I ama father of to the first child is 9 yrs old and lives in NC. Ihave no relationship with that child since 4 yrs ago. I have visitation and CS but at this point I have chosen not to have a relationship with that child. (Currently, the court is not aware of this) The second child is 15 months, by a different woman, and is in md. I am am originally from FL but currently reside in DC. I have no family here. Prior to my return to fl, I got a girlfrend pregnant with the 2nd child. We broke up before the birth. She filed for custody immediately afer the child was born. I didn't respond until after a default order was approved and I got it vacated. Mom said I was trying to prolong the case. I was unemployed before and after the child was born because I was a fulltme student living off VA benefits and a school stipend. (At the first hearing, the court was aware I was unemployed because of school and master was not very happy about that) I did not get to see the child (since brith) until court visitation in January when child was 10 months old. Temp order has me paying support and visiting child every other weekend, which I have done both. Last year I met a new girlfriend and we have been living together since. I graduated school in May and recently got a job. Up until now, girlfriend has been supporting me. I would like to get full custody of the child with mom paying child support. Mom is currently employed, has a house. Makes more than me. This is her hometown so all of her family is here. Child has been living with her snce birth. We were never married. Child is still young. I am not a criminal, no history of abuse. I want to know my chances of getting full custody based on the merits of our history.

Slim to none. You have one child that you are not visiting, and that I am not sure you are sending child support for. That wasn't clear in your post. Your ex-girlfriend seems to have been supporting you, you've just moved in with a new woman (and, given your history, the odds that there is a new baby soon seem high), you don't currently say that you are employed. Does that sound like a better environment for a 15-month-old than a parent that has a house, a job, and a family support system? To be quite honest, it sounds to me like someone who is looking for a sugarmama to pay his bills so that he doesn't have to take responsibility for his child.

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Originally Posted by froggy7

Slim to none. You have one child that you are not visiting, and that I am not sure you are sending child support for. That wasn't clear in your post. Your ex-girlfriend seems to have been supporting you, you've just moved in with a new woman (and, given your history, the odds that there is a new baby soon seem high), you don't currently say that you are employed. Does that sound like a better environment for a 15-month-old than a parent that has a house, a job, and a family support system? To be quite honest, it sounds to me like someone who is looking for a sugarmama to pay his bills so that he doesn't have to take responsibility for his child.

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I am working now. I just started two weeks ago. Federal government. Ex and I go back to court in September. I want the court to see a change in my circumstance. I now have a good job. I don't own a home but I have a decent apartment. Why should it matter whether I am paying support of the other child? Shouldn't the court only focus on my effort to be a father with this child? Are there any other coments from other experts on the site?

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Originally Posted by msir

I am working now. I just started two weeks ago. Federal government. Ex and I go back to court in september. I want the court to see a change in my circumstance. I now have a good job. I dont own a home but I have a decent apartment. Why should it matter whether or not I am paying support of the other child? Shouldnt the court only focus on my effort to be a father with this child? Are there any other coments from other experts on the site?

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The Court will look at the whole picture - your past behavior, other children, your marital situation, your general stability, who supports you, your school record. More importantly if you want sole physical custody (is that what you want?) what is your ability to parent this child... and more importantly, why should the mother lose custody? Is she unfit in some way?

Maybe joint custody, maybe visitation -

I think your "you want to have custody with the Mom paying support" says the whole thing. Nowhere do I see one word about your love for this child but I sure see a lot about money!

JudyKayTee is right, they will look at all of that. Your chances are slim to none of getting full custody because the court likes to see the child have a relationship with both parents, unless doing so would be detrimental to the child (ie unfit parent,abusive relationship, etc). If she has been raising this child since birth and has not been declared unfit, there is almost no chance the judge would take her child away and give him/her to you just because you feel like raising this one. As far as joint custody, you have a better chance, but why did you let it go so long to where you had to go back and get it vacated? The judge will want to know know why you want a relationship with this child and not the other and why you didn't want a relationship with this child until a while after he/she was born. If you have good reasons than you might be able to pull off joint custody, but they'd probably have to be really good reasons.

