Hey, Im a 13 year old girl in eighth grade. I think the pregnancy epidemic as some would call it is absolutely ridiculous! None of us school girls need to be having babies at such a young age for obvious reasons plus the shadowed away reasons. Many teens who have babies so young end up dying or with serious health issues because of their unhealthy habbits or because their body was not yet as developed as it should be. I personally know a 14-15 year old in my classes who had a baby this school year. It affected her a lot. SOme made fun of her because of her belly, I personally felt sorry for her. She also fell really far behind in school because the last month or so of her term was at home to avoid an at school birth. Its weird too because after the kid was adopted, she sort of acted like it never happened. Almost like the women of the 1800's who pretended to not be pregnant or tried to hide it only in reverse. I don't get it. I mean I'm still learning simple things like how to talk to boys and say things like 'oh hi robert' and all that jazz. Im an accomplishing first year floutinest(flute player) I have a small crush on the kid Robert, I did take kung fu, I'm in Jr. CIvitan club and Jr. Beta, I take algebra one in 8th grade and 9th grade english. Honestly, I hardly have time to do my homework much less go out and have sex with some stupid boy who doesn't really care. I don't know where their prioritioes lie but they must greatly differ from mine.

Godsbabygirl- yet another teen who has a good head on her shoulders, my hope is being restored every moment. I played the flute in high school, I was actually pretty good but I had to stop after high school because I couldn't afford lessons. I was forced (yes forced) to take accordion lessons when I was thirteen. If anyone needs an accordion players for any kind of event I'm your girl (I can still play at least 3 songs by heart).

As a teen, what do you think we as adults have to do to get the message out there that unprotected sex is dangerous. What would it take for the kids in your school to listen? Obviously you are a very bright young lady and you already seem to know what you want out of life and know the risks involved in having sex. What would it take to convince the other kids that are having unprotected sex, what do you think would work in your school?

I think that teens are the very people we should be talking to about this, they are the ones that need the information, and obviously allot of them aren't getting it from home or from school.

Thank you so much for responding you are starting to give me faith that not all teens are doomed. Keep up the great work, at the risk of sounding "Fuddy Duddy" I am really proud of you. Take care.

Actually, I was both being serious and wry at the same time.

Doing those things WOULD end or at least reduce teen pregnancy. My favorite solution to a number of problems is to make welfare NOT dependent on need, but on need combined with education. In other words, if you can't figure out a way to finish high school or get your GED, you're too lazy to get welfare, or too stupid to be having kids. It's one or the other. We could then spend the Welfare money NOT on the women with 5 kids from 4 dads (by this time, really--you'd think she'd KNOW that having sex makes babies), but instead on helping teens AVOID sexual situations.

I know a big part of the problem (teens having sex) isn't that there is nothing else to do, or peer pressure--it's that adults generally tend to ignore teens and THEIR needs. My middle-sized town in WI (75k people) has absolutely no place for teens to hang out except the mall. And then--they banned the mall from teenagers due to gang issues. THEN the teens went to the old downtown area, and cruised the strip, or just hung out where other teens were. The banned that, and imposed a curfew. For those teens with no church or school activities (and most after school and weekend school activities are sports, let's face it), there WAS nothing else to do but to hang out at someone's house, where friends will cover for you if you both sneak off to the bathroom for a half hour or whatever.

Why not give teens more free places to go that are supervised but not prohibitively? Malls were great until adults got sick of dealing with teens when THEY went shopping, and well... adults can vote, and teens can't. Parks are great---until dusk, in most cities. Which, in this part of the world, this time of year, is about oh... 6 PM. Plus, it's COLD outside right now!

The YMCA is a great idea---but generally doesn't have teens driving the teen activities. Church activities are nice--if you're religious.

The biggest problem I see, though, is that "true love forever and ever and they lived happily ever after" is pushed at kids (especially girls) from the time they are toddlers. Tell me a Disney movie without at least a hint of a love story. Tell me a Princess that isn't drawn to be sweet 16, who gets into trouble and has a prince at least HELP save her, if he doesn't save her outright. We show girls Cinderella, and Jasmine, and Belle, and think that it's good wholesome entertainment because it doesn't have a HINT of sex in it, nor does it have any violence--but what about the object lesson? That you'll meet a handsome prince (and it will be the FIRST one you meet that likes you) and you'll fall in love, and even if you don't get married in the movie--oops, I mean right away--there's always that implication that a wedding is not far off, so why NOT have sex? Isn't that what married people and people in love DO?

