Great words in inspiration guys, really does help to see people coming out on the other side of the mess they were once in.
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Great words in inspiration guys, really does help to see people coming out on the other side of the mess they were once in.
Lucky number 8. :-)
I am so blessed to have all of you. You "strangers" make me feel so much better... every day. Thanks.
October 2007 - April 2008
I'm so distanced from her and everything's coming together. I'm so happy to be myself
I'm also getting in touch with old friends of mine, I never realized it would be this easier in the long run
How is everyone else doing?
February 2008 - April 2008
Nearly at 2 months. I feel I have control of my life. I wrote down a list of reasons I shouldn't contact him and I wrote about 50. So whenever I get the urge to contact or respond to his messages, I read that list and stop myself. Sometimes, I feel a bit down but I guess that's the part of healing process but I find that I'm not crying as much as I was a month ago. I'm glad you are all doing well :)
This sucks. I was feeling pretty OK for a while. And after going out last night, I've been crying over and over again.
I still miss him. Day 10, and back to feeling like crap. :-(
It will pass, actually your doing great.
This is my 8th NC day. A little easier every day. Weekends are still tough because I'm not working. Plenty of memories lingering in the house. Trying to keep busy and hanging with some friends. Don't drink and dial! Think about tomorrow. Make some plans to get out. Listen to some uplifting music. It will only get better. Be around people as much as possible.Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb
Day 18 of NC; day 18 of break-up. Phew.
I'm on Day 22 of NC. Day 30 since the break up.
I could tell things are getting better. This past week I feel I've taken some steps backward, but they've been very very small. I still haven't looked at the myspace or Facebook. But at work this past week I was discussing that w/ a friend and she brought up the fact that she checked his pages a couple of times. I wish she hadn't said that because of course I stupidly ask what she saw on there. Just some small things... he got a new job, went out of town to visit his family and that there was a pic of him up w/ his new girl. Simple things that of course made me upset after I heard them, but by the time I left work it passed and I felt fine.
I still have dreams of him. Sometimes they're happy and other times they're sad, but it's every single night... sometimes a couple in one night. When I first wake up I remember them and feel this kind of sad depressing feeling, but once I get up and start doing stuff I forget about it. This morning was little different though. It stayed w/ me for an hour or two and made me cry for a little bit which I haven't done for a few days.
So I like I said, I take tiny steps back, but I feel it's getting quicker for me to bounce back from them. Im glad to hear others are feeling better too. Even if it's really small, it's still improvement. As badly as we want to, we can't just wake up one day and feel 100% better. It's all going to take some time.
Welp, been about almost 4 months of NC for me. Yesterday a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. We were talking about it and he was like "you know, i dont know what happened, but i found myself wishing i was somewhere else while i was with her." now call him a jerk, but he was honest, that's what he told her too, he told her that they were just growing apart, and that feelings change. Nothing stays the same people... as much as we'd like it to, some good things don't ever last.
Anyway, this got me thinking about my ex, I've tried to put myself in her shoes so many times, and I think I really have now. She is afraid to be alone, she is needy, but our arrangement was making her miserable. Long distance is bad news, lol. Anyway, after much thinking last night, I've really come to the conclusion that I really don't want to be with her anymore, let alone, care abut what she's up to, its like, I can't help but not care.
Time truly does heal all, I remember I thought she was the only girl for me, I've yet to meet another girl that I like, but it'll happen, it has to. I also think I've really learned to love myself, sometimes I want so bad to tell my ex to stop looking for love in people and just find it in yourself... but that would be pointless and stupid, its something you have to figure out yourself.
Hang in there people, these early stages are so rough, but NC is totally worth it in a few months.
Well, seeing as westy posted, I feel like I should too.
I'm coming up on 4 months as well. Still think of her once in a while, but it's more disappointment in her as a person rather than me feeling bad about myself. Then I look at my bank account + my bike, and suddenly, I feel much better. :)
It's been 4 months of No Contact for me. I still miss her a lot and I think about her everyday, which is actually pretty annoying. However, I reached the point where the thoughts don't severely hinder my day-to-day operations. Which is great because final exams are coming up and I need to be able to concentrate. I'm also looking forward to the summer because I have big plans, so with more time and healing things will get even better.
I am starting back on day one today... dumb I know, we ended up sleeping together again, we are just kind of addicted to each other and always fall back in that trap. Anyway this time it was kind of different I saw him and was not overly attracted to him nor did I feel very sad when I said good bye... I know that there can not be such a thing as meaningless sex with an ex but it almost felt like that and it makes me kind of happy that I am not going away from it feeling sad... is that really weird?? Anyway here is to the first day again of N/C again. I will wish myself good luck, I will need it!
