Don't do anything. Maybe I'm just in a sh!itty mood about my ex right now, but I would just forget her. That's all I want to do. Psh, women...
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Don't do anything. Maybe I'm just in a sh!itty mood about my ex right now, but I would just forget her. That's all I want to do. Psh, women...
Yea I know... I mean this girl was my best friend and my lover... To lose all that after 2 and half years of being through everything together. It just plain sucks. I understand the whole false hope crap too... I mean I was getting friends of hers calling me at 11:30 at night asking the most retarded questions, another friend of hers hadn't spoken to me in 2 weeks then all of a sudden IMs me, she checks my bulletins and my myspace almost daily and now wants to be friends, but doesn't want to give the impression of more. What the duece
Rome: Listen man, if this is as hard for you as it is me then I truly truly feel sorry for you. I know that all the advice I'm getting on this site is great advice because these people have been through this and it didn't work out for them. I also know that they are just trying to help. I think we are kind of the same but not you know? From everybodys advice on here I know its wrong to think about your ex and wish more than anything that she would realize she might need us. But, that's how I feel. I don't want to let her go. I know I won't move on if I don't but at this point I love that girl way too much to just say the hell with it.
Im sure you read my post and I went a little overboard with response when she sent me a text. There are a million signs saying that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me now. And duh, she told me she didn't. I don't know that it means that she doesn't love me anymore. In a nutshell, Im just plain and simply not ready to move on. I know its terrible and its going to hurt me more in the long run but Im just not ready to give up on this girl yet. Somebody said before that you should weigh the risk vs the reward. The reward in my opinion is definitely worth the risk. Id do anything for her.
One more thing. I understand the NC thing and the healing process that is suppose to come with it. Like somebody said earlier, I shouldn't beat myself up over telling my ex all that stuff about loving her and all that. Because, if I hadn't said all that and it still didn't work then I would be kicking myself for not saying it. I want her to know how I feel. Don't get me wrong here, Im going back to NC because I want her to realize for herself that she "needs" me.
The advice you get on here is very true, IF you are ready to move on. Im not. And if you are not ready for that, then it seems like Im trying to play this game to get her back. I told her on the phone the last time I talked to her, that I knew I wasn't suppose to be telling her this stuff. She said "I know, youre just being honest." And I believe that is the way you should go about it if you aren't ready to let go. Hope that helps.
That's why I liked my response so much, it was a I can do without you, but would like to be friends. Basically putting the ball into her court about a friendship. I wasn't about ready to make everything seem like I was waiting for her to talk to me. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but maybe the right thing in a way. Shows I have changed quite a bit as 3 weeks ago I said we couldn't be friends
Yeah I know what you mean. The difference in us there is that me and my ex couldn't be friends. We both know that. I don't know if what I said was "right" but I really believe in my situation that it may be. The absolute last thing I want to do is to move on, and always have that lingering thought in the back of my head wondering what may have happened if I would have spoke my mind to her instead of just ignoring everything. I mean, even if I did NC and ignored her, I know eventually I would get over her but I doubt that I would ever completely be able to move on.
Well the only hope I have of showing my ex I have changed and will continue to do so is by being her friend and show her I can see her doing what she wants. While I may not always agree with her choices it is in fact her life to do with what she pleases. Love is a great thing when you have it, but sucks when you lose it
I understand. I just can't and never will be able to be her friend. It literally makes me feel sick when I think about what she could be doing with somebody else. She very well may be doing anything and everything I imagine or she very well may not be I have no idea. As of right now, Id just like to keep it that way. I don't want to know. Somebody if we get back together I might then I don't know about that yet. All I was saying is that in my situation and me knowing I don't want to let her go yet... Im willing to show her how I feel w/out being overbearing but just to make sure she knows how I feel about her.
