Ask Me Help Desk - How do I get into a foster home with out my parents advisory?

I have a 15 year old son. He loves his Xbox. He loves to get new games. When he wants a new one, he has to earn it. He had to earn the Xbox as well. Everything he has, he's earned, except for gifts (birthday, Christmas).

He doesn't have a cell phone, because I don't believe he needs one. He does just fine without one. He does want one, but he's been told that he has to purchase it himself, and pay the fees himself. Who pays for your cell phone and fees? Why should you get a new game when you want one? What do you do to earn it?

My son picks up dog crap in the back yard. We have two dogs, and they poo at least 2 times a day each. That's a lot of crap. He also empties the dishwasher, keeps his room clean, mows the lawn in summer, shovels the snow in winter, picks up the poo, takes care of the gerbils (cleaning their cage, daily water, daily food) and helps with dinner every night. He doesn't complain. Why are you complaining?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

I have a 15 year old son. He loves his Xbox. He loves to get new games. When he wants a new one, he has to earn it. He had to earn the Xbox as well. Everything he has, he's earned, except for gifts (birthday, Christmas).

He doesn't have a cell phone, because I don't believe he needs one. He does just fine without one. He does want one, but he's been told that he has to purchase it himself, and pay the fees himself. Who pays for your cell phone and fees? Why should you get a new game when you want one? What do you do to earn it?

My son picks up dog crap in the back yard. We have two dogs, and they poo at least 2 times a day each. That's a lot of crap. He also empties the dishwasher, keeps his room clean, mows the lawn in summer, shovels the snow in winter, picks up the poo, takes care of the gerbils (cleaning their cage, daily water, daily food) and helps with dinner every night. He doesn't complain. Why are you complaining?

I walk my dog everyday at 6 pm I pick up her poop I have to clean all the cigarette butts of the floor with my bare hands and a bag, I do the dishes after dinner I clean my room all the time, its always cleaned, I do my own laundry
I mow the grass , I vacuum the house 2 times a week, they paid for my phone bill 30 bucks a month but they stopped even though I'm still doing what I have done for a long time. They ask me for help I do it all the time I don't complain to them I just do it. But sometimes I want something in return and yes they feed me and keep me under a roof but sometimes a game or something would be nice.

Oh.. that's rich... the little kids are bullying you because you are bigger and look older than they do. Why do I find that hard to believe. The little kids live in fear the bigger ones knowing they would get their butts kicked if they caused problems with them.

As far as getting on a team? WHO are you asking... your parents don't put you on a team... and for a school team you have to tryout... and prove you are one of the better players... everyone doesn't get to play because they want to... only the better players get to be on a team. They are only allowed by league rules to have a certain number of kids on a team... and not one more. Its not T-Ball.

And of course your grades have to be above a certain number they specify.

I don't know where you think you are going to get a job at 15. Child labor laws apply unless it's a family business. And with the economy... businesses would rather hire adults that actually need the money to live rather than spend on stuff they don't need like a kid. Plus your average adult has a far better work ethic than your average teenager has.

I've been your age before... I remember it extremely well... I also have the benefit of hindsight. Meaning I know for a fact everything you think is sooooooooooo important right now in a just a couple years will not matter at all to you. And its not just you... it happens to all kids your age. You aren't a child any longer, but you have a long ways to go before you are an adult. Physically and even more importantly... emotionally, and in maturity (which is the last thing you really develope). Its an awkward stage in life.

And even more importantly...your average kid thinks their parents have a lot more money than they actually have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Oh.. that's rich... the little kids are bullying you because you are bigger and look older than they do. Why do I find that hard to believe. The little kids live in fear the bigger ones knowing they would get their butts kicked if they caused problems with them.

As far as getting on a team? WHO are you asking... your parents don't put you on a team... and for a school team you have to tryout... and prove you are one of the better players... everyone doesn't get to play because they want to... only the better players get to be on a team. They are only allowed by league rules to have a certain number of kids on a team... and not one more. Its not T-Ball.

And of course your grades have to be above a certain number they specify.

I don't know where you think you are going to get a job at 15. Child labor laws apply unless it's a family business. And with the economy... businesses would rather hire adults that actually need the money to live rather than spend on stuff they don't need. Plus your average adult has a far better worth ethic than your average teenager has.

I've been your age before... I remember it extremely well... I also have the benefit of hindsight. Meaning I know for a fact everything you think is sooooooooooo important right now in a just a couple years will not matter at all to you. And its not just you... it happens to all kids your age. You aren't a child any longer, but you have a long ways to go before you are an adult. Physically and even more importantly... emotionally, and in maturity (which is the last thing you really develope).