Seeing as both Westy and Isneeze posted updates, I shall as well
Like Isneeze, I also think about my ex from time to time(do see her at work) and its just a sad situation because she has become so fake to everyone, which is a good thing because it helped me along in my healing so much better. I have heard everything from "she has something to talk to you about, but doesn't know how to approach you" to "she really misses talking to you and wants to be friends" but I figure if she has something to say she can say it to me, face to face, or not at all. I have also begun talking to a new girl who I really feel a connection with, approaching the situation very slowly as I don't want to get hurt.
So to the newcomers, have faith, you will get through this and when you look back on how you acted you will want to punch yourself. If you need proof, look at some of my original posts such a little wuss and was like everyone else.. "She's perfect, I'll never found another, it was all my fault" Yeah... I said all that stuff **Slaps self**
Haven't seen her in a month, I think its about week two of no contact..
Had a call today and the number looked very similar to hers(no I didn't know her number off by heart - thank god).. had a bit of a shock but then I found it wasn't her.. good that wouldve ed everything up :)
I have been following Isneeze, Westys and Rome's posts this past while and some of their situations are very like mine so I thought I'd post in here as well.
It has been 3 weeks for me.. not as long as the other lads, but I'll get there.
When I feel down I look at my list, and if that doesn't work.. I think about my new car (which I will be purchasing in the next week, it's my first car! ). I have got a new look (new haircut, new clothes) and every weekend I go out and drink, chat up girls and have a great time with my friends which is really what life is about between the ages of 17-21.
There is a brighter side, just stick through the bad times! Have a little faith.
Dazt! The list is an amazing thing isn't it? I had one up until I hit the one month mark... After that, I saw how my ex really is now and was just astounded by how much time I wasted trying to get her back. I don't regret the time we spent together at all, but do regret how the situation of the break up was handled on her part(over a text message) and I should have just ended contact right then and there... Just responded by saying "If that's what you want to do, take care of yourself pretty girl" but I can't go back and change the past as I can only work towards the future and I'm perfectly OK with her not being in it. If our roads seem to cross again in the future, then so be it. But as for now, I'm going to stay me.
Well I'll join the crowd. For those new to the site I just returned after being gone for about a year. I'm going through some tough times of my own and I've been reading all my own advice from past columns, which interestingly has both helped and made me feel really stupid for knowing everything and letting it get to this level. My problem was the same one it has been for life, I reverted back to the nice guy and started letting her take advantage of me. Just a few days removed and it's clear as day but when I was in the middle of it I missed it completely. I think I'm on day 7 of no contact. I work in the same building as this girl and she saw me on Friday and gave me a wave. I pretended not to see her, and she kept trying, moving around to position herself so I would see her. She finally gave up. Unlike some posters here the question is not if, but when I will see her again because I work in the same building with her. In fact it for sure will be in the next two days as I have to deliver their invoice on the 15th and I have to give it to her directly.
As most people do in this situation I want to chew her out for several things, or just make some snide comment. It's not going to help and I know it, but I still want to none the less. I want to act like it doesn't matter and hit her up with my arrogance and humor, which is the one thing she reacted to even at the end, but then I just think it's to little to late. What bothers me more then her though, is myself. I knew this stuff, I preached it, I saw it happening to others and made corrections and yet when I was in the middle of it I couldn't see what was going on. What has been really troubling for me is actually admitting that while I got screwed over, I allowed it to happen. You must stand up for yourself.
If you all want to know the power of this website, I came here the first time after getting screwed over because I'm the nice guy. I read and read and read some more, post after post comparing what I would do in a situation to what the answers were and what women respond to. Over the course of a year I went from the first girl I came here for to another girl who I dated for a year. The entire time I was dating her I was using the advice I saw here on this website. When it ended, I felt the sting for about a day or two and moved forward. Then I found my most recent, and did everything right at the beginning.
Then I made a mistake that I truly believe lead my to the path of the nice guy again. I quit coming here and helping others. When I was giving advice I wasn't only providing it them, I was thinking how and what was going on in that situation. I took it a step further and studied psychology and even figured out some more of what was going on between the sexes. Then I quit coming here, and along with my job and some other responsibilities I quit practicing the fundamentals, I reverted right back to the nice guy. I knew things were going bad and I couldn't even see what was going wrong because I left my base. I gave more then 50%, which is my own damn advice that you never do it. She pulled away and I chased. DUMB!
In the end, for me no contact will never be no contact. I will always see her around as long as she or I work here in the building. Both our companies do business with one another and we are both the contact points between the two companies. I'm screwed. I can never not see her again. Sometimes she eats lunch at the picnic table right outside my office so even when I am not talking to her, I may see her. That sure does suck.
