Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar II

Hi Starlite this is the yonger one. I feel so stupid for getting involved with her. I knew better, I really did. But the NC rule is a lifesaver. I am so glad for you people and this site.

Quote:

Originally Posted by plonak

The thing is i never really had any routine on the weekends, i always played it by ear, and it was usually when my Ex was avaiable that we would do something.. so now that i dont have my ex around i have nothing (except for studying) I guess i could try to see if some friends would like to hang out but it's hard again because they all want to spend time with their guys..

i don't have very many friends to begin with.. but i guess i can always make new ones. way easier said than done

Hi. Making friends can be difficult. But Al-Anon can be a great way to meet new people and friends. I too am involved in 12 step programs. Another 12 step group you may find of interest is Codependents Anonymous (CODA).

Weekends can be hard as can anytime that we used to spend with those we cared about. I don't envy having to study with your ex. That would be difficult I should think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

Hi Starlite this is the yonger one. I feel so stupid for getting involved with her. I knew better, I really did. But the NC rule is a lifesaver. I am so glad for you people and this site.

Hi F104,

Don't beat yourself up at all. This is so not your fault. You saw a nice person in her, and you wanted to give it a chance, which you did. That is really nice. Unfortunately she was not the person that you thought (again, not your fault). The fact that you tried, is so nice. You WILL meet the right woman for you, without a doubt. In the meantime, you try and keep yourself busy, and know that you are good guy with good values.

We are glad to have you here too! :)

Plonak, have you tried myspace? Or Facebook by any chance? They are great social sites to try and make friends. Where do you currently reside anyway?

I live in California

I had a myspace and took it down because it was too painful to go on, too many memories!

But last night turned out interesting.. just when I'm wallowing in myself pity, my friend tells me she is going to break up with her boyfriend and needed my comfort and I raced over and talked with her a lot of the night.. it was great! It was nice to help someone go through something that I'm going through myself.

You guys are a blessing!! NNG.. true my friend... your anniversary huh? On man... I wish days like that would just be skipped from the calender... 4 years? Oh boy I cannot even imagine I was with her only for 2 yrs... the longest I have been with anyone... but I guess in my mind I was already married to her and had a future planned etc... last night I was I felt so much pain that I think it's illegal... the legal system should maybe come up with a sanction for people that break people's heart... LOL... maybe that would make them think twice huh?? hahah... anyway it was nice so I went for a walk... funny thing is that she is keeping in touch with my sister...

Starlite thanks for the support. I have been reading your posts and you are a source of encouragement.

Quote:

Originally Posted by plonak

I live in California

I had a myspace and took it down because it was too painful to go on, too many memories!!

But last night turned out interesting.. just when I'm wallowing in my self pity, my friend tells me she is going to break up with her boyfriend and needed my comfort and i raced over and talked with her a lot of the night.. it was great!! It was nice to help someone go through something that I'm going through myself.

That is interesting. A buddy of mine broke up with his GF of 4 years a couple of days before me. So we have both been miserable together, LOL.

It really helps though to have this site of course, but to have a good friend go through the same thing, you can be there for each other and understand each others pain.

Yes plonak I agree with you there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

That is interesting. A buddy of mine broke up with his GF of 4 years a couple of days before me. So we have both been miserable together, LOL.

Its always nice to have someone to go through this with. You'll feel better eventually. At 1 month 3 weeks I will admit its still pretty hard at times and I am not anywhere near over it, but I feel soooo much better than I did before. So I know that time and nc works. And I know you are dying for her to contact you, I was just like that, I think my phone didn't leave my hand for a couple weeks. But eventually you will stop doing that. I think what you have to do is really accept its over, and as soon as that hope is gone you can truly start to get over it.

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

its always nice to have someone to go through this with. You'll feel better eventually. At 1 month 3 weeks I will admit its still pretty hard at times and I am not anywhere near over it, but I feel soooo much better than I did before. So I know that time and nc works. And I know you are dying for her to contact you, I was just like that, I think my phone didn't leave my hand for a couple weeks. But eventually you will stop doing that. I think what you have to do is really accept its over, and as soon as that hope is gone you can truly start to get over it.

