I feel bad because I suggested that you send her a real paper birthday card and note.
I'm not going to call this stalking, because you aren't stalking, but YOU are the one who started extreme by saying you are miserable and miss her terribly. Those two words are words a teacher should be very wary of. She is doing the right thing by ignoring you, so that you can move on. She is teaching you something, no matter how much she cares, and that is that when someone doesn't respond after one or two tries, you MUST let go.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joypulv

I feel bad because I suggested that you send her a real paper birthday card and note.
I'm not going to call this stalking, because you aren't stalking, but YOU are the one who started out extreme by saying you are miserable and miss her terribly. Those two words are words a teacher should be very wary of. She is doing the right thing by ignoring you, so that you can move on. She is teaching you something, no matter how much she cares, and that is that when someone doesn't respond after one or two tries, you MUST let go.

---

She's also teaching the OP boundaries, that there are people that cannot be available to you for the attention you seek. It would be very inappropriate for this teacher to have a friendship with a former student, no matter how innocent that friendship is.

The fact that the OP doesn't understand the risk she's putting this teacher in, is why I call it obsession, and stalking. Stalking is rarely about love, it's about wanting what you can't have, not taking no for an answer. That's what the OP is doing. The teacher hasn't responded, but the OP can't let it go. This is likely going to end up in front of a judge if the OP doesn't realize what she's doing, and stops her behavior.

Every post this OP makes is about this teacher. That's obsession. Everything the OP says is about making contact with the teacher. That's stalking.

This OP needs to wake up and realize what she's doing before it's no longer in her hands.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joypulv

I feel bad because I suggested that you send her a real paper birthday card and note.
I'm not going to call this stalking, because you aren't stalking, but YOU are the one who started out extreme by saying you are miserable and miss her terribly. Those two words are words a teacher should be very wary of. She is doing the right thing by ignoring you, so that you can move on. She is teaching you something, no matter how much she cares, and that is that when someone doesn't respond after one or two tries, you MUST let go.

---

Oops. Didn't know those words were a big deal. Her birthday is during the summer so I'm sending a text.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alty

I'm not surprised that you're denying your obsession. That's all we've heard about from you on this site, this teacher, and your "love" for her. That's obsession.

Until you admit that you can't let her go, you won't get any help from anyone. Until you admit that you have a problem, you'll be stuck doing the same thing you're doing now.

Do your parents know about any of this?

---

The only thing I can admit is that
I care about her and she means a lot, that's all. Nothing more, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything else because now you think I'm obsessed :/

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alty

OP

---

What does OP mean

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jordonj

The only thing I can admit is that
I care about her and she means a lot, that's all. Nothing more, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything else because now you think I'm obsessed :/

---

Because she is an EX-teacher and you feel this overpowering NEED to text her etc... etc.

The fact you keep trying to rationalize it in some way proves this.

About the only excuse anyone would have to keep in contact with an EX teacher is if you were neighbors... literally... or lived on the same block.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jordonj

The only thing I can admit is that
I care about her and she means a lot, that's all. Nothing more, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything else because now you think I'm obsessed :/

---

I thought you were obsessed from your very first question about this teacher. Nothing you've said recently made me come to this conclusion, I've always felt this way about your "relationship" with this teacher.

Let me try to break it down for you a bit. I'm 42, I'm married, and I have two kids. I love my husband with all my heart, he's my soul mate. I'm not a hermit, so I do go out, I work, and in the course of my day I meet other people, some of them are men. Some of those men are attractive, they flirt, and I'm flattered. I don't make a move because I'm married, which makes other men off limits romantically. I know this, accept this, and live my life accordingly, no matter what.

If one of those men pursued me, I'd tell him what I just told you "I'm married, I have two kids, and I love my husband with all my heart. He's my soul mate". Most of them back off. I've had, on a few occasions, men that wouldn't back off, pursued me even after I made it clear that I wasn't interested. They're obsessed, and they stalked me.

Here's your situation. You're a child, you had a teacher that you really liked. I'm sure that teacher is great. She's young, probably pretty new to teaching, and she made a mistake, she gave you her personal phone number. She probably thought it was all innocent. Then you started texting her, wanting to meet with her, and she realized you wanted something more from her. Well, as a teacher, any relationship with a student or former student, outside of school, could end her career. She did the smart thing and went NC (no contact).

Here's the problem. You can't leave it at that. You're obsessed with her contacting you, meeting up with you. You can't let it go and move on. You post online about your obsession, you post about telling her how you feel, what you should do to make contact. You're obsessed.

A sane person would realize that she doesn't want contact, and they'd walk away. You won't walk away from this. That's obsession. You continue to try to find ways to make contact, that's stalking.

Her next step in dealing with you is to get a restraining order. That's the only way she can get rid of you, and show the school board that she didn't instigate this obsession. That's the road you're headed down.