While this turned more into a rant then a NC calendar but I really needed to get a lot of my chest. I'm not even sure if it helped.
Day 8 and not so great! I was feeling pretty awful all of sudden today. I guess cause it finally hit that this is real. Felt awful all day but I'm starting to feel better now.
Never had any desire to break NC because I know that'll only make me feel 100x worse. Just missing him a lot. I had a dream about him last night that really didn't help. I don't mind being alone, single, etc. Just miss my best friend. Guess if I'm missing him he's probably missing me... but he's only got himself to blame for that. Luckily, I told him when we broke up that it would be easier for me if we didn't talk and he said he understood so I don't have to worry about him calling. Guess its good and bad in a way. But I'm just focusing on each day as it comes and making sure I make plans for every weekend so I'm not sitting at home moping.
Its weird, the thing I feel the most afraid of is waking one day and suddenly not having this love for him anymore. I know that should be the goal but it scares me. It wasn't a bad awful breakup. I know we still love each other very much. I guess we're just not right for each other. Oh well, to new beginnings!
I toatally understand what you mean about being scared of not loving him anymore, it has been 3 months for me but we have continued to see each other casually during that time, now it is a little more final and I am almost starting to care less and less about him and that really scares me... I am going to miss being so in love with him as a best friend and as a boyfreind but really it is time to let go... wow only day 8 I am going to be like everyone else and say it does get easier cause it does. And you are being way stronger than I ever was at the beginning I wish I had kept to N/C right from the start!
Chuff
Great post there , I understand what it's like to not be able to go NC completely because you see your EX at work or socially or a variety of other reasons.
That's why I have said for a long time that NC (if you can do it completely) is actually a luxury , so to all you people out there who CAN go complete NC , please do so. Honestly it's for your own good and gets the healing process started and finished a lot faster.
Your spot on there, I do get to do NC, but unfortunately I bumped in to my ex on the way home from work yesterday, it was only for a few seconds, but it still stirs emotions I don't want or need to feel.
Today will be my first day practicing nc with my ex. It has been about a week and a half since we broke up. It hurts so bad, but I cannot see her or talk to her. I met with her last night, and she pretty much said we are over, for good. No sense in trying to hold on to someone that has already given up. Time to focus on myself, my friends, my family, and work. The rest will makes itself clear when the time comes. GL all.
Also, what is this "list" that people are talking about?
What do you mean by the "list" belightingguy? Do you mean the stickies?
The list:
A list you make yourself on why you're better off without your ex, why you shouldn't contact your ex and a list of all the bad things about your ex. Add anything negative about your ex to this list and read it every time you're thinking of contacting her, or when you think of any good thoughts of her.
Yep, a great list to have... I made one when I first started No Contact so every time I got the urge to talk to her I would then read the list and the urge would go away. I recommend the list to anyone and everyone going through a break up. It's so easy to remember the good times but sometimes anger is what you need.
Day 9. Zero urge to contact. What's the point? What would I say? "hey, remember me? We were together for 4 years. We broke up 3 weeks ago. Just wanted to see how your life has been?"... duh! Its so weird. I just want him to be thinking of me and missing me. I know I shouldn't care about how feels, but its just killing me. How can someone say "I love you, I will always love you, I'm sorry I let you down, I just can't be in a relationship right now...". Agh! Why is life so complicated? I'm going to try to write one of those lists... even if I have to make stuff up to be angry about. I'd rather be angry and irate than have a constant underlying sadness.
Confession: I contacted the ex on Saturday through texts. But I had a reason (and I know everone says that.. )
I was doing fairly well with no contact (got up to 8 days, each time) seems like more.. Because the first time was v. brief.. ANYWAY..
I was molested in a club on Friday night and spent the whole night with the police/hospital, etc. It was killing me and he was the only person I wanted/trusted to talk to. So I texted him, and he acted like.. really concerned: Saying he wanted to kill the guy, he wishes he could help, blah blah.
I ended up saying some dumb things like how I've been so strong and I've been doing well, but this happening has made me feel weak and made me feel things about you that I shouldn't. And he just kept saying sorry and that he's here for me.
The WEIRD part is this. At the end of this text conversation, he says "I will call soon. I can't now. I'll explain later." And I was like.. what does that mean! And he just said "I'll explain later, hang in there, i'm here for you."
WHAT!? I feel so dumb that I contacted him.. but I couldn't help it. I felt so dirty and alone. :-(
I still love him. But it seems pretty obvious he doesn't love me.. as he hasn't said anything to me since and said he has things to explain later??
