Hi AMHDers.

Has anyone else noticed that we've been getting a lot of relationship questions from children 10, 11, 12 years of age?

What is going on in this world that children are dating? I'm a mother of an 11 year old son and I'm not old fashioned, I'm not religious, I don't believe in holding my children back, but on this one point I am very firm. An 11 year old child has no business dating in my opinion.

I realize that these kids probably have no concept of what dating really is, and their version of dating is probably a very far stretch from what dating, or what being in a relationship, really is. Still, the fact that these kids are posting here saying "I have a problem with my boyfriend" or "I think my girlfriend is cheating", just scares the beejesus out of me. A boyfriend at age 11? Shouldn't they still be playing with dolls?

Maybe I'm behind the times, maybe someone can explain to me why this is happening, why we're allowing it to happen. Or maybe you disagree and think it's okay for children to date.

Whatever your opinion, I'd love to hear it, people of all ages, because I truly don't understand, and I want to know if I'm overreacting or if anyone else feels the same way I do.

So, should children date? What's your opinion?

Im 21 and 10 years ago I did not want a boyfriend.

I don't know what's happened but kids are trying to become adults!

Probably doesn't help that kids are developing faster due to what we have done to the environment.

Parents should have a rule like my mum did. No dating till your 16 and don't date anyone you so to school with!

I remember very clearly what it was like when I was 14. I was into boys, they were into me, my father was not in to any of it.

I voted "it's up to their parents".
I remember how frustrating it was not being able to date, but I also remember lying and sneaking around to see boys. Yes I know, I was a bad child. It was no way my parents fault, but how many of us have seriously said we were on place A but were really in place B?

I know I wouldn't want my daughter dating at 14, but I also don't want her to lie or sneak around. So if it was something like going to the movies, with me or another parent dropping off and picking up, or maybe going to the mall or out for dinner, I would rather my daughter tell me what she is doing, than be doing this or far worse behind my back.

As far as 10, 11, and 12 year old kids dating, I think it's sad that they can't just be friends.I think there is so much pressure for "relationships" and every where you look TV, movies real life, these kids are dressed up like adults. I remember playing with barbies at 11! My best friends step daughter is 11, and she wears a padded bra and make up!

But I also remember the neighbor boy asking me to go ice skating when I was 11. I wore my best tights and curly laces, and even crimped my hair! Was it dating?

Oh crap I just went back and re read the title. It says people under 14... Yea I change part of my answer to "no" they should be having play dates not real dates.

I wore a training bra at 13. That's when I started getting bumps. Before that I wore crop tops!

I hate makeup! I refuse to wear it. But I did have to wear it for dancing at a young age for stage shows. But I never wore it on a daily basis and as soon as I got home from a show I would shower and wash it all off! I wasn't a tom boy, I was a girly girl but I hated glitter, make up and sequins!

My 8 yr old cousin was over about 2 months ago. She was wearing a Mini skirt with a singlet she had folded to show her belly and she had blue eye shadow and red lipstick. I asked her mum, was she trying to prostitute her off and she said.. No she wants to be like the Bratz dolls.

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But I also remember the neighbor boy asking me to go ice skating when I was 11. I wore my best tights and curly laces, and even crimped my hair! Was it dating?

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And this is why I hope some of these kids come and post, explain to us what they consider dating, what they do with their girlfriends and boyfriends. I'm really hoping it is just like your outing at 11, going skating, being excited, but that's it.

Maybe I'm reading too much into the posts by these kids. When someone posts that they are having boyfriend problems, I assume that they mean boyfriend, not a kid that they sit next to in class and eat lunch with, and maybe hold hands, but a boyfriend and everything that goes along with that.

That's what scares me. When they use the term boyfriend or girlfriend, what does that consist of? If it is what I'm thinking it is, then at 11 years of age, they're not ready, IMO.

I'd let my son go skating with a girl, no problem, that's fine, but calling that girl a girlfriend, dating, anything other then high fiving each other at the bus stop, not okay with me.

