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Why are you listening to this immature control freak?? Why are you talking to him? Why are you doing this to yourself? He is a nut and that explains his actions, but what are you?? You need to decide what you want more, to be healthy and happy, in which case, grow up and protect yourself. Or be miserable and confused, by keeping his disruptive behavior in your life. Its like expecting a drunk to drive you home safely. Does that make sense to you?? Stop the contact, and get healthy.
It's the first day of NC and I am already floundering. I mentioned this in another post, but I deleted him from Facebook, deleted all our pictures together, and deleted him off my AIM. The problem wasn't that he was cruel or not responding to me. Only that he was being nice and friendly when what he really wanted to say was "I don't love you anymore and don't want anything to do with you. I don't want to hurt you, but please leave me alone."
When I deleted him from Facebook, I even had the courtesy to send him a joint message explaining that I felt b****y for exploding at him, although it was because he wasn't telling me the truth, and that this was for my own purposes so that I don't bother him anymore.
It hurts that he didn't reply, although I expected it. It shows that he is finally acknowledging his truth.
It's the start of the first semester and I need to concentrate on my studies. I don't want to get back together. But I just miss his company.
The good thing about yesterday's purge is that because I have made such a big deal of deleting him from my life, to contact him would show how truly obsessive I am about him. God it's 8 in the morning and I slept to thoughts of him and woke up to thoughts of him. When will this agony end??
jiltedgirl asks: "When will this agony end????" It will be a while. You mentioned being obsessive and that word packs a punch. I use the word, 'addiction', to describe what you are going through, and cold turkey is the best way out of it, IMOP. It is day by day; fortunately, within a few weeks you will notice the raw edges begin to numb, if that is the right word. There will be lots of help for you here; just wait.
God it hurts so much. I suddenly started sobbing and can't stop from the pain of my heart ripping in two. I remember when he would say such sweet things to me and I would tease him not to say things that he doesn't mean. I miss those times. He still says things he doesn't mean, but now not because he wants to show how much he cares, but so he won't hurt my feelings.
It's not that I haven't been hurt before. He was there for me when I was going through the pain of a previous breakup. I remember thinking "I've finally found a guy that likes me for me and who I like back." I eased into the relationship cautiously and held myself back a lot. Opening up was my downfall because I started to care more than he does. He was patient and unerstanding. The loss of his feelings for me feel like the ultimate betrayal.
I never want to hurt like this again.
As hard as it may be right now, try to think of the bad things about him, I'm sure there are some. After 2 weeks I could only come up with 3, now after about a month I have about 8, I think it should be higher... but they're kind of big flaws.Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
So yeah, stick with NC and good luck... Things do get better, a lot of us will tell you that because we all know!
Sadly, I went through this a few times, back in the day, and it honestly was a trip every time I got dumped, but what made the difference is, knowing what to do about it, and how to move on. Darn it, did I just admit that females rejected me a lot? Thank God, I finally found someone who didn't, and have been taking out the trash on command ever since. The point, knowing how to cope with rejection, and heartbreack, in a positive way.
Keep busy jilted. Keep busy.
Well, as my ex (the one I can't get over at the moment) told me when I broke up with him, "Don't be sad. We gave it our best, didn't we?"
I still have no idea how he keeps such a positive outlook on life. That's probably why he was able to move on while I was left in the dust.
I'm trying. But I STILL can't seem to concentrate on work.
Keep trying.
Work? Yeah... the first 2 weeks of nc... no work for me. Every now and then when I have a bad day, still... no work. What'd I do... oh, I cleaned my room... cleaned my car... met up with a few friends to go out... learned to shoot... found a sign language teacher.
It's not like I haven't done NC before with this ex. The longest I lasted (multiple attempts) mind you was 2 weeks. So I'm guessing the one month should do it?
