I did, but the bad thing about memory is that you remember the sn...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Well, the feelings have passed for now.
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I did, but the bad thing about memory is that you remember the sn...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Well, the feelings have passed for now.
They always will. Just a simple exercise that may help. Every time he pops into your head get up and do something. Anything will do from cleaning out a drawer to arranging silverware. This will allow you to learn to change your focus.
Update:
NC is probably the greatest thing that's ever happened to me... as far as post break-up. Been about a month and a half, I find myself doing better in school, I have a girl in almost every class (never used to flirt back when I was with the ex, damn I'm good lol)
So yeah, if someone just broke your heart, things do get better, you just have to make the effort to meet new people... and if you think you'll never find anyone else again (I thought that, I now laugh at myself) take it from this little chubby guy (thats me! Only 5'8'') confidence is everything, and now that I honestly don't want the ex back, I feel so much better about myself, after thinking about her in a different light, I actually put up with a lot for my ex. Would I do it again? Sure. Would I have done anything differently? Not a chance; I'm a total catch and if she can't see that then its her loss.
Probably the best thing I did was make a new friend that's into the same music as me, (shes really cool, and wise) and we just share happy music and talk about it, I enjoy listening to music. So yeah, try and find someone who has a same interest as you, something you love, it can really put things in perspective.
P.S. its hard to give 5 girls the attention they want, but at least I never find myself texting only one of them. And if you think I'm a bad guy for this, I'm not, I've been totally honest with all of them, saying that I just got out of a relationship a little while ago, and they're all very nice about it.
P.P.S. (I think that's it) I see a lot of posts on here about being 20, 21, 24, etc... and still a virgin, I'm 21, a virgin, I'm proud of it, and girls think its hot. So don't feel bad about it people.
Well guys its day 2 for me... I'm doing okay lets see HOw fast I can get back on track...
I'm not counting the days but it has been roughly a month since breakup and two weeks since no contact. I still miss her a lot and care for her but since our breakup I was able to see her in a different light. She is not the perfect girl that I had once thought she was. I deserve somebody who won't betray my trust and will always love and appreciate me. It took a series of unfortunate events to take place for me to learn that she is not the one for me.
One day she will realize what she had loss and it will be too late for her. I am almost certain that when/if she tries to come back I will tell her that I do not want her back and mean it. I still have my highs and lows but now I feel a hundred times better then I did before. Everyday is better then the last and I am beginning to feel more optimistic about my situation.
Hey I haven't written anything on this NC Calender because I just found this and this is exactly what I need. Let me tell you a little about my situation. My boyfriend broke up two weeks ago. I have been extremely sick which started a few days after we broke up I was in and out of the hospital so I have been contacting him because of everything. Thursday was the last time I talked to him he seemed distaant and really didn't care so I just decided I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I haven't call him or texted him since Thursday and I feel good.
He called me last night and this morning and I ignored both of the phone calls. I Just am really confused because he obviously wants to move on and not with me. I just stopped kind of randomly just stopped calling and stopped answering his calls.
We were together for 1 year and weren't for a month in that year. We spent a lot of time together and we were in love but we just started fighting nonstop all the time so he decided to leave because of all the fighting.
I still want to talk to him and see what he's doing. If he keeps calling what should I do?
THANKS!!
Why do you argue so much?? You would probably be better served by posting a question in 'relationships', if your unsure, and get a lot more feedback. Unless your absolutely sure you want this to be over. In that case you keep doing as you have been.
Hello all.
I was doing great this weekend until a mutual friend momentarily brought him up. He thanked her for recommending a band. She told me she had no idea what he was talking about. That idiot--I was the one who listened to them! In fact, I listened to one of their songs all summer when we first started dating because it reminded me of how happy I was to have found him! Then again, memory was never his strong point. Too bad it's mine.
What's more, I surprisingly acted like it didn't bother me because it didn't... until a few hours later when I was by myself and not surrounded by friends. (Talk about delayed reaction.)