Before anyone thinks I'm some kind of prude, not at all. I dated at 14 and trust me, I made most adults look innocent. That's why I don't agree with kids dating, because I was a kid, I did date, and I paid for it.

You only have a small time in your life to be innocent. One day these 11 year olds will regret giving up their childhoods so quickly.

Besides, at 11, boys should still be icky. Don't they have cooties until their 21? ;)

Sadly I remember one day at the pool last year, a young girl who would be considered well built by 18 year old standards came over to talk to a friend of mine, she was barely wearing anything.
After she left I asked about her, and they said it was another friends daughter, I said, a daughter that old, and they said no, she was 12. And after this year of working some in the schools, many of the 12 year olds don't look like 12 year old any longer,

This is one danger in why older boys are starting to look at them I think

Personally, I think it is very dependent on the individual child and that hopefully the parents are the ones who should be in the best position to make that decision. "Dating" can mean differen things so I say its up to the parents.

I would be weary as pointed out by Arora... if kids feel they are ready or need something and you blanket deny it they may end up sneaking around behind your back to get it anyway... then all you have done is lost control.

Just In my opinion

OK, let's see. I was somewhere around 12 or 13 when I had my first "boyfriend." We called each other boyfriend and girlfriend because we liked each other, but we never spent time together outside of school. We certainly weren't kissing or anything. We didn't do anything but talk on the phone for hours all the time. So it might be just that these kids are throwing the words around but don't really mean it. Gosh, I hope so. LOL

It's the movies and TV and the music industry. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." And parents are scared of their kids. The parents don't want to be the Bad Guys and say "No" because then the kids won't like them any longer.

We need to start licensing parenthood after six years of training classes in which prospective parents have to earn A's and B's and pass a rigorous final exam. I'll be a teacher.

P.S. Soon smoking will get to be more fun, even for youngsters. The tobacco companies are going to start selling fruit and candy flavored cigarettes "to attract more women smokers."

I voted no but 10 years ago I would have said maybe. 10 years ago we didn't have every TV show teachings kids what dating is. If you where to take a poll on what kids favorite show is they would say something like Family Guy or South Park. Shows these days teach kids that sex is okay, or tell kids that drugs are bad but in the next sentence tell them how fun they are. I had one pregnant teen in my school now its common for a kid to get pregnant. So the longer we can keep them away from dating the better.

I was still playing with dolls when I was eleven.. (That was right after the Hindenburg Disaster)... No really
My girls didn't dare ask to date before they were fifteen.

We let them bring their friends here at sixteen on Friday nights.
They left at eleven. They didn't car date until they were seventeen
And it was a double date.

I am not saying I am going to win the mother of the year award, but I sure do hope that when they use the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" they mean what I thought it meant at 11. And that was some one to go ice skating with. Kind of like Zoe, but opposite, we didn't hang out at school, but we went ice skating every Saturday for 3 years lol.

It really worries me to think what it's like now, imagine what it's going to be like in another 10 years.

I was 14 when I had my first "boyfriend." it lasted about three weeks, no kissing, just hand holding and going to the movies. But he dumped me because he thought I was too prude. Looking back, I wonder why the heck I was allowed to go on dates with him at all.

Aurora, I can't count the number of times I said I was in one place when I was really in another. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have children of my own.

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

It really worries me to think what it's like now, imagine what it's going to be like in another 10 years.

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Bella.. the way you speak of your daughter.. is wonderful. You are a good mom and you will be when it comes to making these decisions. Good moms have a natural instinct to protect their children.. you'll do great.:)

Thanks Kit! :)

It was funny. My younger son Jeremy "loved" his cute, red-headed classmate Jan in Pre-K. Years later, Jan and my older son worked as pages (book shelvers) at our local library. That's when he fell in love with Jan. There must be something about Jan...

And she's still single.

I didn't have my first date or boyfriend until I was 16. I wasn't even sure it WAS a date, until after it started. The only reason we ended up dating was because I couldn't think of a good reason to tell him no. I liked talking to him and hanging out, so I figured why not.

