Why are we all so obsessed w/ the way OTHER people look? If she's obese, can you be friends w/ her anyway and just get to know her FOR HER? If she's a stone fox can you go beyond her surface and get to know HER for her? Why is so difficult to be friends w/ people who are a little different?

Do all over weight people have to be ONLY friends w/ one another? Do all hotties have to? Can they not intermingle?

I'm suggesting that a hottie be best friends w/ a big girl, (:eek:). I am also suggesting that people imagine that beyond the surface there lives a personality that has feelings and emotions, opinions, intelligence, plus plus...

Why do we judge people by their exterior? I know it's insecurity... but why can't we all take the opportunity to get to know one another with out the fear and insecurity.

For that matter, while we're at it: Can the working class have friends who are wealthy and living in manshions, driving Bentley's? And visa verse?

I'm curious how you all might answer...

I think it's how society has trained people how to act towards others SweetDee.

Men have their girlie mags, women have their fashion mags. The guys think they have to have a hottie on their arm, so their loser friends don't make fun of them, and the girls need to have the hot guy, and one up their gf's on what kind of purse or pair of shoes they have.

I personally think it's a little crazy, because even the hottest girl in the world can be the biggest B*tch, and have a hollow inside, and the same go for the guys.

I have known some pretty hot guys that have asked me out, but I usually fall for the ones that seem to have more on the inside, than on the outside. (although that hasn't always worked for me either, lol) A pretty person can get ugly really quick if they have a nasty outlook, and attitude.

I'm 5'7"/140lbs, but I've been up to 180 before. I got treated differently. But, regardless of anyone's weight, I judged them by their inside. However, I did have a friend that was extremely over weight. I always liked her, and hung out with her. She decided to get gastric bypass surgery, and now she snubs me, even though I stuck around when everyone else made fun of her.

So my conclusion, is that it is totally about the character you have, and how willing you are to look past the outer shell.

I agree.. it really is about the inside and not the outside.

I have a lot of beautiful friends that are so confident and easy to be around, including myself... I just wish people could see further than the skin.

I have stories to tell about those who snub those whom are "physically advantaged".. lol. It's as difficult to be accepted as a beautiful woman than it is to be accepted as an unattractive one. The comparables are equivalent. It's all just too ridiculous!

I think it may be a throw back to our cave man days where your overall health and perhaps even intelligence was determined by how you look. Shiny hair, clear eyes, good teeth, not too thin, not too fat, etc. That instinct has been warped by our own insecurities and vanity. I once had a "friend" in college that actually said to my face that she liked to go to parties with me because I made her look skinnier.

Funnily enough, I think barriers like that start disappearing with age.

Really.

I think people are less concerned about looks and money as you get older--because by the time you're 40, NO ONE looks like they did at 15. Money--well, depending on attitude and interests, people of all incomes can certainly be great friends. ESPECIALLY now that we're becoming more and more electronic in some of our friendships. For all I know, some of the people on this site are millionaires.

In any case, I'm friends with people that have the same interests as I do, not people the same size as me or in the same income bracket.

I think aging is a saving grace really for some women whom have had a difficult time negotiating friendships in their life time. At least for me.

I had never really be comfortable HAVING to participate w/ women whom gravitate toward me due to my looks. A lot of attractive women like to befriend other's of their sameness. For me I've always been attracted to females that are intelligent or humorous and have many commonalities.

The school that I volunteer at is very segregational. It's bizarre, really. They oddly discount you if you don't drive a certain class of car or wear a large enough diamond on your left hand, (for those that are single, you're "stones" must have some monetary significance), aside from your attractiveness, however if you're a "stone fox" that transcends it ALL... (lol!! )

Maybe it's just this crazy little town I live in... but imagine how silly this all is! And imagine this EXISTS, (I'm living this:eek:!! ).

Believe me SweetDee, it is not exclusive to where you live at all! I sorrily understood everything you said!

The one with the most toys wins right?! It doesn't seem to matter if you have brains, and you are a great person with humility. If you look good and have good "stuff" that is what the shallow people gravitate towards. The girls as well as the guys.

I was always told by men, that because I was pretty and had a nice body, that I was unaproachable, until they found out that I was just as nervous as they were in the awkward situations. I found I got more attention with my sense of humour, and the fact that I didn't judge people on their looks.

