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Originally Posted by msir

I mean, this coparenting thing is going to suck.

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Sure it does. But then who's fault is the existence of this child in the first place? I don't know whether your method of protection failed or you didn't use protection or what. I do know that I believe that no one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are prepare to be parents to that child. And the most healthy parental arrangement is a two parent household.

So you sowed your seeds and now you reap the result.

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Originally Posted by msir

Excon how can you just outright say I will not get custody based on the other child. I told you the mother of that child has keptme from being involved. I am a very upstanding guy, military veteran. I do think the only thing against me is the ltter I wrote to the court. I mentioned that I requested a reduction in CS with no answer. I still havnt received the paternity results, I only get 4 days a month, and that the mother has been a pain in the neck. I can't take that back, but I may have to explain myself in court. I was pretty frustrated at the time. It was regarding a contempt for visitation but I needed to vent. I dont think 4 days a month is helpful in me having a relationship with my child, yet that is what the judge ordered. He didn even say I could get the holidays in between. NOw do to a continuance, I have to wait a few more months to go back to court. Im a little glad about it in that now I have a job and I expect things to be better in my case.

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We ALL say that based on experience with the Court system and what you have described/explained. Seems like the Judge knows a lot more about you than I do and he is even harsher than I am!

Again - the mother kept you from getting involved, you were "too busy" with school to reply, you had some other problems - you have a bag full of excuses. The "only thing" the Court may have against you is some letter you wrote - why don't you post that letter and then this panel will vote on how offensive the letter is. Oh, and whatever admissions you made to the mother which she intends to use against you.

It's not about the money, but that is part of just about every post.

As far as you thinking joint custody "sucks" - I think leaving two women with your children to raise while you got your life together "sucks" both for them and for the children. You are not the one being abused here, although that seems to be your opinion.

Now that it's been established pretty much that there is a problem paying for 2 children are you planning on a third?

Hello again, m:

I want you to understand something... I applaud you for trying to BE a father now. I hope you keep fighting the good fight for BOTH your children. It's going to be an uphill battle, however, due to your own history...

That doesn't mean you ARE your history. It DOES mean that you're going to have work TWICE as hard to prove it now. We're just letting you know what you're in for, so that you DON'T give up, or get busy, or run out of money. Fighting for your children in court is expensive, it takes a looooong time, and you don't always get what you want.

Nonetheless, from a personal perspective, I WANT you to overcome the headache you've created for yourself. Nahhh, not for you, dude - for your children.

excon

PS> Lest you think that I'm being holier than thou, I DIDN'T do the things I suggest you do, and it cost me, AND my son, bigtime...

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Sure it does. But then who's fault is the existence of this child in the first place? I don't know whether your method of protection failed or you didn't use protection or what. I do know that I beleive that no one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are prepare to be parents to that child. And the most healthy parental arrangement is a two parent household.

So you sowed your seeds and now you reap the result.

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Actually, the woman got pregnant on purpose. I believe she went to a fertility clinic to get pregnant. Yes, I wrote the court and explained this to them. So its her fault. I believe she tricked me and now she has caused me all of these issues. I told the court how manipulative she is.

I have been to other websites and this is the first anyone has mentioned that I could get shared custody. If she doesn't accept this in mediation, then we will just have to do a merit trial. I am not prepared to agree to her getting full custody

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Originally Posted by msir

actually, the woman got pregnant on purpose. I believe she went to a fertility clinic to get pregnant. yes, I wrote the court and explained this to them. So its her fault. I believe she tricked me and now she has caused me all of these issues. I told the court how manipulative she is.

I have been to other websites and this is the first anyone has mentioned that I could get shared custody. If she doesnt accept this in mediation, then we will just have to do a merit trial. I am not prepared to agree to her getting full custody

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Wait a minute - you believe she went to a fertility clinic and got pregnant and tricked you?

With your sperm?

This gets better and better.

So you had unprotected sex. You may have thought she was providing the protection and she wasn't, but you trusted her and had unprotected sex. So the more the fool you. Without your sperm that you willingly (and I bet enthusiastically) contributed, any attmepts on her part to be more fertile would have been useless.

