Its been a really long day and night with what is on my mind.
So OK she's dating,and excited about it. So OK she's probably not coming back to me.what can I do? Its out of my hands. Out of my control. She's gone. Pick up the pieces and just move on. She was your first seriously relationship and love. Its OK, there is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. She left you in the end cause she's too curiouse about what else is out their... just walk on classicrocker, walk on

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

its been a really long day and night whith what is on my mind.
so ok shes dating,and excited about it. so ok shes prolly not coming back to me.what can i do? its out of my hands. out of my control. shes gone. pick up the pieces and just move on. she was your first seriously relationship and love. its ok, their is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. she left you in the end cause shes too curiouse about what else is out their....just walk on classicrocker, walk on

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Hi Rocker,

I know it's hard, but that is all you can do. Just try and keep yourself as busy as possible and not think about her. I know that is easier said than done, but know as you heal and get stronger and stronger, you WILL meet a new woman who will be so deserving of your love.

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Originally Posted by plonak

Wow NNG,

it's a wonder you stayed with her 4 months more after writing that, but you didn't want to give up on the relationship and that shows that you're a good caring person.. you gave that relationship everything you possibly could and it just didn't work.. at least you don't have the guilt in the back of your head telling you that you didn't try hard enough.. you sure did..

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Yea, there is no guilt here... She actually did this to me last year at this time. Acted like she wanted nothing to do with me and was always out. I even caught her messaging her friends about this big crush she had on her prof... eeesh. I almost left her then and I guess it made her snap out of it. That went on for about 3 months last year, I really should have gotten out of it then, but she assured me it wouldn't happen again, well here I am!

And rocker, try not to worry about it. Like you said you have no control over it. And you really have no idea how that date went, really chances are it wasn't anything special and nothing came of it. I guarantee you he was being compared harshly to you, and probably fell pretty short. Just let what she said to you strengthen your nc.

Good charlotte - dance floor anthem, makes me feel better (the second half of the song anyways). Just crank it.

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

good charlotte - dance floor anthem, makes me feel better (the second half of the song anyways). Just crank it.

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Music is key :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by classicrocker

its been a really long day and night whith what is on my mind.
so ok shes dating,and excited about it. so ok shes prolly not coming back to me.what can i do? its out of my hands. out of my control. shes gone. pick up the pieces and just move on. she was your first seriously relationship and love. its ok, their is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. she left you in the end cause shes too curiouse about what else is out their....just walk on classicrocker, walk on

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Can't argue with that. Cracking advice. Hard to do, but like me, and many others its got to be adhered too.

In time someone will come into your life. I haven't found it yet, but one day I know something will happen.

Keep going though, good things will happen for all of us! I know that for sure :)

Hey you guys, it's been a good day so far. But there is one thing that does bother me. Her birthday is coming up in a few days and I don't know what to do. I really do not want to break NC at all but yet I want to do the mature thing and at least text her a happy birthday since I don't want to be rude

OMG I love you guys, I was NANO seconds away from breaking NC.

God job for not breaking it!

Since my ex called, I have not called her back

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Originally Posted by spion_kop

Hey you guys, it's been a good day so far. But there is one thing that does bother me. Her bday is coming up in a few days and I dont know what to do. I really do not want to break NC at all but yet I want to do the mature thing and at least text her a happy bday since i dont want to be rude

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Hey man,

My ex's birthday is coming up in a few days as well, and I haven't talked to her in almost 2 months now. I'll give you the advice, and what I learned, about my situation.

First off, you want to call her because you aren't bitter, you don't want to be mean, and you still want to be a good guy - just like you were, no doubt, during your relationship. This sounds good to you, and it sounded great to me too.

But think of it this way. The reason that you still have this urge to send her a card (and the reason I did) is because you are still stuck with "Nice Guy Syndrome". You want to be the good guy, you want to make sure she knows you aren't angry with her/hate her/anything else. The funny thing is, why would she hate you? She dumped you, so you shouldn't have to worry about her being angry with you etc...

When she broke up with you, she was making the decision to move forward in life without you. That means no calls to make her feel better, no more presents, no more dates, and no more birthday cards. That's what she wanted, so give her what she wants.

Don't think of not sending the card as a mean thing to do. Think of it as doing what she asked, and at the same time doing what is good for both of you.

The PROS: You feel better that she might not be angry with you.

The CONS: It can open a line of communication you don't need (NC remember?).
You might be hurting her more than helping if she is being reminded of you (she might be hurting too... )
You might put yourself back in the healing process and end up bitter and angry at her.
Etc, etc, etc...

You tell me, which list is longer??

After some sincere thought, I decided against it, and I hope that you do too...

EDIT:

In case it helps, here is my post. Look at #145 and onward...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...207720-15.html

Guys I'm feeling horribly depressed right now...

