Once again my mama caught my stepdad looking at another woman's behind (this time I saw him looking at the woman as well). My mama let it go for about a week and then Sunday she just exploded. She told him that he wasn't working and needed to get a job and his own money if he was going to look at other women. She's had this discussion with him before but this time she pulled out two knives and threatened to STAB yes I said it STAB him. She went so far as to hold the knife to his neck. I tried to stop her telling her she would go to prison if she murdered him and she screamed at me to move and implied she would stab me as well. I went to my room and locked the doors. After she left the house (in a rage I'm sure) I made sure to hide all the knives(including the ones she had in her room). This isn't the first time she's gone nuts like this once she even went nuts on me. She choked me when I was 17 because I was venting to my best friend(who else does an only child vent to?) because my mama ruined Disney world because she spent the WHOLE week yelling at my stepdad because he was taping one of the street performers. She felt he was taping one particular one too long so she let him have it. Well she overheard (bc she listened in and still listens in on my conversations) us talking about it and she went crazy and started to choke me I had to hit her to get her off me.

Today we went off to go shopping and after we left the grocery store she brought up my stepdad looking at that woman again. She started yelling and screaming and then got quiet and started to play a sermon on the radio. The preacher started to talk about its sinful for women to wear thongs(he also says oral and anal sex is a sin even if you are married) and she looked at me knowing I wear thongs and I told her I don't agree with the preacher because who care what underwear u have on if no one is going to see it. She got mad and started yelling at me accusing me of being on my stepdads side.
I try to stay out of her arguments with him but she keeps pulling me in asking me "twinkle didnt you see your stepdad looking at that woman in the store" or "twinkle what do you think" if I say I want to stay out of it she says I'm on his side and against her. She thinks either you are for her or against her. She's super paranoid as well. She swears that my stepdad is casting curses on her and putting things in her colas. She even implied at one point that I her own daughter was involved.

I think she's finally gone completely over the edge. I can not move because I have not found a job. I also live in a rural area in the south and I have no car my mom won't allow me to drive hers and she will only take me to look for a job when she feels like it. All my friends are 2 or 3 hours away (the one that's the closest has no car either). Just yesterday my mom refused to take me job hunting because she was "too upset with my stepdad to drive" so here's my question : Aside from running away to become a stripper/pornstar... how do I deal with living in such a toxic house hold?
Oh yeah one more thing when I went to the doctor when all this first started he said my blood pressure was high for someone my age and he said that because I was not over weight(I weigh 103 at 5'1 lol) it was stress I told my mama this you think she tried to make home less stressful NO she just says "well blame your stepdad its his fault":(

Sounds like your mom is a little too tied up in what your stepdad is doing to notice that she is not only ruining what's left of her life; but her toxic behavior is taking down the very family she claims to love... your stepdad and you...

I'm not sure how old you are right now... but the best advice I can think to give you is if you are of legal age to just get the hell out of there..

Maybe you could talk to the parents of your friends and convince them to let you stay there on the conditions that you get a job and stay out of trouble...

Your main question I think was how to live in a toxic household... it's a very tricky situation.. your mom does sound paranoid, even further that she may be losing her grip on reality and driving herself insane to the point of questioning whether you & stepdad are trying to kill her... about the best thing you can do at this point is just to stay out of the line of fire. Do what she tells you, keep your head low, and bide your time until you can figure out how to get the hell out of there...

If she gets dangerous, don't be scared to call the police... get help however you can. Are there possibly any family members that could offer you a place to stay a little closer to town? You might even try checking with a local church to see what resources they could offer you and your family (counseling for mom is not a bad idea)..

Whatever route you take, good luck... and remember, Mom obviously has her own issues here--they're not your fault, or a reflection of you--and once you get away from her, you'll find out there's life beyond the crazy...

Quote : Are there possibly any family members that could offer you a place to stay a little closer to town?

As you can guess we come from a very dysfunctional family(check out my other posting about my crazy family lol)... my grandma has manipulated her children so that no one in out whole family (cousins aunts uncles) talk to each other much of at all. Christmas was so bad that no one gets together for the holiday anymore (we spent last xmas in fla).. My dad is a dead beat (never paid child support nor came to see me when I was little) who doesn't work or even own a place of his own.Like I said I'm an only child so I have no siblings to live with. I have no car and my mama won't let me drive hers (even to the grocery store).I don't even know how to drive on the interstate because she refuses to teach me how.