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JudyKayTee is right, they will look at all of that. Your chances are slim to none of getting full custody because the court likes to see the child have a relationship with both parents, unless doing so would be detrimental to the child (ie unfit parent,abusive relationship, etc). If she has been raising this child since birth and has not been declared unfit, there is almost no chance the judge would take her child away and give him/her to you just because you feel like raising this one.

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I am not abusive, unfit, or any negative thing, so why shouldn't I have just as much prenting time as the mother?

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As far as joint custody, you have a better chance, but why did you let it go so long to where you had to go back and get it vacated?

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Are you saying I have a chance a 50/50 custody with no CS? I don't know. I had 60 days to respond to the summons and didn't then the mother filed a default. I had 30 days to respond and didn't, but I was still able to get the order vacated. I was swamped with school work and lost track of time.

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The judge will want to know know why you want a relationship with this child and not the other and why you didn't want a relationship with this child until a while after he/she was born.

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My answer to the judge: The mother has withheld the child from contact with me so I wasn unable to deal with pressure of trying to contact the child. To date, I am not sure where the mother and my other child are.

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If you have good reasons than you might be able to pull off joint custody, but they'd probably have to be really good reasons.

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I have no other reason other than I want to be a father to this child. I have expressed some statemetns to the mother that she says she will use against me. She knows about my issues with the other child and she seems to think I am giving gender preference to the fact that his child is a boy, and my first child is a girl.

I'm with the others, I think your chances of full custody are very slim. As you pointed out, the mother's family is all in the area yet you have little support. You have been irresponsible about sex fathering two children out of wedlock. You might improve your chances if you were married, but it would still be a longshot.

You stand a much better chance of joint custody, maybe every other week until the child starts school, then, unless you lived close enough so he could stay in the same school, one parent will have to be given preference.

But I'm also bothered by your remark:

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Are you saying I have a chance a 50/50 custody with no CS?

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Again, it seems to show that you are more concerned with the financial issues.

Yes its often unfair that the mother is given preferences in custody cases. This is changing, but I don't see it your case. Your history precludes it.

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Originally Posted by msir

I am not abusive, unfit, or any negative thing, so why shouldnt I have just as much prenting time as the mother?

Are you saying I have a chance a 50/50 custody with no CS? I dont know. I had 60 days to respond to the summons and didnt then the mother filed a default. I had 30 days to respond and didnt, but I was still able to get the order vacated. I was swamped with school work and lost track of time.

My answer to the judge: The mother has witheld the child from contact with me so I wasn unable to deal with pressure of trying to contact the child. To date, I am not sure where the mother and my other child are.

I have no other reason other than I want to be a father to this child. I have expressed some statemetns to the mother that she says she will use against me. She knows about my issues with the other child and she seems to think I am giving gender preference to the fact that his child is a boy, and my first child is a girl.

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I am not smokedetector but I am jumping in here - the Court could very well see you as negligent, not being in contact or trying to be in contact with your children, abdicating your responsibilities. You didn't say you wanted as much time with the child as the mother has - you asked about full custody, MORE time with the child than the mother.

Your past history - didn't respond to the summons, default against you, swamped with school work, no time, you were unable to deal with the pressure, haven't hired anyone to locate the mother and child - does NOT read well on paper. May not be the case but it does read like excuse, excuse, excuse. And what happens if you DO get custody and are under pressure, again? I think a good Attorney on the other side will make mincemeat out of you.

You have "expressed some statements" which the mother may use against you? Sounds like you have shot yourself in the foot. Again - Attorney, mincemeat.

The Court will decide which of you is the more stable parent or if it's a tie, split custody, but I see no way you are going to get sole custody.

So come back after the proceeding and prove me wrong - I'm always open to learning something.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I am not smokedetector but I am jumping in here - the Court could very well see you as negligent, not being in contact or trying to be in contact with your children, abdicating your responsibilities. You didn't say you wanted as much time with the child as the mother has - you asked about full custody, MORE time with the child than the mother.

Your past history - didn't respond to the summons, default against you, swamped with school work, no time, you were unable to deal with the pressure, haven't hired anyone to locate the mother and child - does NOT read well on paper. May not be the case but it does read like excuse, excuse, excuse. And what happens if you DO get custody and are under pressure, again? I think a good Attorney on the other side will make mincemeat out of you.