I'm going to go with the don't ask don't tell military policy. I won't ask what she does with her personal life, she won't tell... I don't forsee her jumping into the sheets with someone but rest assured I also won't be doing the friends with benefits roll
Again, totally understand. That makes perfect sense if you are wanting to try and be friends. There is no way in the world you could be friends if you told your intimate things to each other. So yeah, don't do that. I just am having a really really hard time getting past my imagination. I know people say stay busy and Im not saying Im not because I am. But I still think about that stuff it really hurts me. BLAH, that sick feeling
Yea, you think about her with a guy in the sheets and 9/10 it's not true... Its a sick game our mind plays on us but it's a defensive structure that our mind puts up to try and make it easier to move on.. Which fails horribly ha ha
Yeah well whatever it is, it sucks. I can't get that crap out of my head. I literally have to almost gag. I really just don't know what to do. I think Im doing right, but time just won't move fast enough. For better or worse
I know how you feel.. Tomorrow will be my biggest test, it would have been 2 1/2 yrs tomorrow and I usually see her at work on thursdays.. yea not looking forward to it.. I don't know how to act, and won't know how she reacts.. I guess my biggest question is.. Will she even remember that date
Is she the type to remember dates? If that's the case... then yes.
Sometimes she does... I mean, I have a good feeling she will remember and we will have that awkward eyes meet stuff but we will have to see... I hope she is miserable tomorrow, because I know I will be.. Is that wrong lol?
Haha no. I don't even know you 2 from adam and I bet she will know exactly what day it is.
Here's a question. Might help a few of you also. Its been made clear that you can't "win" somebody back. Also, that your best chance is if they begin to curious about you. So, my question is... Is there a way to make them curious w/out just totally going NC. I mean, not like talking even every week, but just a text every now and then that kind of makes her think... he's so sweet. NOT, I love you I miss you I love you I miss you haha.
Just short and sweet.
Ha.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
It's a whole lot different when you know, 100% without a doubt, that she has banged someone else. After knowing that, you are still sitting there hurting and wanting her back, but you can't figure out why because your head is sitting there telling you that you are a fool for even considering it. Especially if she's already comfortable enough with the break up to be in the sack with a new man. Logically thinking, you don't want the ex back. But your heart still misses her, which is the hardest part to get over.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MLB33
Haha, if someone has an answer to that, please let me know. I don't think you'll find one.
If she's actually interested in you, then she'll get curious on her own.Quote:
Originally Posted by MLB33
If she's not interested in you, this will push her further away and make you look extremely weird.
Well you could just send her a text every few weeks and what does that achieve? She realises you are still hanging on and will be there for her whenever she feels like it , therefore you aren't a challenge for her at all. She knows she can just explore all her options first and if all else fails she still has you as a backup. Do you want to be a backup?Women like men who are a challenge.Quote:
Originally Posted by MLB33
Not just that but you also let her get away with not feeling guilty about dumping you.
I'm sorry I know I sound like a broken record but she already knows how you feel , don't keep trying to think of ways to keep her interested because it doesn't work like that. And you won't start healing until you accept that it's over. Then you can start working on yourself and then IF she decides to ever come back , you will be in a better position emotionally to decide whether this is really the right thing to do.
At the end of the day its your choice but we can only give you our opinions and you can take them or leave them , but remember our opnions are based on experience.
And we are on your side don't forget.
Friend: Don't worry about the sounding like a broken record thing. Everybody on here does. Especially me.
Freakin: I just finished your masterpiece haha. I read the whole thing. Anyway, I can relate to what you went through so much. The only difference, and I realize it's a huge difference, is that I did go straight NC and 2 weeks later she sent a text and me being a "man" I figured I could just play it cool. Um no. I caved and told her how much I loved her and all that. Anyway, I said all that to say this... Im exactly where you were with the whole I want to give her the space but I don't want to overdo it. That is why I was asking about sending a text like "just thought about you today" and leave it at that. I see what friend is saying about she knows Im still here and it may not sound like it, but I know exactly what he's saying. There is a fine line somewhere between staying around because you love somebody and being on the back burner. I don't know where that is. The last thing I want to do is ruin something by making them feel the way I do. Maybe they should and yeah I'll admit I sometimes wish she would so she would see what she was doing to me. But what's the point. Don't get me wrong (I wrote all this before so here it is very briefly) she said she felt the same way she did when she wanted a break. When I was texting her she sent one back that said "dont be that way, when you broke up with me you didnt talk to me for a month." Make of that what you will because Im not sure, it could mean several things. I keep getting off track. ANYWAY, I just want to know what to do you know. I don't care what anybody on here says about just going total NC. YES, it's the way to move on with myself I agree totally. I just believe the risk vs reward here is worth the risk. Like you said, I just have to know, I couldn't go on (as pathetic as it is) knowing I might have left something hanging. I don't believe total NC is right if, hell I don't know what's right. I just hope you know what I mean. As of right now, I know 100% that she knows how I feel about her. So, I don't need to get into that. Just any insight would be great I'll shutup haha thanks.
