Ask Me Help Desk - Why isn't my former teacher responding to my texts?

Why isn't my former teacher responding to my texts?

So I have a former teacher who has always been my favorite teacher since middle school and I have only visited her once. We just got in touch two months ago. I have her number and about month ago I asked her if I could go see her. Well she said yes but then she had to cancel on me and told me that week wouldn't be good for me to come. So I asked about next week and she said yeah. Well next week came and I asked her but I asked while she was in school working and If I could go that day. I figured she would read it during her break or something but she never replied. So next week I asked in a better way by saying, "I understand you're busy and I hate to bother you but is there a time I can come by this week?". She still didn't reply!

So now its summer and I'm miserable! I miss her terribly. I really wish to hear back from her. I stay in touch with my other teacher and she said she doesn't know what else I could do. Do you have any idea what I can do in this situation? I really don't want to text her again because then I'll sound clingy and annoy her. I'm 16 female and she's 25.

I was also told to just go right up to her school to see her when school starts up again, should I? I've done it before.

Perhaps she feels that contact outside school would be inappropriate and has decided that not responding is less disturbing to you than telling you so outright.

I'd stop contacting her and leave her alone - why do you want to continue the relationship outside of school? Do you have friends your own age?

No, you should not text her again, nor go find her at school. She may be deliberately ignoring you, or she has a very full life that is full of people her age. And each year, she has an entire class full of students who may want similar contact. She has dates to go on, books to read, teaching credits to keep up with, possible summer jobs. She has to think of whether to save for a house or buy one now. I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate to think you can be part of her life. Send her a card at Christmas, and stop to say hi and chat for a few minutes if you run into her.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

No, you should not text her again, nor go find her at school. She may be deliberately ignoring you, or she has a very full life that is full of people her age. And each year, she has an entire class full of students who may want similar contact. She has dates to go on, books to read, teaching credits to keep up with, possible summer jobs. She has to think of whether to save for a house or buy one now. I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate to think you can be part of her life. Send her a card at Christmas, and stop to say hi and chat for a few minutes if you run into her.

I forgot to mention that I visit my other teacher and she said she never responds to her text either. And last time I visited my favorite teacher she was really happy to talk to me. We were laughing and smiling. I don't think she will be annoyed if I showed up at her school. Also I'm definitley not texting her again.

I would not just "show up." If she wanted contact with you, she would respond.

I am not saying that you are in this group, but some students almost become "groupies" for favorite teachers, and it is very difficult for teachers to disengage without hurting anyone's feelings.

Presumably this teacher has other students who are also trying to be her friend instead of her (ex) student.

There aren't any other students trying to get in touch with her. She teaches at a elementary school now. Here, I will tell you what happened from the very beginning.. So I emailed her twice from my moms email and she did not respond. So I emailed her off my teachers email because we were assuming my emails were going to her junk mail. Well she got it but she didn't respond to it. So I decided to go surprise her, unfortunately she had a parent teacher conference (I went during her planning time) so we couldn't chat but she told me I can come back the day she was free. I went and we talked for about 20 minutes. Also We were close and she knows that. When I asked for her number she seemed happy to give it to me. When I had to go she walked me out and gave me a hug. She really did seem happy to be in contact with me. It has always been obvious that I was her favorite student. The reason why I plan to go show up is so I can talk to her and see if she's comfortable with being in touch and stuff. I need to know how she feels about this. I was going to call her right when she lets out to let her know I'm at the school and if she don't mind talking for a minute. I really just need to talk to her..

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Originally Posted by Jordonj

I really just need to talk to her..

Why?

You spoke with her for 20 minutes. It was nice of her to give you her phone number. Now, leave her alone and let her call you back when she has time. If you keep calling her, you're not going to get a nice response.

