Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar II

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Havok,
If you look back and see the line of actions that have occurred, you will see that she is trying to keep a line of communication open with you. As long as that exists, so will thoughts of her in your mind.

Read that again :)

So I did the right thing right? I just closed the line of communication.

Hey y'all (that's southern for you all)(the heat gets to us)(It's really, really hot down here)(Seriously, you can not believe how hot is down here right now)(It sucks).

I want to share a little story with you all because I want to impress upon you something I noticed while this was going on. I think I was on about two weeks without having seen the evil witch until yesterday when I walked by her while she was outside on break. The mighty Chuffster, hating the skank with every being of my soul, refused to acknowledge her but she of course said hello and asked how I was doing. I answered by just kept moving along. Naturally this tried to (and admittingly succeeded at times) of bringing my day down because I was somewhat focused on it. But I kept busy at work and it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Most important I keep thinking how lucky I am this thing didn't drag out further, and how she's somebody else liar to deal with. When you turn this around and start viewing the positive you start becoming positive.

Several hours later another woman who works in our building approaches the Chuffster after work, and a conversation about 30 minutes ensues. The conversation contains flirting, touching, and with yours truly a heavy dose of laughter. She reminds me of something I didn't even realize, and that was she brought me some candy a few months ago, which I think was her way of seeing if I would respond. Truthfully, I wasn't even trying to be rude, I just sort of didn't give it a second thought, as I get a lot of things from the different business in this building, so candy doesn't really stick out. But with a clear head I saw this was her way of approaching me, and I didn't really respond so she dropped it. Then I did something for her about a month ago, with no intent other then being a good guy and in fact I haven't talked to her since. However, I think I was creating some interest in her and this came out last night. While this is all happening I'm thinking, "there are women everywhere waiting to approach, you just have to have your eyes open to what's going on."

Now I have no idea where this will go, if anywhere, but what I want to express to you all, especially the guys, we get hung up on this idea that "she was the one" or "nobody else is like her" blah blah blah, and I'm here to tell you, that while you are going to miss the ex, there are other women out there and maybe you can't see them right now because they read emotions and can tell when a guy is down. But it comes right back the same thing I always say, focus on the positive, focus on what's good about your situation, focus on you , and just focus on what is going on in your life, and they will start to present themselves to you.

Thanks chuff! This insight into your life gave me a glimmer of hope today

That's so true, you nailed that right on the head... That's my pick me up for the day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicrocker

thanks chuff! this insight into your life gave me a glimmer of hope today

Bro, I'm here to tell you, you have more then a glimmer. The hope is there, the confidence is there, everything you need is there, you just have to start focusing on the good in your situation... and there is good in every situation. It's up to you to find it and search it out. Maybe your break up made you a stronger person, maybe it taught you a lesson, maybe you'll find someone better, maybe if you would have stayed she would have murdered you and this was God's way of running interference. While that last one was a stretch, my point is that there is good, if not greatness in every situation, and when the break up happens we get stuck, we go into shock, and we just sort of coast on memories for awhile and we sometimes don't see what's right in front of us. There are 3 billion women on this planet, the odds are, she wasn't "the one." Stay positive, stay proud, stay true to yourself and that glimmer of hope will be a ray of truth when you let it.

I got to say, there is no way she is the one if she left... And you will find someone better! We all will.

Well I have finally come to the realization that she is moving on with her life. I am getting the impression she is content with what happened, for now anyway. I suppose this should help me move on a bit more, I just hate that she doesn't have to suffer like me.

One thing that has helped a bit lately is I talked to someone who knows her, they told me she absolutely hates my ex, she is the biggest follower she has ever met and is very fake. She didn't think this before but this just goes to show the change my ex went through.

I'm happy to hear that you are coming back to reality NNG...

And I know what you mean when you say you are the only one who has to suffer. I had a girlfriend who was in my french language class last year (highschool). The day after she dumped me, I was sad, depressed, and quiet. She came to class happy, and perky. That was not a good day, lol.

But an important thing is, is that I moved on from it, and got into other relationships.

I was in that mindset that she was the most perfect girl in the world, and no one else compares... Reality is, she is one of many who can make you happy. I know its hard to see now, but you'll get happier, find someone better .

