Ask Me Help Desk - The NC Calendar III

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

Thanks Hungtoronto. i dont think its going to cost her anything because the contract with the phone company has expired.I guess i will just write an email but it will come off as a bit childish dont you think.

I don't think it's childish. What if you are busy and you cannot call her? Or what if you call her and mess up? You are too worry about what she think. I know you care about your ex. Don't we all? At this point I don't think it matter anymore. You got to do what you have to do for yourself and not her. I know it's hard. If you don't think you are ready for it then wait a few months and then call her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Molecular

This post helped me a lot. Today I woke up a reborn man, and although me and my girlfriend have only been broken up for two weeks, today was the first day I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. I cleaned up some in my appartment, got some work done finally, and realized that I really didn't have to stress anything at all right now because I have so much more time than I was used to having while still seeing her.

I'm finally starting to remember some of the bad sides to our relationship, even though I've been putting her on a pedestal for the last couple of weeks, I do realize now we had some differences that I think we'd have a hard time ever sorting out. Was finally able to focus some on the time we spent together, how much she was constantly nagging me and pushing me around while we were together (Now don't get me wrong, the pushing around part was partly my fault aswell, I mean for letting her do so).

I've started to look on the positive side of things when I realize how much I've learnt in the two past weeks since our breakup. I'm a changed man of sorts, but only in a good way. I realize now that when I do meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with again, I won't make many of the same mistakes I did with her, and I won't let my partner make them either. Right now the only thing that's killing me on the inside is how bad I handled the breakup, or well, the way I acted the first week after we broke up. In a way I don't feel like I can blame myself for this. My girlfriend at the time was very misleading with the words she used. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about plans for the future, and for me it felt like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about me. After five years I can't imagine anyone would be able to just say: "sure whatever" and let that go without doing at least a couple of the crucial "don't do's" (such as calling, sending an email and doing pretty much your best to get said person to change her mind), i'm just glad I only did so twice, and not fifty times during the first week. I hate the fact that my ex, as of right now, thinks she can get me back by a snap of her fingers, when in all honesty I don't think I even want her back right now, I want to be single for at least a good 6 months before I settle down again. Hoping I run into her any day soon at uni just so she can see how detached I now am, but the chances of that happening are rather slim. I guess I should just stop thinking about it alltogether, in a way I still care for her and it warms my heart to know that the way I acted for the first week after our breakup kind of made the whole thing easier for her, considering I don't really feel like I care anymore.

I do of course realize that this might be something I'm just feeling now, I mean heck, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoast and every day has been different from the last. Some days I've been feeling pretty good, some days i've been feeling like heck, but at least today is the best one I've had so far, I guess that's gotta count for something, right?

Hey Bud, I'm real glad you're feeling better today... and when you do hit a low just think about how you felt when you wrote that. It's interesting for myself to read posts like this and see the similarities in the way we all think when going through this. That should also act as a bit of encouragement as it shows you're not alone with how you feel... and that you can see people who were in your position pull through stronger and better off. I posted this a while ago but I thought I would show it to you as it has actually really helped me out. I wrote out just a short empowering paragraph on our break-up.. something I can read whenever I have a down moment that can remind me why I should be feeling good. I have saved it to my drafts folder in my e-mail and look at it every now and then. I have decided I will delete it the day I am completely and truly over it... and I don't think it's that far off... It's kind of cheesy but hey, whatever works for you...

"I will not let her or the sadness created from her define who I am and how I feel. I do not need her, I am a strong, independent, good person who deserves someone who will love me unconditionally. I don’t know why I ever put her on this pedestal, she is not my life and will never define my life or what i can be. I will be ok on my own. I have family and friends that love me and soon enough she will become no more than a memory to me."

The funny thing about this is that I actually wrote it two months before our actual split... kind of goes to show the emotional turmoil she had put me through prior to the breakup... and it also acts as a reminder of why I am better off...

Maybe that will work for you too. Keep on keeping on Molecular

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

it takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.

I have to agree with that. After being single a while, I realized that in my relationship I had become pretty much complacent with myself. I was happy where I was at, so I wasn't really working to change much or do things which would make me happier. Being single allowed me to do that and that's great...

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

After being single a while, I realized that in my relationship I had become pretty much complacent with myself. I was happy where I was at, so I wasn't really working to change much or do things which would make me happier.

So true... I think I got into a rut. Wasn't doing nothing but wasn't doing a whole lot to better and improve myself... Let that be a lesson though for our next relationships. Never lose sight of yourself, and never put your dreams and ambitions on the back burner, because if you do you're only hurting yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

I have to agree with that. After being single a while, I realized that in my relationship I had become pretty much complacent with myself. I was happy where I was at, so I wasn't really working to change much or do things which would make me happier. Being single allowed me to do that and thats great...

I agree with Big Bird.This is so true.