The problem is not that we glamorize sex--though that certainly doesn't help. The problem is that we glamorize LOVE. I don't know many teenage girls that didn't or don't think they're in love with the guy they have sex with. And then "stupid" adults like us come along and tell them that their love isn't "real"--but their love is as real, and based on as many factors, as it is in the movies. I mean, come on--Cinderella meets the guy for ONE NIGHT, and they talk ONE TIME, and she marries him. No wonder they don't believe us when we say love isn't that easy, or that love isn't what they're feeling. And by the time they're 14--we've been shoving that kind of idea about love down their throats for 10 years already!

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Actually, I was both being serious and wry at the same time.

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I like it when you are wry.

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The problem is that we glamorize LOVE.

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I have often heard (for years! ) that guys/men give love to get sex, and girls/women give sex to get love.

Would you say that is true?

Synnen- You are right, bet you didn't expect to hear me say that did you?:)

Maybe it's time to implement some activities for teen that they actually enjoy. Maybe it's time to make information on sex and sexually transmitted diseases easily accessible and mandatory in schools. I don't have the solution, that's why I started this thread.

I am concerned about the teens out there, I do remember what it's like to be a teen, and it may come as a surprise to all of you based on my opinions, but I wasn't exactly a good wholesome girl either, but I always used protection (The pill and a condom) maybe I did get lucky by not getting pregnant, but you have to be more than lucky if your having unprotected sex and still hope you're not going to get pregnant. I also remember thinking that I was in love with my partners, I didn't really know what real love was until I met my husband.

I don't know how to solve any of this, but I do think that all of us should be very concerned about the number of kids having unprotected sex today and the fact that they don't seem to understand the consequences. It scares me that children are raising children, the majority of them aren't ready to deal with this but they don't seem to realize it.

Although abstinence would be the best solution, I realize that this is a pipe dream and not going to happen. I think that the only thing we can do is give teens the information they need in order to have safe sex, or should I say, safer sex?

I'm at a loss, I hope that most of you can understand why I posted this and why I am concerned. I wish we could come up with a solution. I'm so happy that some teens posted their opinions and I was pleasantly surprised not only by their intelligence but their passion for this subject. I hope that this conversation continues, I will check back on it tomorrow to see how much trouble I've managed to get myself in to overnight.;)

Good night everyone. Take care.

(Quick, everyone. We have only a few hours to make trouble for Altenweg! What can we do?? )

This thread reminds me of when I taught 5th and 6th grade Sunday School. I had well-planned lessons, but the small class asked if they could talk about boy-girl relationships, etc. since their parents didn't like to talk about such subjects. I checked with the superintendent who said to see where it goes, that maybe I can be the common sense in their lives and a listening ear. So I mostly listened.

I suspect that's what kids today need more than anything -- a listening ear and a dose of common sense.

Wondergirl- Hee, Hee, trust me I don't need any help getting into trouble, apparently I'm quite capable of doing it all on my own.

I think that having a place were kids can go to talk about their concerns and ask their questions is a great idea. Goodness knows that allot of these kids could use a good dose of common sense.

I also realize that there are allot of teenagers out there that aren't in any hurry to grow up and know that every one of their actions have consequences, that has become very evident as some of these teens have replied to this post and the other one that I started. Maybe it does come down to bad parenting, maybe it comes down to the fact that allot of the teens having unprotected sex have parents that were teens when they became parents, it might just be a vicious circle. If this is the case than the teens that are having kids now are perpetuating that cycle and it will never end.

A child is a gift, that's how I feel about both of my kids. Why can't these kids understand that they are playing with fire every time they have unprotected sex? Are they really so naïve about the consequences, or do they just believe that it won't happen to them?

Obviously sex education should begin in the home, but some of these kids aren't getting the information or support they need from their parents, we need to find an outlet for these kids, a safe place with informative adults that can and will guide them in the right direction. How do we go about doing that? I don't know, but I do think that it would be a step in the right direction.