I'm am studying for the CPA exam and while it's keeping my mind off things, I have to take a break in between things or I'd go nuts, and then I sit there and have nothing really to do.. and I can't stop thinking about him and feeling the loneliness..

What scares me so bad is this up coming weekend.. it's going to be the first real weekend without each other, and I always hung out with him.. and I'm going to have nothing to do.. most of my friends have boyfriends, and they spend time with them on the weekends.. just having that deep loneliness is so HARD!! Im so scared and sad and depressed...

We have been keeping minimal contact, because I'm going to Al-anon meetings for my co-dependancy and I called him yesterday to tell him how it's been going, and I think that was a mistake, because it just drudges up old feelings.. by the time we hung up we decided not to do anymore contact.. he told me to call him when I'm ready to see him again (not sure if that's going to happen) and so today I was doing pretty well, and then he called me right when I got off work to ask me a question about something (he needed it for work) and then all the feelings came back again

But as I'm writing this now, I'm feeling a little better.. it's so hard breaking up with someone, you all must know that.. I feel so much guilt and desperation, and pain just like you that have been dumped.. it's awful!!

OK venting is over

Quote:

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Originally Posted by plonak

What scares me so bad is this up coming weekend.. it's gonna be the first real weekend without each other, and I always hung out with him.. and im going to have nothing to do.. most of my friends have boyfriends, and they spend time with them on the weekends.. just having that deep lonelyness is so HARD!!!! Im so scared and sad and depressed...

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A word of advice...

Try to change your ENTIRE routine for the weekend, it might help. What makes it hurt so much is that it is so obvious that a huge part of our life is missing. Something that was always there is no longer there. When you change your entire routine, everything seems different, and your mind is equally distracted by everything else that it doesn't hurt so much.

Even the stupid little things really can help. Try driving to places by different routes. If you have anything that is routine, change it up. Do things at different times. It helped me to break any routine that I had (that I could) and try to mix things up. It makes you feel like a new person entirely...

The thing is I never really had any routine on the weekends, I always played it by ear, and it was usually when my Ex was avaiable that we would do something.. so now that I don't have my ex around I have nothing (except for studying) I guess I could try to see if some friends would like to hang out but it's hard again because they all want to spend time with their guys..

I don't have very many friends to begin with.. but I guess I can always make new ones. Way easier said than done

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Originally Posted by plonak

way easier said than done

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I hear that, but it can be done - does take time and practice though... just go out and have fun, you will attract people who want to be friends and be around you.

Bigbird, I was just thinking of sending her a text wishing her a happy birthday and that's it. There would be no phone call or anything like that. If she were to call, id ignore it. It's all about wishing her a happy birthday.

I get what you are saying about what she wanted and all. Cutting her out doesn't make me the nice guy and I've not been a nice guy to her. I've been nice to myself and my needs.

Im just stuck because of the healing process. I don't want to take a step back nor do I want her to call me and bug me etc. At the same time, if I don't text I don't want her to have a bad impression of me. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't want her to remember me as an . I know I shouldn't care what she thinks after what happened

Bigbird, it's getting kind of late, I will read your story tomorrow, promise. At least I'm honest :P

Lol,

I don't care if you read it or not, I just put it there for your own sake. I thought the advice others gave me might help you. Do what you will with it...

Guys!! I haven't been here for awhile... I thought I would just stop by cause this week has been horrible... in the morning I'm pretty good... wake up work out for about a good hour, and hit the punching bag... so that helps a lot... been broken up for almost two months now... there are days where my heart hurt the whole time... this week especially... although I have to confess that I had contact twice... the day she left town,( almost 1 month ago) and ten days ago... it hard guys... pain pain pain all over... I don't even try to fight these feelings... I just let them run through!!

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Originally Posted by gg23

guys!!! i haven't been here for awhile....i thought i would just stop by cause this week has been horrible... in the morning i m pretty good... wake up work out for about a good hour, and hit the punching bag...so that helps a lot....been broken up for almost two months now.... there are days where my heart hurt the whole time....this week especially....although i have to confess that i had contact twice...the day she left town,( almost 1 month ago) and ten days ago.....it hard guys...pain pain pain all over.....i don't even try to fight these feelings...i just let them run through!!!!

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All part of the human experience my friend, don't suppress the feelings or they will come back to haunt you later. After going through this we will all have a clearer understanding of what we want and desire out of life and a partner. Almost 1 month 3 weeks for me. Next week is our official 4 year anniversary... Going to be interesting I am sure!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by plonak

The thing is i never really had any routine on the weekends, i always played it by ear, and it was usually when my Ex was avaiable that we would do something.. so now that i dont have my ex around i have nothing (except for studying) I guess i could try to see if some friends would like to hang out but it's hard again because they all want to spend time with their guys..

i don't have very many friends to begin with.. but i guess i can always make new ones. way easier said than done

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Go to an illegal street race with friends.