Of course my expirience is only with high school relationships (short and sweet), but I think the lessons I've learned still apply to a more mature dating world.

Good luck NNG!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrsg

I was in that mindset that she was the most perfect girl in the world, and no one else compares... Reality is, she is one of many who can make you happy. I know its hard to see now, but you'll get happier, find someone better .

Oh definitely jr, I think that's a huge thing for most people on here. They don't see that light at the end of the tunnel as of yet. I am wanting to see it but have to admit still feel as if I can't love like that again for someone else. We will though, all of us will, it will just take time.

Thanks for the words my friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Numb

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

10 months NC! Seriously guys, stick with the NC. If you want proof that it works have a look back at some of my posts from 6 to 9 months ago, how I was convinced that NC wasn't the best idea, how I doubted whether it was a good thing for me.

NC will give you the clarity you cannot get if your ex is still hanging around. I don't care if she contacts me now, I am ambivalent. If she does, then I may listen to what she says, I may not. It may be better if she doesn't ever contact me because she will be told in no uncertain terms what I think about her and the way she acted towards me, which may not be a good thing! Water under the bridge is better!

I'm on day 10. Broke double digits. 14 is the record. How's everyone else doing today?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Questions2007

10 months NC!! Seriously guys, stick with the NC. If you want proof that it works have a look back at some of my posts from 6 to 9 months ago, how I was convinced that NC wasn't the best idea, how I doubted whether it was a good thing for me.

NC will give you the clarity you cannot get if your ex is still hanging around. I don't care if she contacts me now, I am ambivalent. If she does, then I may listen to what she says, I may not. It may be better if she doesn't ever contact me because she will be told in no uncertain terms what I think about her and the way she acted towards me, which may not be a good thing! Water under the bridge is better!

Hey, I'm really happy to hear that everything worked out with you! Congratulations! And I hope you visit this site more often, and provide some help to these people. They can really learn from your expiriences with NC!

Quote:

Originally Posted by dollarman

I'm on day 10. Broke double digits. 14 is the record. How's everyone else doing today?

That record is about to be shattered in 5 days. I'd say that's something to look forward to and be positive about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Questions2007

10 months NC!! Seriously guys, stick with the NC. If you want proof that it works have a look back at some of my posts from 6 to 9 months ago, how I was convinced that NC wasn't the best idea, how I doubted whether it was a good thing for me.

NC will give you the clarity you cannot get if your ex is still hanging around. I don't care if she contacts me now, I am ambivalent. If she does, then I may listen to what she says, I may not. It may be better if she doesn't ever contact me because she will be told in no uncertain terms what I think about her and the way she acted towards me, which may not be a good thing! Water under the bridge is better!

I can't wait for that day. I took a look back at your early posts, its really motivating to see the change in you now. I can't wait till all I feel is happiness. Thanks for posting, I am sure everybody here appreciates it. 1.5 months in now with some breaks in NC. I am going pretty religiously now and am looking forward to being in your position.

Same here, day 94 of NC. She seems happy enough, so I just need to keep focusing on me. Its not easy, but its got to be done. Just trying to get myself truly happy on my own at the moment.one day at a time.

Keep going guys.

Also Chuff, that pic really brings out your eyes...

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Also Chuff, that pic really brings out your eyes...

Thank you, I'm very flattered. I want people to see into my soul and not just look at me as "eye candy" and I'm happy to see that you are one of those people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

They don't see that light at the end of the tunnel as of yet. I am wanting to see it but have to admit still feel as if I can't love like that again for someone else. We will though, all of us will, it will just take time.

This is exactly how I feel.. sometimes I'm clear minded and know that I will get through this but most of the time I feel like I'll never love the way I did again... It makes me so sad because I want to feel that lovey dovey, head over heals love again... and for some reason I think it won't happen again... I swear,that's what bothers me the most!. it makes me so depressed.. :(

Well I talked to my ex last night. She tells me she has a date, that pisses me off. It hurts. I wish I didn't talk to her! Damnit! She asked if we could be friends, I told her I want to because I care about her and all but its just that I have too many feelings for her still. Damnit she has a date. 3 years with her, and she is able to move on so easily.