K for one I do go and try to sign up but u know mister your PARENTS need to SIGN a PAPER saying they can PARTICIPATE... and there not little kids who bully me, gr 10s 11s 12s im in gr 9.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigboyamorim123

I walk my dog everyday at 6 pm I pick up her poop I have to clean all the cigarette butts of the floor with my bare hands and a bag, I do the dishes after dinner I clean my room all the time, its always cleaned, I do my own laundry
I mow the grass , I vacuum the house 2 times a week, they paid for my phone bill 30 bucks a month but they stopped even though I'm still doing what I have done for a long time. They ask me for help I do it all the time I don't complain to them I just do it. But sometimes I want something in return and yes they feed me and keep me under a roof but sometimes a game or something would be nice.

Kiddo, I have a teen. I'm not buying this.

Let's be completely honest here. How wonderful are you really? How good are you really? Because unless your parents are horrible people, abusive monsters, if you're doing everything you say you're doing, there's no reason for them to be acting this way, unless they really are monsters. After reading your posts, it's all about what you want and you're not getting. No abuse mentioned, other than dad yelling. Maybe dad yells because you're not as perfect as you're telling us you are.

So, if you're as wonderful as you're saying you are, and they're still punishing you, call CPS. Get the system involved. If you want to be in foster care, where you won't even have a gaming system, much less new games or a phone, and won't even be able to watch what you want on TV, then get the system involved. Call CPS on them, tell CPS you're being abused. They'll come to your home, they'll talk to you, your parents, your sister, they'll search the home, and if they find that your claims are true, they'll remove you from the home. But once that happens, and you're in foster care, you can't call mommy and daddy begging them to take you back once you realize how horrible foster care is. Once you're in the system, you're in. Mommy and Daddy can't help you anymore.

So how bad is it really? Because I have to tell you kid, you seem to have it pretty darn good. From your posts, you seem like the typical teen, that expects the world for a few chores. If you want a new game, do it the way everyone else does. Earn it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

Kiddo, I have a teen. I'm not buying this.

Let's be completely honest here. How wonderful are you really? How good are you really? Because unless your parents are horrible people, abusive monsters, if you're doing everything you say you're doing, there's no reason for them to be acting this way, unless they really are monsters. After reading your posts, it's all about what you want and you're not getting. No abuse mentioned, other than dad yelling. Maybe dad yells because you're not as perfect as you're telling us you are.

So, if you're as wonderful as you're saying you are, and they're still punishing you, call CPS. Get the system involved. If you want to be in foster care, where you won't even have a gaming system, much less new games or a phone, and won't even be able to watch what you want on TV, then get the system involved. Call CPS on them, tell CPS you're being abused. They'll come to your home, they'll talk to you, your parents, your sister, they'll search the home, and if they find that your claims are true, they'll remove you from the home. But once that happens, and you're in foster care, you can't call mommy and daddy begging them to take you back once you realize how horrible foster care is. Once you're in the system, you're in. Mommy and Daddy can't help you anymore.

So how bad is it really? Because I have to tell you kid, you seem to have it pretty darn good. From your posts, you seem like the typical teen, that expects the world for a few chores. If you want a new game, do it the way everyone else does. Earn it!

Your all ing blind!! This site is bull!! Mine as well ing end everything!

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigboyamorim123

Your all ing blind!! This site is bull!! Mine as well ing end everything!

We base our posts on what you write.

Like I said. If it's as bad as you say, call CPS. Tell your school counselor that you're being abused, he/she will call CPS. Once CPS is involved, they'll investigate. If you're being abused, like you say you are, you'll be removed from the home, placed in foster care until you're 18.

We don't have to believe you. We read what you write, and based on what you have written, you're a teen that expects his parents to give him everything he wants, and you're upset when they don't. You're upset when you're yelled at for not doing what you're supposed to do. That's normal teen behavior. Sadly, that doesn't mean you're being abused, it means you're being parented. It means your parents are trying to prepare you to be a man.

But you obviously feel that your home life is unbearable. That's worth considering. So call CPS. Let them decide if you should or shouldn't stay in the home you're in now.

If they find that everything is okay, you can ask to become an emancipated minor. That means that you'd be responsible for yourself. You'd have to prove to the courts that you can support yourself (pay your own bills, put a roof over your head, food on the table, and continue your education without anyone's help), and if the courts find that you're capable, you can become emancipated, and leave your home. At that point it's all on you. In other words, if you want a new game, you'll have to buy it, while paying rent, buying your own food, paying for your own education, your own school supplies, transportation to school and work because you will need a job, medication, and anything else you want or need. That's what being an adult is about, and that's what you need to be if you want to move out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigboyamorim123

K for one I do go and try to sign up but u know mister your PARENTS need to SIGN a PAPER saying they can PARTICIPATE... and there not little kids who bully me, gr 10s 11s 12s im in gr 9.