I am not sure you realize the enormous difference between a one time get together and habitual ones. I think she indeed might be avoiding you so that you don't crave her visits when you should be with people your age. She might be worried about an unhealthy attachment. A student and a teacher should not be developing relationships past a very occasional, perhaps once a year, short greeting and catching up on what your plans are past high school. If you have problems with something like parents not approving of your career plans or something related to education, that is something a teacher might be interested in helping to steer you toward people who can help. But for just shooting the breeze, it's not appropriate. She's not your friend; she's an ex teacher who cares about you and all her students.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

I am not sure you realize the enormous difference between a one time get together and habitual ones. I think she indeed might be avoiding you so that you don't crave her visits when you should be with people your age. She might be worried about an unhealthy attachment. A student and a teacher should not be developing relationships past a very occasional, perhaps once a year, short greeting and catching up on what your plans are past high school. If you have problems with something like parents not approving of your career plans or something related to education, that is something a teacher might be interested in helping to steer you toward people who can help. But for just shooting the breeze, it's not appropriate. She's not your friend; she's an ex teacher who cares about you and all her students.

Well said!!

We talked about me going back to visit, she's cool with me visiting. I haven't bothered her in a month. Last time I texted her was when I was asking if I can come by but she didn't reply to that. So that's why I'm asking, will she ever come around? Its summer time now. I told you my other teacher tries to text her in the past but she doesn't reply. She doesn't even reply to her emails. So its not me she has a problem with, it's the way she communicates.

If I were the teacher I would consider this behavior to be obsessive and would bend over backwards not to be in contact. Sometimes you just can't be polite, and the "I KNOW I was her favorite student" would chill me.

I see a needy child and a teacher who tried and now both should move on. The teacher already has.

If this has already become stalking, I'm afraid it will

You do realize that the teacher teaches as an occupation, right - it's not her life.

As a child, I find it inappropriate for you to be determining how/why adults act or react. It matters little if she responds to you. She can if she wants to. The door is closed. If she was, in fact, "cool with you visiting" she'd set up a visit. Move on.

Why do you have a need to contact her? You haven't answered me. Do you have friends your own age? What do your parents think of this? I know I have one phone for work contacts and one phone for friends. Maybe your teacher is the same.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

We talked about me going back to visit, she's cool with me visiting. I haven't bothered her in a month. Last time I texted her was when I was asking if I can come by but she didn't reply to that. So that's why I'm asking, will she ever come around? Its summer time now. I told you my other teacher tries to text her in the past but she doesn't reply. She doesn't even reply to her emails. So its not me she has a problem with, it's the way she communicates.

It's summer and I almost never see other teachers or speak to them. It's my time to get my house reorganized, have time with my family and friends and just relax, or do what I want. Being a teacher consumes our lives. That's why we have a short time off in the summer. We can rest our minds, voices, and get ready for another school year. Leave her alone! Honestly, you sound like a stalker.

"So its not me she has a problem with, it's the way she communicates."

Illogical. You are drawing a conclusion based on one other person's failure to get a response. That does not allow you to conclude that she feels the same way about contact from you as she does from another teacher. Not only that, she could be communicating with dozens of other people. If I were a teacher (and you heard this straight from a teacher here, jenn) I would not be in touch with students or teachers in general unless they were my close friends OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. School is out. You are starting to sound obtuse, sorry. And you aren't answering questions about your needs.
You are 9 years younger than she. What if a 7 year old decided she wanted a friendly, ongoing relationship with you, coming over, texting, emailing, calling? You have nothing in common.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

It's summer and I almost never see other teachers or speak to them. It's my time to get my house reorganized, have time with my family and friends and just relax, or do what I want. Being a teacher consumes our lives. That's why we have a short time off in the summer. We can rest our minds, voices, and get ready for another school year. Leave her alone! Honestly, you sound like a stalker.

How do I sound like a stalker?

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Originally Posted by Jordonj

How do I sound like a stalker??

You've contacted her and met with her. That's it. Worrying about when and if she'll call you back and texting her is ridiculous. Have a fun summer with your friends and leave her alone. I'm not sure why she gave you her cell number. That's a big no-no in my book. Maybe she gave you a wrong number on purpose.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why?

