Ask Me Help Desk - I'm 14 and I'm seeing an 18 year old. Can my boyfriend be charged with statatory rape?

I'm 14 and I'm seeing an 18 year old. Can my boyfriend be charged with statatory rape?

I'm 14 and I'm seeing an 18 year old. I live in canada. I looked this up but I'm not sure if my resourses are good.
Close-in-age—while most legislation dealing with age of consent sets a single age under which sexual relations are illegal, some jurisdictions (such as Canada[4]), have adopted close-in-age exemptions. In Canada the age of consent is 16, but there are two close-in-age exemptions: teenagers who are 14 or 15 may have sex with a partner who is less than five years older, and children aged 12 and 13 may have sex with a partner who is less than two years older. In the United States, these exceptions are colloquially known as "Romeo and Juliet" laws.

Is this OK? Am I covered by the close in age thing? Or can my boyfreind be charged with statatory rape?

Nope 18 is a adult and he will be in jail with a new "girlfriend" named bubba.

Hi, chantelle1212!

From where did you get the quotes of statutes, please?

Thanks!

He can get charged with statutory rape if the two of you had sex because he is a legal adult and you are a minor.

And if your parents disapprove it could get messy. There's no reason that I can think of why an 18-year-old guy would want to date a 14-year-old girl for any reason other than sex. It's a sad truth. The only other thing that occurs to me is that he's VERY immature and looking to get some, or manipulative and looking to get some.
I say if you really care about him then break up with him to avoid the risk of him getting sent to jail.

And beyond rape, there is interference with custody if parents have a problem and you go off with him against their wishes ( since he is an adult and you are a child)

Clough

I can't find the exact site that I found it but here is another quote with the link

It is important to understand that The Criminal Code of Canada does not criminalize non-exploitative, consensual sexual activity with or between persons who are 16 years of age or older, unless it takes place in a relationship of trust or dependency, in which case sexual activity with young persons can constitute an offence, notwithstanding their consent. The law still allows consensual activity where the complainant is 12 years of age or more but under the age of 14 years, amending subsection 150.1(2) to simply state that the accused must be less than two years older than the complainant.

A new subsection, 150.1(2.1), sets out new rules where the complainant is 14 years of age or more but under the age of 16 years. In these circumstances the accused must be less than five years older than the complainant (the so-called “close in age” exception) or be married to the complainant. There is another new subsection, 150.1(2.2), that makes transitional provisions for an accused referred to in subsection 150.1(2.1) who is five or more years older than the complainant. In this case the defence of consent may be used successfully if the accused is the common-law partner of the complainant, or has been cohabiting with the complainant in a conjugal relationship for a period of less than one year and has had or is expecting to have a child as a result of the relationship.

Canada's new laws-sexual consent - Political Forums

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And beyond rape, there is interference with custody if parents have a problem and you go off with him against thier wishes ( since he is an adult and you are a child)

I had to spread the rep but I was going to say something like that, because I saw someone (probably you) had posted it on a previous board, but I wasn't sure if I should. Good call. :)

14 and 18 are not close, there may be a difference in the sentence since he is under 5 years, so he only does one year not 10.
And of course he can use that in his defense by his attorney after they change him and he has sat in jail till he makes a bond.

I know that he just doesn't "want some" because we've been together for a wile and he hasn't touched me. He's not that kind of guy. Its serious but not that serious. I just need to know these things because I really like him and I don't know what to do. Someone said to break up with him if I really care about him..
But I want to get all of my facts straight and see if I can avoid that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

i know that he just doesnt "want some" because we've been together for a wile and he hasnt touched me. hes not that kind of guy. its serious but not that serious. i just need to know these things because i really like him and i dont know what to do. someone said to break up with him if i really care about him..
but i want to get all of my facts straight and see if i can avoid that.

Well here's my question for you. Do your parents know and do they approve? How long has "A while" been?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

Well here's my question for you. Do your parents know and do they approve? How long has "A while" been?

My mom knows him, but doesn't know that were together. A wiles been almost 5 months

Don't worry he will... Do you're parents really know about this guy? You need to be grounded and made to stay at hme till you understand you are playing with fire.

You are much too young to date but I see by the slang you use you must know something about it. Stay on the porch with the puppies little girl, the big dogs are much to old for you

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

my mom knows him, but doesnt know that were together. a wiles been almost 5 months

BAD call.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

BAD call.

When did you start dating? Give yourself time to grow up. If the guy hasn't made a pass maybe he knows he'll get into trouble and you are enabling him. Grow up kid and maybe when you're sixteen you'll find someone who is your age,:rolleyes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

When did you start dating? Give yourself time to grow up. If the guy hasn't made a pass maybe he knows he'll get into trouble and you are enabling him. Grow up kid and maybe when you're sixteen you'll find someone who is your age,:rolleyes:

That's most definitely a good way to put it. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Don't worry he will... Do you're parents really know about this guy? You need to be grounded and made to stay at hme till you understand you are playing with fire.

