It is amazing how textbook the pattern is for dumpees after being dumped!Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Period 1 - upset, anxiety, maybe depression, a huge desire to get the dumper back
Period 2 - Anger, upset
Period 3 - Ambivalence!
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It is amazing how textbook the pattern is for dumpees after being dumped!Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Period 1 - upset, anxiety, maybe depression, a huge desire to get the dumper back
Period 2 - Anger, upset
Period 3 - Ambivalence!
Today is day 1 for me :( I moved out yesterday and my ex keeps texting about bills and things about the house. Doesn't he care about anything else, oh I don't know like... me? I'm miserable, sad and I don't see too much hope for my future in regards to romance :(
So it has been somewhere around 6 weeks of NC. During this time I have made considerable improvements but these past two days have been really rough. I came home from college for spring break and was able to see some of my best friends for the first time since the breakup. I have known these guys for a long time (before I started dating my ex) and were pretty close. However, while I was away at school I never brought up to them what happened in any phone/email conversations.
Naturally since they are so adapt to me being with her (we were together for over 4 years) they asked about her. Between you guys on this site and my mother I had never told anybody what happened between my ex and I. I kept it under wraps and if anybody else asked I would just tell them we are not together anymore.
I told my friends everything that had happened between me and her while I was away at school. They are very supportive and it did not bother me at the time talking about with them but later on in the night when I got home I could not get her off my mind. I stupidly picked up a picture book she had given me some time ago. The combination of seeing all the pictures of us together and me talking about her my buddies caught up to me. This set me back some and now I feel like I did earlier into the breakup.
Anyway I am sorry that this post is long but It helps to let it out sometimes. I guess everybody has there highs and lows and this is just a reminder that I need more time. I hope everyone else is doing well though.
I have an interesting situation I would like to share. I am on day 2 of NC. The interesting thing is that I did the dumping. He wasn't giving me what I needed and communication wasn't working amongst other things. So after telling him over and over that I wasn't happy and that I never saw him anymore I told him not to call me or text me anymore. I told him I wanted to be free and single. I'm tired of doing all the work in the relationship I'm the giver he's the taker so I wanted out. The thing is I feel I want to call him and tell him I'm sorry and try again to make things work. Do you know what will happen? He will continue to take me for granted and use me like he has been so I think the NC is mostly to work on you and to gain yourself respect and dignity back. It doesn't matter who made the decision to part ways, what matters is that there was a reason why it happened and although is a horrible thing to go through eventually we will all reach acceptance and realize that we don't need to chase after something that we already lost. He didn't have the guts to leave me so I did and it probably hurts even more because I had to make the decision for both of us. To make it even worse I am pregnant with his child so he will be in my life but not as a romantic partner so I'm taking this time to get over him so I can have a healthy relationship with him in the future for the sake of our baby. The key here is to be strong and think of the outcome which is always better when you know you've done the courageous thing. So keep your heads up high and think of the ultimate prize... you will come out on top with your dignity intact and stronger then ever. If a hormonal pregnant woman can do it so can you!!
Hello all,
I haven't been on here in a while. I really hope everyone is doing well.
Just wanted to share that it's been almost two months since I did NC and this is the first time that I haven't felt down at the beginning of the week (I usually fluctuate through the weeks). I still think about him every now and then, but almost as a thirdy party. God I'm soooo glad that the relationship with the ex is over. I can't believe that I let anyone treat me like that and question my self-worth!! [I guess that happens when you like someone lol. ;) ]
Wooot to freeedom~!!
All of you, duck22, dusty angel, txpriss, etc. keep on trucking!
Keep on going, and also if you can motivate others that helps!Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
To be this far down the road to recovery after 2 months is very good!
Kind of broke NC on Saturday.. But don't feel as though it was a big deal and I'll explain why. My parents go grocery shopping at the place me n her work, they still are really close with my ex which I'm OK with(I just tell them not to tell me what she says). Well something happened and it really got my mom upset, and my ex actually was being nice to her called the manager and made sure they told me what happened. A cashier had freaked out on my mom, making a huge scene. So my ex did all this and then said "make sure you call George, I would but he doesn't talk to me anymore" So she then text my mom asking how she was. So when I went to leave for the day, I took my headphones off and walked up to her and simply said "Hey Brianna, thanks for checkin on my mom. It meant a lot to her and I appreciate what you did. So thank you"
Was that so bad? I really want to stick to the NC thing
If it doesn't really phase you then its okay, I would just hope that this doesn't open a can of worms. But yeah, as long as you're over her or at least not holding onto any hope that she'll come back, then I think it was cool.