A lot of it really IS that they think that it can't happen to them.

I was a straight-A student, in the National Honor Society, on the Student Council, and involved in various after school activities.

I understood how birth control worked, and made sure to be using it correctly.

I didn't drink, smoke, or break curfew--I really was little miss goody-goody.

I'd been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years before we had sex.

And I still got pregnant. I clearly remember thinking "this can't happen to ME! Only BAD girls get pregnant, not good girls that follow the rules!"

On the other side of that--look at some of the infertility threads on this board. Any woman only really has a 20% chance of getting pregnant any particular month--and that's without birth control! So--they think they know their cycles, and just don't have sex when they're "supposed" to be pregnant.

The lack of availability of easy birth control is another issue. For women, anyway. Most female birth control can only be prescribed by a doctor--and mom and dad would find out if they went to the doctor, if only because of the bill.

As far as condoms--well, show me a guy that LIKES wearing them. Many guys, especially teens, would rather use the pull-out method rather than a condom, because condoms really don't "feel good". So... because they "love" their girls, and the girls don't want that "love" to go to someone else, they compromise.

I'm basing my opinions here on personal experience, the experiences of the girls I knew in high school and college, and my high school/college aged female cousins. I am by no means suggesting that I am right about ALL teens and attitudes. I'm just passing on what I know from personal experience and the experiences of people close to me.

We are I think for the most part taught right and wrong. All teens should have some common sense and they really know what they should do. Its parents duty to make sure they are aware and be aware that teens are human and like us all will make mistakes but should leave an open door to discuss sex as well as other things that trouble them.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

The biggest problem I see, though, is that "true love forever and ever and they lived happily ever after" is pushed at kids (especially girls) from the time they are toddlers. Tell me a Disney movie without at least a hint of a love story. Tell me a Princess that isn't drawn to be sweet 16, who gets into trouble and has a prince at least HELP save her, if he doesn't save her outright. We show girls Cinderella, and Jasmine, and Belle, and think that it's good wholesome entertainment because it doesn't have a HINT of sex in it, nor does it have any violence--but what about the object lesson? That you'll meet a handsome prince (and it will be the FIRST one you meet that likes you) and you'll fall in love, and even if you don't get married in the movie--oops, I mean right away--there's always that implication that a wedding is not far off, so why NOT have sex? Isn't that what married people and people in love DO?

The problem is not that we glamorize sex--though that certainly doesn't help. The problem is that we glamorize LOVE. I don't know many teenage girls that didn't or don't think they're in love with the guy they have sex with. And then "stupid" adults like us come along and tell them that their love isn't "real"--but their love is as real, and based on as many factors, as it is in the movies. I mean, come on--Cinderella meets the guy for ONE NIGHT, and they talk ONE TIME, and she marries him. No wonder they don't believe us when we say love isn't that easy, or that love isn't what they're feeling. And by the time they're 14--we've been shoving that kind of idea about love down their throats for 10 years already!!

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Synn, you make perfect sense here.
I too think fairy tales and the series teens watch influence them a great deal more than we ever imagine.

I have already decided to let my little girl watch wholesome cartoons or programmes that will help her gain some good knowledge of the world she lives in.
I let her watch selected programmes and always try to be around when the advertisements are on,because even on the cartoon channels I find that an ad might be of a toothpaste,but they show a couple with shiny white teeth, falls for each other(sparks fly) the instant they see each other.
I know the advertisers are not going to stop their livelihoods just because we want our kids safe,it is up to us as parents and teachers to help them find the right path in life.

I also agree that some teens seem to think that falling in love is the coolest thing in the world.
Fighting over boyfriends I find is quite common among middle schoolers here.
They are being exposed to what parents watch at home too,the TVsoaps with so much drama around relationships seem to make an impact on them.Many parents forget that kids are around when they watch their soaps.

Maybe teens need to have outings where they can meet single parents or visit daycare centres as a school project.It just might help them see how hard it is to be a parent let alone a single parent.
There are some teens who make the right choice to abstain from a lot of things which they are being exposed to during their young lives.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

do they just believe that it won't happen to them?

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Like Synnen said, Yes, teenagers believe "it" (pregnancy, car accident, trouble with the law, whatever) won't happen to them.

