You are so right, more info is needed sometimes

I've read some good thoughtful opinions thus far and I would like to add that I try to reserve tough love for the ones who seem to have some sort of attitude or come off disrespectful from the start. I also realize I'm far from perfect but I try to be fair. Sometimes I fall short, but if you bring a bad attitude that's what you'll get.

You are definitely not alone on this!

Ditto... :)

When someone posts a question, they are doing it to get answers, different views and advice. Correct? I say give the best advice and comments you feel they need to hear. Not everyone is going to have the same view, that is why different opinions are important. If they do not agree with the answers, well, that is their problem, they asked. If they lay out their problem in hopes
Of getting all to agree with them, that defeats the purpose of the post. When they ask for an opinion, they need to be ready to hear the good and the bad or else they'll never grow or change a thing in their lives.
I read a couple of post that were pretty juvenile and it was getting pretty petty. I will give my advice which may or may not be the best, it is only my opinion. If they get angry, that is for them to deal with.
It is true, sometimes it is hard to understand what they are saying, like parts of the story are left out.
I have read some really good advice from some of the "oldsters" and the "youngsters" could learn a lot from you, but some of them live with their ears (or eyes in this case) closed. You all have so much compassion for the young ones that listen and I can tell you really care and I just know it helps them so much. There are a lot of youngs kids out there today that are good and just need someone to help guide them and show them that they care. I think you are all great.

Good comment

Good advice.

You have this one right on

A certainly agree

Right on!!

If I may double dip here.. . I know there are circumstances where one is tempted to address two parts of the problems posted here --- the problem and the crappy value system that is made evident by the poster. However, trying to jam my value system on them will simply not work. It wouldn't with me either. We all inherit our value system from our families. Mine was so dysfunctional I had to totally rework mine and it is born out of what works (mindful that it must work for everyone too). I can imagine the ones who post here with the crappy value system may be somewhat similar to me in that regard. Soooooo, I try to work their crappy value system into the original problem in my answer, and hopefully diplomatically. I make the effort of diplomacy not so much because they deserve it as much as I do. That and it probably won't work otherwise. This does not stop me from telling the truth.

As far as disrespect, I learned it is a powerful thing not to hand it back when I encounter it... what I do reflects on me, not them and what they do reflects on them, not me.

I have seen answers here where people post what they think the asker wants to hear; then the asker say thank you and goes away with the same problem they had when they came in here. I agree with the previous posters who believe in telling the asker what they truly believe to be the issue (usually that they are the problem) at hand in a respectful way. If the asker is overly sensitive in their response then you know that a) you have indeed hit a nerve and b) they came in here wanting to hear that nothing at all is wrong with them.

Nods, love the new look too Karma, that one is really you!

I agree too, and also love your new hair and looks hehehe

Quote:

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

If I may double dip here . . . I know there are circumstances where one is tempted to address two parts of the problems posted here --- the problem and the crappy value system that is made evident by the poster. However, trying to jam my value system on them will simply not work. It wouldn't with me either. We all inherit our value system from our families. Mine was so dysfunctional I had to totally rework mine and it is born out of what works (mindful that it must work for everyone too). I can imagine the ones who post here with the crappy value system may be somewhat similar to me in that regard. Soooooo, I try to work their crappy value system into the original problem in my answer, and hopefully diplomatically. I make the effort of diplomacy not so much because they deserve it as much as I do. That and it probably won't work otherwise. This does not stop me from telling the truth.

As far as disrespect, I learned it is a powerful thing not to hand it back when I encounter it.... what I do reflects on me, not them and what they do reflects on them, not me.

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Have to spread it around... Val, you are always diplomatic, such an asset to the post.

I'm part irish.

I'm sort of blonde.

I'm a guy.

One means I'm blunt.

One means I get to kill bugs and lift heavy things.

One explains why my wife says "youre pretty" when I do something dumb.

Put them together and its like a deoxyribose nucleic acid formula for... well... as a fortune cookie once told me "you are obstinant and always wrong"... that was the rudest fortune cookie ever.

I think things should not get venenous here... but I don't mind at all if someone says my posts are complete bunk. Might be true. I think we should be able to strongly disagree from time to time, as long as the discussion is reasonable to the topic, and be able to walk away at the end of the day. My nature is to probably kick in a few doors when I disagree and see who's still standing and talking to me when its over. Oh well.

Mkay. I gotto go move the second half of 26 tons of concrete dust now. I'm not kidding. Stupid patio project.

I absolutely with out a doubt agree with you 110%, I could not have said it better if I was a Harvard graduate, which unfortunately I am not (O:

Are you equating me to Hitler or just heckling and jeckling off subjuct again?

Ecactly, I have seen so many "experts" give a sugar coated light answer that really did not get to the heart of the problem. What is the use?

We are not here to mete out punishment.