Well... that is the million dollar question... "how could they just... (you fill in the blank)?"Quote:
Originally Posted by nickshehe
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Well... that is the million dollar question... "how could they just... (you fill in the blank)?"Quote:
Originally Posted by nickshehe
I felt a lot better after deciding NC but now its seemingly worse knowing that its over and that is that.
Im still young and have no intention of getting married any time soon.. We've only been apart less than a month and I've slept with 2 girls.. but I still miss her and I'm still hurt.
She just talked to me again on msn asking if I'm there..
Didn't reply :/
I kind of wait for her all day to come and approach me at some point.. shes been doing so every 2-3 days so far.. blah
She asked me if I'm ignoring her on purpose..
Again I didn't reply..
If I said yes she'd either ask why and we would talk about it and id get pissed off again knowing she doesn't care about me..
Or she would say "ok" and id be equally pissed off..
This sucks
7 weeks I gone without contact its hurting like crazy today, the other day I was strong and wrote it on here now I'm angy and hurt again whhy..
I know in 3 weeks time ill be expecting a call as its my birthday then it won't happen I was meant to goon holiday with him then and it won't happen, I want to fast forward to August then ill know I be happy.
But I am proud of myself as soon as he said its over I didn't chase I just disappeared and had no contact. Just need time to heal x
I need someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing not talking to her..
I don't need to tell her I'm no ttaling to her right?
That's a form of letting her have a go at having the control
Ignore her. Your doing the right thing!! Be in control, don't let her think your there x
I know what you mean concerning future plans..
I booked flights to leave early from home to go back to the UK and stay with her for a week.. My residence contract excludes holidays and I can't go back to my halls until the 15th..
I was homeless up until about 4-5 days ago, now I'm going to stay at a friends in london..
But I keep thinking how we arranged my going there and how we were both sad about being apart for a month during the easter break and how I would miss her, and couldn't wait for the easter break to end.. and she dumped me before I left and now she couldn't care less.
A w e s o m e. :/
I Guess we just got to stop thinking about the plans made, they have made their decision we got to deal with it. But please do not contact her, it will push her away, that's y I haven't contacted my ex but then he could have contacted me,
Mine finished with me very out the blue because he needed space. When he said this he was crying. I know there is no one else involved I think he is just mixed up very mixed up, 2yrs I spent with him planning our future now I got that on my own.
If they come back or not, doing no contact will help in the long run x
I hate to burst your bubble, but you can never rule out the possibility of someone else. That may be the reason they're confused. As for NC, keep going! Any contact will only make you feel worse than you do now. But with NC it'll get better. I promise. I still have nights where I just want to talk to my ex, but I find if I get up for a drink, when I sit back down, that feeling is almost gone... another strange "bi-polar" feeling.
Keep it up people, NC is the right thing to do!
Im starting to feel that as well.. she put up pictures of her with this guy who I actually know.. and I was suspicious of a long time ago... makes me so angry but I can't do anything about it I can't let her know its getting to me.
I haven't heard of or seen anything of a new girl. But I guess you never know. But, Nick, I think we should keep our heads held high and try our best to look forward. We will never let them know how much it's hurting us that they may have moved on.
And besides, who knows? Maybe this new person won't be so great... and maybe it'll make her regret her dumb decision. But.. her loss, you know? I don't mean it will make her regret it so that she'll come back, but regret it in the sense that.. she's just dumb. I don't know if that makes sense. I hope my ex regrets what he did just so I can have the satisfaction of knowing he's an idiot.
Anyway.. I'm sending everyone on this crazy thread a hug, in whatever stage. A hug for those who hurt, a hug for those who support, and a hug for everyone in between. You all have been such a blessing and help to me.