You have "expressed some statements" which the mother may use against you? Sounds like you have shot yourself in the foot. Again - Attorney, mincemeat.

The Court will decide which of you is the more stable parent or if it's a tie, split custody, but I see no way you are going to get sole custody.

So come back after the proceeding and prove me wrong - I'm always open to learning something.

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Thank you for your insite. I now believe I am just as stable as the mother. I just started working a full time federal job, with good benefits. I live w/ my girlfriend who helps in caring for the child. The mother does not have the in home helps she needs. Two sets of hands are better than one, right? I can, if needed, provide the medical insurance for the child on my insurance. I don't see why I can't get shared physical and legal at this point. I don't think the mother has a leg to stand on to prevent me from having shared parenting time with the child.

Now If I were to get shared parenting time, will the calculatoin for CS change, or can the courts deviate from the CS and still make me pay the full CS amount?

See there you go again. All you seem to care about is how much support you have to pay. You don't think a judge will see through that? A live in girlfriend does not qualify as a stable environment.

I do think you stand a good chance of joint physical and legal custody, which should affect your support. But, frankly, I think you care more about the support issue then being a parent and I hope the judge sees that.

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Originally Posted by msir

thank you for your insite. I now believe I am just as stable as the mother. I just started working a full time federal job, with good benefits. I live w/ my gf who helps in caring for the child. the mother does not have the in home helps she needs. Two sets of hands are better than one, right? I can, if needed, provide the medical insurance for the child on my insurance. I dont see why I can't get shared physical and legal at this point. I dont think the mother has a leg to stand on to prevent me from having shared parenting time with the child.

Now If I were to get shared parenting time, will the calculatoin for CS change, or can the courts deviate from the CS and still make me pay the full CS amount?

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Once again, are you talking sole custody (which you originally posted) or shared custody? Now you are talking "shared parenting time." Which is it?

I know you think you're as stable as the mother - but it's what the Court thinks based on the evidence that is going to count. The Court will evaluate her life, your life, make a decision based on what is best for the child. Less than a month of employment (Feds or not) may not qualify as "long-term stable employment."

Will the Court accept a live-in girlfriend as a caretaker? I don't know. Some Courts won't consider anyone who isn't a married partner. I don't know about your area. I know, I know - you could split up, a married couple could divorce. I don't make the rules, I just report them.

The person with physical custody will receive child support - why are you so fixated on the child support? No, if you have the child for alternate weekends (or something) it will NOT reduce your support, at least not in NYS. Most States fix support by Statute now (with a few exceptions) so ask your Attorney what you can expect to pay.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

See there you go again. All you seem to care about is how much support you have to pay. You don't think a judge will see through that? A live in girlfriend does not qualify as a stable environment.

I do think you stand a good chance of joint physical and legal custody, which should affect your support. But, frankly, I think you care more about the support issue then being a parent and I hope the judge sees that.

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What kind of schedule should I expect with a child of this age at joint custody?

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Once again, are you talking sole custody (which you originally posted) or shared custody? Now you are talking "shared parenting time." Which is it?

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When I counter filed, I asked for sole custody and child support. You guys keep mentioning I have no chance a full custody, so I guess I have to settle for joint. The mother is not going to want that so it looks like we will have to fight it out in court?

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I know you think you're as stable as the mother - but it's what the Court thinks based on the evidence that is going to count. The Court will evaluate her life, your life, make a decision based on what is best for the child. Less than a month of employment (Feds or not) may not qualify as "long-term stable employment."

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Well, we go back to court in September, I would have two months of employment under myself by that time.

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The person with physical custody will receive child support - why are you so fixated on the child support? No, if you have the child for alternate weekends (or something) it will NOT reduce your support, at least not in NYS. Most States fix support by Statute now (with a few exceptions) so ask your Attorney what you can expect to pay.

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Its not about cs. I would like to spend as much time as I can with the child. In my state 35%overnights is considered shared custody. EOW, combined with vacation and holidays should give me about 35% for shared custody calculation.