Im trying to get a job and get out of here but its kind of hard when you have no car and live 20 mn from town and mama doesn't "feel" like taking me job hunting because she's too busy yelling and throwing knives at my stepdad. Do you know she spent the day of my college graduation yelling and screaming at my stepdad because he sat in front of my aunt. She accused him of flirting with her for the who darn night. She ordered me and icecream cake them wouldn't pick it up because she was "too mad" to drive to dairy wueen (notice a pattern here)... Im kind of stuck but thankfully there is an online job fair on the 20th so I don't need a car to email my resume to the online job fair wish me luck.

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Originally Posted by TwinkletOes26

quote : Are there possibly any family members that could offer you a place to stay a little closer to town?

As you can guess we come from a very dysfunctional family(check out my other posting about my crazy family lol)... my grandma has manipulated her children so that no one in out whole family (cousins aunts uncles) talk to each other much of at all. Christmas was so bad that no one gets together for the holiday anymore (we spent last xmas in fla)..My dad is a dead beat (never paid child support nor came to see me when i was little) who doesnt work or even own a place of his own.Like i said im an only child so i have no siblings to live with. I have no car and my mama wont let me drive hers (even to the grocery store).I dont even know how to drive on the interstate bc she refuses to teach me how.

Im trying to get a job and get outta here but its kinda hard when you have no car and live 20 mn from town and mama doesnt "feel" like taking me job hunting bc shes too busy yelling and throwing knives at my stepdad. Do you know she spent the day of my college graduation yelling and screaming at my stepdad bc he sat in front of my aunt. She accused him of flirting with her for the who darn night. She ordered me and icecream cake them wouldnt pick it up bc she was "too mad" to drive to dairy wueen (notice a pattern here)...Im kinda stuck but thankfully there is an online job fair on the 20th so i dont need a car to email my resume to the online job fair wish me luck.

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You graduated from College with a degree in Psychology so you must have gone to a fairly large College - can't you move back to where that was?

I would assume you lived on campus if you don't/didn't have a car and can't drive on the Thruway/Freeway.

You posted you have a boyfriend - he's not willing to drive you anywhere or help you get out of your house?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You graduated from College with a degree in Psychology so you must have gone to a fairly large College - can't you move back to where that was?

I would assume you lived on campus if you don't/didn't have a car and can't drive on the Thruway/Freeway.

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I can't move back there because I have do not have a job(trust me I looked all while I was there and businesses there have a prejudice against the college students I think because of things haven't worked out with them in the past so when they figure out you are a college student they won't hire you even if they are in need of help there) nor a car. My mom refuses to let me use hers to even look for a job saying that "she doesnt trust me with her car" why I don't know I've been a model daughter always obeying her even when she was being ridiculous (ie being 26 and not being allowed to hang out with certan friends of mine because they were white and came from a poorer family no joke). She won't even take me to look for a job because she doesn't feel like it or she's "too angry "

I lived on campus and had to ride the school shuttle to class and beg friends and roommates when I wanted to go to the grocery store(id be with no food and couldn't buy any because no one was going to the store)

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Originally Posted by TwinkletOes26

I can't move back there because I have do not have a job(trust me i looked all while i was there and businesses there have a prejudice against the college students i think bc of things havent worked out with them in the past so when they figure out you are a college student they wont hire you even if they are in need of help there) nor a car. My mom refuses to let me use hers to even look for a job saying that "she doesnt trust me with her car" why i dont know ive been a model daughter always obeying her even when she was being ridiculous (ie being 26 and not being allowed to hang out with certan friends of mine bc they were white and came from a poorer family no joke). She wont even take me to look for a job because she doesnt feel like it or shes "too angry "

I lived on campus and had to ride the school shuttle to class and beg friends and roommates when i wanted to go to the grocery store(id be with no food and couldnt buy any bc no one was going to the store)

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Sounds like a bad situation all the way around but you're no longer a student, you're a graduate. Obviously your school didn't have a cafeteria - ? And my suggestion that the boyfriend take some active part in this still stands.

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You posted you have a boyfriend - he's not willing to drive you anywhere or help you get out of your house?