The list is what keeps ye going! Yeah, my ex has changed too and I know now it was a complete waste of time trying to get her back because the person she was when me and her were happy is now gone.. like she never existed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I also have regrets about the breakup of our relationship. We broke up 3 or 4 times and really when we ended the first time I should have wasted no time on trying to get her back and should just try to get on with my life.
I have the same attitude as you, if our paths cross in the future, so be it. But for now, we will stay us and get on with our lives. I'm really surprised at how well I've done without her in my life.. I haven't cried once, don't check her Myspace, haven't had any strong temptations to contact her and don't really think about her until night time (now).. but instead of sitting about moping, I decided to come on here and let out my feelings.
P.S.
BEFORE he told me all of those things (he'll call later, etc.) I DID say that I didn't think we should be together either. That I agreed we didn't need to get back together... and I said all that, so I don't think I came off as desperate? I just felt so.. terrible..
Nicole, the whole part of N/C is to get over your ex. Stop worrying about why he hasn't said anything to you since, he's not worth it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole0425
Get on with your life without him in it, things do get easier, I promise. I was in the same sitation as you, relying on a certain someone to make the pain go away but when they don't respond, it makes you feel completely crap.
The only way forward is to cut them out of your life, completely. It is hard but it gets easier and you will be happier in the long run believe me.
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.
And I'm sorry if I hurt you with what I said but I just want to try to help you get out of the mess you're in because I know how low you can go when in a situation like your's.. I have been in it myself. Just stay strong, for your own good.
Yea, it's weird because I have a mutual friend on Facebook and me and her were posting comments to each other and then my ex started commenting on that same friends Facebook trying to get me to see what she said. And then said "We should go check out that hockey game someone talks about all the time" after 2 posts down I had said how I have been playing hockey a lot lately and stuff. I didn't even let it phase me because she isn't worth my time. I am finally seeing that I need to do the things I want to do. I'm like you DazT, I did not think I would be able to recover so quickly. I hit rock bottom for like two weeks, then found this site and everyone here is such a great support line that I needed. My friends were telling how to get her back, I came on here and was told flat out to go No Contact.. Which I did. Everyone here, gives honest and straight forward advice that you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear.
Yeah, just ignore them comments.. very immature of her to do that rather than contacting you herself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Yeah, I see what you mean by doing the things you need to do.. I'm like you in that aspect as well. I had lots of things to be done but I didn't even think of them because I was rock bottom over my ex. I was really down. But I came on here also and was gave great advice, read other topics and it really helped. I must say, I was embarrassed to come onto the internet to find help because none of my friends would expect it off me and its not like me to do something like that but I was willing to try anything to get her back, then I was told to do N/C. I never listened until one day it hit me that it was the right thing to do and I've been mostly upbeat about the whole thing ever since.
And especially that the last words she said to me were "piss off and stop texting me", that's really motivating me not to contact her again. I was only trying to get my stuff back so that I didn't have to contact her again and she tells me that.. and I still haven't got my stuff back!
Sorry for that wee rant, lol.
Yea, my ex still owes me $140 bucks... but I weighed my options on that one... I could call and ask for my money, in which we may meet up to get said money and she might try to talk to me(not good because I don't want to hear what she has to say) or I could just write it off as a lesson learned. I have chosen, write it off as a lesson learned.
Yea, she has become a totally different person. She makes it apoint to talk about how she got drunk the night before when I walk by at work or always is with a guy flirting if I'm around. I just laugh it off because I think to myself "she just wants a rise out of you" and then I just walk by ha ha
My ex never said don't talk to me ha ha... I just stopped talking to her cold turkey, she wanted to be "friends because I was such a big part of her life" yea... Same song and dance, so big that you could walk away. My view on it was.. If you could walk away from us, I can walk away from you.
Touché.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
... my ex still has my fridge.. . lesson learned.
Rant on...
Well she came down to get a ride home because she is leaving work early today. As chance would have it she looks in the window as I happen to look up and our eyes meet then she goes and sits down out of my view. A guy who works for me said something to her about me but I couldn't make it out what it was nor her response. After awhile she gets up and stands out by the street for her ride and I guess got picked up at some point but I didn't see that. Naturally I pointed out to the guy who works for me that she was looking at me and that I caught her. He immediately changed the subject and then I asked if she happened to mention my name and he turned away and said "no." Obviously this is not his problem nor should he get involved but I know I came up. Anyway I have nothing to add, I just needed to rant for a second and I think I feel better now.
Wow... that says it all right there... my ex still thinks that I'm "one of the most important people in her life"... then why would she leave me?Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I guess I'm at Day 4.
I hate him. :-(
I'm still so sad. Blah. Just blah.
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