Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar II

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

freeatlast1
Your wasting your time with this nut job, as she is obsessive, and will turn anything you say against you. Also realize the trauma you have been thru, and know it will be a while before you can really be ready for the company of real healthy humans, so take the healing process very seriously, and follow the suggestions in the stickies. There are links in my signature.

Talaniman,

You are so right! This has been traumatic and has upset me so much that I've been rushing to start dating other people to get over it all. I just need to be alone and focus on myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaged

lol...She prob knows where we all live and shes gonna come and beat us up..lol...J/K :D

I changed all my passwords and have had no verbal or in-person communication for 2 weeks and no written communication for almost a week. Maybe she has some remote way of cracking my passwords without having direct access to my computer, but I don't know.

Hey you guys have been so helpful. I have another question. Obviously things weren't like this when we first started. She did ask a lot of questions about my ex, etc in the beginning but I thought she was just very interested in me. Things only slowly got progressively worse until they became hellacious.

So my question is what are the red flags to look for and when and what do you do to stop this kind of behavior in its tracks before it gets too far? I'm talking about going forward, in the future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaged

lol...She prob knows where we all live and shes gonna come and beat us up..lol...J/K :D

Lmao

Quote:

Originally Posted by freeatlast1

Hey you guys have been so helpful. I have another question. Obviously things weren't like this when we first started. She did ask a lot of questions about my ex, etc in the beginning but I thought she was just very interested in me. Things only slowly got progressively worse until they became hellacious.

So my question is what are the red flags to look for and when and what do you do to stop this kind of behavior in its tracks before it gets too far? I'm talking about going forward, in the future.

OPEN COMMUNICATION, first of all your past relationship is none of her business, Me personally I do not like to hear about the old baggage of your last relationship. It's a reason why they are an ex. In fact her insecurities were never your fault, and there is usually nothing you can do to prevent someone from being the way the choose. You know when a relationship is unhealthy. From day one you should establish what you are willing to accept, and although its pretty hard because usually within the first three months you are meeting their representative. You just have to listen, be honest follow your intuition and be open, If you are uncomfortable with something establish grounds with the person you are dating by letting them know when it first happens.I can go on and on, but THE most key things in any relationship is communication, and TRUST.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jolienoire

OPEN COMMUNICATION, first of all your past relationship is none of her business, Me personally I do not like to hear about the old baggage of your last relationship. It's a reason why they are an ex. In fact her insecurities were never your fault, and there is usually nothing you can do to prevent someone from being the way the choose. You know when a relationship is unhealthy. From day one you should establish what you are willing to accept, and although its pretty hard because usually within the first three months you are meeting their representative. You just have to listen, be honest follow your intuition and be open, If you are uncomfortable with something establish grounds with the person you are dating by letting them know when it first happens.I can go on and on, but THE most key things in any relationship is communication, and TRUST.

I agree! However don't be totally turned away if you get into a relationship and she brings up your ex. Pretty much everyone I know can't help themselves but to be a little curious about your past. If it persist though, then I think there is a problem. Jolienoire is totally right though, its all about cummunication and trust.

I know I have asked an a 'round about' way about ex's of my boyfriends. But I never made it a habit, nor did I pry deep (like obsession).

Well everybody, tomorrow is the day... Don't know if you remember but I am going skydiving. I don't think I will think of her once while I am falling from 3000 feet. I am terrified, I will admit, but I think its going to make me feel on top of the world. Its kind of funny how I spontaneously booked this days after our break-up because I felt I needed something crazy to take my mind off things. Haha I am not going to get one bit of sleep tonight. :s

I will post a picture of it when I get back! Hope everybody has a good night and day tomorrow, wish me luck!

OMG that's so exciting!. You're going to have a blast!. Hope you enjoy your day and come back safe :) take lots of pics... We want to see your face.. lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Well everybody, tomorrow is the day.... Don't know if you remember but I am going skydiving. I don't think I will think of her once while I am falling from 3000 feet. I am terrified, I will admit, but I think its going to make me feel on top of the world. Its kinda funny how I spontaneously booked this days after our break-up because I felt I needed something crazy to take my mind off things. haha I am not going to get one bit of sleep tonight. :s

I will post a picture of it when I get back! Hope everybody has a good night and day tomorrow, wish me luck!

That is awesome mate. Good for you.

I have had a horrid afternoon. I met a very good friend for lunch and have been in tears for the last 2-3 hours. I hate being without my ex.:(

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Well everybody, tomorrow is the day.... Don't know if you remember but I am going skydiving. I don't think I will think of her once while I am falling from 3000 feet. I am terrified, I will admit, but I think its going to make me feel on top of the world. Its kinda funny how I spontaneously booked this days after our break-up because I felt I needed something crazy to take my mind off things. haha I am not going to get one bit of sleep tonight. :s

I will post a picture of it when I get back! Hope everybody has a good night and day tomorrow, wish me luck!