A sane person would read my post and realize that I'm right. Somehow, I doubt you'll see the point I'm making, which is why I think you need to tell your parents, and they need to take this seriously enough to get you the help you need.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jordonj

What does OP mean

---

OP means original poster, the poster of a question. In this case the OP is you, since you started this thread/question.

Well said Alty.
OP, you have a very strange way of buzzing right over the words we are writing.
I gave you a very emphatic set of reasons for NEVER TEXTING HER AGAIN and yet here you are, saying you are going to text her Happy Birthday 'because it's summer.' HUH? You just don't get it. Every rationalization you make is seriously lacking in maturity and understanding. You won't stop thinking about contacting her because you 'just want to know' how she feels, etc. We are telling you how she feels, and we don't have to talk to her - we know from lifetimes of experience.
Your way of thinking is indeed that of an obsessed person.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alty

I thought you were obsessed from your very first question about this teacher. Nothing you've said recently made me come to this conclusion, I've always felt this way about your "relationship" with this teacher.

Let me try to break it down for you a bit. I'm 42, I'm married, and I have two kids. I love my husband with all my heart, he's my soul mate. I'm not a hermit, so I do go out, I work, and in the course of my day I meet other people, some of them are men. Some of those men are attractive, they flirt, and I'm flattered. I don't make a move because I'm married, which makes other men off limits romantically. I know this, accept this, and live my life accordingly, no matter what.

If one of those men pursued me, I'd tell him what I just told you "I'm married, I have two kids, and I love my husband with all my heart. He's my soul mate". Most of them back off. I've had, on a few occasions, men that wouldn't back off, pursued me even after I made it clear that I wasn't interested. They're obsessed, and they stalked me.

Here's your situation. You're a child, you had a teacher that you really liked. I'm sure that teacher is great. She's young, probably pretty new to teaching, and she made a mistake, she gave you her personal phone number. She probably thought it was all innocent. Then you started texting her, wanting to meet with her, and she realized you wanted something more from her. Well, as a teacher, any relationship with a student or former student, outside of school, could end her career. She did the smart thing and went NC (no contact).

Here's the problem. You can't leave it at that. You're obsessed with her contacting you, meeting up with you. You can't let it go and move on. You post online about your obsession, you post about telling her how you feel, what you should do to make contact. You're obsessed.

A sane person would realize that she doesn't want contact, and they'd walk away. You won't walk away from this. That's obsession. You continue to try to find ways to make contact, that's stalking.

Her next step in dealing with you is to get a restraining order. That's the only way she can get rid of you, and show the school board that she didn't instigate this obsession. That's the road you're headed down.

A sane person would read my post and realize that I'm right. Somehow, I doubt you'll see the point I'm making, which is why I think you need to tell your parents, and they need to take this seriously enough to get you the help you need.

---

I'm sure she has a good reason for why she didn't text me back. I'll find that out in about 3 months when I go to see her, I guarantee you its not going to be a big deal to her. I'm out of here, see you!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jordonj

I'm sure she has a good reason for why she didn't text me back. I'll find that out in about 3 months when I go to see her, I guarentee you its not going to be a big deal to her. I'm out of here, see ya!

---

I know she has a good reason for not texting you back, I've already told you those reasons. When you go to see her in 3 months, don't be shocked when the cops are called and you're charged with stalking. I guarantee you that this won't end well if you don't let go of your obsession.

Tell your parents about this. Show them the threads you posted on this site. They need to get you some help, because you're not willing to accept facts. What lengths will you go to to keep her in your life? What will it take to make you stop?

Seriously, tell your parents, get help!

We know because the teacher wouldn't risk her job just to befriend a student that is obsessed with her.

She's stalking because she plans to contact the teacher again. It doesn't matter that she hasn't contacted her in 2 months. It matters that she won't stop contacting her. She has admitted that she wants to send a birthday card, and will go to see the teacher in 3 months time.

No, stalking doesn't mean daily contact, or even weekly or monthly contact. Stalking is when someone contacts someone that has made it clear (either by not contacting the person back, or telling the person they don't want contact) that they don't want further contact. Stalking is about not allowing the person they're obsessed with, to move on, by continuing to try to contact them. Contacting every day isn't stalking, that's harassment, two different things.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alty

when the teacher has made it very clear that she doesn't want a relationship of any sort?

---

Has the teacher explicitly stated this? Jordonj may have the teacher's "school" cell number and the teacher doesn't use it during the summer. Or the teacher may have several cell phones and this one hasn't been charged. Or the teacher may be on vacation or out of the country. We don't know why the teacher hasn't responded.

***ADDED*** The teacher should have taken a required professional ethics class in college and learned about professional boundaries. I'm wondering if she just hasn't realized this student is trying to contact her and could gently disconnect..

I agree that you should leave the teacher alone. You need to understand, first, that there are professional boundaries around a teacher's relationships with students. They can even be fired for maintaining relationships with students outside of school. Many teachers are accused of all kinds of abuse and it's often made up, so they are expected by their schools to not put themselves in a position of becoming friends with current or former students.