Just so you know. I didn't mean anything bad about not caring what anybody says on here. I know you want to help. I appreciate it more than you know. I just meant, a lot of it is geared toward moving on. Understandibly so.
It's been over 3 weeks of NC for me, well NC started by me anyway. Everyone on here knows the e-mail she sent me. And maybe I hit a chord with her because she hasn't responded? I'm still holding on to hope of a new us, but won't give in to her at all. I'm not going to text, and today will be really really hard because it would have been 2 1/2 yrs today... I want so bad to text her and just say "hey, whats up" but I know that's wrong
Im not here to give you advice. I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through. I know me and you kind of kept up with each other a little on here and... if you read my post I'm on day... 4. again. Haha. I just don't know, and I don't think you do either of when or what to say IF you are still wanting to give them another shot. Not just another shot but a ligit shot. Assuming she really wants it. When you do you respond what to say all that stuff. Because you can't just ignore everything you know? Not if you are willing to give it another chance. Is the risk worth the reward? For me and I think you... yes
Get healthy first, and then make those decisions, without emotional baggage and confusion.
I can't believe I just read 40+ pages of this thread... Man that's a lot... But I guess you do that when you have nothing else to do at work... right? :)
I too am going through similar situation like some of you guys... My girl of 9 months left me, actually left the states and went to another country to be with someone else... It sucks, I've been hurting like crazy, but I knew about the NC so I started that as soon as she left... it's been 20 something days... she sent me 2 emails because she wanted me to do her a favor... I never responded.
The thing is, she thinks I don't know why she left... she lied to me that the reason she's leaving is to visit her dying grandpa and she'll be back... yet she took all her stuff, moved to her parents house, left me alone in our apartment and is now in Germany doing god knows what with her "Special Friend".
I realized that if I wrote her back, it won't solve anything... she's still thousand miles away and I'm here by myself. I had my friend change the passwords on both myspace and Facebook so I don't check it... I deleted my email, so now the only way she can contact me is my cell, which I can't do anything about since it's work number, and my work email.
IF she really wants to get in touch with me she knows how to, but I'm protecting myself and Really, really hard trying to get out of this denial stage and move on. It's so damn hard but I don't have to tell any of you guys this. Just like freakinconfused, my heart is telling me I want her back... but my head is telling me that I'm an idiot... she left me for another why in the blue hell would I want her back...
I guess we can only wait and see what the future has in store for us... I sure as hell don't know... my only worry right now is that my time is running out. I have no idea why I think that it's too late for me to find a girl again. I'm 25 and I'm afraid that I'll never find anyone again... Maybe it's because I'm not into this whole club/bar scene... and everyone my age or younger seems to be in it...
Good luck to all you guys... I know time heals all wounds, but man I wish I can fast forward it to about 3months down the road. :)
Don't sweat it you are going through exactly what is expected. Feels like somebody pulled the rug from under you and you are falling and can't stop. I understand it gets better and you will decide down the road what to do. Sounds like she actually made it pretty easy for u in the sense of making a decision she left you, lied to you as to why she was leaving and then has the BALLZ to email you for a favor? Sheesh. I went NC for 4 months with my ex she started emailing me the day after christmas and we have been emailing back and fourth nothing too deep but she emails me and we say a couple things the levels are up and down sometimes we email all day sometimes not at all. My point is every situation is different and my choice was to put myself first focus on me me and then me. Once you get into the groove of things again u will feel better and be able to make good decisions on how to proceed.
That is probably the most effective NC procedure I have ever heard off on here. Proper NC! No messing around. You are seriously on the road to recovery!Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert7x
If the bar scene isn't you, try internet dating. Match.com is very good, and it will give you a big ego boost when you see the amount of hot available women who take an interest in you!
Seriously, 25 is nothing. If you have been this effective with NC so far, in 2 or 3 months time you will feel even better!
