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I think, really, that the reason I (and my parents) go/went behind closed doors is that a spanking is punishment enough. There's no reason to add public humilation to that punishment (unless, of course, public humiliation would add to the justice of the punishment).
You don't put kids in time-out in public, either. You also don't take their possessions away from them in public.
Tell me one punishment, other than taking your kids home, that you DO do in public.
I had trouble with my boys when they were teens, being there for me to pick them up when and where they were suppose to be. I went to pick them up with a pig in the back of the truck once , they never were late again.
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Originally Posted by Synnen
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I've done some pretty stern talkings to in public. Eventually I get a I'm sorry, and a full explanation on how it would have been prevented, how we are wasting fun time dealing with something that never should have happened. Etc...
When kids cut up in stores or restaurants, you have to let them know they better stop. They think I'm mean (grandkids), but by the time we are ready to check out, not only are they behaving, but get special treats. ( yeah, its okay to spoil grandkids, and fun) As for my own, they responded to the first warning, so it was never an issue. It starts when they are very young, and at home, where you can see everything they do, but I honestly don't know what I would do in public, if they didn't heed that first warning.
I have hardley ever put my hand on my children's buns. Not sure if I will ever feel like it is needed again, but if it is, I will do it.
There are certain things that can be handled a little later and then there are some things that need to be handled RIGHT AWAY, and I will be damned if I am going to go through a store with 4 crazy kids, so if I need to stop and take care of business and give a time out till they are able to walk through with me... then so be it. HUgs... that is what I give most of the time! :)
I have done time-outs in public. If we are doing something where I can do a time out. I have spanked my child in public as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
I also will tell my child that if she doesn't shape up then when we do get home a privilege, such as computer or TV time is taken away. She is old enough now to get grounded or sent to her room for "crimes" committed in public.
I think the showing up with the pig was GREAT.
Most of my punishments, as I reached my double-digit years, were constructive. I'll probably do the same thing.
My parents had a 200 year old house that had been converted into 2 apartments. They rented one half of the house as I was growing up, and we lived in the other half. They used the rent to pay extra on the mortgage every month, so that all that was left when I was 13 or so was the principle.
Every punishment we had from that point on had to do with renovating the house. I was late for curfew? I was grounded until the kitchen was painted. Mouthing off to my mom? I got to sand cupboards. Fighting with my siblings? We had to work TOGETHER on a project. What this taught was that we all had to do jobs we didn't want to, and breaking the rules would result in having more work for myself in the end. I also learned that the length of my punishment was dependent on ME. I had to work to my parents' standards, so if I went too fast and was sloppy, I had to start over. From scratch. With painting, that meant stripping and sanding and priming and THEN repainting. So... it was better to go slow and steady and do it right the first time. It also taught me to think twice before I did anything, because I really really didn't want that punishment.
I think that's a FAR more appropriate punishment than grounding, or taking away possessions, or spanking or anything like that. Of course, it doesn't work until the child is old enough to use those tools, and to understand that it's a punishment.
The only punishment I remember getting in public was, in fact, a spanking. But--I had been warned, and warned, and warned not to go to the store display, and I did anyway... and broke a display of china in the grocery store (remember those days where you could save points for a whole set?). My mom had to pay for it, and she was crying--there went half our food budget for the next month. I got a spanking for that--but frankly, I really probably deserved it.
Really--ALL punishments should be a matter of circumstance and personal belief. For me, as a kid, being forced to tell the pastor what I did wrong and have HIM set my punishment was the worst thing that could happen to me. I thought, as a 5 year old, that he WAS Jesus, and that Jesus was mad at me and wouldn't let me into heaven. He set me straight that he wasn't Jesus, but then asked me why I would want to make Jesus cry with the bad things I've done. Would that work for all kids? Absolutely not. But then--that was my point to begin with: not every punishment will work for every kid.
Choosing a punishment appropriate to the "crime", the child, and the circumstances is the parents' job--NOT the government's.
You know, Synnen, I love what your parents did. (working on the house) I am going to have to remember this when my daughter is old enough. What a great idea!
Most of America populace think it improper to spank children.
The other day I was talking to one of my younger buddies about methods used to discipline children.
We talked about "time outs", grounding, holding back "rewards" until the child displayed desired behavior etc. One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, he does not spank any of his children.
He explained that what he does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car and talk. He said that usually this works and that the child calms down fairly quickly and really doesn't take too much time.
By removing the child, in this case his son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change perspective, things get better quickly and the child has better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand the families concept of acceptable behavior.
He kindly shared a picture of the process which I share with you now.
I just thought of all of us sitting and talking about the spanking issue, and thought this was cute! Poor little feller!
Ha ha ha ha! Very funny Startover. Love it!
Start that is freakin awesome!
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