Nah, no hope ha ha.. I figure what's meant to be will be... Regardless of what I say or do, I'm not over her but talking to her like that didn't make me want to go home and watch the Notebook crying. I actually ended up going to a party ha ha... I'm enjoying being single, no body calling and checking in on me
Too right, don't have to be home at a certain time to talk on the phone before bed... going and doing whatever I want... its really not that bad at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
As I had expected my ex contacted me via text last night. I didn't reply to any of them. I was asleep at the time anyway so I wasn't about to disrupt my beauty sleep for him... yeah who am I kidding? I couldn't go back to sleep for three hours after him texting me over and over. I still did not respond and I won't. He kept saying how I'm being irrational and made a drastic decision by breaking things off. He said he wanted to be there for me and my child and so on and so on. It felt great to hear those words but what could he's motive really be. I've been down this path many times before and I think I've learned a thing or two. He gets me to come back try again and then a few weeks later he's back to distancing himself with the excuse of work, I don't see him for weeks at a time, says he's coming by and doesn't (not even a courtesy call saying he can't make it) to me these are not signs of a person who is in love with me but more like a user. I still don't get it why be with someone if you are never around anyway? So many questios. As you can see they do come around but you need to look at their motives and decide for yourself if you want to go back to the old days and be with someone that has hurt you deeply or if you are better off alone. I think that's why NC is so important for the healing process and to make a better decision when they do come around. My head is clear my heart still cloudy so I have to be careful. I have to be honest, I feel empowered by not answering his text, like somehow I am now the one in control sort of speak. Great feeling! Keep being strong :)
I agree, the NC rule is great. A friend I spoke with last night said that it looked like I was afraid to move on for fears that I might be too far gone if my ex should decide to re-enter the picture. However, she said I need to face this fear head on and just get on with my life. She said hypothetically it's better to start a situation over again when you've moved on from your normal routine and habits. For instance, if we jumped back into our relationship now, we'd be right back where we were with our grudges and bad habits. We'd only have the same problems we used to. However, she said step away and move on, discover you again. If he should return, he'll have to return a different person. However, whether you'll be the same is the question. I'm keeping this in mind but I don't want to sit around wondering if he'll return. I know I'd rather be alone right now than enter the situation I just left and have it good for a short while then go right back to the usual toxic mess. I know I'd be better off alone or meeting someone totally new some time in the future. Who knows, maybe it'll work out later on down the road but in the meantime I'm keeping my head up and my eyes open!
... so my friend calls me up today and she asks me hesitatingly, " Hey (my name)...have you been talking to (my ex) recently?" This is after I told her two months ago that I would prefer that she not talk about him to me. This is also a month after I told her the @$$hole thing he did to me, without going into detail since I felt that would put her in an uncomfortable position as a mutual friend, and that I didn't want anything to do with him again.
I replied, "No. I haven't talked to him since." Then, she tells me that he texted her saying that he's going to be in the city this weekend.
I know that I shouldn't care, but I just don't understand why she brought him up with me? That's like picking at a fresh scar. I mean, yes it's healed over, but it's still there.
True, I don't want to see him ever again, but now I can't help wondering if he's going to be around this weekend and if he's going to hang out with my friend. Ugh. The fact that I care shows that I'm still smarting. :T
Eh. Perhaps it's because she thought that he contacted you to see if you two wanted to meet up (since he contacted her... ).
As you said, it may also be an indirect way for her to ask if it's OK if she hangs out with him.
Let it go jilted... let it go.
If it makes you feel any better, my ex is currently on a cruise with her new guy... while I'm working... for spring break. Yep.