Ah, dude your post almost made me cry. I carry my phone around with me constantly. As you see acceptance is key. I am trying to get out of mind "I will never meet another like her" and other unhelpful thoughts.

That's good... those thoughts are not helpful at all... but you are right you will never find another like her.. you will find BETTER than her :)

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Originally Posted by damaged

That's good...those thoughts are not helpful at all...but you are right you will never find another like her..you will find BETTER than her :)

Damn straight!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaged

That's good...those thoughts are not helpful at all...but you are right you will never find another like her..you will find BETTER than her :)

Well Said! That is so true F104. You will meet someone better for sure!! :)

You guys all rock!! I am so glad we can all find strength and positive help here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

You guys all rock!!! I am so glad we can all find strength and positive help here.

Oh absolutley! If it wasn't for all of you, I would be crying 24/7...

Everyone!! Have A Strong Good Day!! I Mean It!

Hey rocker!.
Hope you're feeling good.. & Have a strong day u 2 :)

Im trying! Lol

Thanks Rocker,

You too! Are you feeling good today?

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

Great post and great comments by all.

I am on day 3 of NC and I am absolutely miserable. I want to call her or e-mail but I know she will not respond. She told me Sunday night that she still loves me but needs to work on her own stuff. I said I was about to undertake the NC rule. She did not want that and said she still wanted communicate with me. So I suggested we meet for lunch on Tuesday and sent her an e-mail thanking her for the time we had together. Now I am on the third day of NC. I wish she would contact me. Of course I know she will not. She dumped me on June 8th.

Several times a day I look at my phones and e-mail hoping she will have attempted to contact me but she never has. I saw her car around town the other day and that was so hard. I miss her so much and am so sad. I know we all go through this but the pain is so intense. I just want it to stop. THANK GOD FOR YOU PEOPLE AND THIS SITE because I really hate my life at the moment. It hurts so much.

I wish all of us here all the best and hope we will finally meet the people we really deserve, Craig.

It's hard bro.
I had the urge to call my ex, but I persisted. Instead, I sat my butt for straight 20hr study for my psychology exam and guess what? I got a 'B-' over all grade as opposed to my 'D'. Not to mention, my ex broke the NC & contacted me; the funny part is she said she does not love me anymore and wants me to stop calling her or talk to her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

It's hard bro.
I had the urge to call my ex, but I persisted. Instead, I sat my butt for straight 20hr study for my psychology exam and guess what? I got a 'B-' over all grade as opposed to my 'D'. Not to mention, my ex broke the NC & contacted me; the funny part is she said she does not love me anymore and wants me to stop calling her or talk to her.

Hi HJpan,

Congratulations on your test score that is great!! You didn't call her, and she called you and said that? That is so not right of her!

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

It's hard bro.
I had the urge to call my ex, but I persisted. Instead, I sat my butt for straight 20hr study for my psychology exam and guess what? I got a 'B-' over all grade as opposed to my 'D'. Not to mention, my ex broke the NC & contacted me; the funny part is she said she does not love me anymore and wants me to stop calling her or talk to her.

Ah yes I have a history paper to hand in. Wonder why your ex bothered to contact you to say that. Seems mean of her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

Ah yes I have a history paper to hand in. Wonder why your ex bothered to contact you to say that. Seems mean of her.

Oh Yes... extremely mean!

Just them being selfish, it really does make them feel better to talk to us, and they really don't seem to realize the effect it might have on us... Don't give her the satisfaction hj. She wanted this break up so give it to her full force. You are no longer hers to be there for her any longer. There is only one person who matters now, YOU!

Star and Northern I agree totally. I want to be able to get to that stage too. No friends or that jazz. She wants it(break up I mean) then she can have it. I know she will be expecting me to talk to her and be all buddy next quarter. She will be so surprised when I say 'sorry I am busy can't talk now'.

Of course she still has a key to my apartment. I hope she just throws it away as I am not about to ask for it back.

I am no expert in this area but as far as the key goes, I would just drop in on her where she works or hangs out or whatever, be polite, say hello and not loudly but just say "Since we are no longer seeing each other, I dropped by to get my key." Hopefully, she won't say, "I don't have it with me right now" but will be surprised enough to get her purse and get the key. You don't want the key floating around some where... unless you just choose to change the locks, which would eliminate your need to get the key from her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

Of course she still has a key to my apartment. I hope she just throws it away as I am not about to ask for it back.