Hi all... well major step back for me, I ended up going to the ex's with my group of friends on sat night for house warming. As soon as I got there he would not stop staring at me and text me saying thanks so much for coming you look great. The one thing I know is that he is so attracted to me and as bad as that sounds I almost like knowing that I have that power.. anyway as the night went on and I got a bit drunk somehow I ended up staying and he started saying how much he had missed not talking to him after the past three weeks and how he wanted us to have a proper chat when we were sober, funny now the N/C suddenly gave me that power again. Soooo we slept together... stupid I know and then spent all Sunday just hanging out like old times it was so fun but at the same time I didn't let myself get too carried away I know it doesn't mean anything and we are NOT getting back together. He text me last night and said how great it was to see me again and stuff. Now I am confussed I don't want to get back together after how far I have come but it was so good to spend time with him...
Stay away from myspace and Facebook... only pain can come from those sites... its hard, but don't look! You'll feel so much better if you beat those urges.Quote:
Originally Posted by nickshehe
Day 4.
I also suck at not looking at his Facebook. I know I shouldn't. But I miss him terribly and I don't know.. it's hard. I can't wait to stop crying every day.
How long does this "crap phase" take for an almost four-year (first love) relationship?
:-(
Basic rule of thumb says... a month for every year you've been together, but that obviously differs based on person to person... I've known people that have gotten over their 3 year relationships in 2 weeks, and have also known people that have passed 8 months and aren't still over their 1 year relationship... really up to them.
You can delay this "healing" process by contacting him, checking fbook (it is... the devil. Trust me), and thinking about him day/night...
You can speed the process up by keeping busy and spending time with your friends to forget about him. Your choice.
Good luck.
It's been seven months now, I feel great
One question though (this is just a really short one, I didn't think creating a post would be necessary)
Once in a while, when I see her, I get a bit weird feeling. I don't like her but it's just a tiny bit of an attraction. I'm just wondering if this is normal or not :confused:
Thanks
Yeah, I think it is... I mean, she was once an important part of your life, so it's normal to feel "something"... if I can figure out what that "something" is, I'll let you know.
As for me, I'm on 4 months now, and I'm doing fine... although I still have nostalgic flashbacks... they last only a few seconds. I still find myself avoiding her or trying to not go places where I know she will be with her new boyfriend... but since we don't have the same friends, it's not too tragic.
Sounds normal to me, but don't judge a book by its movie.
Thanks guys
I have flashbacks too, with the notes that I haven't gotten rid of yet but everything's cool. There's nothing left for her here anymore.
Anyway, I wish you guys well. Peace out
I know its hard, its been a little over 3 months, and I caved the other day and checked it... I know I still have this false hope that we'll see each other again, and who knows what could happen. I do know that my ex doesn't know what she wants and needs to grow up and learn about herself, but she jumped in with a new guy almost immediately after breaking up with me. And how can you learn about yourself if you're trying to learn everything about someone else... but yeah, even worse, I helped my ex set up almost everything that has a password, and I know it -_-... I've snooped before by logging into her account and it caused a lot of pain and confusion, but I learned that she really has no more feelings left for me. And its like, I don't want to date for awhile because I think I need to improve myself some more (even though I've been on about a dozen dates), but I just miss having someone to talk to like I could talk to my ex. There's only a few people I know where I can really be myself around, and my ex got it all, I gave her all of me... I know now that it was a mistake, there's no such thing as a "sure thing" anymore... relationships are so unpredictable... but maybe it was if I had loved myself a bit more, maybe I could have spared some heartache if I had a little more love for myself instead of giving it all to my ex. And it sucks to know that almost nobody marries they're first love. I mean, I really thought I did everything right, and I still kind of think I did. We hung out as friends for about 5 months before I asked her out, then we started dating, I took everything nice and slow... it's a personal choice of mine (and hers, as we are the same religion) to wait till marriage for sex so we never did (there was a lot of "alternatives" teehee). But yeah, things went slow, we built something so strong, and then she left for college, I thought it was going to be tough, but that we'd survive... didn't last 1 semester... lol. *sigh* and she tells me that she wasn't sure if she had ever loved me... ouch! I knew I loved her... but maybe this was to teach me that maybe it wasn't "real" love... ill never know till I fall in love again. It doesn't seem like it now, but I guess it will just happen. I hope.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole0425
It sucks because she really knew me so well... and we had absolutely no problems, I think we had maybe 2 major fights, but they were always resolved through peaceful conversation and reasoning...