Oh man. I thought I did let it go. HAHA. Guess not. Should I tell her it's fine if she wants to meet up with him? I was sort of cold when she brought him up. I was like, "Oh. Well, isn't that nice for him" and she told me that she was sorry for bringing him up. The conversation about him ended there and I changed the topic to more important matters.
I hope I didn't keep her from meeting up with him. They're childhood friends. Should I tell her it's okay? I feel badly now.
If they were friends before anyway I think you should tell her its fine to see him.
Don't worry about it Jilted. It's hard when the ex quickly pops back up into your life in one way or another. I actually saw my ex today and my whole day went downhill from there (and its been 3 months since we talked). I started to think about all the great times and... yeah... well there you have it.
Anyway, don't stress out about your friend. You are not keeping her from hanging out with him, I mean that question didn't even come up. If it makes you feel better just let her know your sorry for the way you reacted to her question and that you hope you didn't offend her. That's as far as I would go.
Thanks ISneeze, friend4u, and confused25.
Yea, I just told her she shouldn't feel awkward about meeting up with him just because of me. She told me she just wanted to know since she had no idea what our interaction was like. I told her the truth; there wasn't any. Lolol!
Good... I think you did the right thing
The past few days have been tough for some reason... I don't know why but I just want to talk to her... maybe its because its spring break and I know she's in town... or its just another rough patch in this bipolar break-up syndrome...
*sigh* I thought I was doing so good, I had a girl tell me that she loved me last week, and it didn't really do much for me. It was nice to hear, but I just don't feel the same way... mostly because we only hung out 4 times... but goodness, I thought I was really getting over her! Psh... I hate this bs.
Hahaha. That's a good way to put it: "bi-polar break-up syndrome." -_- Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing well and don't you forget it. You've made a lot of process, and when you get annoyed with yourself or preoccupied with those inconvenient feelings, just concentrate on the positive. :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca
I had the syndrome this past weekend, although I'm slowly returning to normal thank LORD.
I'm looking forward to my European excursion this Spring Break, starting for me at the end of this week. Woooot.
i'm on day 23 of NC
One month :-) and still alive
hey umm would contacting the brother of my ex to ask a question (wii friend code =) )be considered breaking the NC?
I would like to think "breaking nc" is contacting the ex...
However, if you're contacting the brother of the ex... in hopes that somehow she'll hear that you called... or maybe if she'll pick up... or contact you in return in some way, I would consider that breaking nc.
Really, if you're doing this so that she'll somehow be tied into it... then don't kid yourself. If not, and you're contacting him strictly for the codes, then why not?
Nc isn't something that's supposed to tie you down... it's kind of like a diet. The more you stick to it, the faster and more efficient results will follow. You break it every now and then... and it will hurt, and just might make results take a bit longer.
Oh all right ^_^. I'm glad. It was an IM to her brother and when I IMed him, I was really hoping that she wasn't home.. and that she wasn't near the computer. Although what made me think is that... there was no response on the AIM and suddenly logged off.. I fear that it was her and if it was I thought I just broke the NC
I'm on my 7th and its really hard trying not to do anything but its killing me
Sonia... Don't worry, the first 2 weeks are really hard! It was one of the hardest things to do in my life, but looking where I am now as compared to where I was(check my older posts and see how bad I was) I feel so much better. I am hanging out with friends, meeting new people, new girls in my life and just living life how I want to. What I did was make a CONs list about your ex, this way whenever you feel the need to contact them... Read that list and it goes away. Trust me after 2 weeks, it starts to get better
BTW... I'm on day 97:-D
Wow that's great, I like your cons list that way you never forget what they did to you, thanks for the advice will do that
3 months of no DIRECT contact... (YAYA) not doing so well with his best friend... we have spoken every month since the break up... yikes
It's been 4 days for me of NC. We broke up about a week and a half ago. It's been tough getting over him. My emotions are all over the place and it makes me feel sick when I think of what he might be up to or what his feelings are.
Deleting his number off my phone helped. And I deleted his room mates number also. I not only blocked him on myspace... but I also cancelled my account and blocked the whole website on my computer (his page is public). Im just trying to make it harder for myself to contact him. We didn't really hang out w/ the same group of friends, we don't work together or even live near each other, so I guess that's a good thing.