Oh Man! Have a great time NNG! And Be Careful, Please! Definatley post pics, I can't wait to see them! :) :D

NNG! That's great!
When we advised you to distract yourself, we meant see a movie, or get a new electronic, or even just see friends and family. We didn't mean go jump out of a plane... LOL. Just joking,I hope you have fun!
My uncle skydives and says is the best feeling ever. He's gone several times, and has come back safe evertime, so there is nothing to fear. GOOD LUCK! :) I just hipe you aren't afraid of heights...

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

I have had a horrid afternoon. I met a very good friend for lunch and have been in tears for the last 2-3 hours. I hate being without my ex.:(

We're here for you... It's good that you got out to see a friend though. Did something happen during the lunch that initated the tears?
And don't worry, this is just a rough patch, I'm sure you'll get through it. Time heals all wounds.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

that is awesome mate. Good for you.

I have had a horrid afternoon. I met a very good friend for lunch and have been in tears for the last 2-3 hours. I hate being without my ex.:(

Hi F104,

I am so sorry. I wish I was able to snap my fingers and make the pain go away. I would do that for all of us. I know it's hard sweetie. Do you have plans for the weekend? I would definitely suggest going out and doing something for you, something that will be all for you, and all about you. I don't know if you have any, or like them, and this may sound crazy, but, what about getting a tattoo? Design one out yourself, something that totally is a reflection of you, draw it out as best you can, and maybe get it. I had a friend that did that; he was going through a real rough time over a break-up some years back, and that is what he did. It was something totally for himself.

jrsg thanks mate. Yeah he and I were talking about relationships. He is a great friend and I often talk to him. I can talk to him about anything. So I was talking to him about my ex and I just burst into tears again. I was doing so well until he and I started talking.

He said "well she maybe suffering as much as you are." I replied "Oh I hope not as this hurts so much and I don't want her to suffer like this." I am not sure if that is progress or not. But my emotions are in such a flux at the moment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi F104,

I am so sorry. I wish I was able to snap my fingers and make the pain go away. I would do that for all of us. I know it's hard sweetie. Do you have plans for the weekend? I would definately suggest going out and doing something for you, something that will be all for you, and all about you. I don't know if you have any, or like them, and this may sound crazy, but, what about getting a tattoo? Design one out yourself, something that totally is a reflection of you, draw it out as best you can, and maybe get it. I had a friend that did that; he was going through a real rough time over a break-up some years back, and that is what he did. It was something totally for himself.

Starlite1 wow! Thanks. A tattoo that is exactly what I was thinking about getting! But yes I will be spending the weekend between friends and homework. But yes I think I am going to get a big tattoo. I even shaved my head yesterday.

I wish this pain would leave for all of us too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

Starlite1 wow! Thanks. A tattoo that is exactly what I was thinking about getting! But yes I will be spending the weekend between friends and homework. But yes I think I am going to get a big tattoo. I even shaved my head yesterday.

I wish this pain would leave for all of us too.

Good for you, F104! I say, go for it :) and I wish you a wonderful weekend, full of happiness and peace!

Thanks mate and the same goes for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

jrsg thanks mate. Yeah he and I were talking about relationships. He is a great friend and I often talk to him. I can talk to him about anything. So I was talking to him about my ex and I just burst into tears again. I was doing so well until he and I started talking.

He said "well she maybe suffering as much as you are." I replied "Oh I hope not as this hurts so much and I don't want her to suffer like this." I am not sure if that is progress or not. But my emotions are in such a flux at the moment.

In my opinion, talking is very good. I have my friend who I confide in. I tell him everything about me, what I feel, and what I want to do. He doesn't always give good advice, but he is always supportive, and listens. Sometimes its good to get things out.

And as for if you've 'progressed' or not, that depends on what you consider progress. I've been reading your posts, and you seem to be progressing. This, like I said, is just a rough patch.

One thing you definitely need to do is stop thinking about her. DISTRACT YOURSELF! I have to distract myself bigtime over this weekend. My ex is going to the beach with some guy... :(. I try not to think about what's going to happen.

So, I wish you luck in getting through this. Your doing good so far! Just keep coming to this site, it helps me out a lot to talk on this forum.

The pain will leave one day... & everything will be okay... and then you will remember this day and laugh.. everything will just be a memory.. nothing more!. We got to be patient...

JR how do you know what your ex has planned for the weekend?

Thanks jrsg. Your right about doing things that will distract me from my ex.

I hope you will get this weekend okay too. That would be hard to deal with. How did you find out about it?

Damage your right. How is your day going now? Better than it was earlier I hope.

