If I was the one affected, yes if I thought that it would make me feel better. As the parent, I wouldn't try and influence them either way. My oldest child had a terrible first experience with his first-second grade teacher, she admitted to me in a parent-teacher interview once that she hated being in the same room as him! I felt like I'd been punched in the guts but not once did I ever put her down in front of my son. Eventually we removed him and changed schools. I felt kind of sorry for the school in the end because it proved that they had failed as a whole to provide the necessary strategies to help him succeed. The school he is at now bends over backwards to find what works for them and him. (Turns out there's a good chance he has Aspergers).
I get the impression your son is very level headed and I'm sure he won't be sorry for writing to her if he remains civil about the whole thing. It sounds like he already has an idea of what he wants to say and nothing about it seems wrong to me. I would only wonder what his objective is. To make him feel better or to make her feel worse? I guess the question is do you have any idea of how to contact her or do you need to become a private investigator to find out? May not be worth all the hassle.

To answer some of the questions posted. We talked about it some more this weekend and my son has indicated that he has a desire to write her because he doesn't want anyone else to go through what he went through, but mainly because now that he is older and realizes how fragile little kids can be he wants her to know what she did was so inappropriate and lastly that what ever it was that she was trying to do she didn't accomplish because he is still strong and still happy and loves learning. She still teaches at the school so finding her wouldn't be an issue at all. Last we are in the states... way up north, MN

You know,this is a very similar teacher/student situation I had during grade school,I am very impressed he wants to do this and even if the teacher doesn't respond,he has a chance to be free of the negativity this teacher has left in his mind.

Maybe the teacher will respond and try to defend her position,maybe she won't even remember him,who knows.

I wish him(and her) all the best.

KBC thank you for your kind words. I am really leaning toward letting him write it. He said if I don't write it I will go up to the school and talk to her and I think that would be to confrontational, he's now 5 ft 11 190 lbs and I think the message wouldn't have the same affect if done in person. She may take that as threatening. Can I ask you... Did your experience have an effect on your love of learning or trusting teachers?

For me,yes.

I dropped out of school after many years of struggling with authority.with an IQ at 123 I still didn't like the teachers/deans/principals.. etc

I am not a person who regrets leaving school early,it has been a huge rewarding life,even without the 'degree/diploma'(except I need spell check like you wouldn't believe... lol)

Otherwise,I still think the letter is wise,not the direct person to person,as you said, that would put the teacher on the defensive.

Levity in the letter helps to take any sharp edges down,and the message is received better.(Actually, any way he writes it is going to be good,it's the effort,not the message)

It's his side of the street he is going to clean up,he isn't responsible for how the teacher reacts,that's up to her.

I had a simliar problem with one of my daughter teacher. The reasons behind my daughter teacher not liking her was race. My daughter attented a private school and there was only a handful of blacks in her school. However, the school was quick to react to our concerns because the teacher behavior was uncalled for especially all the money that was put out for this school, it wasn't cheap.

In the end, my daughter learned a valuable lesson that I didn't expect her to learn so early in life but in a way I am glad she did. I am surprise I wrote that last sentence because when she was going through that I didn't feel that way and at times I wanted to just knock the teacher out because I thought a teacher should act like an adult and not a teacher.

It's funny because I wanted to knock her out but someone else actually did a year later for other reasons.