Anyway, about Facebook... lol, sorry for the rant. Its been 3 months and I still slip up, nothing that really shocks me, and makes my heart beat real fast. But I got I little feeling of something. Goodness, I almost checked her email. (go go self control!) I don't know, I just want to see something that might feed my false hope, something wrong with the new guy, some sort of problem they have. My ex's friend used to email me, she hasn't in awhile, and part of wishes that she would... but the other part wants to slap that part and tell me to focus on me, on what I want, on what I'm going to do with my life, on why its nice to be without a girlfriend for awhile.
Well, I've wasted enough time... got to get back to my paper.
Sorry this is so long everybody... rough night I guess, yet I had a great day.
Well my ex has blocked me on Facebook so I can't even look. Which in a way is good for me but not a good sign.
Well, at least it's better knowing for sure, right? Trust me... it's better that she blocked you... rather than to trail you around with the whole "I want us to be friends" bs.
I am also the same, I check her Facebook page evry so often. I know I shouldn't, but in many respects, I consider that to be way better than breaking NC, and it stops me contacting her too!Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca
I know that eventually I will have to stop checking her fb site, I am almost at that stage. I think that is part of the gradual process of letting go.
Having just posted a few answers to help other people, I have realised that today is 8 months of NC for me. Time does move on quickly!Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb
Grrr stupid Facebook, I don't have him on mine anymore I blocked it so I can't look at it, anyway after seeing each other last week he has text me and then put a message on my Facebook last night saying "nice profile pic, you look too hot you should change it:-)" so anoying, I don't know what the hell is going on with him right now. I think he is having second thoughts but if he did want me back I don't know what I would do I don't even think I want that anymore...
Has it only been 5 days of NC?
Feels like a life-time. I'm still having those urges of.. "Oh, he'd think this was so funny." or "Oh, I feel so crappy, he'll make me feel better." Nope. He's the reason I feel so crappy. Stay strong everybody.
Seneca - I too have been guilty of snooping using their passwords. *Sigh* It's all so tempting.. but at least I haven't called him. I have been staying busy with school and stuff, it's just hard when I'm alone in my room..
Nicole, I feel you, which is why the first month of the breakup, I picked up another job and a volunteering job, and started to write a book.. . nothing makes the time pass than coming home at 2am to go to sleep, only to wake up at 8am to go to work.
That's been happening to me a lot too. Back when we were together and a day was going by where I was feeling down... I would just text him saying "can i spend the night?" and he always said "of course". It always made me feel so good. I miss being able to do that. But I try to tell myself... hey, sure I had a bad day and Im feeling down, but I'll get through it on my own. I can be strong. I don't need anyone to run to. I don't need anyone to protect me. I can make it on my own.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole0425
I feel Im doing well as far as facebook/myspace is concerned. About a week after the break up I cancelled my myspace account and blocked the site from my computer. (his profile is public) and I haven't been there since. Im not getting rid of Facebook since I have a lot of friends on there who I'd like to stay in touch with, but I did remove him as a friend. But, yet again, since we're in the same network I can still see his page. Im trying to be good about not checking it out. It's good he doesn't really update it at all, so the couple times I've gone there nothing has been changed. But that is how I found out about his "new relationship" w/ his friend. Made me so sick, but that's why it's a good to stay away from those things. I tell myself this every time I feel the urge to check in on him. I know I'm not going to like what I see, so I try to distract myself. I go to another site or I call up a friend. Then the urge goes away.
I feel things are getting better, even though I'm constantly thinking about him. Just as someone else had pointed out... I fear I also still have that little hope that maybe he'll come back into my life somehow. This is probably bad, but it makes me feel better having this hope. I know I shouldn't though, because it just slows me down from moving on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca
That's pretty much bang on for me all round West. Your posts are tip top. My ex luckilly only got the internet in her flat after we broke up, and I rejected her request to be my friend on it, as I know it wouldn't do me any favours to see what she's up too, and whilst I thought about what if she wants to see what I'm too, I decided that to not accept her request was best all round.