As a result, I was pretty much useless last night. I feel like I'm back at square one, where I'm flooded by memories of us and where I keep asking all those questions that I will never receive an answer to, at least honest ones. I'd been doing so well lately, too! I hadn't been as angry or bitter thinking back on it, more as matter of fact and "thank you for the experience. it was nice while it lasted." I had a good attitude about it, and now it's gone. Now I'm back to wondering why he stopped liking me enough, why I wasn't good enough, etc. even though I know the latter (at least... ) is definitely NOT true! (No offense to the ex... )
Maybe I just feel lonely? I hadn't listened to that song in so long. It brought back things I had forgotten.
Sorry for the rant, as per usual. UGH.
So stop thinking, get up, and do something that changes your focus. You know the drill. One bad day is inevitable, we all get them, it will pass, and you can help it. Its to nice outside to be sad, at least where I am. :) I know not fair! :D
Hi jiltedgirl: you wrote: "Maybe I just feel lonely? I hadn't listened to that song in so long. It brought back things I had forgotten." Just my opinion, but I think that is the power of music and its ability to bring back memories, and yes those enhanced, selective memories. But look, I am curious about the name of the song; will you share it? Many thanks.
Sure!Quote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
This is one of the few songs that I actually like from the band. I'm not that much of a fan. I usually listen to very mellow, indie (and depressing or so people have told me) music, but because I was happy at this point in my life, I liked this one. I remember I was so hesitant to even date him or even show any type of affection due to my last painful breakup, but he was so patient, understanding, and sweet that he eventually won me over. :) I was just amazed that a guy I really liked could be so crazy about me, too. I never told him I even liked this song, since that would have been embarrassing lol.
I don't mean to seem really sappy/delusional or anything, but I know that this is how he felt about me... at the time of course :rolleyes:
Wow. Thanks, George! I don't know why, but looking up the lyrics for you and writing the above just made me feel a lot better now. It made me realize that I really do thank him for the experience and for helping me take another chance with someone, even if it didn't work out.
I don't know how I'll feel later, but right now at this very moment, I don't have any regrets. :o
--------------------
BAND: The Fratellis
SONG: "Whistle For The Choir"
Well it's a big big city and it's always the same
Can never be too pretty tell me you your name
Is it out of line if I were simply bold to say "Would you be mine"?
Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen
I know I maybe on a downer am still ready to dream
Now it's 3 o'clock time it takes for you to talk
So if you're lonely why'd you say your not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come
And go you know me no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible
Well it's a big big city and the lights are all out
But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out
And I must confess, my hearts in broken pieces
And my heads a mess
And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking along
Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong
And it's you, woo hoo
That's got me going crazy for the things you do
So if your crazy I don't care you amaze me
Oh you're a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk
I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry
And only, a girl like you could be lonely
And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same
A boy like me's just irresistible
So if your lonely, why'd you say you're not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me, no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible
Week 1 Day 0 Its actually been a few days but she still contacts me after telling me she needed a break. She initiated contact with me today twice. I kept it brief. She still insists it's a break and seemed mad that I was treating it as a break up. Let her be mad. I told her I wasn't keeping any false hopes (even if that's a lie). The irrational part of my brain tells me its only a break. The logical part tells that part to shut up. I don't know. I can keep NC if she will actually take the break she wants to take and stop talking to me.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post891371
Just ignore her, or tell her, "you wanted a break, what is there to talk about?" then that's it.Quote:
Originally Posted by SJB1701E
Didn't feel like starting a new thread... I haven't cried about my whole situation since... I guess it first happened...
Goodness, what's wrong with me? Maybe I'm just tired, or stressed about all the papers I have to write... but yeah, I guess it all just overflowed on me... man, I really miss her... I just wish I could really understand what she was thinking, and I really don't want to believe that we didn't have something special from her point of view. I don't want to believe that its all the same to her and her new guy. I don't know, its just a damn shame, we got along so well... just when I got absolutely comfortable that she wouldn't ever do this to me... sigh... as bad as it sounds... I hope karma is real, I hope she feels this one day... and at the same time I don't.