This is not "Let's make a deal", you are not negotiating the price of a house or a car. You are referring to real life business. Please stop. Pay your support and visit your child. Learn why we love our children and don't equate them to the money we spend on them. You need to take the time to learn to love your child and not see the $'s. I'm saddened by the fact that you look at your child as a bill. The previous posters are so correct that all this is about is the dollar. That is not sufficient reason to grant you "50/50 custody". At best you are looking at visitation and joint legal custody.

Mom doesn't want shared custody. She says the child is too young and getting him back on his schedule is already a pain after my visistaion weekend. Also we live about 40 min away from each other. That shouldn't make a difference should it?

If its not about CS then why do you harp so much on it?

If I were the judge, I would start you off with joint legal custody, award the mother primary physical custody, but give you generous visitation. Since the child is preschool at this point, I would suggest alternate weekends, alternate holidays, maybe one week a month. etc. I would then revist this in 2 years and see how things are going.

The mother does have a point about the age of the child and having a routine. Once the child is in the twos, that becomes less a factor. Yes living 40 min away will make a difference, especially when the child starts school. At that point, the child has to stay primarily with the parent near where he goes to school.

Hello m:

SHE will remain the custodial parent. You're going to get every other weekend, and two weeks in the summer. You're going to pay child support coming out your ears. Furthermore, in order to even get THAT visitation, the judge is going to require you to support your OTHER children too.

Yes, you're a wonderful fellow now, but you WEREN'T. If you can STAY a wonderful fellow, go back to court in a couple years and show the judge that you ARE. Maybe he'll change the order. Maybe he won't.

That's my opinion, and I'm sticking with it.

excon

PS> I actually, don't think you're so wonderful... abandoning your daughter. Nope, I think you suck. She was FIVE when you threw her away! I don't think you deserve ANY kids.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello m:

SHE will remain the custodial parent. You're going to get every other weekend, and two weeks in the summer. You're going to pay child support coming out your ears. Furthermore, in order to even get THAT visitation, the judge is going to require you to support your OTHER children too.

Yes, you're a wonderful fellow now, but you WEREN'T. If you can STAY a wonderful fellow, go back to court in a couple years and show the judge that you ARE. Maybe he'll change the order. Maybe he won't.

That's my opinion, and I'm sticking with it.

excon

PS> I actually, don't think you're so wonderful.... abandoning your daughter. Nope, I think you suck. She was FIVE when you threw her away! I don't think you deserve ANY kids.

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Excon how can you just outright say I will not get custody based on the other child. I told you the mother of that child has keptme from being involved. I am a very upstanding guy, military veteran. I do think the only thing against me is the ltter I wrote to the court. I mentioned that I requested a reduction in CS with no answer. I still haven't received the paternity results, I only get 4 days a month, and that the mother has been a pain in the neck. I can't take that back, but I may have to explain myself in court. I was pretty frustrated at the time. It was regarding a contempt for visitation but I needed to vent. I don't think 4 days a month is helpful in me having a relationship with my child, yet that is what the judge ordered. He didn't even say I could get the holidays in between. NOw do to a continuance, I have to wait a few more months to go back to court. Im a little glad about it in that now I have a job and I expect things to be better in my case.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

If its not about CS then why do you harp so much on it?

If I were the judge, I would start you off with joint legal custody, award the mother primary physical custody, but give you generous visitation. Since the child is preschool at this point, I would suggest alternate weekends, alternate holidays, maybe one week a month. etc. I would then revist this in 2 years and see how things are going.

The mother does have a point about the age of the child and having a routine. Once the child is in the twos, that becomes less a factor. Yes living 40 min away will make a difference, especially when the child starts school. At that point, the child has to stay primarily with the parent near where he goes to school.

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I think joint legal is bs. Medical and education decisions are a no brainer. The only thing is, when baby was first born mom says she wants private school for the child. Why would I say no to private school or my child gettting necessary medical attention. My concern is that when the child is older, it will be tough for activities. Mom says she will not agree to any negotiation in the schedule other than what is in the order, and any information I need regarind medical, education, I have to go to the school to get it myself. She says the programs she puts him in outside of school are for her time with her child. That's going to affect the child if I can't be there. Suppose he has a soccer game on her weekend and she chooses not to take him... then what. I mean, this coparenting thing is going to suck.

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Originally Posted by msir

Excon how can you just outright say I will not get custody based on the other child.