You are much too young to date but I see by the slang you use you must know something about it. Stay on the porch with the puppies little girl, the big dogs are much to old for you

I'm not a little girl and I'm mature for my age. I've been through more in my life than most people go through in a life time. I know how it must seem to you guys but that's because your not me and you don't know my boyfriend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

im not a little girl and im mature for my age. ive been through more in my life than most ppl go through in a life time. i know how it must seem to you guys but thats because your not me and you dont know my boyfriend.

The first two lines have been used since forever. They're clichés and I don't give mucy sympathy to general statements that anyone can make. You have to tell me more than that. Especially since most of the time it's young teens that use them. For some reason every teenager thinks that their troubls are worse and more important than anyone else's. I'm not saying you haven't been through some tough stuff, I'm sure you have, but those are very arrogant statements, and it's just irritating to me that one so young as yourself thinks that she has lived long enough to experience the really hard stuff, and that for some reason, you are the ONLY one to go through those situations. Seeing as you're only 14, most people your age haven't really experienced real life. I can be positive that out of all of th 6.5 billion people in this world, the majority of them have been through more in their lifetimes than you have in your 14 years.

EDIT: please don't take this as completely disregarding your situations, because I'm not, but the statements in general irritate me. If you need to talk about the rough stuff, I'll be more than glad to be supportive and helpful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

im not a little girl and im mature for my age. ive been through more in my life than most ppl go through in a life time. i know how it must seem to you guys but thats because your not me and you dont know my boyfriend.

Tell us about you sweetie.. What are some of the things you have gone through? We don't know you! You don'tknow us! You want advice we'll give you advice! I just hate to see a kid throw her life down the drain. What sort of grades do you make? What is your GPA? Where is your Dad?

My dad was murdered when I was eleven. That is where my dad is. Less than a year later my sister was diognosed with lukimia. Tell me that I haven't been through a lot. I make straight a's except for the odd b. you want to here about what I've been through ohsohappy, {personal info edited out}

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

my dad was murdered when i was eleven. that is where my dad is. less than a year later my sister was diognosed with lukimia. tell me that i havent been through a lot. i make straight a's except for the odd b. you want to here about what ive been through ohsohappy,

As I've stated before, I believe that you've been through a lot, I just hate general statements. If you wish to discuss your feelings about these things there are forums for Beravement and family& people. That would be where they would be better discussed. I am in no way disregarding your situations, just the statements. I have my reasons for that, it's nothing personal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

As I've stated before, I believe that you've been through a lot, I just hate general statements. If you wish to discuss your feelings about these things there are forums for Beravement and family& people. That would be where they would be better discussed. I am in no way disregarding your situations, just the statements. I have my reasons for that, it's nothing personal.

Sorry for kind of snapping but I use general statements because that's the easiest way to explain myself. Its not an excuse but I've changed since my dad died. I don't go to councellers or any of that crap because they don't understand either. There's really no point.

I think it's important to treat chantelle1212 and other young people with respect. I feel that many of the remarks here, though well meaning, were patronizing and a bit insulting. I don't blame chantelle for reacting negatively to the tone of the advice given here. A 14 year old is young and inexperienced in many ways, but not a child either. All 18 year old boys are not cads either. I don't think it's right to give advice based on stereotypes. If you don't know enough about someone's situation, please ask more questions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

my dad was murdered when i was eleven. that is where my dad is. less than a year later my sister was diognosed with leukemia. tell me that i havent been through a lot. i make straight a's except for the odd b. you want to here about what ive been through ohsohappy, .

Sweetie.. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a horrible time for you. Grief causes us to do many things we wouldn't normally do. Just think about this; Would your Dad want you to be with an older guy? I'm sure your mother is so overwhelmed she doesn't have time to watch your every move.

Think about what you are doing. You make good grades and you can write your own ticket when you graduate. Make your mom and Dad and your sister proud. Most of all be proud of yourself. We are here to help you. If you will listen we will be able to do that.. :)

Its just different too because I know that seeing him is wrong.. but liking him as much as I do over powers that. My mom knows him and likes him, but a crutial part in that is that she doesn't know where dating. He's been in my life since I can remember. I know that if he weren't so much older than me, than my parents wouldn't care.
The question is... what do I do??

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

sorry for kinda snapping but i use general statements because thats the easiest way to explain myself. its not an excuse but ive changed since my dad died. i dont go to councellers or any of that crap because they dont understand either. theres really no point.

I didn't mean to be so patronizing either. I'm kind of in a funk myself. My Grandfather died and his funeral was today so my mood is a bit wacky and for some reason I felt the need to be critical. The tone was all wrong. My bad. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

its just different too because i know that seeing him is wrong.. but liking him as much as i do over powers that. my mom knows him and likes him, but a crutial part in that is that she doesnt know where dating. hes been in my life since i can remember. i know that if he werent so much older than me, than my parents wouldnt care.
the question is.... what do i do???