It lasted just over a year.

I dated one other guy in high school. It was a blind date set up by a friend, and I never saw him again.

I wasn't in another relationship until I was 19 and in college.

I am well aware that I was a late bloomer, at least as far as relationships were concerned. Physically, I matured early. I reached about 5'6" by the time I turned 12. I started wearing training bras when I was 8-9. I started my period when I was 11, and was regular right off the bat.

Now, just because I had the beginnings of a woman's body at 12, does NOT mean I was ready to date. I had absolutely no interest in boys, or girls. Boys didn't want to have anything to do with me because I was a girl. Girls didn't want anything to do with me because I was a tomboy. I was too busy burying my nose in books to take notice of the people around me.

Even at 16, I wasn't really ready for a relationship. I was lucky and ended up with a really great guy. We were together for more than a year and never did more than kiss. I wasn't ready for more, and he never even tried for more. I think I saw him shirtless all of 2-3 times, and that was only because of quick changes between scenes in plays. I'm not sure he ever even saw me in a tank top, let alone something actually revealing.

The idea that kids not even in their teens yet are 'dating' is just absurd. The idea that they're doing more than holding hands on recess, is worse. Playing together, hanging out, going skating or to the park together, going to the movies. Fine. Be friends. Be KIDS! Too many kids start dating too young, and end up having kids of their own.

I did the whole say I'm going A but go to B. But that was because My sister was nosy and if I said I was going to my boyfriends she would spit the dummy. So mum knew when I was lying.

I think if your fair with your children they will be fair with you. Until I got my license the rules were I could go where I wanted (within reason) as long as she or a trusted adult could drop me off and pick me up.

I have to admit that my first relationship (ahhh hmmm) was when I was 13 and she was an older woman... Aleen was 14. Her dad a Top Sargent in the Air Force caught us on his living room couch...

Funny because years later I was visiting home ( I lived in North Carolina at the time) and my first wife and another couple when dancing at a club. The ladies went to the 'powder room' and the guy went to check in our coats. While I was standing there Aleen came up to me and tickled my chest with her finger, smiled with very large sexy eyes and asked 'how are you babe?' I said 'married', she spun around and looking back said 'NOW you'll never know will you.'

I think some parents have "dropped the ball" when it comes to doing the right thing. I've seen mothers and fathers nearly come to blows because of a softball game or one eleven year old made the cheer leading team and theirs didn't.

Mothers enter their six and seven year old daughters in a beauty contest and make them look like
Fifteen year olds.

Parents who would do anything just so their kids will be"popular".
It's a shame the TV shows make it look OK for a girl to look slutty.

It is a worry and seems as though the kids who are the ones who end up thinking it's OK to have sex at eleven years old and smoke and wear clothing that is beyond revealing. I wish they could see into the future and know how their actions are going to lead to consequences they never would have wanted.

I think I only misled my mother once. It wasn't really lying. I had a choir concert. She thought I was leaving right after I sang. I told her I was staying to watch the rest of the choirs sing. Then I ended up going out to dinner with a couple friends. I was about 2 hours late getting home. She had the choir directors searching dumpsters for my body and had called the cops. I was grounded for a month.

I had an 9pm curfew on weekdays and 11pm on weekends when I was 16. When I turned 17, it got pushed BACK to 8pm on weekdays and 10pm on weekends, with the added limitation that I could only be on the phone for 2 hours a day. She had to know where I was, that there were adults present, and have a number to call.

She called the friends house I was at once, and scared the daylights out of one of my friends. She found out that the adult present wasn't a parent, it was the friend's 25 year old brother. She also happened to call when a group of us had gone about half a block away to grab ice cream cones. She screamed at my poor friend, almost making her cry, and made me get my boyfriend's brother to drive me home immediately.

I still cannot understand WHY I ended up with stricter rules the older I got and WHY I wasn't allowed to go not even a block away to get ice cream when I was 17. I was almost always home when I was supposed to be (with one or two exceptions when I was a little late). I never lied to her about where I was going or who would be there. I never drank or did drugs or had sex. I followed all her rules. Yet, for some reason, she didn't trust me.