You'll probably find a nice guy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

all part of the human experience my friend, don't suppress the feelings or they will come back to haunt you later. After going through this we will all have a clearer understanding of what we want and desire out of life and a partner. Almost 1 month 3 weeks for me. Next week is our official 4 year anniversary... Gonna be interesting I am sure!!!!

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Wow D:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

Next week is our official 4 year anniversary... Gonna be interesting I am sure!!!!

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Just went through that, now I have her birthday to deal with on Monday. Not really as a big a deal as I was expecting - I made it worse in my head. It's just another day... really.

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Just went through that, now I have her birthday to deal with on monday. Not really as a big a deal as I was expecting - I made it worse in my head. It's just another day...really.

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Hi BigBird,

I think you are doing great! Even though it is her Birthday, you will get through it, without a doubt. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Just went through that, now I have her birthday to deal with on monday.

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And immediately I thought of the positves. No wasting your money on birthday gift or night out. Winner... You.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by plonak

Guys I'm feeling horribly depressed right now...

I'm am studying for the CPA exam and while it's keeping my mind off things, i have to take a break in between things or i'd go nuts, and then i sit there and have nothing really to do.. and i can't stop thinking about him and feeling the lonelyness..

What scares me so bad is this up coming weekend.. it's gonna be the first real weekend without each other, and I always hung out with him.. and im going to have nothing to do.. most of my friends have boyfriends, and they spend time with them on the weekends.. just having that deep lonelyness is so HARD!!!! Im so scared and sad and depressed...

We have been keeping minimal contact, because I'm going to Al-anon meetings for my co-dependancy and i called him yesterday to tell him how it's been going, and i think that was a mistake, because it just drudges up old feelings.. by the time we hung up we decided not to do anymore contact.. he told me to call him when im ready to see him again (not sure if that's gonna happen) and so today i was doing pretty well, and then he called me right when i got off work to ask me a question about something (he needed it for work) and then all the feelings came back again

but as I'm writing this now, im feeling a little better.. it's so hard breaking up with someone, you all must know that.. i feel so much guilt and desperation, and pain just like you that have been dumped.. it's awful!!!

ok venting is over

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Hi Plonak,

Oh honey, I know what you mean. It is hard breaking up with someone. But if I may suggest, for the weekend, go do something for YOU. How about a manicure, a pedicure, a message (spa treatment). You so deserve to be pampered, and you will feel great afterwards. I was so upset this past weekend for the same reasons, and I went and had my hair lightened (Well... also because the roots were horendous - LOL!) But, after it was done, it made me feel better. I did something for me. I don't have many friends anymore either, since they are married and moved out of state. But you know what? I have all of you, my new friends, and just knowing that I can come here and you all are here, it really makes me feel better. And we are your friends :) and you can come here anytime, and here we are :)

Follow your own advice BB...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

When she broke up with you, she was making the decision to move forward in life without you. That means no calls to make her feel better, no more presents, no more dates, and no more birthday cards. Thats what she wanted, so give her what she wants.

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Plonak, listen to Star...
Do something for YOU.. There's nothing wrong with doing things by yourself.. I, myself do stuff alone all the time... My friends also have BFs so they don't have time for me(not very good friends right?)... I go to the beach, movies, gym,( by myself).. sometimes it gets me so depressed but w.e.. I just shake it off and enjoy my company!.

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Originally Posted by damaged

Plonak, listen to Star...
Do something for YOU..There's nothing wrong with doing things by yourself..I, myself do stuff alone all the time...My friends also have BFs so they dont have time for me(not very good friends right?)...I go to the beach, movies, gym,( by myself)..sometimes it gets me soo depressed but w.e..i just shake it off and enjoy my company!!..

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How are you today, my friend?

Guys and girls, it's great to see all of you doing so well... I am very proud to read all of your guys posts! Everyone is coming a long way, keep your heads up. Everything gets easier and you will get to the point where you wake up and your ex is an after thought.

Great post and great comments by all.

I am on day 3 of NC and I am absolutely miserable. I want to call her or e-mail but I know she will not respond. She told me Sunday night that she still loves me but needs to work on her own stuff. I said I was about to undertake the NC rule. She did not want that and said she still wanted communicate with me. So I suggested we meet for lunch on Tuesday and sent her an e-mail thanking her for the time we had together. Now I am on the third day of NC. I wish she would contact me. Of course I know she will not. She dumped me on June 8th.