Whatever your parents would approve of. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

I didn't mean to be so patronizing either. I'm kind of in a funk myself. My Grandfather died and his funeral was today so my mood is a bit wacky and for some reason I felt the need to be critical. the tone was all wrong. My bad. :)

Its OK. I completely understand. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

Whatever your parents would approve of. :)

Well that's 50-50. My mom likes and dad liked him, but the age thing screws that up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well thats 50-50. my mom likes and dad liked him, but the age thing screws that up.

You should be honest with them before you can really know for sure. I think that's the best thing you can do.

I don't know. Think ill talk to my mom and see what she says tomorrow. Ill see how much trouble I'm in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

idk. think ill talk to my mom and see what she says tomorrow. ill see how much trouble im in.

Good plan. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well thats 50-50. my mom likes and dad liked him, but the age thing screws that up.

Just a suggestion.. Talk with mom about it. Chantelle what really makes me uneasy is the law against this. If you should and ( I'm not saying you will)decide to have sex with him.. he will be the one in trouble.

I just wish there were a way to make you happy. Either way you're going to be sad. If you break up with him or choose to stay with him and the relationship moves into the intimacy stage he loses and so do you. Think about it hon.. I wish I could make you feel better!:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Just a suggestion..Talk with mom about it. Chantelle what really makes me uneasy is the law against this. If you should and ( I'm not saying you will)decide to have sex with him..he will be the one in trouble.

I just wish there were a way to make you happy. Either way you're going to be sad. If you break up with him or choose to stay with him and the relationship moves into the intimacy stage he loses and so do you. Think about it hon..I wish i could make you feel better!:)

Neither way... I've got to tell my mom and its only going to make things worse. But if I tell her now and she knows that all I've done is kiss him, then she won't be as mad as she would be if I did more...

Its just that I don't want to get him into trouble because I really do care about him...

And then there's the fact that breaking up with him won't stop that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

neither way... ive got to tell my mom and its only going to make things worse. but if i tell her now and she knows that all ive done is kiss him, then she wont be as mad as she would be if i did more....

its just that i dont want to get him into trouble because i really do care about him...

and then theres the fact that breaking up with him wont stop that.

I believe very strongly in prayer. You really have been through a lot for your age. Talk too God and pour out your heart to him. He listens and he knows what is best for you. Talk to your boyfriend and ask him what
His feelings are. Your mom is just like the rest of us moms, she hurts when you hurt. We are here for you and tonight you will be in my prayers... Goodnight and I'll talk to you tomorrow:)

Well...

I talked to my mom. She knows how I feel about alex and everything and how he feels about me.

She says she's be fine with us going out, but that I can't avoid the law. She's glad that I talked to her before things got more serious. She's going to look into the close in age thing and stuff like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well...

i talked to my mom. she knows how i feel about alex and everything and how he feels about me.

she says she's be fine with us going out, but that i can't avoid the law. she's glad that i talked to her before things got more serious. shes going to look into the close in age thing and stuff like that.

I'm so proud of you sweetie.. It shows you're a kind, sweet young
Lady. Your mom will help you through this. Tell her I am very sorry for the loss she and your family have suffered. God Bless You:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I'm so proud of you sweetie..It shows you're a kind, sweet young
lady. Your mom will help you through this. Tell her I am very sorry for the loss she and your family have suffered. God Bless You:)

Thanks for you help and your regards... :) there really needs to be more people like you in the world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

thanks for you help and your regards... :) there really needs to be more people like you in the world.

Gosh you are so sweet.. You have brightened my day!:)
Bless you sweetie!:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well...

i talked to my mom. she knows how i feel about alex and everything and how he feels about me.

she says she's be fine with us going out, but that i can't avoid the law. she's glad that i talked to her before things got more serious. shes going to look into the close in age thing and stuff like that.

You did a very good thing by talking to your mom. As long as you two aren't having sex, there really shouldn't be a big issue. I'm glad everything worked out okay for you. Sometimes parents can surprise you. You just have to give her a chance. Don't always assume how they're going to react, because that's usually how someone gets in trouble in the first place. Sometimes people actually run in to trouble by trying to avoid it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

you did a very good thing by talking to your mom. As long as you two aren't having sex, there really shouldn't be a big issue. I'm glad everything worked out okay for you. Sometimes parents can surprise you. You just have to give her a chance. don't always assume how they're going to react, because that's usually how someone gets in trouble in the first place. Sometimes people actually run in to trouble by trying to avoid it.

Ohso is right sweetie... never hide anything from your mom... she's the best friend you'll ever have and more than that , she's a mom. Bless you... :)