I turned 18, and stopped asking for permission to go places. I'd tell her where I was going and when I'd be back. I'd call if plans changed and I was going to be home late. I was almost always with a fairly large group of friends. Our parties consisted of playing video games, watching movies, euchre, and singing along to musicals. There were no couples sneaking off to have sex or drinking or doing drugs. The most illicit thing that went on was cigarette smoking.

I was on the receiving end of one of those sort of phone calls once. Me and my friend would always say we were going to be with each other. I would say I was going to her house, she would say she was at mine. Sometimes we were actually together, others we just went to hang out with our own older groups of friends. Well, she didn't tell me she told her mom she was at my house. So her mom calls me at nearly midnight asking to speak to her daughter. I was speechless for a minute, but had to tell her I didn't know where she was. She'd gone over to a party at our co-workers house and got so drunk she lost track of time. Her mom was furious.

My son and daughters always had a curfew. Even when they were in College and came home for the summer or for Holidays. They didn't care much for it but it didn't bother me at all.

I was known as the "Warden" staying up and making sure they hadn't been drinking or making sure they were home at the appointed time.

My husband and I agreed on the rules but I was more the enforcer.
He couldn't stand for the girls to cry when I told them they couldn't go to certain concerts. Didn't bother me. I had been to more than a few concerts in my younger days and I knew what happened at some. This was after I left home.

My son would go to his room and pout or play his guitar when he was mad. I was strict. I told them.. I'm your mother... you have friends.. Dads your dad... you have friends.

By that I mean a lot of parents want to be friends with their kids... not parents.

I lied all the time.

I had my first "serious" boyfriend at 14, we dated the entire summer. It was definitely more then holding hands and kissing, but what mom and dad didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

We saw each other every day. I'd say that I was going out with my friends, hop on my bike and go to his place. He was 16, had a car. I thought he was all that and ice cream on the side.

As it turns out, we're still friends, sadly he suffered from an aneurysm 11 years ago and now he can't walk and often doesn't remember who I am.

Chuck has a point. Kids don't look like kids anymore. You have to know there's something wrong with the world when stores sell thongs made for 5 year olds, so they won't have to worry about a panty line. I really want a list of the parents that by these!

When my daughter turned 5 my sister-in-law bought her makeup. No, it wasn't fun, play, dressup makeup, it was real makeup. I asked her why, her response "Well she's pretty, shouldn't she learn now how to highlight her features?" Why? For what purpose? She was five! I kept the makeup in my room for Halloween time.

One little girl in my sons class came to school the other day in a tank top and super short miniskirt. If I had been wearing it I would have had to shave, it was that short! She was sent home and a letter sent to her mom. Apparently the mother was upset that her daughter wasn't allowed to express herself by choosing what she wanted to wear to school. What is she expressing with that outfit, $25 for sex, $10 for a BJ? Ya, I'm being crude, but seriously, what is this mother teaching her child?

I realize that society plays a large role in all of this, but for goodness sake, they're kids, can't they just fill their days being kids, playing, getting dirty, flying kites, playing with dolls, riding their bikes to the park?

Seriously, as soon as the first boy calls my house asking for my daughter, we're moving to the middle of the woods where the closest neighbor is 300 miles away. ;)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I lied all the time.

I had my first "serious" boyfriend at 14, we dated the entire summer. It was definitely more then holding hands and kissing, but what mom and dad didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

We saw eachother every day. I'd say that I was going out with my friends, hop on my bike and go to his place. He was 16, had a car. I thought he was all that and ice cream on the side.

As it turns out, we're still friends, sadly he suffered from an aneurysm 11 years ago and now he can't walk and often doesn't remember who I am.

Chuck has a point. Kids don't look like kids anymore. You have to know there's something wrong with the world when stores sell thongs made for 5 year olds, so they won't have to worry about a panty line. I really want a list of the parents that by these!