Tell me I'm crazy, but I still want her back...
West my man,Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca
You have been doing really really well. I've been logged onto this site everyday for the last 2 weeks, just reading up on how we are all doing and what stage of this breakup BS we are all in. You are doing great, you've just had a moment when its all caught up with you. You've been so busy, working out, hanging out with new people that you've managed to block it out well. All that's happened is that the emotion you've bottled up has come out.
I cried last Saturday night, thinking of my ex, and how much I miss her. We got along amazingly well, but she broke up with me. She will miss you, you are a catch. But as the advice that you and the others have been giving is keep on the path, you'll have the bad moments, but keep going. I've heard its worth it, so I am going to keep going. I miss her so much, but its time to keep thinking about you, as you have been doing.
You are a salmon in the sea of tuna.
Salmon are rare in this sea, and sometimes a girl won't realise that she had a salmon until she's been or is going out with a tuna.
Keep digging deep, we are all in this together. Keep posting on here too, as it keeps me going over in England!
Well I lasted long. A whole whopping 30 odd hours before I caved. I ignored 4 text messeges before I caved. But now I'm at Day 0 still after drunk dialing her last night. I knew I was going to do something stupid before I started drinking. So I drank to give me the excuse to do it and make it easier to convince myself it was the right thing. Well drunk dialing someone and accusing them of cheating at 1am is definitely not the right thing to do. She didn't seem too upset, but not too happy either. If she ever actually was considering still being with me after this 1 month "break" I just gave her a good excuse not to and I hurt myself in the process. If she did cheat on me, I think I deserve her honesty for all I've ever done for her. Its only the first week and I feel like hell. I just want to cry but I can't. I just really miss her. I've gone longer than this without seeing her, but this is the first time I'm not sure that I'll ever see her again.
SJB -
It will get better. I had to delete my ex's number and all the texts I had from her so I don't contact her when I'm drunk as it doesn't do you any favours.
Your still in the raw emotion stage, so don't beat yourself up for contacting her, just try not to again. I know its not easy, but it will save you from yourself.
I cried last weekend as I missed my ex so much, its only natural. When I last saw my ex on new years eve and I got out of her car with my stuff for the last time, I just totally broke down and didn't know what to do with myself.
So don't feel bad for feeling a bit messed up, just try not to contact her, as when you do you open up the wounds of hurt.
Keep going, everyone on here will help as best they can.
I still think of my ex everyday, and I haven't seen her for 7 weeks, but I know it will get better!
Thanks... today was a much better day, even after I was done crying I felt better... its weird. They should call it post break-up Bipolar syndrome or something.Quote:
Originally Posted by jpm247
Hey guys,
It's almost been a month now of NC for me. Sadly, I still think of him everyday, but with less frequency and not with strong feelings as before. I've felt good this past week, concentrating on doing well in shool... until I woke up today. I woke up with that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I haven't felt in a while.
It's not like he's the first thing on my mind anymore, but today he was. It seems that I'm in an awful rut today. I felt even worse when I saw later how he'll talk to our friends, but doesn't care to check up on me, not that that should matter or anything.
Even though I know it's for the best and that it would never have worked out, the truth is that I still miss him. I miss talking to him. I wish I could see him. I'm reminded of him every time I see a couple walk by holding hands. I can't help think: "That used to be us."
-end-
It's OK! You're doing well! Your goal is 3 months!! Trust me, look back at the end of the second month and look back on your posts. You'll think "did I REALLY say that?"