I'm so glad to hear someone say something similar to what I have/am going through. I had a couple of friends in college that were very beautiful and did very well using humor. I wasn't so good with humor back then, but now I'm pretty awesome, (age is a lovely gift... it sometimes comes with maturity and the confidence to use my God given humor.. lol!). I struggle still w/ people gravitating toward me for the wrong reason... and then I befriend them.. and then I end up regretting it. My closest friend always tells me to stick to my old group and not bother w/ anyone one else. So far she's right. I don't want her to be right, though.

It does make me feel better to know that it's not JUST my retarded town! LMAO...

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

Why are we all so obsessed w/ the way OTHER people look? If she's obese, can you be friends w/ her anyway and just get to know her FOR HER? If she's a stone fox can you go beyond her surface and get to know HER for her? Why is so difficult to be friends w/ people who are a little different?

Do all over weight people have to be ONLY friends w/ one another? Do all hotties have to? Can they not intermingle?

I'm suggesting that a hottie be best friends w/ a big girl, (:eek:). I am also suggesting that people imagine that beyond the surface there lives a personality that has feelings and emotions, opinions, intelligence, plus plus...

Why do we judge people by their exterior? I know it's insecurity... but why can't we all take the opportunity to get to know one another with out the fear and insecurity.

For that matter, while we're at it: Can the working class have friends who are wealthy and living in manshions, driving Bentley's? And visa verse?

I'm curious how you all might answer...

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Always dress for the job or occasion. You can always reinvent yourself.

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Originally Posted by drewthompson

Always dress for the job or occasion. You can always reinvent yourself.

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I don't understand what any of that had to do with the way you dress. :rolleyes:

:rolleyes: :p lollllllllll, me neither

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

:rolleyes: :p lollllllllll, me neither

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Well I thought I might get some hot pants on today, and off to the supermarket I go! Oops... forgot to shave my legs! Do I have to shave my legs for this? :eek: :p

Lol!!

I don't think their called "hot pants" anymore. LMAO! It's called "short shorts", no?

starbuck8, you make me LAUGH...

Xoxoxoxo

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

I don't think their called "hot pants" anymore. LMAO! It's called "short shorts", no?

starbuck8, you make me LAUGH...

xoxoxoxo

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Well I decided I wouldn't shave my legs for that, went the supermarket, and no guys even noticed my unshaven legs when I was squeezing the big ripe tomatoes, and checking them for firmness! LOL! ;) :p

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
SweetDee agrees: I'm in a retarded town in Montreal, Quebec. Doesn't get any worse, TRUST ME...[/QUOTE]



I have posted this before and will probably post this again - this whole "retarded" business, the flippant use of the word, is disrespectful and disheartening to anyone with a special needs person in the family.

Please don't use it.

[QUOTE=Comments on this post - starbuck8 agrees: You're right Judy. I certainly didn't mean that to be offensive when I replied. I could have chosen a better word to describe what I meant. No offense was intended..[/QUOTE]



Thanks for the apology but you're not the one who posted it and I know you well enough to know you aren't going to use it in the future (I've never seen you use the word, in fact) so it's not even an apology in advance! :)

But I appreciate your comment.

Starbuck, I'll be leaving my house to go food shopping and I have no intention of shaving eitherrrrr!! You gave me "the power"!! And the confidence!

POWER TO THE UNSHAVEN LEG!

:( My luck everyone will noticeee... LMAO! Xo

I would like to proclaim the week starting Sept 8th world wide unshaven legs week! Do I hear a second motion ladies? :p

Gee thanks.

I shaved mine last night.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Gee thanks.

I shaved mine last night.

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Well you live in a different country than me, so let me see! Time difference... uhmmm... 12 minus 4... carry the 2... divide by 8... okay... I think you're good to go. Your week will start on Friday! :p

Psssst...


I don't shave my legs until they itch. Period. I just don't care enough, and wear pants most of the time anyway.

Why bother? LOL!

YouTube - Did I Shave My Legs For This - Deana Carter - Subtitled

In the uk it's not cool to be hanging out with a person who doesn't wear the latest gear or have an up to date haircut or drive the hottests car etc...

