HAHAHAHAH. Word, ISneezeFunny. Word. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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HAHAHAHAH. Word, ISneezeFunny. Word. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Lol; so, Sneeze, what did you do?
I know that I may sound bitter and/or resentful, but I don't think I will ever be able to get into a relationship again not because I don't want to or anything (I actually sort of get excited at the prospect of dating new guys), but because I don't want to get hurt by another guy.
The most current ex made me open up to me, which took a long time because I became cautious after the last burn. But as soon as I opened up, gave him my heart, and took a chance, he transformed from this caring guy who was crazy about me into just another stereotypical guy--emotionally distant and uncommunicative. In other words, once he pursued and got me, he didn't care anymore (I apologize for generalizing).
It's not like I was in love with the ex so can you imagine if I fell in love with someone? I'm really scared to get hurt again. I can't take another disappointment, another heartache.
1. I boxed.Quote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
2. I worked out. A lot.
3. I went to a shooting range and learned how to shoot.
Pretty much, I LOST about 18 lbs.
At least you benefited. I swear I've gained 10 lbs since last weekend.
Is it really hard for you guys in the mornings? I wake up really really depressed with this horrible apocalyptic feeling in my stomach. It goes away throughout the day and usually doesn't come back at night, but the mornings are killer--just the realization that I've been used and he doesn't give a crap's about me.
Jilted I know what you mean by the mornings, I wake up every morning wondering if it was all a nightmare, struggle just to eat breakfast. My thing is I begin to wonder where she laid her head down at night, oddly that's a thought I have right before I go to bed too. There is a quote from a song that describe my pain early on "You wake just to suffer through the day"
I hate to be THAT guy, but lately... my life is starting to pick up.
I'm currently on my 7th week... and I don't know, things couldn't be going better.
My academic career is doing well as I'm focused and studying hard... my actual career is taking off... girls have been asking me out to lunch/dinner on a relatively consistent basis... my friends and I go out to do random things (rock climbing, bars, go out to eat... we even went to a yoga class simply to pick up women)
I know exactly what jilted and rome is talking about. 2 - 3 weeks ago, I would go to sleep and I'd stay on my side of the bed. I would wake up on my side of the bed... and my initial reaction would have been... damn. Why. But now, I sleep in the middle, I use the entire bed throughout the night, I wake up, ready to go through the day.
I don't know what happened... it just did. Some of you are going to say, "That means you didn't really like her that much"... but that's not true. I was planning on asking this girl to marry me after a year or two.
But honestly, after following the ingenious instructions of the peers at AMHD... I can honestly say that I actually feel better about myself and I DEFINITELY can tell that people notice that I feel better. It's a good feeling.
This definitely shows that getting on with life, sticking to NC, and trying to be yourself reaps rewards. Well done!Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
I am finding the same, though perhaps on a slower basis. I have stuck to NC for 6 months. The last week I have been thinking more about my ex, mainly because it is a year since things ended. But over the last couple of days, like you, I have moved towards more of a positive line.
In fact, the major thing focusing on my mind as far as women go now, is deciding which one of the two women I have been on dates with over the past couple of weeks, I should decide to stick with, if either!!
Good news. Usually, I see my ex's name everywhere, but yesterday the name "Alexis" was brought up in class and I wasn't reminded of him... that is until I looked down at my paper and saw I had written "Alex" (my ex's name) instead.
I woke up today and the first thing that I thought of was "I have a lot of work to do." Then, excited thoughts about a party tonight/tom night, and finally, thoughts of the ex followed suit.
I hope this indicated progress, albeit slow.
At least he wasn't the first thing on my thoughts.
These are great stories.
If anyone gets stuck please remember that 90 days is the detox goal.
Sometimes less, sometimes more. But you have to feel the burn of silence
Before the process can magically work. Just know that as it gets worse... it is
Actually healing... power through. And you will see it works.