Several times a day I look at my phones and e-mail hoping she will have attempted to contact me but she never has. I saw her car around town the other day and that was so hard. I miss her so much and am so sad. I know we all go through this but the pain is so intense. I just want it to stop. THANK GOD FOR YOU PEOPLE AND THIS SITE because I really hate my life at the moment. It hurts so much.

I wish all of us here all the best and hope we will finally meet the people we really deserve, Craig.

Hey Star..
Im good.. How are you?.

I'm trying, girl LOL! It's real hard at times as you know. He called the other night (after I text him earlier that day). The conversation was nice, we didn't talk about 'us', but he still wants to go to the concert, so I am really thinking hard about getting my plane tix. I really have to play this cautiously, I mean, I really want us to talk about things, and I really do want to be with him like we were planning before all of this happened, but, I need to know that he will be there for me through thick and thin so to speak, as I will be there (and always was) for him. I don't want the fantasy, I want the reality.. I want to beautiful life and love, but I do know that there are ups and downs in life and relationships, and I want him to realize that when these things happen, you don't run away, you work on it... We shall see, sweetie, we shall see... I want to jump into his arms believe me, and it's going to take every bit of strength for me not to, and not to start crying, the minute I see him...

But, as a side note? I can't wait until we (you, me, and everyone else) gets together!! I really want this to happen so badly!! And I am going to give you all a great big hug!!

F104..
I remember about a month ago I was saying the same thing: "I hate my life" (I swear).. I would check my phone every 5 seconds... I wanted him to call, text.. but he never did... I don't even look at my phone n/e more... I'm not good good but I'm better.. I don't feel so depressed all the time... I would suggest not seeing her on Tuesday.. Hang tough and with time things get better.. I thought it was impossible to feel better, but you do get to the point where it hurts less... Stick to NC!

Well if you feel like going to the concert go then... But I would say take things slow... Take it like a first date... Have fun, dance, laugh.. w.e... but don't expect much... Don't be too emotional either, you wouldn't start hugging him and crying on a first date right.. lol... Just have fun, and we'll see what happens after :)... Hope for the best,prepare for the worse


And I can't wait too meet you all either.. I'm so excited... I'm going to cry!. I'm very sentimental... trust me! :D

damaged thanks! It's funny is it not how painful this stuff is. Give me physical pain any day of the week.

We did not meet for lunch on Tuesday. But that was her decision not mine. How can a person say "I love you, I love you" and then the next day just end a relationship.

I know.. how can they?. but I think its because they may love us, but not be in love, so they just don't feel like being with us any more... It hurts though.. pretty freaking bad!

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Originally Posted by f104

How can a person say "I love you, I love you" and then the next day just end a relationship.

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Easy because love has no guarantees, or warranties.. For example I know you can name a few people in your life in which you love but can't stand to be around them. You can love from a distance, We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. We say we love money yet we spend it, We say I love you, yet we leave. We say I love life, yet we take it for granted. Loving something doesn't mean we will have it forever, but it will always be in our hearts. Remember you never loose by loving you loose when you hold back.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by damaged

Well if you feel like going to the concert go then...But i would say take things slow...Take it like a first date...Have fun, dance, laugh..w.e...but don't expect much...Don't be too emotional either, you wouldn't start hugging him and crying on a first date right..lol...Just have fun, and we'll see what happens after :) ...Hope for the best,prepare for the worse


and i can't wait too meet you all either..I'm soo excited....I'm gonna cry!!..i'm very sentimental...trust me!! :D

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Thank you sweetie! You are such a wonderful friend, and I cannot thank you enough. I am sentimental too. I too will cry tears of joy! I can't wait to see all of you!! :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by f104

damaged thanks! It's funny is it not how painful this stuff is. Give me physical pain any day of the week.

We did not meet for lunch on Tuesday. But that was her decision not mine. How can a person say "I love you, I love you" and then the next day just end a relationship.

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Hi F104,

I just read your initial post from the 'dating' area. Is this the younger woman, or the woman that you were engaged to? Either way, I know how painful breakups are, and I agree with you, I would rather physical pain that emotional/heartache pain any day. The best thing for you to do, is keep up with the NC and keep busy. I know sometimes it is hard to be motivated, but, you must, for your own self. By her saying 'I love you', I'm sure she does, but she doesn't know what she wants it seems. She needs to figure out what she wants, and take this time for yourself to really figure out what you really want in a relationship. What is your key important points that you look for in a woman for you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Easy because love has no gurantees, or warranties.. For example I know you can name a few ppl in your life in which you love but can't stand to be around them. You can love from a distance,, We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. We say we love money yet we spend it, We say I love you, yet we leave. We say I love life, yet we take it for granted. Loving something doesn't mean we will have it forever, but it will always be in our hearts. Remember you never loose by loving you loose when you hold back.

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Good points. It sure is a funny old world. Am trying now not to get involved in a rebound relationship.