That's the part I hate. I wake up, I think about her, like immediately. It's the first thought I have of the day, and while I'm in the shower for a little bit. But then, as the day gets started, I remind myself that she broke it off with me, and is already with someone else, so why should I be thinking about her? She's not coming back - get out there and find a new girl. Then I'm pretty good for the day. It's only when I'm laying in bed at night, alone that I start thinking about her again. It sux.Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
I lie in bed and think about him constantly. I wonder if he ever thought of me like I think of him. Then I remember that he stopped doing so a long time ago. That's why I broke up with him. That's why I can't get over him.
I need to move on because he has. There's nothing to hold onto anymore. So I need to stop doing this.
It's all just words, actually doing it is whole 'nother story. Mornings are the worst for me because she's on my mind as soon as I wake up. It's that slap of reality that kicks in when you open you're eyes and you realize "yup, she really is gone and you are all alone".
I'm actually still in bed and it's 12pm... I don't feel like getting up, I mean what's the point really? I guess I'm just having a tough weekend, then again, all weekends have been extra hard for me.
Stay strong, you'll get through it.
Now I feel stupid for deleting him from Facebook. I just gave him the satisfaction of knowing I'm not over him. It seems sort of dramatic even to me now... -_-
Hnestly, we didn't even date for that long so I don't know why I'm hung up on him. Oh well...
Lol... that's my exact thought pattern as well--the "yup [he's] really gone and I'm all alone" although I also have the additional "and there's nothing that I can do change that" part.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert7x
Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
Actually I don't think that's the message you sent to him at all. In my honest opinion by deleting him from Facebook you just sent the message that your moving on without him and don't want anything to do with him anymore.
A side effect from curing the romantic obsession/addiction is 'mind tricks'. Feeling stupid after deleting him from Facebook is just such a mind trick; we live like we have no compass; perhaps that is the value of NC, as we go from one impulse to another, the mind playing its games, it is only with NC that you can get through the maze. jiltedgirl: it was not stupid; it was therapeutic.Quote:
Originally Posted by jiltedgirl
Quote:
Originally Posted by George_1950
I also agree with this because my previous attempts at NC failed when I "thought" I was over him and I started talking to him again. Thus, the goal: 1 month (or however many it takes) of NC!!
And btw- thanks all for stepping in and helping me! I know I'll be over him when I no longer care what he thinks. Then, I can be friends with him (a trend with the exes). (He is a lot of fun).But I won't get ahead of myself for now...
Well, I've done this before. I can do it again!! (I'm glad I'm in a motivational stage right now... )
Lately I've been getting the urge to text her just to see how she's doing... I can't help thinking she wants me to, because we're both stubborn; so I also can't help thinking that she wants to text or call me, but she won't because she'll think I "won". But thinking more about it, if she's that immature... *sigh* this sucks... I can't wait till I have to leave for class...
I would just refer you to my note to jiltedgirl 3 posts back; tricky, impulsive, little mind games.
My ex girlfriend is either the biggest idiot in the world, or the biggest genius in the world, for dumping me. I haven't decided which yet.
Sorry I keep writing here everyday. I need to otherwise I will probably annoy my friends who have heard enough about this topic and I do not want to bother them anymore with my inability to get over a silly boy.
Today is the second day of NC for me, but it feels like it's been a week. I told our mutual friends who go to my college (thank goodness my ex goes to school a few hours away! ) that I Facebook unfriended him.
I'm not sure what hurts more. What they told me or what they didn't. They told me that my actions were a bit extreme, but I should do what I need to do for myself. They also told me that I should friend him back (which I will certainly not do until I complete my set NC goal or maybe I never will. It depends if I'll care enough to do so).
It hurts that my friends said that he probably doesn't care and would laugh about my unfriending him or "He's probably thinking 'whatever'." Did I really mean nothing to him? I know I shouldn't think about it or even wonder because there's no point, but this thought has haunted me since last night when the situation was discussed.
It hurts that he still hasn't even bothered to apologize (not that I expected anything more) or reply to my message. I have deleted him, but no longer have him blocked on AIM. This one method of communication remains open, but he won't ever use it because he doesn't care about me anymore. (I really need to drive this point home... lol)
This morning I was inundated with thoughts of him. I wish he hadn't always visited me at school. Things that I thought long forgotten came up. And there he is. Online. Not caring to see how I'm doing. It hurts to know how easily he moved on or maybe I'm just jealous of how easy-going and carefree he is about everything, including me. He told me he had 9 girlfriends before me. I only had one before him. I guess I was just another one to add to the list. A statistic. Could it be that what I'd thought was his incapability of expressing himself emotionally was actually a reflection of his lack of love for me?