So I'm only on day 2 of NC. And I do realize that this is the best thing to do for myself to move on. The only thing that hurts is in the back of my mind I feel like NC or space is just another way of saying it is really over. And if I am doing NC is he or does he just not want to talk to me? The break up is still so fresh to me my mind is all mush. I still wake up thinking this is all a dream and that he is still getting ready to propose. I feel like my heart is being pulled out everday of NC... I admire all of you and want to be in your places right now too! Please tell me this gets better...
Thanks for writing and sharing so quickly; you have courage. I think folks come to a decision about whether to stay on a sinking ship or swim; you must be thinking about swimming, and at that point what goes on in the other person's head gets to be less important. No one can know what is going on in someone else's mind; and I think it is best not to listen so much about what is said, as to watch what is being done. Yes, it gets better, much better.
I was dumped 5 months ago by my ex, and I still think about her every single morning. I don't want to, but for whatever reason she is the first thing that invades my thoughts when I wake up. It used to be that I'd wake up, immediately think about her, and then think about her for the rest of the day and be all sad and whatnot. It's a bit different now, because I wake up, think about her, but then remind myself that she's gone and dating someone else, but that we are friends and I can talk to her any time I want if I so choose. So, instead of thinking about her, I just stop and remind myself to focus on getting a new girl. Still sucks though. Looking forward to the day when I wake up and don't think about her anymore because I've got another hottie laying next to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
I think the reason people are stuck on their ex's for so long is because they refuse to let go and focus on their own life. They keep living the dream in which after certain time the ex will come back and everything will be the same. You all need to wake up from that dream. First of all even if they do come back there is no garauntee that they are the same person any more. And second of all, why would you even want them back after what you went through.
When you decide to let go and move on... that's when you realize how much better you are off without them. Why would you want to waste months on someone that is living their life to the fullest and not giving any thought on how you are? Don't you deserve better? Don't you want to be loved again? Decide now, Today, Weather you want to go through this another 5 months or say "I'm letting you go, and moving on today". Act on it, don't just dwell on the hope that will only make you sit in that hole you are in right now.
R
Meant to say, Robert has it exactly right, and that freakinconfused sounds like he needs someone else to make him happy, when I believe we are looking for internal healing, not external goodies. Nothing wrong with that; but I don't want to be dependent on someone else for my welfare and happiness.
I felt like I needed someone else to make me happy until I actually had some time to myself and realized I don't need anyone. I can be happy by myself by doing stuff I like and going places.
It's tough at first especially if you were in a relationship where you kept giving and giving and never getting anything in return. I was so dependend on my ex that I couldn't see myself living at all without her. It's not to say that I don't miss her anymore. I do, but I don't need her to be happy. I have everything I want in the world... Relationships will come and go... But I won't go anywhere. Nothing is certain in the world anymore; nothing can garauntee you that you'll be with a girl for the rest of your life.
That's why we need to live our lives for ourselves and only then will be find the true happiness and meaning of life.
This is ON POINT. Couldn't be more true if you tried.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert7x
I thought I needed my ex to be happy... then I spent some time by myself... went out with friends... went on a few dates... now I actually look forward to just chilling on my own. Watch the game with some pizza and beer? Couldn't be happier.
It gets worse then better.. then worse... then better.Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine79
Please read the guide I created below. It may add some perspective
A
I don't need anyone else to make me happy - that's ridiculous. Before I dated her I was single for about 2 and a half years and had no problem with it at all. I actually broke it off with the girl I was dating at the time because I was about to move off for college, and I wanted to be single. I just enjoy the company and comfort of being with a significant other.
And I don't WANT to think about my ex when I wake up. It's not like I wake up and say "ok, let's think about the ex now so that we get all sad and nostalgic." It doesn't work that way. It's like I wake up and the thought is already in my head. Instead of dwelling on it though, I just push it away. After about 10 minutes the thought is gone. I was simply saying that it would be nice if I could wake up and not think about her period.