When my daughter turned 5 my sister-in-law bought her makeup. No, it wasn't fun, play, dressup makeup, it was real makeup. I asked her why, her response "Well she's pretty, shouldn't she learn now how to highlight her features?" Why? For what purpose? She was five! I kept the makeup in my room for Halloween time.

One little girl in my sons class came to school the other day in a tank top and super short miniskirt. If I had been wearing it I would have had to shave, it was that short! She was sent home and a letter sent to her mom. Apparently the mother was upset that her daughter wasn't allowed to express herself by choosing what she wanted to wear to school. What is she expressing with that outfit, $25 for sex, $10 for a BJ? Ya, I'm being crude, but seriously, what is this mother teaching her child?

I realize that society plays a large role in all of this, but for goodness sake, they're kids, can't they just fill their days being kids, playing, getting dirty, flying kites, playing with dolls, riding their bikes to the park?

Seriously, as soon as the first boy calls my house asking for my daughter, we're moving to the middle of the woods where the closest neighbor is 300 miles away. ;)

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Alty.. I'm sorry but I'm seriously LOL at the shaving part ! But you're right. I was so glad when the dress code was enforced at the schools here a couple years ago.

Good thing about australia is we have school uniforms. Although in high school some girls do wear minni skirts but other than a few dresses which are short in primary school (due to parental neglect) most children wear shorts under neath.

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Originally Posted by aimee_tt

Good thing about australia is we have school uniforms. Although in high school some girls do wear minni skirts but other than a few dresses which are short in promary school (due to parental neglect) most children wear shorts under neath.

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Only private schools have uniforms around here, and there aren't any in our area.

I don't have a problem with kids wearing their own clothes, but there should be a dress code, or at least common sense.

There's no need for kids to dress sexy at 11 years of age.

Heck, there's no need for anyone to dress sexy until they're old enough to vote! ;)

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Originally Posted by aimee_tt

Good thing about australia is we have school uniforms. Although in high school some girls do wear minni skirts but other than a few dresses which are short in primary school (due to parental neglect) most children wear shorts under neath.

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I wish every school would issue a uniform code for the kids...

One of the principals at my high school stopped one of the girls in the hall and dragged her into his office. Her skirt was so short you could almost see the bottom of her a$$. He told her that he would never let any daughter of his walking around in a skirt like that, and he wasn't going to let one of his students do so either. He went on to ask her if she REALLY wanted to give every male member of the faculty a woody, knowing that most of them were old enough to be at least her father.

She changed into her sweatpants for gym rather than have him call her parents and explain why she was being sent home. I got the impression they hadn't seen what she was wearing that morning.

The thing I like about uniform is it makes everyone equal. At the school I went to there was the uniform and shoes had to be black so even the poor kids who couldn't afford much didn't stand out and everyone was equal.

I guess the difference is the younger students see the older in uniforms and followed. Not see them in skimpy outfis and though I want to be like her!

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Originally Posted by aimee_tt

The thing i like about uniform is it makes everyone equal. At the school i went to there was the uniform and shoes had to be black so even the poor kids who couldnt afford much didnt stand out and everyone was equal.

I guess the difference is the younger students see the older in uniforms and followed. Not see them in skimpy outfis and though i wanna be like her!

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I agree aimee... I remember how bad it was for the kids who didn't have rich parents. I was one who didn't care what they said (still wish I was that way) I remember a girl who wore a different dress every day with shoes to match and she always lorded it over everyone else.

My dad was a hard worker and we had nice clothes but there were seven
Of us kids so we didn't have the kind of clothes this girl had. My mom would iron our clothes at night. One morning this girl came in with a purple dress with pleats and a little jacket to match. She looked at me and said
"you wore that dress on Friday and you have to wear it again today.

My History teacher (God Bless Him) told her..."why don't you stand in the corner and let everyone admire that dress. " Of course I had to pipe up and say; "and while you're at it take the toilet paper out of your bra." Oh well.. I did get a good talking to from the principal and my mom.
Didn't get a spanking either.:D

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

and while you're at it take the toilet paper out of your bra."