To find out how she really feels about being in touch and if she's comfortable with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

You've contacted her and met with her. That's it. Worrying about when and if she'll call you back and texting her is ridiculous. Have a fun summer with your friends and leave her alone. I'm not sure why she gave you her cell number. That's a big no-no in my book. Maybe she gave you a wrong number on purpose.

We've had a conversation when texting twice before. But anyway are you trying to tell me to just move on and never see her again..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

To find out how she really feels about being in touch and if she's comfortable with it.

I was a teacher and tutor for years and am uncomfortable with how you have described your trying to be in touch with her. My first thought was stalking.

I enjoyed all my students while they were my students, but once they moved on, I really didn't want a close relationship with any of them. I was glad to help if there was a specific personal or family problem, and I would greet them happily if I saw them when out shopping or in church or at the movie theater or a restaurant, but chums we were not. My main concentration was on my current class and how best to help them through the school year.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I was a teacher and tutor for years and am uncomfortable with how you have described your trying to be in touch with her. My first thought was stalking.

I enjoyed all my students while they were my students, but once they moved on, I really didn't want a close relationship with any of them. I was glad to help if there was a specific personal or family problem, and I would greet them happily if I saw them when out shopping or in church or at the movie theater or a restaurant, but chums we were not. My main concentration was on my current class and how best to help them through the school year.

Yeah I get that but she agreed that we're close and she's different. She's got a big heart and she's not you. I was just asking if going to her school to talk to her about our relationship is okay. To see If she's comfortable with it. Then I won't be so confused and think she just doesn't want me around when she probably has a better reason for why she just wasn't replying to my texts. THAT'S ALL I Want to KNOW :( Its bothering me that's why Im asking such a "stalker" question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

Yeah I get that but she agreed that we're close and she's different. She's got a big heart and she's not you. I was just asking if going to her school to talk to her about our relationship is okay. To see If she's comfortable with it. Then I won't be so confused and think she just doesn't want me around when she probably has a better reason for why she just wasn't replying to my texts. THAT'S ALL I WANNA KNOW :( Its bothering me that's why Im asking such a "stalker" question.

Well, you haven't gotten any positive vibrations lately. A text is easy to reply to.

I suppose give it one last time. If she doesn't seem interested, take that as a no and closure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

We've had a conversation when texting twice before. But anyways are you trying to tell me to just move on and never see her again...?

Move on. If she contacts you, great. If not, leave her alone. The ball is in her court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Well, you haven't gotten any positive vibrations lately. A text is easy to reply to.

I suppose give it one last time. If she doesn't seem interested, take that as a no and closure.

Well this girl I talk to, she's friends with her former teacher now and she's telling me the only thing I can do is to go up to her school and talk to her because then I can see what she has to say face to face and to get things straightened out. Do you still think that's a bad idea?

"Well this girl I talk to, she's friends with her former teacher now and shes telling me the only thing I can do is to go up to her school and talk to her because then I can see what she has to say face to face and to get things straightened out. Do you still think that's a bad idea?"

Straightened out - what are you getting straightened out? I do not think confronting her is a good idea. If she is saving your texts and she gets another one, she will know 100% that you are a stalker.

You don't respond to direct questions This is a former teacher, not a relative. She owes you exactly nothing.
She's been polite and civil. You, in return, are discussing her with other people and can't understand advice that you leave her alone.

What part of "leave her alone" don't you understand?

At 25 she probably doesn't need an obsessed teenager in her life.

Just out of curiosity - is this some type of special needs class?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Just out of curiosity - is this some type of special needs class?

A what?

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Originally Posted by Jordonj

A what?

Were you enrolled in a special education class ?

You have used some words that are a bit worrisome, such as 'miserable' and 'really miss her.' You also have acted deviously by emailing from another teacher's email, after being ignored twice from your mom's. You have steadfastly refused to acknowledge every single strong advice from every single one of us to leave her alone. Now you are bringing up the advice of some friend that it's OK to go find her at her school.
This really is sounding like a crush, an obsession, with a hint of stalking. You don't seem to grasp polite ways people have to be nice but to distance themselves from you.
This young woman teacher was probably right out of college when you were in her class, if she is 25 now. She didn't quite know how to set boundaries, but is learning.
PLEASE believe us.
A 16 year old should not have a friendless, empty summer ahead of her. Why don't you have a summer job or activity lined up? Where are your friends your age? We keep asking you, and you keep avoiding answering.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Were you enrolled in a special education class ?