This does not mean she doesn't care, but that she cares in a professional capacity, like a doctor caring about the welfare of a patient, or a lawyer caring that their client wins the case. Your teacher wants you to do well because they care about students doing well. Everyone who is in the right work has particular favorite customers, patients, clients or in this case students. It does not mean they want to change the boundaries of the professional relationship. In my work, for a divorce law firm, I hear a lot about very personal aspects if client business. I do come to card on a personal level how things work out for these people. Still, I would not want them to stop and visit me personally or to meet for lunch... there is a professional boundary.

To be honest, you sound like you have a crush on this teacher and have blown your student-teacher relationship out of context. Move on... you had a great teacher, you had a chance to say "thanks". You're done now. Move on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

This does not mean she doesn't care, but that she cares in a professional capacity, like a doctor caring about the welfare of a patient, or a lawyer caring that their client wins the case. Your teacher wants you to do well because they care about students doing well. Everyone who is in the right work has particular favorite customers, patients, clients or in this case students. It does not mean they want to change the boundaries of the professional relationship.

---

You are correct. Often my client families would invite me to birthday parties or Confirmations or school performances or even want me to come over for cake and coffee apart from counseling. As a professional, I had to say no and explain why I couldn't. And clients would say, "After this counseling is finished, I want to be your friend." That also would not ethically have been allowed because of the previous professional relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You are correct. Often my client families would invite me to birthday parties or Confirmations or school performances or even want me to come over for cake and coffee apart from counseling. As a professional, I had to say no and explain why I couldn't. And clients would say, "After this counseling is finished, I want to be your friend." That also would not ethically have been allowed because of the previous professional relationship.

---

I am invited to birthday parties all of the time. I don't give out my cell or my home number. Parents have my email and I do check it over the summer. That's my limit. Young teachers need to be role models, not friends.

I like this a lot - "WG - ***ADDED*** The teacher should have taken a required professional ethics class in college and learned about professional boundaries. I'm wondering if she just hasn't realized this student is trying to contact her and could gently disconnect.."

I think the teacher needs to protect herself and her job. And, yes, this was a required course at one time...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I like this a lot - "WG - ***ADDED*** The teacher should have taken a required professional ethics class in college and learned about professional boundaries. I'm wondering if she just hasn't realized this student is trying to contact her and could gently disconnect.."

I think the teacher needs to protect herself and her job. And, yes, this was a required course at one time ...

---

In the student teaching phase of coursework, ethics is included. Usually the master teacher explains and reviews it again once they start the classroom teaching portions. My student teachers, especially the young ones, wanted to be "friends" with the students. I always nip that in the bud!

And I found when dating an MD - and I'm sure Nurses go through this same thing - patients invite Physicians to various milestone events, including weddings, and one called to "chat." More than a little bit spooky. I was told that the secret was to be unavailable personally.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And I found when dating an MD - and I'm sure Nurses go through this same thing - patients invite Physicians to various milestone events, including weddings, and one called to "chat." More than a little bit spooky. I was told that the secret was to be unavailable personally.

---

That's me. I go to work and then head home. I hope they would get the message when I don't show up at the birthday parties, but I still get the invites. What teacher wants to hang out with classroom parents at a party? It would be called "conference time" :(.

I would, personally, like to know why the OP's parents didn't step in long ago and inform her that her desired "friendship" is a breach of boundaries - people in positions of authority cannot befriend you and perform their jobs ethically and adequately.

She has stated that she's spoken with her parents, a relative who is a teacher, as well as other folks, and none of them informed her that this relationship IS NOT NORMAL? If she's telling the complete truth about that, then no wonder she's having so much trouble distinguishing right from wrong, in this instance. She has no guidance, no one to set limits, and right now I'm faulting her parents.

Having said that, though, I am really wondering if everyone in her life isn't telling her the same thing - that it is wrong - which is why she wound up here, in the first place. When you're delusional & people aren't telling you what you want to hear, just keep at it until you find someone that does. I really wonder.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by briolette

I would, personally, like to know why the OP's parents didn't step in long ago and inform her that her desired "friendship" is a breach of boundaries - people in positions of authority cannot befriend you and perform their jobs ethically and adequately.

She has stated that she's spoken with her parents, a relative who is a teacher, as well as other folks, and none of them informed her that this relationship IS NOT NORMAL? If she's telling the complete truth about that, then no wonder she's having so much trouble distinguishing right from wrong, in this instance. She has no guidance, no one to set limits, and right now I'm faulting her parents.

Having said that, though, I am really wondering if everyone in her life isn't telling her the same thing - that it is wrong - which is why she wound up here, in the first place. When you're delusional & people aren't telling you what you wanna hear, just keep at it until you find someone that does. I really wonder.

---

Excellent post. I only wish I could give you more than one positive rep.

Sadly, this OP (original poster) doesn't want advice, she only wants posts that tell her what she wants to hear. That's the norm for many of the people that post on this site. They don't want actual advice, they want someone to tell them they're right.