Well I guess I will join the club. Its been 4 days now of NC with my ex.. Been a rough weekend because we were supposed to go to a ball together and I had a tux rented and ready to go before everything fell through.She was at her little event all weekend while I was at home crying myself to sleep. I have managed to stay busy most of the time but I am still sitting here analyzing the hell out of where I went wrong. I turned my cell phone off 2 days ago. I am afraid that A. she hasn't contacted me and B. If she has contacted me I don't want to read those words "its over".. Funny thing is I'm scared to turn my phone back on.. lol anyway I am glad that this forum is here because it has helped kill some time and knowing that others are experiencing similar situations is a little comforting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cptcaveman420
Just turn the phone on, no need to stop your life when obviously she hasn't... Don't take all the fault in why this relationship didn't work. Take it for what it was, learn from this relationship. I know it isn't easy, but if we never go through life without failure how can we succeed in future.. Don't regret the past and don't fear the future.. Turn the phone on and turn up yourself esteem... turn up the volume on your intuition..
Well I'm halfway through day 3 of NC. I'm into my second week of the break. I'm trying to convince myself that contacting her is just going to make it worse and turn this break into a break up for sure. I'm frustrated as hell cause this whole thing came about with out me seeing it. I had no way of preventing it cause I didn't see any big problems. Now I feel like I'm doing nothing cause of NC, but I know that in this case nothing really is something. Just feel kind of powerless like I should be doing more, but I know that I can't and shouldn't. Thinking about her right now is pretty much a constant thing. Can't really concentrate on work or school though I know I need to. I'm trying guys.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me at January 1st but only last week we get no contact. Yesterday we chat and I realize that he's thinking I'm not at our country but I didn't tell him the true.he wrote a lot but I just answered by short words, than he said that he knew I wasn't in our country just because I didn't go see his concert (he's musician).. I didn't answered. What do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabehappy
Please post your own thread so you can get an effective response if you don't know how please follow this link on instructions
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph..._read_and_post
Well I am on the tail end of my 5th day of NC and today has had its ups and downs. I woke up late so I didn't get to work until 10 and I was supposed to be there at 8. I finally turned my phone back on this morning.. I was shocked that my X hasn't even sent a single text. I guess she is one of those that flip like a light switch. I was relieved and saddened at the same time. I just keep telling myself that she has controlled my thoughts for the last time. I will never call her back and if she calls me I will just have to deal with it but I don't think she's going to call so that shouldn't be an issue. Went to t he gym after work so now I am tired and I am surfing the net for a while before going to bed. I hope everyone else out there going through the same situation had a tolerable day. Day by day things will get easier..
I am on my third week of NC. I am doing considerably better then before but I have a lot more to work on. I have many mixed feelings about her and some days are better then the others. Today was one of those days where everything I saw reminded me of her and I could not get her off my mind. It just frustrates me so much because I thought everything was perfect. She was the best thing to happen to me and I cared about her more then the world. Before she left me I thought I had my whole life planned out. I still have my goals but some of the biggest ones involved her by my side. I guess sometimes life throws you unexpected curve balls and you need to learn how to deal with them. Right now I am looking forward to the day where I no longer care what she is doing, how she feels, or anything in that matter. I care about her very much but she hurt me a lot. In the mean time I am going to try to focus on myself and let everything play its course. I hope given everybody's circumstances that you all are doing well.
For anybody who ever heard the song "Another Lonely Day" by Ben Harper; that song pretty much sums up exactly how I am feeling now. Another great song is "Beware! Criminal" by Incubus. I could through many more out there but I think many of us on this forum can also relate to these ones.
I like Blink 182- What Went Wrong... u fuked up my life!
Ok.
So I got a Facebook message from my ex (not the one I am getting over) telling me that he is "sorry we haven't had a chance to meet up" and that he "just wanted to let [me] know that [he thinks] about [me] and would like to see [me] again."
Talk about NC working, but for the wrong reason. Maybe he wants to just be friends, but why do they always come back when you have lost all interest, even if only to be "friends"?
Le sigh.
How long ago was this guy in your life?
I'm thinking... dude was doing OK in his life, hit a road block, then thought of you. My ex (2nd one) recently contacted me to see if we can get together and catch up. (weird... considering she lives with her current boyfriend). It's a week of 2nd exes catching up.
A little less than a year ago. He wanted to meet up since last semester, but since I was in a relationship with someone else (the of an ex who I've referred to many a time on this forum), I didn't think it was a good idea.