Yes

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

You have used some words that are a bit worrisome, such as 'miserable' and 'really miss her.' You also have acted deviously by emailing from another teacher's email, after being ignored twice from your mom's. You have steadfastly refused to acknowledge every single strong advice from every single one of us to leave her alone. Now you are bringing up the advice of some friend that it's OK to go find her at her school.
This really is sounding like a crush, an obsession, with a hint of stalking. You don't seem to grasp polite ways people have to be nice but to distance themselves from you.
This young woman teacher was probably right out of college when you were in her class, if she is 25 now. She didn't quite know how to set boundaries, but is learning.
PLEASE believe us.
A 16 year old should not have a friendless, empty summer ahead of her. Why don't you have a summer job or activity lined up? Where are your friends your age? We keep asking you, and you keep avoiding answering.

Yes I hangout with my friends and I have things to do like dance, babysitting, lessons, swimming and tubing. I try to keep myself busy. I don't think about her all the time, only every once in a while I'll think of her. I'm not obsessed and trust me I really don't want to bother her because I know ill just seem clingy I'm just very curious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

I'm just very curious.

About what?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

About what?

About how she feels keeping in touch.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

About how she feels keeping in touch.

Like someone said, the ball is in her court. Now you wait to see if she answers your texts or calls you or emails you.

Are you on the autism spectrum?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Like someone said, the ball is in her court. Now you wait to see if she answers your texts or calls you or emails you.

Are you on the autism spectrum?

I'll wait as long as I can. And no I have hearing loss..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

I'll wait as long as I can. And no I have hearing loss..

Autism has nothing to do with hearing loss.

May I ask why you are in special ed?

WG, she doesn't have autism, or on the autism spectrum. She has hearing loss. That is why she was in special ed.

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Originally Posted by J_9

WG, she doesn't have autism, or on the autism spectrum. She has hearing loss. That is why she was in special ed.

Thanks, J. As I reread it and mentally add a comma, you are correct and I didn't catch that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Thanks, J. As I reread it and mentally add a comma, you are correct and I didn't catch that.

Why do you ask?

This sounded like some sort of specialized education, extra attention, this teacher understands.

Spidey senses a few posts ago.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

Why do you ask?

People with autism often form a special bond with one person or cat or dog or horse. The famous autistic animal activist, Temple Grandin, loves cattle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

People with autism often form a special bond with one person or cat or dog or horse. The famous autistic animal activist, Temple Grandin, loves cattle.

Oh okay. Well hey I got one more question.. Her birthday is in a month, I want to send her a text saying happy birthday but I really didn't want to send her another text, should I anyway?

No text. You can send a card, through the mail. But if you don't know her address, send it care of the school where she works, and they will forward it.
Cards sent through the mail are non-invasive. They don't appear when you don't want them, or clog your phone. They also give you a chance to include a well thought out little note that she can read when she wants. They also indicate that care was taken picking them out. They are an old fashioned gesture that people love to get, but not many people send anymore.

BUT, and this is a huge but, if you can't handle not knowing whether she got it, don't do anything at all.

I have to ask, and I'm not sure if anyone already asked this, but this is my gut speaking. Are you attracted to this teacher? Is this a sexual attraction, and that's why you're so upset that she hasn't contacted you?

It really sounds like more than just a teacher student relationship. The fact is, if you are attracted to her, and she meets with you, becomes a friend (because there's no reason to think that she's also attracted to you based on what you've posted), she could lose her job. Just forming a friendship with you, seeing you out of school, contacting you when she's no longer your teacher, could lead to her losing her job. Sounds to me like she figured out that you want more than just a pat on the back ,and good luck in your future, and she's now protecting her future by ceasing all contact.