Ask Me Help Desk - I'm 14 and I'm seeing an 18 year old. Can my boyfriend be charged with statatory rape?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

As I've stated before, I believe that you've been through a lot, I just hate general statements. If you wish to discuss your feelings about these things there are forums for Beravement and family& people. That would be where they would be better discussed. I am in no way disregarding your situations, just the statements. I have my reasons for that, it's nothing personal.

Sorry for kind of snapping but I use general statements because that's the easiest way to explain myself. Its not an excuse but I've changed since my dad died. I don't go to councellers or any of that crap because they don't understand either. There's really no point.

I think it's important to treat chantelle1212 and other young people with respect. I feel that many of the remarks here, though well meaning, were patronizing and a bit insulting. I don't blame chantelle for reacting negatively to the tone of the advice given here. A 14 year old is young and inexperienced in many ways, but not a child either. All 18 year old boys are not cads either. I don't think it's right to give advice based on stereotypes. If you don't know enough about someone's situation, please ask more questions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

my dad was murdered when i was eleven. that is where my dad is. less than a year later my sister was diognosed with leukemia. tell me that i havent been through a lot. i make straight a's except for the odd b. you want to here about what ive been through ohsohappy, .

Sweetie.. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a horrible time for you. Grief causes us to do many things we wouldn't normally do. Just think about this; Would your Dad want you to be with an older guy? I'm sure your mother is so overwhelmed she doesn't have time to watch your every move.

Think about what you are doing. You make good grades and you can write your own ticket when you graduate. Make your mom and Dad and your sister proud. Most of all be proud of yourself. We are here to help you. If you will listen we will be able to do that.. :)

Its just different too because I know that seeing him is wrong.. but liking him as much as I do over powers that. My mom knows him and likes him, but a crutial part in that is that she doesn't know where dating. He's been in my life since I can remember. I know that if he weren't so much older than me, than my parents wouldn't care.
The question is... what do I do??

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

sorry for kinda snapping but i use general statements because thats the easiest way to explain myself. its not an excuse but ive changed since my dad died. i dont go to councellers or any of that crap because they dont understand either. theres really no point.

I didn't mean to be so patronizing either. I'm kind of in a funk myself. My Grandfather died and his funeral was today so my mood is a bit wacky and for some reason I felt the need to be critical. The tone was all wrong. My bad. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

its just different too because i know that seeing him is wrong.. but liking him as much as i do over powers that. my mom knows him and likes him, but a crutial part in that is that she doesnt know where dating. hes been in my life since i can remember. i know that if he werent so much older than me, than my parents wouldnt care.
the question is.... what do i do???

Whatever your parents would approve of. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

I didn't mean to be so patronizing either. I'm kind of in a funk myself. My Grandfather died and his funeral was today so my mood is a bit wacky and for some reason I felt the need to be critical. the tone was all wrong. My bad. :)

Its OK. I completely understand. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

Whatever your parents would approve of. :)

Well that's 50-50. My mom likes and dad liked him, but the age thing screws that up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well thats 50-50. my mom likes and dad liked him, but the age thing screws that up.

You should be honest with them before you can really know for sure. I think that's the best thing you can do.

I don't know. Think ill talk to my mom and see what she says tomorrow. Ill see how much trouble I'm in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

idk. think ill talk to my mom and see what she says tomorrow. ill see how much trouble im in.

Good plan. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well thats 50-50. my mom likes and dad liked him, but the age thing screws that up.

Just a suggestion.. Talk with mom about it. Chantelle what really makes me uneasy is the law against this. If you should and ( I'm not saying you will)decide to have sex with him.. he will be the one in trouble.

I just wish there were a way to make you happy. Either way you're going to be sad. If you break up with him or choose to stay with him and the relationship moves into the intimacy stage he loses and so do you. Think about it hon.. I wish I could make you feel better!:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Just a suggestion..Talk with mom about it. Chantelle what really makes me uneasy is the law against this. If you should and ( I'm not saying you will)decide to have sex with him..he will be the one in trouble.

I just wish there were a way to make you happy. Either way you're going to be sad. If you break up with him or choose to stay with him and the relationship moves into the intimacy stage he loses and so do you. Think about it hon..I wish i could make you feel better!:)

Neither way... I've got to tell my mom and its only going to make things worse. But if I tell her now and she knows that all I've done is kiss him, then she won't be as mad as she would be if I did more...

Its just that I don't want to get him into trouble because I really do care about him...

And then there's the fact that breaking up with him won't stop that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

neither way... ive got to tell my mom and its only going to make things worse. but if i tell her now and she knows that all ive done is kiss him, then she wont be as mad as she would be if i did more....

its just that i dont want to get him into trouble because i really do care about him...

and then theres the fact that breaking up with him wont stop that.

I believe very strongly in prayer. You really have been through a lot for your age. Talk too God and pour out your heart to him. He listens and he knows what is best for you. Talk to your boyfriend and ask him what
His feelings are. Your mom is just like the rest of us moms, she hurts when you hurt. We are here for you and tonight you will be in my prayers... Goodnight and I'll talk to you tomorrow:)

Well...

I talked to my mom. She knows how I feel about alex and everything and how he feels about me.

She says she's be fine with us going out, but that I can't avoid the law. She's glad that I talked to her before things got more serious. She's going to look into the close in age thing and stuff like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well...

i talked to my mom. she knows how i feel about alex and everything and how he feels about me.

she says she's be fine with us going out, but that i can't avoid the law. she's glad that i talked to her before things got more serious. shes going to look into the close in age thing and stuff like that.

I'm so proud of you sweetie.. It shows you're a kind, sweet young
Lady. Your mom will help you through this. Tell her I am very sorry for the loss she and your family have suffered. God Bless You:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I'm so proud of you sweetie..It shows you're a kind, sweet young
lady. Your mom will help you through this. Tell her I am very sorry for the loss she and your family have suffered. God Bless You:)

Thanks for you help and your regards... :) there really needs to be more people like you in the world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

thanks for you help and your regards... :) there really needs to be more people like you in the world.

Gosh you are so sweet.. You have brightened my day!:)
Bless you sweetie!:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle1212

well...

i talked to my mom. she knows how i feel about alex and everything and how he feels about me.

she says she's be fine with us going out, but that i can't avoid the law. she's glad that i talked to her before things got more serious. shes going to look into the close in age thing and stuff like that.

You did a very good thing by talking to your mom. As long as you two aren't having sex, there really shouldn't be a big issue. I'm glad everything worked out okay for you. Sometimes parents can surprise you. You just have to give her a chance. Don't always assume how they're going to react, because that's usually how someone gets in trouble in the first place. Sometimes people actually run in to trouble by trying to avoid it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

you did a very good thing by talking to your mom. As long as you two aren't having sex, there really shouldn't be a big issue. I'm glad everything worked out okay for you. Sometimes parents can surprise you. You just have to give her a chance. don't always assume how they're going to react, because that's usually how someone gets in trouble in the first place. Sometimes people actually run in to trouble by trying to avoid it.

Ohso is right sweetie... never hide anything from your mom... she's the best friend you'll ever have and more than that , she's a mom. Bless you... :)