Well, I didn't see him as anything more then and I still don't now. He kept wanting to meet up, but I cancelled each time because I was always busy with schoolwork, friends, and whatnot.
I guess I can try and squeeze him in a few weekends from now.. :/
If you're completely over him, then I don't think it's a bad idea.. although this kid sounds like he wants to try for something more.
Tread slowly.
If you go into any interactions with the idea of seeing if he has potential, I think your doomed to fail, he may be a friend for life, so be honest with yourself about your motives for any interaction, before you do. Accepting people for what, and who they are, is as important, as not contacting your ex, to your own healing. Closing our mind prevents us seeing all our options, and prevents us from seeing reality and being a good listener. You never know who, or when something is said, we need to know.
Haven't posted in here for a while, but I'm pretty much back at day 1
The ex doesn't seem to think what her actions'll do to me, and I was pretty devoted to her. Her choice in the next boyfriend didn't go as expected, this sucks. Ironically, Jimi Hendrix's Manic Depression is the shuffled song right now. :( got to start back at square one again. I hope you guys are doing way better then I am right now.
DETAILS? Venting is good and we are nosey.
Haha, I'm sorry
I thought I was done with NC with her, thought I was completely over her so I did what I thought was right (or what I wanted, importantly). Sadly, I was pretty much wrong. Fell in love (not really, I just liked her a lot) but anyway, she was friendly towards me. The kind of friendliness where I was plan E or something. I don’t know, it’s just something I assumed anyway. She started talking to a recent ex of hers (he made her feel so terrible, made her cry almost everyday, made everyday unbearable, called her every curse words he could at her, dissed her in front of his friends every chance he get, and referred to her as “” whenever anyone mentioned her name). Through some miracle and illogical sense, she forgave him when he apologized (I’m not sure if it’s legit or not). Here we are, almost 4 days later and she’s now in love with him. It’s like one of those scenes in the movie where the girl goes off with the guy and I’m the one guy that’s left in the street, in pouring rain with broken hopes, I guess. I was really devoted to her and I was there for her more then she really realized (appreciated would also be a good word). I don’t think she realized what she did to me, but I don’t even have the slightest thought of talking about this to her. Screw her, this sucks.
"Technically...only two days from 2/25/08. K. I sent a "voice mail" to him from my phone to "get it out... " - NC since although I've been sooooooooo very tempted. I like this idea of "charting" your no contact days. It's like quitting a BAD HABIT!! And me, being OCD/BIpolar/PMDD/PSTD and every other little quirk you can think of (not true in most cases... just the ones I'm willing to admit and get HELP for... ) This idea will be extremely useful for me at this point. I am resiliant. I think you ALL ARE AWESOME for sharing your most intimate and vulnerable aspects of yourself, which in turn... allows me to do the same. Thank you so very very much! KUDOS!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb
Yea, after the first month I stopped counting how many days, all I know is that I feel 10X better than I did when I was pining over her for the first 2 weeks. Then I tried N/C and would do the typical well I need to say this, I need to say that crap. When what needed to be said was all out the window when she ended it. I believe I am closing in on 2 months since we have said 2 words to each other. I still have urges like everyone, I still have her telling people I text her "confessing my love and how I will wait for her" at work which is comical because I don't have her phone number or e-mail address. Everything is deleted...
Don't worry everyone, it gets better and soon you will be smiling and wondering "what the heck was I thinking"
Too true! And I thought that was just me. Periodically laughing as to what a needy wuss I was with the ex. Hindsight gives so much clarity!Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Yea, I was such a sap! I was pining over her and was all depressed... for what? Waiting for a girl who was quick to drop me? As soon as I started living my life the way I wanted to, everything fell into place. I am more incline to approach girls lately, even got a date for Friday night(1st real date since the break up)
I was reading a journal I kept for the first month of the break up as a further reminder of how I never want to be that guy again. I realize now that I am the catch and will be better off. Knowing I did everything I could, I can look back in a year and have no regrets for not trying. It's a rewarding feeling
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