I know that I don't want to know what's going on in his life or how he's feeling. It would just make me hurt more, no matter how curious I am. Of course, I always get the urge to contact. I keep thinking up new things that I want to ask him or tell him. But I just try to remember that as good as it might sound in my head at the time, I'll just end up regreting it in the end. Not only will I be appearing weak to him, but more importantly to myself.
I know this is for the better. I just wish it wasn't so hard!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chameleon24
Hang in there sweetie... I know how much it sucks but you sound strong. The pain won't last forever it just seems like that now. Keep busy and stay close to those who love you.
Best of luck to you... smile even when is tough to do so
It's day 4.5 for me since the breakup and it's been NC. I will not contact him, but I still really wish I could talk to him. Ugh, so bad.
I'm so glad I found this forum because none of my friends understand. They either say "It'll take a week. Give it two weeks and you'll be fine." or they say "Yeah, it's like losing a best friend."
... No, it's actually losing my boyfriend of 3.5 years, the person who I shared my life with.
It's nice to finally be understood and find some support, even if it is from people whose faces I can't see.
I am going through the same thing. If it's any consolation, you're not going through this alone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chameleon24
Keep yourself busy with your friends/family or do things you enjoy like read novels. I'm at day 40 of NC, never thought I could make it this far. If I can reach day 40, I'm sure you all can too!
You are so right, friends don't understand or they get sick of hearing about it. I think it feels like a death. When my boyfriend left I grieved just like he had died.Quote:
Originally Posted by jamimama
And this forum is a life saver. It's the only reason I think I kept my sanity, Well most of it anyway LOL!
I definitely have to agree with the current sentiment. It has been almost 6 months NC for me. And although some things are easier, it still feels like there is an open wound. (And like a sore tooth or a bruise, I keep poking it!)
2 weeks. Ha! Lol.
I have been doing total n/c for 2 weeks after we broke up almost 3 months ago and then started sleeping together again. Anyway the dumb thing was is that last week I was stranded at the Airport after my ph battery died and his was the only number I knew off by heart so I called him off someone else's ph and asked him to call my sister to come and get me... it all ended with a text from him later saying he hoped I got home OK and that he loved that he could still be my hero!! Toatally messed with my head and now has me thinking about him again heaps, I am so close to txting him but no I have to be strong esp after I have been so good already for 2 weeks I am sure I can keep on, it is amazing how just that little bit of contact can bring it all up again!
Hi people. I am so glad I found this thread.
My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me March 19. The first week after, I was a wreck.. texting, calling.. all that crap. He said he still loves me but it's for the best, blah blah.
We had an awkward post break-up talk in which I told him why we should be together and he just cried and cried and said no.. He still thinks this is for the best.
Two days later I call him (I know, I know) and tell him I think he's confused and needs space. He doesn't disagree.. and I tell him that we shouldn't talk for a while.
He says "How long?" So I say about a month? I mean.. is that?
Then I make it to the end of the week and there is a mix-up in which he thinks I called him (I didn't... but it turns out my friend was trying to delete his number from my phone and accidentally did.. at about 4:30.) Anyway, he called me back ONE HOUR later.. (I didn't answer.) I waited the next day to text and ask "Why did you call? Unless you know what you want, we aren't supposed to talk." And he said, "ok no talking."
Then, losing my control I texted "And if you already know, don't play this game." I feel so dumb for writing that to him, because now, since he said NOTHING back.. I'm like does this mean! But since then, it's been no contact. Basically a whole week (doesn't sound like a lot.. but feels like hell.)
I hate to admit I have some hope due to his weird behavior, but I feel a bit better reading through here and realizing I'm not alone and that I WILL BE OK, either way..
Thanks for reading all of this. (If you did.)
Don't be so hard on yourself... we've all sent that text we wish we didn't, sent that email, made that call... we've all done that stupid thing. So forgive yourself and keep trying to move on... don't expect anything from him when this month is over...
My ex said that we'd talk about a relationship this summer... yet I sent an angry email after I find out that she was emotionally cheating on me. And I pretty much ended up breaking the "break" she wanted. So yeah, don't expect a miracle, as most "breaks" are for good.
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