It seems to be who your seen with, if your out on the town and you're a cool dude but your mate is overweight and a bit of an anorack, it means should you pull a couple of girls, then they won't hang around for long because one of them has to have the anorack, consequently you don't pull that night, if your both cool then the girls each have a dude they want to be with... sad but true.

As we get older it doesn't matter so much, it's more about personality.

My stepkids are all in the UK now. My boy is the worst for needing everything that is the latest rage. Even my little (step) Grandbabe, knows the latest gear! He just turned 3 for crying out loud! I sent over an outfit, and he told mommy it didn't have the right tag! It's crazy! But if the kids don't wear the designer crap, they are teased and bullied. Actually makes me angry!

My God... my mom used to send us to school when it was raining, (and she had forgotten to buy raincoats) in Glad garbage bags over our clothes. She didn't drive us there either! Our friends still liked us, and actually learned that in a pinch, you could wear a garbage bag with a hole cut out for your head, to keep you dry! LOL! I'm not even all that old you guys... but that's how much it's changed. Maybe someone working for GLAD, should start making designer labels for their bags, and sell them in boxes of 40, like they do! LOL!

People can get ugly really quick, if they don't have the personality to match their looks.

You know how MY parents handled the "is it cool enough" thing?

Once we turned 12, and could get a paper route, or babysit--earn our own money--they bought us our gym clothes, 1 pair of jeans, one pair of dress pants, a sweater, a set of pajamas, our underwear and socks, and 2 t-shirts.

Everything else, we had to buy ourselves.

Once I had to choose between "cool" and "affordable"---I made my OWN cool.

Style and fashion are two different things, and too many kids fall for marketing of fashion rather than making their own style.

What I used to do with my stepkids, and neice/nephew, is go to thrift shops, buy something... whatever it was, with a designer label. I would sew the label into their clothes that I bought, and use a little creativity, and make the clothes unique, and different. I would even do it with their shoes! I used paint, and other things, and made cool designs. All of their friends asked what store they bought them at, so they could get some. They told them what I said to say. My Mom/Auntie, bought them some expensive store the last time she was on a trip! LOL! It was a trip all right... a trip to Walmart, or the nearest thrift shop!

Wow starbuck8 that's really creative!!

... and a helluva lot cheaper! Instead of buying those expensive little juice boxes they take to school, I bought a bunch of cheapie plastic containers at the dollar store, and then rocked them out too! LOL! I did a lot of things like that. I'm not a cheap person, but I just hate paying the big companies for their labels... and the kids sure got better B'day and C'mas presents with the money I would have spent on something they would have grown out of, or chucked in the garbage in 30 seconds.

(Call me Starby... everyone else does ;) )

I'm with you Starby, I can't see paying more simply because someone's name is on it and I also do not like my kids being used as billboards for some designer.

Once upon a time paying more for a garment meant you were getting quality. Now it just proves how silly some people are.

My daughter just turned 7 and I am doing my best to develop a positive body image. That fit, not size is important and just because somebody says you must have this "fill in the blank" doesn't mean you have to be a lemming and do what everyone else does.

I love my neighborhood thrift store (just next door to work) and I am the clearance rack queen. I never stop at the front of the store and buy next summer's clothes now.

I'm not cheap - I'm financially aware.

Emland, the kids used to come over to the house and beg me to rock out their clothes! Even the ones that had the designer crap! I may not have a lot of book smarts, but give me a crafty thing anyday, and I'll have a blast! I've always bought my clothes, shoes and purses etc at Thrift stores, yard and garage sales (there's a lot of good stuff there!) or Walmart, K-Mart, Winners, and just like that show "pimp my ride"... well I pimped my clothes... LOL!

I was constantly asked where I got them, and got compliments all of the time. Do you think I ever told anyone that I got my jacket for a buck fifty at a yard sale?. I think not! LOL! ;)

Just popping back to the original question here... ;)

I'd be lying if I said I didn't judge people on how they look, sure I do! I'm with Emland, I think it harks back to natural selection, where your best bet of passing on your DNA and having it survive would be by picking the healthiest mate.

The snag with the rich mingling with the poor is that it makes both sides feel bad. The rich feel bad for having the money, the poor feel bad for not having it! If they don't feel bad, then they probably won't end up being friends anyway! Ha ha! :p

Back in the day, I used to babysit for a very well to do woman. She still liked to hit garage sales and would bring home stuff that people had put out to trash and transform it into garden art, etc.