I do applaud you for wanting to be a big part of your child's life. But your concentration should be on that, not what effect it will have on child support. You will need to prove to the courts that you want to be a good father. That will help gert you more custody and visitation, maybe not at first, but as the child gets older.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

So you had unprotected sex. You may have thought she was providing the protection and she wasn't, but you trusted her and had unprotected sex. So the more the fool you. Without your sperm that you willingly (and I bet enthusiastically) contributed, any attmepts on her part to be more fertile would have been useless.

I do applaud you for wanting to be a big part of your child's life. But your concentration should be on that, not what effect it will have on child support. You will need to prove to the courts that you want to be a good father. That will help gert you more custody and visitation, maybe not at first, but as the child gets older.

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Scott, did you see that tricked him with this pregnancy by going to a sperm bank (which apparently had OP's sperm on tap)?

This doesn't seem to be a "no protection" problem.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Scott, did you see that tricked him with this pregnancy by going to a sperm bank (which apparently had OP's sperm on tap)?

This doesn't seem to be a "no protection" problem.

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I didn't read it quite that way. Allegedly she went to a fertility clinic. I think he thinks she was on fertility pills to increase the chances of her getting pregnant when he had unprotected sex with her. Don't know what proof he has of that though.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I didn't read it quite that way. Allegedly she went to a fertility clinic. I think he thinks she was on fertility pills to increase the chances of her getting pregnant when he had unprotected sex with her. Don't know what proof he has of that though.

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Idont have any proof, but I just know. In my frustration, I put this in writing to the court. I am not sure it was a good idea, since Ive been told "being tricked" is a popular excuse to the court. The ex knows about the letter. She says she is going to use it against me to prove that I am an argumentative person and that she minimizes her communication with me because it may provoke me. That of course is bs. I wrote the court about a contempt when she was late answering the door for pickup. I was frustrated. I went on to vent about other things as well including the fact that I don't trust her. I realize now it was a mistake, because the court thinks I am out of work, living off my girlfriend, and that I put everything aside, including fatherhood, for school. I am not sure how I can make the court see differently, but that is why I came to this site, to see what I can do. I am documenting everything, but its her word against mine.

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Originally Posted by msir

Idont have any proof, but I just know. In my frustration, I put this in writing to the court. I am not sure it was a good idea, since Ive been told "being tricked" is a popular excuse to the court. The ex knows about the letter. She says she is going to use it against me to prove that I am an argumentative person and that she minimizes her communication with me because it may provoke me. That of course is bs. I wrote the court about a contempt when she was late answering the door for pickup. I was frustrated. I went on to vent about other things as well including the fact that I dont trust her. I realize now it was a mistake, because the court thinks I am out of work, living off my gf, and that I put everything aside, including fatherhood, for school. I am not sure how I can make the court see differently, but that is why I came to this site, to see what I can do. I am documenting everything, but its her word against mine.

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OK - so are you saying she took fertility drugs in order to get pregnant or was artificially inseminated - ?

I have to know whether I owe Scott an apology or not.

Why was she so eager to have your child?

And, yes, I think it was a mistake and I think your reading of what the Court will think is 100% correct - the Court also isn't big on "I have no proof, I just know."

Well the first thing is to n ot make accusations you can't prove. You "just know" she was taking fertility treatments? Unless you have proof you don't "know" anything.

And yes it sounds like you botched everything from the get go. So, the only way around that is to build up the trust of the court. Tell the judge you understand you botched it and that you have to pay the price of doing so. So you'll accept whatever custody/visitation the court gives you and use it to show how good a father you can be. Ask only that they set it up to revisit the case in a year or so.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Well the first thing is to n ot make accusations you can't prove. You "just know" she was taking fertility treatments? Unless you have proof you don't "know" anything.

And yes it sounds like you botched everything from the get go. So, the only way around that is to build up the trust of the court. Tell the judge you understand you botched it and that you have to pay the price of doing so. So you'll accept whatever custody/visitation the court gives you and use it to show how good a father you can be. Ask only that they set it up to revisit the case in a year or so.