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Hello again, m:

Because you're batting .500. In order to get custody, you'll need to bat 1.000.

excon

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Originally Posted by msir

I mean, this coparenting thing is going to suck.

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Sure it does. But then who's fault is the existence of this child in the first place? I don't know whether your method of protection failed or you didn't use protection or what. I do know that I believe that no one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are prepare to be parents to that child. And the most healthy parental arrangement is a two parent household.

So you sowed your seeds and now you reap the result.

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Originally Posted by msir

Excon how can you just outright say I will not get custody based on the other child. I told you the mother of that child has keptme from being involved. I am a very upstanding guy, military veteran. I do think the only thing against me is the ltter I wrote to the court. I mentioned that I requested a reduction in CS with no answer. I still havnt received the paternity results, I only get 4 days a month, and that the mother has been a pain in the neck. I can't take that back, but I may have to explain myself in court. I was pretty frustrated at the time. It was regarding a contempt for visitation but I needed to vent. I dont think 4 days a month is helpful in me having a relationship with my child, yet that is what the judge ordered. He didn even say I could get the holidays in between. NOw do to a continuance, I have to wait a few more months to go back to court. Im a little glad about it in that now I have a job and I expect things to be better in my case.

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We ALL say that based on experience with the Court system and what you have described/explained. Seems like the Judge knows a lot more about you than I do and he is even harsher than I am!

Again - the mother kept you from getting involved, you were "too busy" with school to reply, you had some other problems - you have a bag full of excuses. The "only thing" the Court may have against you is some letter you wrote - why don't you post that letter and then this panel will vote on how offensive the letter is. Oh, and whatever admissions you made to the mother which she intends to use against you.

It's not about the money, but that is part of just about every post.

As far as you thinking joint custody "sucks" - I think leaving two women with your children to raise while you got your life together "sucks" both for them and for the children. You are not the one being abused here, although that seems to be your opinion.

Now that it's been established pretty much that there is a problem paying for 2 children are you planning on a third?

Hello again, m:

I want you to understand something... I applaud you for trying to BE a father now. I hope you keep fighting the good fight for BOTH your children. It's going to be an uphill battle, however, due to your own history...

That doesn't mean you ARE your history. It DOES mean that you're going to have work TWICE as hard to prove it now. We're just letting you know what you're in for, so that you DON'T give up, or get busy, or run out of money. Fighting for your children in court is expensive, it takes a looooong time, and you don't always get what you want.

Nonetheless, from a personal perspective, I WANT you to overcome the headache you've created for yourself. Nahhh, not for you, dude - for your children.

excon

PS> Lest you think that I'm being holier than thou, I DIDN'T do the things I suggest you do, and it cost me, AND my son, bigtime...

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Sure it does. But then who's fault is the existence of this child in the first place? I don't know whether your method of protection failed or you didn't use protection or what. I do know that I beleive that no one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are prepare to be parents to that child. And the most healthy parental arrangement is a two parent household.

So you sowed your seeds and now you reap the result.

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Actually, the woman got pregnant on purpose. I believe she went to a fertility clinic to get pregnant. Yes, I wrote the court and explained this to them. So its her fault. I believe she tricked me and now she has caused me all of these issues. I told the court how manipulative she is.

I have been to other websites and this is the first anyone has mentioned that I could get shared custody. If she doesn't accept this in mediation, then we will just have to do a merit trial. I am not prepared to agree to her getting full custody

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Originally Posted by msir

actually, the woman got pregnant on purpose. I believe she went to a fertility clinic to get pregnant. yes, I wrote the court and explained this to them. So its her fault. I believe she tricked me and now she has caused me all of these issues. I told the court how manipulative she is.

I have been to other websites and this is the first anyone has mentioned that I could get shared custody. If she doesnt accept this in mediation, then we will just have to do a merit trial. I am not prepared to agree to her getting full custody

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Wait a minute - you believe she went to a fertility clinic and got pregnant and tricked you?

With your sperm?

This gets better and better.

So you had unprotected sex. You may have thought she was providing the protection and she wasn't, but you trusted her and had unprotected sex. So the more the fool you. Without your sperm that you willingly (and I bet enthusiastically) contributed, any attmepts on her part to be more fertile would have been useless.