She only went to garage sales in neighborhoods she considered more upscale that her own. She told me to never go to yard sales in my own neighborhood - you would only find the same stuff you have at home.

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Originally Posted by iAMfromHuntersBar

Just popping back to the original question here ... ;)

I'd be lying if I said I didn't judge people on how they look, sure I do! I'm with Emland, I think it harks back to natural selection, where your best bet of passing on your DNA and having it survive would be by picking the healthiest mate.

The snag with the rich mingling with the poor is that it makes both sides feel bad. The rich feel bad for having the money, the poor feel bad for not having it! If they don't feel bad, then they probably won't end up being friends anyway! Ha ha! :p

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Hmmm... I'm not too sure about that one now that I think of it in that context. I grew up around money. We always had pretty much whatever we wanted, although we did have to work for what we got, and definitely our allowance when we were young. My family still lives the "charmed" life, but I've always treated, and judged people by the way they treat other people, and not what they have in their bank account. I don't feel bad for them, because I know how to put myself in their shoes. It all comes down to character and morals, in my opinion.

I can see where you're coming from Starby. I was looking at it this way though; most of my friends earn roughly the same amount of money as I do, this means when we want to get together, we can organise something we know we can all afford.

Now if I earned a considerable amount more than they did, I'd be worried that if I suggested something, it would either be too expensive for them to do, or that it would seem I was being cheap. This would obviously affect our relationship.

Conversly, if they earned a lot more than me, aside from the jealousy I'd feel, I'd worry again that anything my friends decided to do would be either too expensive for me, or aimed 'down' at my price range.

I guess this is where the social 'class' system came from. Being around people on your level! :D

That's very true Hunter! It really does become a bit of a problem at that point. I would feel like if I invited my friends somewhere that is not within their price range, I would almost feel obligated to make it my job to make it less expensive for them, one way or another. Keeping in mind, I don't have an awful lot of money myself, but people think I do, because of my family. Haha! I know both sides of the fence! ;)

My parents are snowbirds in Florida, and they expect that I can just jump a plane at the drop of a hat, and I can just jet off down there!

Ah, you're one of the lucky few then!

It's like when I hear lottery winners say "It's not going to change me!", whilst they clutch their cheque for umpteen million pounds!

Yeah, it wouldn't change me either... honest! :rolleyes:

Well, we all want our "toys" and "stuff". I can't say for sure what I would do if I won a lot of money in a lottery. I would love to say I would donate a lot to 'causes', but would I really? Guess you can't say for sure until you've got that cheque in your clenched fists! ;)

A Ferrari is sounding really nice! LOL

There's a Flaming Lips song that alludes to the same thing, with the lyrics;

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It's a very dangerous thing to do exactly what you want,
Because you cannot know yourself or what you'd really do,
With all your power.

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Which I think is very true. As much as people like to think they're kind hearted, when you're actually in that situation, I think most people would look after themselves first!

And hell yeah I'd have a Ferrari too! Woop!

I come from a well to do family too and everyone thinks that because of that we have money in the bank, which we do not... Appearances are tricky too, it almost gives people the same illusion and confirms it.

I'm the kind of person that saves and saves for things that are very beautiful and once I have enough money I make the purchase. I use upscale home magazines to help me w/ my decorating choices. They're my "bible" for keeping me on task. I find a mag. That has a few pics of the look I am trying to achieve and then I copy it, (I don't have any natural talent for decorating.. ). I live in a house that looks like it came straight out of Architectural Digest, thanks to my knack for copying... lol!

I would rather have an empty room than fill it w/ things that are not "the look" I'm going for. A lot of times I have found my nick-knacks at a second hand store or garage sale as well. I'm very specific on the look for this house and it's "antique/elegant/rustic/cozy". I have pulled off the look amazingly.

We want to down size now... and look for a smaller home. To me that means that it's a new project to undertake. It's going to be a blast deciding what style to label the next home! (I wonder which magazines will become my guidelines.. )

Oh yes, also I wanted to add.. when my daughter was in elementary she only wore clothes from second hand stores. They WERE already labels, it's that they were already used. All she wanted was the "look"... and at that age it was easy. Now that she's 16 it really IS about labels and it's impossible to trick her in any way...