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sex education should begin in the home, but some of these kids aren't getting the information or support they need from their parents

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In the '50s and before, many parents didn't tell their children about sex because the parents believed that was a green light for the kids to actually have sex. The less kids knew, parents felt, the better off the kids were. It kind of worked, partly because there was no readily-available birth control, and many teens were too scared of the unknown sexual landscape and too afraid of their parents to experiment with sex. There was a lot of misinformation passed around the teen community. Our heroes were those kids who had had sex and lived to tell about it. From what I hear, sex education today isn't much better.

And I just thought of a new question to post.

That is really scary. To think that we have slipped back into the 50's. Is it really the fact that we aren't talking to kids about sex, or are they just not listening?

There are so many teens on this site that think they might be pregnant. News flash, if you have unprotected sex you could be pregnant, I thought that was a well known fact, but apparently not.

These teens obviously have internet access, there is so much information out there, why aren't they accessing it? Not that I'm saying they should get their information only from the internet, but obviously some of these kids have nowhere else to go.

Wondergirl- start your new post, I'll be looking for it.:)

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I did. All my friends listened to theirs. Those were the days....

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Hi Alt - Great thread. Defintely a topic that needs exposure.

I didn't have peer pressure. I had Mom pressure and then Catholic school on top of that..
Boys?? :eek:

But what works for one, may not for another. All I know is, I had one person that I cared what they thought and that was Mom. Period.

I was just too darn afraid. It just didn't seem worth it.

There were a handful of girls who got pregnant in school and I felt so bad for them.
They would cry to me and honestly in my 17 year old head I was thinking, Gosh, I just wish you cried THAT night, now it's just too late. It just broke my heart to see them so upset and all that lied ahead.

Back then they made the girls leave school, which made me so mad. But I don't think they make them leave today, I hope not.

I just thank God my Mom was as strict as she was (for this issue anyway). She had 5 girls so I guess she had to.

But who knows what I would get myself into if it weren't for Mom.

Mom's way sure worked for me though.

Hi Allheart - Peer pressure was definitely present when I was a teen, but I also didn't want to disappoint my parents, their opinion meant allot to me.

I went to a Catholic School and we had allot of pregnancies. The funny thing is, we had sex education. Of course abstinence was the first thing that we were taught, but at that time (1984-1988) they understood that this wasn't realistic, so they also taught us about birth control. I'm just wondering why teens today don't seem to have the information I received more than 20 years ago. Are we taking a step back?

They are teaching them sex education but they say abstinence =morals, morals = religion and therefore that would be so wrong of them to teach anything like that.

so they only teach them the actual sex stuff and leave it up to them to do whatever they please.
They teach them to put condoms on produce in the 6th grade, then they hand them condoms by the 9th grade. They are not taught that it should be something that includes love, emotion, responsibility, etc... cause then they 'would be imposing values'. Then if the girl gets pregnant in some states the school will take the girl for an abortion and her family never knows she is pregnant.
Look at all the questions here from kids worried because they think "something is wrong with them cause they are still a virgin.
Remember the good old days when we had to get a note signed by our parents so we could go to the theater to see a movie? Them days are LONG gone!

With all due respect---

I don't WANT the school teaching my kids values. That's MY job.

Granted, I think teaching sex-ed is MY job too, but I have no problem with the school teaching the mechanics of it. After all, those teachers are more up to date on contraceptive statistics than I am, anyway.

However--morals ARE, in a way, religion. I don't want someone teaching my 13 year old that sex is BAD--because SEX isn't bad, it's the reasons some people have it that is bad. I don't want them teaching NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE, because not only is that unreasonable--that's still a religious conviction. I see no reason why anyone should have to wait until marriage for sex, really. So--there, morals would differ. I also see no reason why love would HAVE to be involved. Sex is fun even without love, as long as you understand the consequences of it.

And really---you still DO have to have a permission slip from your parents to take sex-ed. If you don't want your kids learning how to put a condom on a cucumber, then pull them out of the class and teach them yourself.