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This made me 'lol'.

I agree this is a genuine question, When I was 20, young girls some are aged 11 and 12 has proposed me and have even asked to go for date... which is embarrassing and a real test for anyone... I have reported this to their parents but I am sure not all boys will do that...

Most kids should be able to have relationships but some kids get picked on because of weight issues. Its okay. Fight through it with your power of diet. Keep them away from the cheeseburgers that have affected you and people around you.

Some of the public schools in my area have gone to uniforms. I like the idea for the various reasons already posted.

I do think many of the preteens posting are not actually going out on dates, but are calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend just because they like each other.

I teach second grade this year and have seen it at that level... 8 year olds talking about how they aren't going to be so and so's girlfriend anymore because he likes so and so now.

We had a family Valentine's Day dance and I had a few kids talking about who they were going to the dance with, and whether they had a "date" for the dance. They didn't actually "go" to the dance with them, they saw them there and had a dance with them.

Many kids are growing up too fast... you see it in the media, kids' programs where the kids rule the house, talk back to the parents, sometimes dressing as teens or mini-adults. These kids know the lyrics to songs that would shock you... half the time they don't even understand what they are saying but they sure now the words.

Some parents just don't realize how much their young children are taking in and being exposed to... either at home or at friends' homes. Some parents think it's cute. Thankfully most allow, and encourage, their kids to hold onto their childhood a bit longer.

A few examples of kids being exposed to more than they should: several years ago, also second grade, one little boy was telling another boy about a movie he saw... he couldn't remember the name but was describing a scene and another little boy chimed in that he knew that movie as his sister has it. It was American Pie! I had not seen it myself but had heard enough about it to know that I wouldn't even want my (at the time) 13 year old to see it.

Another little girl shared excitedly how her dad rented Freddy versus Jason for her slumber party... she was turning 9.

Confiscated a note from one of my third graders a few years back as he tried to pass it to a classmate: "You have a hot body"

Ahhh, the stories I could tell... :eek:

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Originally Posted by seankirwansean

Most kids should be able to have relationships but some kids get picked on because of weight issues. Its okay. Fight through it with your power of diet. Keep them away from the cheeseburgers that have affected you and people around you.

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HUH?

I don't think you got the jest of this thread at all:(

Kids 'dating',,

When I was 12,I wanted to go to the movies,, WITH MY SISTERS!

When I was 13,I enjoyed LOOKING at girls,but heaven forbid I did what I was thinking about.

When I was 14,I did what I was thinking about, things changed a lot.

Should we usher our children into a way of healthy relationships,without rushing them into the sexual nature of them?YES, absolutely!

The responsible thing to do is to allow our kids access,, TO THE THINGS WE UNDERSTAND,to the things we want them to understand, without having those barriers which MY parents set up, not allowing me to learn from them, I did what I wanted to do, and with a willing partner, continued doing it.

Hey,I don't have the right answer to any of this, every parent/child relationship is unique.Each person's personal boundary is different.I didn't want my daughter pregnant at 21,yet she was, I am proud to be a grandparent,

Did I have say so in her dating scene, yes,I had custody of her at 16,during those times I was with her,we had a 'somewhat' strained relationship,but there was mutual respect,open discussion about how we would handle relationships, mine and hers and hers with others.

Less than 14, I would be ashamed of myself if I allowed my children to do what I did.

I guess I would say that IF communication between the parents and ALL KIDS INVOLVED in an outing, perhaps there can be a compromise reached, a middle ground.After all,we did experiment and learn the how to's somehow... I just wouldn't want it to be that early, that young.(Sex education did actually have an effect on how I dated and proceeded in sexual relations)

OK<<let me have it:p

The way I see it, the problem isn't the dating, is the general misnomer of what dating is. Just 'cause middle-schoolers s are dating doesn't mean their having sex and whatnot. It's the parent's job to gauge how far the dating has gone and where to draw the line.