I do applaud you for wanting to be a big part of your child's life. But your concentration should be on that, not what effect it will have on child support. You will need to prove to the courts that you want to be a good father. That will help gert you more custody and visitation, maybe not at first, but as the child gets older.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

So you had unprotected sex. You may have thought she was providing the protection and she wasn't, but you trusted her and had unprotected sex. So the more the fool you. Without your sperm that you willingly (and I bet enthusiastically) contributed, any attmepts on her part to be more fertile would have been useless.

I do applaud you for wanting to be a big part of your child's life. But your concentration should be on that, not what effect it will have on child support. You will need to prove to the courts that you want to be a good father. That will help gert you more custody and visitation, maybe not at first, but as the child gets older.

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Scott, did you see that tricked him with this pregnancy by going to a sperm bank (which apparently had OP's sperm on tap)?

This doesn't seem to be a "no protection" problem.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Scott, did you see that tricked him with this pregnancy by going to a sperm bank (which apparently had OP's sperm on tap)?

This doesn't seem to be a "no protection" problem.

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I didn't read it quite that way. Allegedly she went to a fertility clinic. I think he thinks she was on fertility pills to increase the chances of her getting pregnant when he had unprotected sex with her. Don't know what proof he has of that though.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I didn't read it quite that way. Allegedly she went to a fertility clinic. I think he thinks she was on fertility pills to increase the chances of her getting pregnant when he had unprotected sex with her. Don't know what proof he has of that though.

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Idont have any proof, but I just know. In my frustration, I put this in writing to the court. I am not sure it was a good idea, since Ive been told "being tricked" is a popular excuse to the court. The ex knows about the letter. She says she is going to use it against me to prove that I am an argumentative person and that she minimizes her communication with me because it may provoke me. That of course is bs. I wrote the court about a contempt when she was late answering the door for pickup. I was frustrated. I went on to vent about other things as well including the fact that I don't trust her. I realize now it was a mistake, because the court thinks I am out of work, living off my girlfriend, and that I put everything aside, including fatherhood, for school. I am not sure how I can make the court see differently, but that is why I came to this site, to see what I can do. I am documenting everything, but its her word against mine.

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Originally Posted by msir

Idont have any proof, but I just know. In my frustration, I put this in writing to the court. I am not sure it was a good idea, since Ive been told "being tricked" is a popular excuse to the court. The ex knows about the letter. She says she is going to use it against me to prove that I am an argumentative person and that she minimizes her communication with me because it may provoke me. That of course is bs. I wrote the court about a contempt when she was late answering the door for pickup. I was frustrated. I went on to vent about other things as well including the fact that I dont trust her. I realize now it was a mistake, because the court thinks I am out of work, living off my gf, and that I put everything aside, including fatherhood, for school. I am not sure how I can make the court see differently, but that is why I came to this site, to see what I can do. I am documenting everything, but its her word against mine.

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OK - so are you saying she took fertility drugs in order to get pregnant or was artificially inseminated - ?

I have to know whether I owe Scott an apology or not.

Why was she so eager to have your child?

And, yes, I think it was a mistake and I think your reading of what the Court will think is 100% correct - the Court also isn't big on "I have no proof, I just know."

Well the first thing is to n ot make accusations you can't prove. You "just know" she was taking fertility treatments? Unless you have proof you don't "know" anything.

And yes it sounds like you botched everything from the get go. So, the only way around that is to build up the trust of the court. Tell the judge you understand you botched it and that you have to pay the price of doing so. So you'll accept whatever custody/visitation the court gives you and use it to show how good a father you can be. Ask only that they set it up to revisit the case in a year or so.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Well the first thing is to n ot make accusations you can't prove. You "just know" she was taking fertility treatments? Unless you have proof you don't "know" anything.

And yes it sounds like you botched everything from the get go. So, the only way around that is to build up the trust of the court. Tell the judge you understand you botched it and that you have to pay the price of doing so. So you'll accept whatever custody/visitation the court gives you and use it to show how good a father you can be. Ask only that they set it up to revisit the case in a year or so.