CHANGE THE LOCKS EASY You don't need any reason to call her...

Going to her job or calling her about a key would just make you seem immature and bitter trust me as a woman... You will be the laughing stalk. She will call up all her girlfriends and say "could you believe he wanted his keys, he just want a reason to call" etc.. etc.. Lol sorry but just don't do it..

Quote:

Originally Posted by jolienoire

Going to her job or calling her about a key would just make you seem immature and bitter trust me as a woman... You will be the laughing stalk. She will call up all her girlfriends and say "could you believe he wanted his keys, he just want a reason to call" etc.. etc.. lol sorry but just don't do it..

True enough. Thanks. I guess the locks will be changed. Your right too, all I am looking for is a reason to break NC. Yet if I broke NC I would feel terrible about myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

True enough. Thanks. I guess the locks will be changed. Your right too, all I am looking for is a reason to break NC. Yet if I broke NC I would feel terrible about myself.

I knew you were looking for a reason... We all do some men go as far as taking everything they ever brought you back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

True enough. Thanks. I guess the locks will be changed. Your right too, all I am looking for is a reason to break NC. Yet if I broke NC I would feel terrible about myself.

When your highly emotional you justify to yourself that if you contact her, she'll see the error of her ways or she will miss you so much that she is waiting for you to call her. It works in movies and on TV but in real life it always makes things worse. For one, you are emotional and women have you cornered on emotions and two it comes off as desperate, no matter how cool you think you are acting at the time. Then after it's all over, you will realize the mistake you made, and feel terrible and she looks great.

F104,

Do you really think that her having the key is a big enough problem to need to change the locks? I mean, I have a key to my ex's house on my key ring still, but I would never think of going into her house. Matter of fact, I know the garage door code too, I'm sure they didn't change it and she won't ask me too.

Is there really a risk?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

F104,

Do you really think that her having the key is a big enough problem to need to change the locks? I mean, I have a key to my ex's house on my key ring still, but I would never think of going into her house. Matter of fact, I know the garage door code too, im sure they didn't change it and she won't ask me too.

Is there really a risk??

I bow out gracefully from this thread! I really missed the mark. I am coming from the perspective of someone who had their house set on fire, car burned, etc. I apologize. I was really off the mark of normal response. I do apologize to all on this thread. I generally feel I have perspective but on this I did not.

I agree with most guys here! Don't bother ask her for the key to your place. She broke up and she has the upper end initially and we are the ones dying now. In the long run, she will realize her loss, but it won't even matter at that point... stick to NC... we will all heal.. the annoying things when!! I have to say thanks to all you wonderful peeps here... even though I don't write much on here, I have been reading all your posts... and it helps to know that we are all in this together... you guys rock... ok I'm wiped out, just finished playing soccer for the past 2 hrs after an hr of workout earlier... not time to think about her...

Thank you all so much. I will not do anything. Much better to bring my emotional ideas here. Thanks so much to you all.

Mods This Thread Should Become A Sticky!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrebel7

I bow out gracefully from this thread! I really missed the mark. I am coming from the perspective of someone who had their house set on fire, car burned, etc. I apologize. I was really off the mark of normal response. I do apologize to all on this thread. I generally feel I have perspective but on this I did not.

In your case... yes change the locks :p

Sorry if I was generalizing, just trying to give a different perspective.

I know how easy it is to make problems seem MUCH larger then they really are...

YeaF104,

I got my ex's key, and I know her home security code. She's also got my garage door code. I'd say 99% of the time you don't have to worry about stuff like that. I wouldn't blow it out of proportion. Don't sweat the small stuff, little things are going to seem like a bigger deal when you are feeling like this.

I agree with the sticky, it's the first one I look for when I sign in.

Hope everybody is feeling good!

I was watching Fraiser as I was falling asleep tonight and he dropped this quote from Sigmund Freud... Caught my ears right away! It just proves that the way all of us are feeling is normal. Kind of cheesy again but what can I say, these things make me feel better, and hopefully they can for someone else.

"We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love." -SIGMUND FREUD