Haha, it's a b!tc# ain't it? Ya know in all reality that you don't want the person back, but your heart reaches out to them because you loved them, and once that love is gone you just have a big @$$ empty hole there that you know can't be filled again anytime soon. I guess you basically just got to try to look at the positives and better your situation as best you can, and then one day you'll wake up and just not give a $#!t anymore that you aren't with her. And then, as you are working on yourself I guess, everything else seems to fall into place as far as significant others go. I met my ex when I decided that the college I was at wasn't going to get me anywhere, and so I applied and got into one of the best schools in the country. I was on the upswing then, and had a goal and purpose in life. And then to top it all off, I met one of the greatest people I've ever known (at least before she dumped me) and apparently did something right, because she stayed with me for 4 years.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert7x
One thing that helps me is knowing that a year and a half after graduating college she is still a freakin' bar tender. I worked at the same bar/restaurant as her after I graduated 2 years ago, but then I got my act together and got a good IT job. Right now I'm looking into going to grad school, or at least getting some IT certification classes under my belt. And, I'm trying to get another IT job that pays twice what I make now. But she's still a bar tender... ha. I have a head start on that front at least.
Dude, I'm 25 too. I think we're still pretty young and can find chicks. Yeah, bar scene isn't really my scene either - not because I don't go, but because there is a serious lack of hotties drinking at the bars near my house.
Robert7x writes: "I'm 25 and i'm afraid that i'll never find anyone again" You are freakin krazy, man. Lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
Friend4u178 - I just wanted to tell you that you are an absolute genius for writing the "What to expect when you get dumped!" sticky. Every time I feel like I want to break NC, or start missing her really badly, I just read that thing over and over. My only complaint is that I didn't stumble across it right when she dumped me. If I had, I probably would have been much better off. I wish I could repay you somehow.
freakinconfused writes: "Friend4u178 - I just wanted to tell you that you are an absolute genius...." Amen; we just need to come up with some emotional splints and bandaids.
Thank you "freakin"Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
You are repaying a lot of people on here by giving some real good advise... keep it up :-)
I too am in the IT field... I'm an it manager for the local law firm. The job is awse and pays really well. I never thought that I would get where I am today this early in my life. Maybe we it guys don't like the bar scene for a reason... I don't know. Its weird how similar our stories are and same age...
Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
I agree l. I have that page saved on my iPod touch and I look at it every day. Sorry for some spelling mistakes but this thing is pain in the a$$ to type on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
Hi! I am new to this site, and I am so happy I ran into this post. Honestly, I wish I would have found it sooner. I was dumped in August 2007, and remained in contact with my ex all the way into December. It has been almost 1 month since I have contacted him.
Whenever I get the urge to email him, I write a draft to him but I do not send it. I realized that it just gives him power to know how much I love him. So, even though I think about him constantly, and would give anything to hear his voice--I say it in a letter to myself. Then I quick exit the webmail, and pretend I just wrote him, and hours later I am relieved I didn't send it.
Anyway, you guys are great and very strong! I can tell we're all a bunch of big hearts in here, and it is sweet to see everyone stick together!
Yay! 1 month NC
<3 Laney
Good job laney, and welcome. You'll find this site's... ridiculously therapeutic. Look at my profile. 708 posts in the past 3 months. That's roughly 8 posts a day. It's sad. Imagine how much money I saved on therapy!
p.s. - oh yeah, I'm something like... 5 weeks into NC. Or something like that. Haven't kept track.
LOL... sneeze why don't you work out how much you've saved and throw us all a big party :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Well... let me try.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
I've been on this site for a month and a half... coming on here everyday. I'll just condense it down to... twice a week... an hour per session? In my city, it's about $130 an hour for therapy.
$130 per meeting...
$260 per week...
$1560 for 6 weeks.
... holy cow.
Not to mention how much money I saved from being single. Good lord.
Omg I'm so freakin confused.. again!you guys are all much stronger than me as unfortunately I still have contact with my ex. I just keep getting stuck! But we were supposed to try and be friends.. again.. lol. It workd for a while than a few days ago he see's me dancing with a guy in a club and actually looses it!He pulled me away and basically yelled at me to stop dancing with him!
Wot the? He is the one who wanted to end it!Said he had no feelings.. Now he's doing this?We had a text fight today and he basically said to me that he still has feelings but I'm not his type.. Again what? I don't understant what he means by this?Can anyone explain what it could mean lol.. How can you say someone's not your type (yet we went out for a year) and than also say you still have feelings and lose it when he see's me just dancing with someone else?
Help please!
Gigi writes: "How can you say someones not your type (yet we went out for a year) and than also say you still have feelings and lose it when he see's me just dancing with someone else??" He is having identity issues, perhaps maturity issues.
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