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Hes only allowed to come over once a week(my moms rules) and that's usually on saturdays (when he doesn't have classes or work) Id move in with him but he lives with his parents because he's in school and cannot afford to move out(he works part time, yes I've asked him is at where he works if they are hiring and his boss told him because I've graduated college I'm over qualified whatever that means)

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Obviously your school didn't have a cafeteria ?

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They did but you could only get hired if your parents made enough money for you to qualify and when your parents make 75 thousand a year (together) you def don't qualify you had to come from a dirt poor family to be able to work in the cafeteria (I asked even told the manager about my situation and he still said I just didn't qualify)

How do you deal?

How I would deal? I would move out. You said you had friends but lived 2-3 hours away? What is so wrong with moving with them?

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Originally Posted by TwinkletOes26

They did but you could only get hired if your parents made enough money for you to qualify and when your parents make 75 thousand a year (together) you def dont qualify you had to come from a dirt poor family to be able to work in the cafeteria (i asked even told the manager about my situation and he still said i just didnt qualify)

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I didn't mean to work there - I meant to eat there when you had no food.

Beautifulbrunette (love the name by the way :) ) They live 2 hours away because they are still in college or they live with their parents (whom of which many I've never really met) and I highly doubt they would let a complete stranger (im their kid's friend not thiers) live with them even if the intent is to get a job and move out. The closet friend I have is not allowed on the property because she has a tatto on her foot of a star and I can't runaway and live with her because her daddy told her that no (racial slur inserted here) would live with him as long as he lives. She's got it as bad as me.

Judy I lived in the college apts (once you are no longer a freshman they throw you out of the dorms) and as a result we were required to buy a meal plan which for a whole year was 3,000(no joke) dollars out of pocket my mom said it was cheaper to just get groceries at the store which I did (whenever someone was going to the store). I got by I didn't starve(obviously) but some nights id be eating mothing but mac and cheese because that's all I would have to eat and my rmmates would be too busy with their studies or softball games to go to the store not that I hold it against them I never expected anyone to go out of their way for me. I thought once I graduated I could find a job and get a car and move far away but again when your mama doesn't "feel" like taking you job hunting and your boyfriend is working and has classes what can I do? Thank goodness for that online job fair :)

I know how hard it can be to find a job being out in a rural area... and how hard it can be getting to that job when resources are limited... but there must be so way around your difficulties...

Maybe you can try calling your local staffing agencies and explaining your situation... maybe there's a factory job near you that others shuttle to.. and you could carpool with them.. usually in rural areas there tends to be more factory jobs available with a large portion of the local population employed there...

Also, try calling your closest transit system... buses/trolleys/taxi cab services and asking if their usual routes include anywhere near your home or what their fees would be if you were to get a ride to (pick place of employment) and back home again...

Do what you have to do to get started because it's important that you get yourself away from the drama, and feel what a real, unrestricted life is like...

How old are you?

If you are 18, then running away would be considered leaving.

I suggest finding a good paying job, save some money and get your own place. Find some roomates to help with the living expenses.

My suggestion is to call a domestic hotline, let them help you. They will come and get you or send the police to get you. 1- 800-799-7233 Please give them a call. If you don't have connection to the one that picks up the phone today, call tomorrow. What you are going through is dangerous. It may mean a move to a bigger city , but at least there would be hope for you there.
I know what it is to be stuck in the south and dependent on others because there is no form of transportation and getting a job there has got to do a lot with who you know.

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Maybe you can try calling your local staffing agencies and explaining your situation... maybe there's a factory job near you that others shuttle to.. and you could carpool with them.. usually in rural areas there tends to be more factory jobs available with a large portion of the local population employed there...

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I explained the situation to the dept of labor(thast 30 min from my house) and they told me that they could not help me without transportation:( . There was one factory in my town and it shut down 2 yrs ago the nearest factory is in the next town over (30 min from my house)

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Also, try calling your closest transit system... buses/trolleys/taxi cab services and asking if their usual routes include anywhere near your home or what their fees would be if you were to get a ride to (pick place of employment) and back home again...

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I live in a small rural town way out in the boonies the closet transit system is 30 min away and they don't come ianywhere near my house because its too far away they say...