I have definite moments when I get pretty sad about the fact we aren't together, I miss all sorts of things. I was a bit like you as well, I gave a hell of a lot, probably too much now I look back on it. Your partner should be a big part of your life, not all of it. She wasn't all of my life, but I sure put her very high up.
The worst bit is the downtime I now have, I'm doing my utmost to do great things with the time I'm now given. I'm doing salsa and jive classes, play soccer on mondays, just need a good outdoor sport/hobby at the weekends now, as that's when the time with her was the best and I've got to fill it myself.
Best thing to think of is that, our exes took a good look at the relationship and thought id rather try my luck elsewhere, or rather be on my own than with you.
That seriously sucks, but things happen for a reason. Now we've got the chance to do a lot of work on ourselves, which I realise now I need to do, and we'll come back stronger all round.
Its definitely their loss and whilst it doesn't feel like it now it is our gain.
Im on day 32 of NC, just got to keep going. Not interested in dating or anything yet, I'll just let nature take its course.
Keep posting though everyone, as it really helps.
Day 6. Feeling pretty OK today, actually.
I stayed pretty darn busy and yeah, no crying.
So.. yay?
Congrats! The no-crying bit is actually a huge step. Keep your head above the water. You can do it!!
So after a week full of set backs and crying I am starting my official no contact again today... so here it is day one! Its funny how it all comes back again so quickly it almost feels like its still so fresh. Just like a scab which I can't stop picking even though it hurts... god I hope I can do this.
I'm on day 16 now.. feels really great most of the time.. but I just got a great memory of us back in the day and it hurts I'll never be able to do that again..
As someone said, when I had a bad day, I would ring my ex up and ask her to stay at mine that night and she made everything better. Now I have to get through it on my own.
But there's sooo many advantages of being separated too. I don't have to phone her every night any more when I don't want to or wait for her to text back.. I get to spend all my own money on ME!
I feel happier than I have for a long, long time as we were messing each other about for the past 6 months.. it's good to be free to do what I want now.
My older brother and his girlfriend just moved in with my mom and me not too long ago... all they do is argue, the same can be said of a couple of my best friends, they're always fighting with their girl. Now my ex and I rarely fought... but its nice that the possibility of someone yelling at me over nothing is extremely thin.Quote:
Originally Posted by DazT
And what you say is so true, there are loads of benefits to being single, more time to do better in school, time to work out, time to do whatever you like to do in your down time. Personally, I enjoy my own company, and I'm so glad I don't feel the need to constantly be with someone. Cheers to all the singles out there! What "leap-froggers" fail to see is that sometimes its good to be single, to be independently happy is something nobody can take away from you.
Powerful words.Quote:
to be independently happy is something nobody can take away from you.
Hey guys. To Daz.. keep going. It gets a little better. Just keep fighting temptation.
I was really good tonight (Day 7, A WHOLE WEEK NC! ). He was online (he never goes online) and he put up an away message (he NEVER NEVER NEVER does that) saying he was packing for the "big move" and "yay for him."
And I didn't do a thing. I was intensely curious and confused (he never mentioned moving anywhere... probably just to an apartment with a friend.. ) but I just ignored him for the time being.
I really want to be friends EVENTUALLY, but for now, NC is working for me.. so whooo!
Well done Nicole... keep on that NC Highway
NC now
July 2007 - April 2008 :)
WOW... Time flys. I got over it but I still think of her now and again. Life is to busy at the moment. Don't worry peeps it gets easy!
Oooh! For me it's NC starting late JAN 2008- APRIL 2008.
I concur with Jiser. It really does get easier!! I promise.
ALso, I really like your quote likening holding onto anger to grasping hot coal. So true! That's something that I still struggle with every now and then. :T
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