The thing that I have realized with the first few months of a breakup is you have to keep yourself really busy.Whenever I have a moment to just sit down and relax I start thinking about my ex.

Dare,

Over the next few months your going to learn so much about yourself, and about life in general, its unbelievable. The things you learn you can accomplish, the changes you can make are nuts. Its actually a pretty exciting thing to look back and see..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

The thing that i have realized with the first few months of a breakup is you have to keep yourself really busy.Whenever i have a moment to just sit down and relax i start thinking about my ex.

Find an interest?

For me, I'm looking at 90s cars that are good for drifting...

Why?

Because I want to learn how to drift, tune up cars, and have fun driving around in a nice car.
Unlike modified cars with lambo doors/hoods/trunks or big stereo system...

Look for something you like

Hey well broke no contact by answering her calls. We went out last weekend. Then she calls me this weekend and says I call her too much. WHAT. That she is afraid she is leading me on. She is. Then everything is my fault and all that jazz. God, why do I fall for the crazy ones? I am too old to do that!

Quote:

Originally Posted by redwee74

Hey well broke no contact by answering her calls. We went out last weekend. Then she calls me this weekend and says I call her to much. WHAT. That she is afraid she is leading me on. She is. Then everything is my fault and all that jazz. God, why do I fall for the crazy ones? I am too old to do that!!

I know how you feel, My ex played the same games with me for a year and a half and believe me it was not worth it. Either you can keep on playing these games with her, you will eventually tire yourself out and waste a couple of years of your life, or start the NC thing right now. You might muck it up the first few times but keep at it
All the best my friend

Thanks Dare. I know it is a game but it is so hard to get through my head, I know better but I will not let her keep beating me. I will come out of this the better person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redwee74

Thanks Dare. I know it is a game but it is so hard to get through my head, I know better but I will not let her keep beating me. I will come out of this the better person.

One day at a time

I am such a dumba--. She called today I picked up the phone,she was calling to resolve the phone plan issue ( we share a family plan).Talked for a couple of minutes, and then I basically asked her ,if she wanted to marry me.What the fu-- was I thinking.
God damn.
I can't believe I did this.
I still have a long way to go.
I am retarded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

I am such a dumba--. She called today i picked up the phone,she was calling to resolve the phone plan issue ( we share a family plan).Talked for a couple of minutes, and then i basically asked her ,if she wanted to marry me.What the fu-- was i thinking.
God damn.
I can't believe i did this.
I still have a long way to go.
I am retarded

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Now, you just scared her more off =/

You know what? Who cares about the family plan? Go to your local phone store and say "hey, I'd like to cancel the plan and I'd like a new plan for myself only."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dare81

I am such a dumba--. She called today i picked up the phone,she was calling to resolve the phone plan issue ( we share a family plan).Talked for a couple of minutes, and then i basically asked her ,if she wanted to marry me.What the fu-- was i thinking.
God damn.
I can't believe i did this.
I still have a long way to go.
I am retarded

Dare,

You are emotionally unstable right now. Talking to her will either push her away further, upset her and at the same time lose your dignity. Cut all your business deal with her quickly and go back to NC. I suggest next time don't pick up the phone. If it's something important then I am sure she'll leave you a message. No need to talk to her and ask how she's doing.

Dare,
You are not retarded you are thinking with your heart and most of the time that is the right thing to do. Hard to go wrong when you follow your heart, but in our situations we must follow our heads. These women are not good for us right now. They have begun a new life that does not include us. We must let them have it and keep our heads high. There are billions of women out there and one of them for each of us. I like to think it was their loss. Keep moving forward and the best of luck.

Been exactly a month of NC for me today. Still struggling and taking things day by day. I try not to think about her at all, but she still pops into my mind all the time. I know it just takes time. I still break out in a little tearing action. Not nearly as much as I used to, probably just once a week now, and only for 15sec-1min total.

It's getting better, but it's easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Is it ever.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981

Been exactly a month of NC for me today. Still struggling and taking things day by day. I try not to think about her at all, but she still pops into my mind all the time. I know it just takes time. I still break out in a little tearing action. Not nearly as much as I used to, prolly just once a week now, and only for 15sec-1min total.

It's getting better, but it's easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Is it ever.

Keep going man! You're well on your way!

Personally today it's been exactly one week of NC for me now. I've had my ups and downs, some days better than others. The last couple of days have been pretty decent except I keep checking her Facebook to see if anythings changed.
As long as her Facebook remains unchanged I'm at ease, but the second I see any added pictures, plans for her to attend events or comments on other peoples walls like: "Hey thanks for last friday we had a really good time : )" I die a little inside, to think she's so careless and happy only weeks after ending a five year long relationship.

Then again I think to myself, if she's able to be this detached so fast after so long, she's not the kind of woman I'd like to wager to spend the rest of my life with.

No contact going on a year and 3 months.

Quote:

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

No contact going on a year and 3 months.

Just curious... How do you feel now towards your break-up/ex?