't get along, don't expect a wedding with that person because it just might not happen. You have all the benefits of being married but not. Doesn't make sense. Just my opinion =P

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

I personally would like to live together after marriage, it means more to me that way. It sounds more romantic and keep the chemistry going because i think if you live together before you get married, and seems like you dont get along, dont expect a wedding with that person because it just might not happen. You have all the benefits of being married but not. Doesnt make sense. Just my opinion =P

Perfect =) this is exacly how I feel, the reason I have started this thread is because my other half does not think that way, he would not mind living together before marriage. Maybe because he is quite abit older then me or maybe Im thinking like that because it is the way I was raised.

Alt sex before marriage is the best thing =) I disagree with not havinf sex before marriage. Is that not how a lot of people would get bored of each other? They had no other experiences and nothing to compare to? Or worst off, getting curious about how other men/women are in bed? Maybe it is just me but I think they would more likely be prone to cheating and especially if they are a young couple

Quote:

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

I think this tired old saw should be retired permanently. It demeans cows and turns milk into a bribe.

Wonderfully said.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

I personally would like to live together after marriage, it means more to me that way. It sounds more romantic and keep the chemistry going because i think if you live together before you get married, and seems like you dont get along, dont expect a wedding with that person because it just might not happen. You have all the benefits of being married but not. Doesnt make sense. Just my opinion =P

Exactly the reason my husband and I didn't live together before marriage. We considered it. His parents asked if I wanted to move in with them. I sat down and talked to my dad to get his perspective and he told me a lot of what has already been posted. He told me that it won't mean as much when you get married, which I absolutely agree with. Sure it can be a struggle when you first live together but it's so much fun to get married and then moving in together. My dad also told me that people that live together before getting married sometimes just split up because they don't want to work at their relationship. This I think can be taken 2 ways. A marriage is a lot of work, true, but if you're wanting to get married and you live together and then split up it's almost like the easy way out, rather than putting forth the effort to make things work. On the other hand if things aren't all peaches and cream (which they never are anyway), you can just split up because you aren't married.

It's all personal preference but I think people should live together before getting married.

Dating and living together are two totally different things.

In my opinion, I'd want to live with the person first. That way I'd know if I would be able to live with the person for the rest of my life. I'd hate to marry someone and then hate coming home to the person later on. So in my opinion, it's like a test period. If you can stand them before your married, then you will be able to stand them after. ;)