Ask Me Help Desk - Underage relationship/sex

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Originally Posted by Squb

Both of you are being just like her parents.

That's because I AM a parent.

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Originally Posted by Squb

You can't control your kids life.

I never said I control my childrens' lives, but I do teach them to make good decisions.

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Originally Posted by Squb

you're not protecting your children you are pushing them away.

You are wrong here. Not only am I my daughter's mother, but I am also her best friend. She knows that she can come to me with anything, and she does.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squb

Don't you get it?
You're corrupting your own children without even realizing it? you can't shelter your kids like that. Let them make their own mistakes. because I guarantee they will become much better people if you let them learn from they're own mistakes and not yours.
You may think that since you're the parent you have absolute control. But you're wrong. You have absolutely no control. For all you know you're daughter could be in the bushes behind the school right now at lunch smoking pot because she's pissed off you wont let her date the boy she wants to date.
You can be a parent and not controlling. it is possible.

Wow, you are so way off course here. Of course you are, you are only a teenager, not a parent.

My daughter is not smoking pot, I know that for a fact. She's too mature for that and respects her body too much.

You see, you may have come from a bad background, but not all kids do.

You are right, you can be a parent and not be controlling, I am not controlling, but rather teach my child how to make good decisions.

Again, I don't blame her parents after reading all you have written. The girl is lying to her parents and you are supporting that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squb

I dont encourage her to do anything she makes her own decisions regardless of what I think. and when she wants to see me she's gonna do whatever it takes to see me. Obviously I asked the wrong people about this because you don't get it. Both of you are being just like her parents. You can't control your kids life. whether you think its right to do or you think you're a good parent you're not. If you try to control your kids' lives they will rebel and hate you. My girlfriends parents are controlling, she is rebeling, and she hates them. I spent the first half of my life living with my dad who is a controlling prick. I rebelled, I hate him. you're not protecting your children you are pushing them away. its the same principle as the no stank you commercials. they don't help they make the problem worse by making smokers pissed off. and what do smokers do when they're pissed off? they smoke. and not only that but then you've got more pissed off people walkin around smoking because "it relaxes them" and they're basically advertising cigarettes as a way to calm down. So when you try to control your teen and she gets pissed off she's gonna walk around all pissed off see someone with a cigarette and think "hey that will be a perfect way to say you mom"
Don't you get it?
You're corrupting your own children without even realizing it? you can't shelter your kids like that. Let them make their own mistakes. because I guarantee they will become much better people if you let them learn from they're own mistakes and not yours.
You may think that since you're the parent you have absolute control. But you're wrong. You have absolutely no control. For all you know you're daughter could be in the bushes behind the school right now at lunch smoking pot because she's pissed off you wont let her date the boy she wants to date.
You can be a parent and not controlling. it is possible.

This is what I "get." My stepchildren had too much self respect to be influenced by a HS drop out, including when they were 14. I just think the whole "smoking pot" idea gave a big clue about you.

I also see you are very angry; I see you throwing around words like "prick" and "pissed off." I see you have muddled thinking. I see you lied on this site about how/when you see your "girlfriend," and, when pushed - which, by the way, is actually what I do for a living - I see you come back all fire and brimstone and 16 year old know it all.

As far as what you at 16 with no job can tell me about parenting and just about anything other than smoking pot in bushes during school breaks - nothing.

So ignore the advice, have sex with the girlfriend and write us from jail.

Ok, the legal questions have been answered. Having sex with her could get you in jail.

In one of your posts you asked how to get on the good side with her parents. Going behind their back is NOT the way.

If I were you I would show up at their house and ask to talk with the parents ALONE. You explain to the parents why you had to drop out and show them your progress in getting your GED and your plans for a career. You tell them that you love their daughter and she loves you and wants to be with you. But you believe having a relationship without their knowledge and approval would be the wrong thing to do. So you are asking that they let you date her. But that you understand if they continue to object. If they do, then you will wait until she's older.

Frankly, I think that at 14 and 16 you are both too young to really have the kind of feelings that are necessary for a long term relationship. I think that right now her interest in you is more in the line of forbidden fruit and her parents would do well to allow you to date because I think the relationship will wane after a while.

But any relationship built on sneaking around like you too are doing is more than likely to fail.