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I saw a business card and pretty much assumed. I asked her about it and she said she was just seeing an ob/gyn and they were just testing her blood to see if her hormones were in balance. She did express to me her desire to have a child and I told her I didn't want one at this time. We did dontinue a sexual relationship and she got pregnant, but I just suspect that it was something that the clinic did. She welcomed me to look into the records. She said all that took place was a few blood tests and an x-ray, but I don't believe her. Now here I am with another mouth to feed and its not my fault. I want to know want the court will do if I can prove that she got pregnant on purpose this way.

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Originally Posted by msir

I saw a business card and pretty much assumed. I asked her about it and she said she was just seeing an ob/gyn and they were just testing her blood to see if her hormones were in balance. She did express to me her desire to have a child and I told her I didn't want one at this time. We did dontinue a sexual relationship and she got pregnant, but I just suspect that it was something that the clinic did. She welcomed me to look into the records. She said all that took place was a few blood tests and an x-ray, but I don't believe her. Now here I am with another mouth to feed and its not my fault. I want to know want the court will do if I can prove that she got pregnant on purpose this way.

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You really have to be kidding. You KNEW that she had gone to such a clinic, she discussed having a child and you continued to have unprotected sex with her and its not your fault?? Give me a break here. Sex Education 101, it takes an egg AND a sperm to fertilize it to have a baby.

Boy you are really digging yourself in deeper and deeper:

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Now here I am with another mouth to feed

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Its all about money with you isn't it. Every time you sit down out your keyboard, it comes out.

Even if you can prove (and you would need to subpeona the clinic's records) that she took fertility meds and didn't tell you, the court is not likely to do anything to her.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

You really have to be kidding. You KNEW that she had gone to such a clinic, she discussed having a child and you continued to have unprotected sex with her and its not your fault??? Give me a break here. Sex Education 101, it takes an egg AND a sperm to fertilize it to have a baby.

Boy you are really digging yourself in deeper and deeper:



Its all about money with you isn't it. Everytime you sit down out your keyboard, it comes out.

Even if you can prove (and you would need to subpeona the clinic's records) that she took fertility meds and didn't tell you, the court is not likely to do anything to her.

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Forget about the money. I will pay whatver the court asks. What about spending more time with my child. How can I go to court and show them I deserve as much time with him as the mother.

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Originally Posted by msir

forget about the money. I will pay whatver the court asks. What about spending more time with my child. How can I go to court and show them I deserve as much time with him as the mother.

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What you say (type) when making your case and what shows through the rest of the time are two different things - you are the one who keeps bringing up support and the money.

You work for the Feds? Are you supposed to be working now? Easy enough to find out.

Once again - you take your proof of what a good person and capable parent you are - in all ways - to Court; she takes hers. The Judge reviews the situation, asks a few questions, takes some sworn testimony, may appoint a guardian ad litem for the child, maybe requires a few visits with a Social Worker, makes a decision.

And I will say that one thing that will impress the court with your change of heart and realization that being a father is important is taking responsibility for your older child. Find here, start paying child support again, be a part of her life. Or what will you tell her if she hunts you down when she's an adult? No, you didn't love her as much as you did your son?

In MD I'm told it is illegal to record a phone conseration without the other party's consent. Can someone tell me where I can find the actuall law (in COMAR) saying it is illegal in MD to record a phone conversation without the other party's consent?

Also, I would like to know if those laws only apply to phone recordings as opposed to person to person recordings. And I would like to know if it applies to video recrodings as well. Thanks

Any audio recordings are illegal unless you get the others consent.
I have seen people take answering machine tapes to the TV courts
(I guess answering machine tapes are okay)
The Judges all say they will listen to the tape but they can not base the weight of their decision on the tape.
I believe it is a federal law, but some states allow it under certain conditions I think.
"Can We Tape?"

Click on the state-by-state and then click Maryland.

Video taping is okay in some states but with guidelines.

Persons calling an answering machine know they are leaving a recorded message. Most of those machines outgoing messages say some to the effect of "Record a message after the beep"

Actually they merely have to be informed, I guess if they keep talking they are giving concent. Part of the issue with recording is proving also that the person on the other end is really the person you are saying they are.

Recording phone call law Call Recording Solutions

American Legal Guide on Recording Telephone Conversations (USA)