That's life. Its always been that way... in fact it used to be worse than it is today. You learn who to avoid and where. Its called coping skills and common sense. You need to learn it before you find yourself mugged or killed in a dark alley. YOu learn to size people up quickly and know who to avoid to not have problems. Consider it a crucial life skill.

Think I didn't deal with Bullies growing up? You'd be wrong if you said no. And we had a lot of them... you grow a spine. If they aren't knocking you down. Slamming you against a locker, or dragging you into the boys restroom to punch a few times... then no you aren't being bullied. If you can't cope with some name calling by the kids in higher grades... maybe its time to trade in your boys clothes and trade them for girls clothes. And grow some skin. You are going to be in for one hell of a rough ride when you become an adult and have to survive in the real world. It really is take no prisoners. I took on any bully that caused me problems....I got my butt kicked by a few....I kicked the butts of a few.....but I earned the respect of all of them, not by putting the fear of god in them..but by standing up for myself and not doing what they did.

And cutting off your personal cell phone at $30 a month... bwaaahahaha. Be glad you have one at all... your dad might have to work 2 or more hours to pay for that after taxes. EVERY month. You act like it's a travesty you ONLY get $30 a month. Sorry... that's really showing immaturity and greed. And it shows no concept of the value of a dollar.

I'm not old enough to have grey hair yet... but when I was your age... $1 a month for an allowance was a damn generous allowance. Not getting $30 and complaining about that. Who at the ripe old age of 15 do you HAVE to call that often and long to burn through that much a month?

My wife doesn't use that much a month, and she has a full time job with a bank.

The poster sounds like a spoiled and selfish child. They seem to have to do what children are suppose to do, and is not happy.

You need to recognize we aren't a bunch of teenagers for the most part, answering these questions. We're parents, many with teens or kids who have grown beyond their teens. Like your parents, we have life experience that exceeds your own, so our insight may seem harsh but it's based on the fact that life can be harsh.

Not getting enough new video games (or any) is not abusive. I never bought my son any video games and didn't even allow him to have any until he was well into high school and had a B average. When he got a phone, he had to do extra work to earn it - it wasn't just given for regular chores. If he abused it (including taking it for granted and having an attitude that I owed it to him), I took it away, at times for a month or more. Your parents may have financial issues that they don't want to discuss with you. Or they may feel that you spend too much time playing video games and they do not wish to encourage more of it. They may want you to change your overall attitude. You do have a bad attitude and may not actually come out and say negative things about what you are asked to do - and we can't know, this is a question to ask yourself - you may convey the bad attitude through your body language, facial expressions or other ways. My son has an eye-roll that can irritate me to the point where I barely want to give him food - it's SOOOO rude and irritating I just want to get through to him how priviledged he is.

No matter what though, you are getting close - not there yet but you're close - to being able to move on to college, or trade school to learn to support yourself, and there's financing available to help you do it if you're parents can't or won't help you. In the meantime, start getting yourself set up to go. Work as much as you can, save as much as you can and work on whatever you don't like about yourself. This is the thing though - you can't fix anyone else. You probably would like your family more if you didn't live with them, and that time will come. In the meantime, try to be respectful and helpful, and recognize that this is just a time in life that's difficult for family relationships. Most kids want to move out before they can. Just try not to do any damage to the relationship because you always have the option to create more distance later, but if you do it now, it can be hard to fix later.

You should be aware, and I'm not saying this to sound mean, but you do sound kind of spoiled. The things you are complaining about are quite trivial really, and the chores you do are pretty standard. If you do them without complaining, well, you're meeting the basic standard - it's not something people "owe you" more for. Your parents likely don't complain about what they do to keep the family afloat and the house running either. You all have that in common.

It's also immature to threaten that you might as well "end it all" and stuff like that. That's not a solution and it's kind of a controlling thing to say - like if people don't tell you what you want to hear, and do what you want them to do, you won't want to live. Please don't say that to people. In fact, you can be institutionalized for saying things like that - if you don't like living with your folks, just try a mental hospital.

Just hang in there, be productive, keep a positive attitude, and when people get on your nerves or try to get you down, do something to move your life forward whether working a bit more, doing more homework, exercising or making social plans. And if you're not involved in after school stuff, get involved. The best way to tolerate your family is to be too busy to be home all the time! I enjoyed my family through high school but I was also on the paper, in the plays, in band, on speech team - may sound nerdy to you but I had a lot of fun, made a lot of friends, and best of all - I wasn't home much!

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dontknownuthin again.

I couldn't agree more. Well said!