I sometimes get frustrated with myself for thinking about my ex too, I still think of him a lot but I wish I wouldn't as well! Time will fix this, the only proplem with time is that it takes time.Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
We're all getting there.
Just take it one day at a time, I guess. :)
... So I went out last night, mingled, etc. I didn't meet anyone interesting, which is fine. But I kept thinking of him, which is not fine. Yep, I'm talking about the ex. I woke up today feeling pretty down. I didn't get out of bed for 3 hours, which says a lot. And I hadn't allowed myself to think of the ex very much as of late, but after last night, I seemed to have opened a door that I had almost closed.
I guess it's just that I miss him. I have to try and accept that there's nothing wrong with that. All I know is that this Thursday's Valentine's Day is going to be a b*tch.
I'm just going to focus on my studies.
Jilted, you've heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? "A prediction that becomes true as a consequence of having been made. For example, if the president of a large company predicts a fall in the company's share price, then the prediction is likely to bring about a fall in the share price irrespective of any other factors, because investors will be more inclined to sell their shares."
self-fulfilling prophecy - Encyclopedia.com
Quote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
Oh George...
Look at it this way. A president would be qualified to make that prediction given the merit, experience, and skill that he has accumulated to reach that top-level position.
Besides, I'm not dealing with any third or fourth party, which in the above example are the investors. I'm dealing solely with myself. This isn't a "self-fulfilling prophesy." It's a prediction based on the simple fact that I know myself. I know how I'm going to feel and act. Why? Let's just say it's based on previous patterns and trends throughout the years post-breakup, exacerbated by the rising costs of loneliness.
I know what "self-fulfilling prophesy" means, George. That link really wasn't necessary. No need to get snarky!! Lol!! Tsktsk. :cool:
It's really your attitude about how it's going to go down. If you go about it thinking, "this is going to suck"... it probably will suck.
For v-day, go out with your single friends. Go out to dinner, go to a bar, there'll be plenty of singles there looking for v-day romance.
I asked my buddies to go out with me, but apparently 5 dudes going out on v-day doesn't fly.
I'll be going out with a few female friends in hopes that they can play wing-girl.
Lol! I would imagine your guy friends wouldn't be thrilled... :p In any case, that's great ISneeze~!Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
I mean I get what you're saying. But you know what's worse, and which has happened too many times to count? To think "this isn't going to suck" and then, well, having it suck.
I forgot who made this declaration, but it goes something like this: "have low expectations and everything comes as a pleasant surprise."
Of course making plans with single friends (at least with those few singletons left remaining ;) )is great. Alas, such plans have been thwarted because of a mammoth paper due the next day... :rolleyes:
Hence, I expect nothing.
Boo to reality. :o
Hey Jilted
Don't feel bad or beat yourself up about feeling bad on V Day , that is a perfectly normal feeling as is having similar feelings on BDays , anniversaries etc. You are still in the early stages and those feelings will subside with time. Next Valentines Day you'll be laughing all this off believe me.
And for what it's worth HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you and everyone else on here :-)
If you want, you can use my situation to make yourself feel better... y'know, how if you have a headache and then you see someone get kicked in the face, then you're like HMM... MY HEADACHE DOESN'T SEEM TOO BAD NOW...
This is my v-day situation.
I made reservations downtown... some hotel was throwing this v-day special 7-course dinner... on their rooftop overlooking downtown. The price is $150 a person, and I had to prepay for one person as a deposit. So I'm out $150.
Next, I bought tix to a show before dinner. I'm out $140
Next, I made reservations at a hotel next door to that dinner joint. $300.
Realizing your ex will be spending it with some other guy.. Priceless.
So yeah... I'm out a few bucks... no matter. I'm actually taking a girl out to the show, but as far as dinner... I'm really not wanting to spend that much on another girl... and I doubt any girl wants to spend $150 for dinner. So dinner + hotel... are out. I'm out $450. Eh.
c'est la vie.