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I saw a business card and pretty much assumed. I asked her about it and she said she was just seeing an ob/gyn and they were just testing her blood to see if her hormones were in balance. She did express to me her desire to have a child and I told her I didn't want one at this time. We did dontinue a sexual relationship and she got pregnant, but I just suspect that it was something that the clinic did. She welcomed me to look into the records. She said all that took place was a few blood tests and an x-ray, but I don't believe her. Now here I am with another mouth to feed and its not my fault. I want to know want the court will do if I can prove that she got pregnant on purpose this way.

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Originally Posted by msir

I saw a business card and pretty much assumed. I asked her about it and she said she was just seeing an ob/gyn and they were just testing her blood to see if her hormones were in balance. She did express to me her desire to have a child and I told her I didn't want one at this time. We did dontinue a sexual relationship and she got pregnant, but I just suspect that it was something that the clinic did. She welcomed me to look into the records. She said all that took place was a few blood tests and an x-ray, but I don't believe her. Now here I am with another mouth to feed and its not my fault. I want to know want the court will do if I can prove that she got pregnant on purpose this way.

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You really have to be kidding. You KNEW that she had gone to such a clinic, she discussed having a child and you continued to have unprotected sex with her and its not your fault?? Give me a break here. Sex Education 101, it takes an egg AND a sperm to fertilize it to have a baby.

Boy you are really digging yourself in deeper and deeper:

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Now here I am with another mouth to feed

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Its all about money with you isn't it. Every time you sit down out your keyboard, it comes out.

Even if you can prove (and you would need to subpeona the clinic's records) that she took fertility meds and didn't tell you, the court is not likely to do anything to her.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

You really have to be kidding. You KNEW that she had gone to such a clinic, she discussed having a child and you continued to have unprotected sex with her and its not your fault??? Give me a break here. Sex Education 101, it takes an egg AND a sperm to fertilize it to have a baby.

Boy you are really digging yourself in deeper and deeper:



Its all about money with you isn't it. Everytime you sit down out your keyboard, it comes out.

Even if you can prove (and you would need to subpeona the clinic's records) that she took fertility meds and didn't tell you, the court is not likely to do anything to her.

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Forget about the money. I will pay whatver the court asks. What about spending more time with my child. How can I go to court and show them I deserve as much time with him as the mother.

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Originally Posted by msir

forget about the money. I will pay whatver the court asks. What about spending more time with my child. How can I go to court and show them I deserve as much time with him as the mother.

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What you say (type) when making your case and what shows through the rest of the time are two different things - you are the one who keeps bringing up support and the money.

You work for the Feds? Are you supposed to be working now? Easy enough to find out.

Once again - you take your proof of what a good person and capable parent you are - in all ways - to Court; she takes hers. The Judge reviews the situation, asks a few questions, takes some sworn testimony, may appoint a guardian ad litem for the child, maybe requires a few visits with a Social Worker, makes a decision.

And I will say that one thing that will impress the court with your change of heart and realization that being a father is important is taking responsibility for your older child. Find here, start paying child support again, be a part of her life. Or what will you tell her if she hunts you down when she's an adult? No, you didn't love her as much as you did your son?

In MD I'm told it is illegal to record a phone conseration without the other party's consent. Can someone tell me where I can find the actuall law (in COMAR) saying it is illegal in MD to record a phone conversation without the other party's consent?

Also, I would like to know if those laws only apply to phone recordings as opposed to person to person recordings. And I would like to know if it applies to video recrodings as well. Thanks

Any audio recordings are illegal unless you get the others consent.
I have seen people take answering machine tapes to the TV courts
(I guess answering machine tapes are okay)
The Judges all say they will listen to the tape but they can not base the weight of their decision on the tape.
I believe it is a federal law, but some states allow it under certain conditions I think.
"Can We Tape?"

Click on the state-by-state and then click Maryland.

Video taping is okay in some states but with guidelines.

Persons calling an answering machine know they are leaving a recorded message. Most of those machines outgoing messages say some to the effect of "Record a message after the beep"

Actually they merely have to be informed, I guess if they keep talking they are giving concent. Part of the issue with recording is proving also that the person on the other end is really the person you are saying they are.

Recording phone call law Call Recording Solutions

American Legal Guide on Recording Telephone Conversations (USA)