Yea its better... :)

How are you feeling?

Good. Seems as though you and I have flip flopped for the day. :)

Lol... apparently :D

Are you doing anything tonight or staying home. I may go and visit friends in a bit. It will be hard as the last time I saw them my ex was with me. They all liked and will be asking questions. Yuck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

Thanks jrsg. Your right about doing things that will distract me from my ex.

I hope you will get this weekend okay too. That would be hard to deal with. How did you find out about it?

Well, a bit of background info here first. I couldn't really play the NC card with my last relationship. I am in high school, and my girlfriend was in 3 of my 4 classes (how we met). We sit next to each other in all 3 classes, and partnered up on projects together in all classes. So, after we broke up, it was awkward to say the least. But, we kind of had to make a friendship work, as we are around each other for 5 hours a day, 5 days a week.

We have actually done a good job of building a friendship, and we get along well now. I still like her, but she doesn't know it. I figure summer break is coming, and if I need to, NC can happen then. As for seeing her everyday, NC is a little hard to initiate, without outright ignoring her, so we still talk.

Anyways, the way I figured out about the beach thing with a random guy was that she told me. I'm glad she can still talk to me about anything though. And another thing, the "random guy" is the guy she dated before me...

It'll be tough, but I am distracting myself... seeing the grandparents! Thanks for the well wishing.

I have to work... I have a part time job as a bartender, so I get out of my first job then go to the 2nd.. Im pretty busy :D... & about you: go and enjoy being with your friends.. If they ask about her tell them we broke up and I'd rather not talk about her... but if you feel like talking then talk.. they're friends.. but try to have fun... Life is too short to be anything but happy :)...

Its not nice that she can talk to you about anything... because your feeling like crap knowing she'll be going out with some other guy.. You should seriously consider NC over the summer.. What grade are you in?. Are you graduating?

Well guys I'm on my way out.. I hope you have a wonderful Friday night.. Have lots of fun.. & don't worry about the people who don't worry about you!.

I'll talk to you guys tomorrow... HAVE FUN!! <3 u all

Have a good one.

I don't know what day it is, I don't keep track of NC anymore. You know what I realized, you can have soooo much fun and enjoy yourself when you are busy and seeing friends etc. But the moment I'm alone thoughts of my ex start to pop up. It annoys me a lot and I'm trying to find ways to keep myself busy while being along

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Originally Posted by hjpan

Day 9 of NC --> No Contact..

the urge is slowly dying

That is good to hear. Well done.

Hey guys guess what? One thing I am realizing that being single has it good thing after all!! since my break up, I decided to do things just spontaneously... about two weeks ago I took 5 days off and went on a road trip with some friends to NYC... it was such a blast!! and in 19 days I am also going skydiving, then scuba diving... ins't that interesting... hehe? And o get to play soccer and work out everyday and work so I am busy busy busy..! I go boxing, and just hang out with friends and play tons of video games... and now that the Euro 2008 is on, I get to watch all the games... and it helps that my ex is like 3 hours away... so I won't get to see her... the only thing that suck is the memories I have with her in this town.. but in time that will all go away!!

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Originally Posted by gg23

hey guys guess what? one thing i am realizing that being single has it good thing after all!!!since my break up, i decided to do things just spontaneously...about two weeks ago i took 5 days off and went on a road trip with some friends to NYC....it was such a blast!!!and in 19 days i am also going skydiving, then scuba diving...ins't that interesting....hehe?? and o get to play soccer and work out everyday and work so i am busy busy busy....!!! i go boxing, and just hang out with friends and play tons of video games...and now that the Euro 2008 is on, i get to watch all the games....and it helps that my ex is like 3 hours away...so i won't get to see her...the only thing that suck is the memories i have with her in this town..but in time that will all go away!!!

Its great to see that you're doing well, gg23! I hope you have fun skydiving, and scuba diving, and whatever other '_______diving' you are doing! Lol.

Grrrr... it's late and I'm up. Anybody else there? Lol

Yea dollarman, I'm up lol. How you doing today/tonight

So basically found out that my ex hooked up with another guy at another party... wow she's changing... sickening

Had the most random text message last night.. my ex texted me at 2.30 AM just as I was getting to bed after a bit of a mad night at the local pub with her new number again! We texted for a while, just catching up on things and she left the conversation by telling me to contact her soon and not to be a stranger..

We were both very nice to each other (we split up together, none of us got dumped), but this was the 3rd time she contacted me with her new number after she told me she was getting a new number so we couldn't talk!

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

so basically found out that my ex hooked up with another guy at another party...wow shes changing....sickening

I wouldn't worry about it, our ex's seem to go through that stage of hooking up with every other person after they turn single. That's just the way it goes.. just concentrate on yourself, not on someone that dumped you.