They may be more up to date and all but it seems to me the way they teach it it leaves kids thinking it is and should be normal for them to jump from partner to partner and not even consider things like the others emotions, commitment, responsibility.
I just know so many girls that have their first baby by the time they are 14. By the time they are 16 they are with their 10th boyfriend and having their second baby. By the time they are 21 they have their 3rd baby to their 30th boyfriend. They bring home more bf's in one year than their kids get new shoes in a year. They tell them this is your new daddy. The kids have 7 new daddys in one year. It has to confuse them, but that is okay because there shouldn't be values or morals.
I think there needs to be some kind of balance somehow -somewhere.

You don't have to have a permission slip from your parents for sex education.
I am a mom with 4 grown kids and they had the sex education in the public schools and they NEVER had to have a permission slip and I have even known girls who the schools got them the abortions without parents knowing.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

And really---you still DO have to have a permission slip from your parents to take sex-ed. If you don't want your kids learning how to put a condom on a cucumber, then pull them out of the class and teach them yourself.

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This statement is VERY true. At least in my school district. 2 years ago my daughter brought home a program I had to read and either agree or disagree with. It was a sex-ed brochure. I then had to attend a parent's night to discuss the curriculum. In each grade, from 6th through 9th the material expands and their horizons are "broadened" by educators who know the FACTS, who are up on the material.

However, we, as parents, had the right to refuse this education. IF we refused, we had to teach the program at home and the children still had to pass the same test. At my school district this is one test that must be passed to go on to the next grade. Guess what, only 1, yes I said ONE, teen pregnancy in our high school last year.

Of course I signed the permission slip. My daughter already KNEW sex-ed up to the 9th grade level. Why? I TAUGHT HER!! I felt it my responsibility to teach my children what they should know.

HOWEVER, there are parents who are ill-informed, don't have all the facts and the facts they do have are somewhat distorted. There are parents, especially in the area of the country I live in, that feel that talking with their children about sex is taboo.

Our children are growing up so fast these days with Mom's having to work and Dad's having to work. Moms and Dads or Moms and Step-Dads... two entirely different families... latch key kids etc.

I saw a slide show last semester that scared me out of marital sex, LOL. It was pictures of all the STDs out there and the damage they do. If we could use this in schools it would be helpful, but I doubt it would curb the problem that much.

These kids just want someone to love them. They think having a baby will accomplish that, they don't realize what they are getting into.

My daughter was in the labor and delivery room when I had my son (she was 8 at the time) and she swears she will remain a virgin forever!! LOL

The balance is PARENTS.

Seriously. This isn't a subject change, but--how would you feel about a teacher using corporal punishment on a child? Pretty outraged, right? I mean, how DARE a teacher, even for the child's own good, choose what punishment YOUR child gets! Wouldn't you rather have a teacher call you, and let YOU decide the punishment?

So... why would teaching morals be different than punishing a child? Why should a teacher be able to use THEIR judgement on morals for YOUR child.

For instance, if I were a teacher, I'd teach that sex is a lot of fun, but it comes with a lot of responsibility. I'd take classes to abortion clinics. I'd take them to adoption clinics. I'd take them to welfare lines. I'd take them to see STDs being treated. And I'd take them to see a mother lovingly caressing her newborn.

Which image do you think would stick with a lonely child who wants nothing more than to be loved to begin with?

And the thing is--these girls DO think they're in love! They're not having random sex--they're having sex with their boyfriend, who they LOVE! Read all the teenage questions here about their boyfriends/girlfriends. They ALL talk about how much they LOVE them!

As far as responsibility--most kids today either know too much or too little. Either their parents give them NO chores, and let them do whatever they want so that they'll be happy kids, or they delegate ALL of the household stuff to their kids, showing them that being an adult means being in CHARGE! And all they have to do is have a kid to boss around to get out of it!

It's not about teaching about sex. It's about parents teaching relationships by example.

Really, aside from love being so maligned by media--the biggest problem today is that everyone thinks they have the RIGHT to be happy, regardless whose expense their own happiness comes at.

I wish I could rate you here SIS, but we are in discussions board. You took the words right out of my mouth.

But, then again, what about the parents who don't have all the facts. The ones who still believe you can get pregnant from swallowing. Or the ones who are the holy rollers and think that sex is a taboo subject with their children. Living in the bible belt, I see that a lot.