Ouch. At least with NC, I'll stop bothering and saying mean things to him. That's not the person who I want him to remember. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me ever again. This is as much for him as it is for me. I can't believe I'm looking out for his welfare. He never did that for me. At least not in the way that it matters.
Sorry for the long vent. I need to get this out or I'll be mulling over it all day. Thx.
Jiltedgirl I definitely understand how you feel. It has been about 2 months and 13 days since I started NC. (3 months+13 since we broke up after almos5 yrs) It sucks after a relationship when the other person seems to move on so easily while your stuck miserable or unhappy.
I did more or less some of the same things as you. Myspace/facebook, deleting off buddy list etc. But all the while leaving her some avenue to contact me if she wanted. Keeping that hope that she might do that.
A question I ask myself when I randomly decide to sit and check my email (when I know noooo one emails me) Do I really WANT her to contact me? I love her and always will. I will never forget her and what we had. But, would I really want to be put through that emotional torment of having to hear her apologize after the fact? Or want back in my life?
*sigh* When I find myself getting the urge to check her myspace, or my email or whatever. I usually do my best to divert my attention to something else. Focus on something else.
Going on 4 months without her, and although she may be care free and 'happy' with her new guy. I am fine because I have my goals set and my motivation to see them through.
I am riding the rollercoaster of life weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Whilst NC is often advocated, and is very effective, every situation is different as to what you would do if the dumper broke NC. Forgive me for being blunt, but you went out with her for 5 years, and she immediately found someone else after you split! Would you ever want her back after that behaviour.Quote:
Originally Posted by Delow84
NC is the only thing for you!
Lol you the smart half of me says same thing. She Immediately had someone new and moved in with him etc. But then the not so wise part of me is wishes I could have the person I was with a year ago, and if she was that way again it would be damn hard to say no.
But I'm making sure that I remove temptation so I don't break NC. And so she won't put me in the situation where I would have to choose between the love I have for her, and the hurt she caused me. Tough choice. And better left unmade imo.
Temptation, very very tricky that. Lol I try and remove it when it's not needed.
One thing about NC is that you can't be a beggar and/or puppy and do NC at the same time; they are mutually exclusive.
Well, whatever happened it doesn't make her look good. Either she jumped into a rebound relationship before the dust settled with you, very needy, and also totally dimishes what you had with her OR her "immediately" jumping into a relationship was a little more than that, and she had that new thing in mind (or it at even already started) when she ended things with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Delow84
Either way, hardly the sort of person to be waiting around for!
Funny thing is I broke it off with her, but wanted to work on things until I found out about the other guy. And you I agree, it totally diminishes what we had either way. She is an entirely diff person. But trust my I'm done begging her, or waiting for her, I'm done sacrificing my dignity for someone like her.
I miss who she was, and love the person I remember. Other than that... pfffffft.
You're right. No more sacrificing your dignity for someone like her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Delow84
I actually have this written out so that I look at it everyday: "Save what little pride and dignity you have left. HISS loss."
I just woke up to start studying for my final that is in a few days. (I haven't been able to.) It's a little over 8 a.m. and the only thing that I can think about is him. It seems like I was mistaken. It's actually the 4th day of NC. I wonder why this is so much harder than the other times that I've attempted NC. Maybe because this is so final. Maybe because I realize that I may never be friends with him or anything ever again. I am never going to Facebook friend him. Why? Because by the time I get over him, I just won't care, which is the reason I clung on. I didn't want him out of my life. But I now realize that I only got over my other ex boyfriend when I found someone new. And to be honest, I may be friends with my other ex now, but I wouldn't care if we never met again.
God it's just really hard today. All I want is to be in the arms of my exbf. I wish he would tell me this was all just a horrible dream, that we're still together, that he still wants to be with me.