If I had a car I could try to get a job much quicker so I can move but I don't and like I said my mom doesn't "feel" like taking me job hunting and refuses to let me use her car. She also won't teach me drive on the interstate because she had to learn to drive on the interstate on her own (that was in the 70s and traffic is much more heavier now) hope I don't die when I try to teach myself whenever I get a car.

Its like my mom doesn't want me to get a job she's not helping me out one bit she's too wrapped up in controlling everyone. She even tries to control the kind of undies I wear claiming thongs are sinful... can I come live with one of you guys lol

Its like my mom doesn't want me to get a job she's not helping me out one bit she's too wrapped up in controlling everyone. She even tries to control the kind of undies I wear claiming thongs are sinful... can I come live with one of you guys lol


Twink that is abuse... it is how abusers work, their greatest fear is being alone and not having someone else to control. Then they will have to take a look at themselves.
Please call the number I gave you.

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Originally Posted by bushg

My suggestion is to call a domestic hotline, let them help you. They will come and get you or send the police to get you. 1- 800-799-7233 Please give them a call. If you don't have connection to the one that picks up the phone today, call tomorrow. What you are going thru is dangerous. It may mean a move to a bigger city , but at least there would be hope for you there.
I know what it is to be stuck in the south and dependent on others because there is no form of transportation and getting a job there has got to do alot with who you know.

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Thank you bushg I have written the number down for the next time (and I'm sure there will be) when she decides to go off again and tries to stab somebody... if only I had this number when she tried to choke me when I was 17 I still have nightmares about that.

Twink... there doesn't have to be a next... the next time may be the last time. These people understand that and will help you, so that the next time doesn't ever have to happen.

I think in addition to getting people involved so the abuse and dangerous behavior that is happening with your Mom stops. You need to take an active role in moving forward. For life her problem will be yours if you let it. You need to ask yourself some questions and find some answers. I have one question in regards to the job search. If getting to the interview is next to impossible how do you plan to get to the job. I think it's time to move as has been stated here previously. I know it's hard to do with no money, but is it realistic to get a job and be able to show up daily?

Your mom sounds like a paranoid control freak that is using religion as a cover up to her own illness. No wonder religion gets a bad reputation. Your mom and step dad do not sound compatible for each other in any way, shape or form. Does he ever consider leaving? Sounds like you two need to work together on a plan to get out of her path.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Your mom sounds like a paranoid control freak that is using religion as a cover up to her own illness. No wonder religion gets a bad reputation. Your mom and step dad do not sound compatible for each other in any way, shape or form. Does he ever consider leaving? Sounds like you two need to work together on a plan to get out of her path.

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We are all going on a family vacation (im being made to go because apparently they don't like me being home alone afraid ill throw a party even though I have NEVER and would Never do that) and when I asked her could I bring my friend who said she would pay for herself completely my mom said no because "she doesnt allow other women around her husband" now what would my very attractive 23 yr old friend want with my old boring unemployed lazy rude stepdad?

Today we were in target and she accused him of looking down my shirt(im the last person to take up 4 my step dad but he wasn't I would have noticed if he was and he really wasnt) and then got mad at me suggesting I wore the halter top (it was 95 degrees today) to "seduce" him into looking at my boobs:eek: . First off ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww my stepdad is a 58 yr old man. Second of all why would I want to purposelyentice my moms husband that would be trashy and make us prime canidates for jerry springer.

You are right she is VERY religious. Do you know that she once told me when I was 12 that having a birthday party was "sinful" SHE has threatened to divorce him before and he begged her to stay and work things out.

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I have one question in regards to the job search. If getting to the interview is next to impossible how do you plan to get to the job. I think it's time to move as has been stated here previously. I know it's hard to do with no money, but is it realistic to get a job and be able to show up daily?

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There is an online job fair so I plan on posting my resume. Wish me luck

There is an online job fair so I plan on posting my resume. Wish me luck[/QUOTE]

I wish you luck in your very dreadful situation and with your job search. I really do want to know how you are going to get to work everyday?

I finally found a cab company that would come to my house(they just opened yahhh) I just need to find a job.

I am now not allowed to wear tank tops or haltertops if my stepdad is around(which is every darn day) because HE may get tempted. ARRRRG why is my mama such a psycho.