I think the attitude to this situation demonstrates how far you have come along, just by implementing NC. Most would be overwhelmed by pity, you are not! You are annoyed by the situation and the way your ex has acted. That means you are not putting her on a pedestal!Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Just to give a quick update on the situation. I am still doing NC... I have actually lost count of the days(sorry guys) but in a way I feel a lot better. So Sunday I worked 8-2 and normally she works in the book keepers office. So I am getting ready to leave and have my IPOD on and as I'm walking up to the time clock. Sure enough there she is, her friend has the book keeping door wide open and my ex is laughing and then eye contact is made and the laughing and smile just erases from her face. (Keep in mind the entire time I was walking up to the clock I was lip singing to my IPOD) I don't know what to think, but I sort of thought maybe things aren't so great with this new guy and that NC is really getting to her. YES I do know NC is strictly for me, and it is helping. I just was curious why she would act that way...
She may have been just surprised to see that you're doing much better. Walking (with probably a spring in your step) and lip syncing to your Ipod are not things depressed people do. Don't let it get to you (I know you wont) She is gone, and its over and done with. She may not regret it now, but she will one day.
Stop worrying about what she is feeling and thinking. She didn't have your feelings in mind at all!Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
The fact you are happier demonstrates you are taking positive steps.
If she wants to speak to you she will come to you. Until that happens, (if at all), continue doing what you have been doing.
Don't have a clue as to what she is thinking, but it sure didn't make her day that your high steppin', and finger poppin', at work. LOL!! They only ting you could have added would be a very wide grin and a hello!! Keep going with your own thang!
There is no way of getting me to talk to her ha ha... One of her friends asked me Saturday why I deleted her off my myspace and I simply replied "it has nothing to do with me not liking you as a person, but rather you being my ex's bestfriend and things would be too weird. Maybe one day down the road we can speak again but as for now, it doesn't seem right" I do whatever I can to keep my mind off my ex. I am at the gym religiously, started taking up boxing classes at the same gym, Mixed Martial Arts training the following month. It's going to be a busy time for me and I'm only going to be getting in better shape each day.
Questions007 - I am in fact a lot happier than I was before, I still have set backs but when I saw her and she took that smile off her face it was a good feeling for myself not to break my stride and stop singing ha ha.
I'm now 6 weeks in without seeing my ex, and just over a week since a got an email from her, and did't reply.
I am still going with NC, as I get that the less I do the more I do, in all ways. I am getting on with things as best as I can, passed my 1st motorbike test at the weekend so that is a positive!
This website/forum has been a great help and I'm only 6 weeks in.
The mornings are the worst I find at the moment, still think of her when I wake up.
I speak from experience in saying the first 6 to 8 weeks are the hardest. In 6 weeks time you will so much better, 6 weeks after that even better, and so on!Quote:
Originally Posted by jpm247
You will be surprised as to how much perspective you gain over time.
Wow. It's been a little over a week since I've fully done NC, but I thought it was much longer, more like 2-3 weeks. I know I shouldn't complain or vent (God knows that I do plenty of that).
I can usually muster enough willpower to push any feelings of anger or hurt aside and march forward with a "whatever-it happened-move on" attitude, but tonight I find myself unable to suppress them, which is bad considering I have two papers to complete tonight. I guess it's going to be a long night...
Well, he's online right now and back from away. I usually force myself to "not care," but I can't help staring at his screen name. I just can't believe that coward never apologized to me. What's more, I can't believe that he will never feel the need to apologize to me.
How could someone be so... I don't even know... Who am I kidding? I know the answer to this. He doesn't want to do anything with me and frankly, I don't want anything to do with him.
Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...
Boo to feelings.. :o
I feel you on that, blare some music turn off the instant messenger and do the best on the two papers your working on. Just got to adjust your focus to something important :)Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
You haven't deleted him from your computer??
Tal I tried to give you rep but once again would not allow me too.. I agree, the deleting of ways to contact a person should be the first thing done if you're going to go NC... I did it as soon as I went NC simply so I didn't know what she was doing.. Ignorance is bliss :-)
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