Only we're not and we never will be.
Today, I can't seem to get the idea out of my head that if I just met up with him one more time in person I would be able to know what he thought or felt about me. I wish I would stop that because it's irrelevant. At the end of the day, he still doesn't want to be anything more than superficial friends.
Other people seem to do the NC thing seamlessly well, or at least on the outside. I wish I was the same.
Jilted I know how you feel... And trust me, there is NO ONE on this website that does NC well. We all hide it inside, some better than others but still struggle with it all the same. We all want to talk to the ex, I have the same dilema about being friends. My ex is talking to some guy that by defination(and not to sound cocky) can't even begin to measure up to me. Let me tell you about this guy...
What he does is tells the girls(happened to my friend and his ex with this guy) what they want to hear about a break up. About how the guy is a jerk, he will do much better and says all the right things, but ends up screwing up. That's what I'm waiting for(no not to have her back) but just to be lied, karma son! How's it feel ha ha...
What finding out did to me, while it did hurt a lot, was make me realize that I can do a lot better. I will probably have a couple trainwreck relationships for awhile but eventually it will get better. I'm going back to strict NC, don't even want to hear her voice this time. She contacted me all the times before so I didn't break NC to start, but now I don't even want to see her or hear her voice
It's bizarre... those who are being contacted by their exes are complaining that they are...
I haven't heard one thing from my ex... and I only WISH she played those games with me. Hmm. As I said before, she lives 4 minutes from me... and I have yet to see her or hear from her. I saw her once at the gym, but she was with "I'm just friends with him but I'm going on a trip with him in April"-guy... and she didn't see me.
NC is not the hard part. The hard part is getting your mind off your ex. But it does get easier... I'm on 6 weeks now. Of course, I still think about her multiple times a day, but it's getting less and less frequent. Down from every 2 minutes to every 10 minutes.
Thanks everyone. Ugh... I'm so tired. I tried going back to sleep, but instead all I did was lie in bed and think about him. How can he not even think about me, even a little? Doesn't he even care to see how I'm doing? Has he found someone new?
I don't understand how a person can go from wanting someone to losing all their feelings for someone so quickly.
I'm really afraid that I'm going to do something impulsive and stupid today. I MUST be strong. I have to stop doing this to myself. In the past, I kept bothering him/contacting him because I wanted to hear something that he would never tell me. SO I NEED TO STOP.
Why doesn't HE have me blocked? Why hasn't he responded to my Facebook message? Is it because he's hurt? Or because he is relieved to have gotten rid of me? Why don't I matter for him to do anything?
Once again, these are questions that I will never have answered and need to stop asking.
I want to friend him on Facebook again, but what will that do other than show him I am not over him and that he is still on my mind?
I want to see him soooo badly.
The pain is truly unbearable today...
No worries George... the party's going to be insane. Diddy has nothing on me.
Jilted, instead of wallowing in bed... I'm sure you have friends you haven't seen in a while. Go grab lunch with them. Go watch a matinée movie. Go out there and DO SOMETHING!
Yeah Jilted... Get out of bed, talk to your friends and tell them that they're going to be seeing A LOT of you for awhile
Honestly, sometimes talking to your ex is not the best thing. I wish she wouldn't have e-mailed me, or talked to to me at work. I tried to play it cool, but once I found out she had feelings for this guy while we dated I politely told her "please don't speak to me again" and now she keeps texting me saying she didn't have feelings for him while we dated... And all I asked her was, who are you trying to convince my dear
I am going to stay away from this board and any thoughts of the exbf starting right now, at least for this week. I will deal with these feelings next week because right now, the most important thing is for me to concentrate on getting my final out of the way. It's sort of unhealthy, but I need to suppress my emotions for now and not let them overwhelm every part of my life. I can't afford for it right now.
... which means next week is going to be an emotional rollercoaster of a b*tch.
Romefalls!! I'm from jersey, too, by the way... And I'm sorry that your exgf won't respect your request to not speak to you. :T Be strong and hang in there because it seems like you're doing great!
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