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I know you are right Jesushelper. That's why I have decided to give my mum one more chance.
I will try to talk to her like a mture adult, will not raise my voice and tell her what I am prepared to do. She can then sit on it for a bit and see if she is prepared to compromise,
If not then I will tell Kelly I will move in with her and then leave my mum etc to sort themselves out!
Well with a bit of luck she will have had time to think and cool down. The only thing I fear is her not listening and telling me to go away! - I don't have a relationship with my Dad because he rejected me and let me down. It would be hard to lose my Mum as well.
At least I know my Step-dad will always be there for me. He is about the only one not giving me any grief!
Good luck for this evening when u chat to your mum.
I hope all goes well for you xxx
Well my phone signal has been down for the last 3hrs. I have just listen to my voicemails and there was a rather angry message from my mum asking me to call her. - I really don't want to face my mum now at all?
Talk to her and make give you a full explanation why she is so angry!
You can not control somebody else's reaction. It is a good idea to sit down with your mum and talk to her. Also as krs said you will be able to find out why she is so angry. It is better to have it out and figure things out. There is a good way and a bad way to do it. Yelling and screaming will not solve anything. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it is needed but cool heads will prevail.
Joe
Dear DJ. I hope with all my heart that you'll not be so hard on yourself, no matter what choice you make in the long-run.
Your mom should understand that she made a few mistakes in her life and that it's NOT her children's responsibility to fix them. She's the adult in this scenario and should act accordingly.
One should not pressure the children into feeling they should drop everything to ensure the comfort and convenience for something they had no power over in the first place.
She did not ask you permission when she picked your step-father; did not ask your permission to marry him; and certainly cannot blame any one of you because this relationship put her in a situation she is in now.
It's a parent's responsibility and duty to be there for the children, not the other way around. If she has to blame someone, she should have a good talk with your step-dad, and/or a lawyer to take care of financial issues instead of making you bear the burden of her frustrations.
I know this is not helping you get the issue solved, but you needed to know that you are not responsible for your mother's choices in life.
Wishing you the best with all my heart, Chery
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
My parents divorced too but it was a pretty dysfuntional household long before that. I remember how hard it was, the confusion at times overwhelming, the deep sadness later.
Focus on who you are, DjH. I see a terrific person on that website even if your mum doesn't.
It will get better as you pull away and to establish your own independent life.
I send my sympathies to you meanwhile. :(
How did everything go last night with your mum?
well I got home last night to find I was being ignored.
My mum would not enter any room I was in to begin with and then when she did, I may very well have been invisable.
The thick dark cloud that surrounded her made me fail any attempt to talk to her. My nan was there and even she was being a little off with me and I could tell by her facial expression that my mum had obviously been talking me down!
However I kept quiet and just did my own thing!
I did however take something my Mum said and perhaps another option that had been overlooked and may very well be a possibility if I can actually get everyone to sit down and talk.
If the house gets sold then My mum and step Dad will take 50% of whatever is left once all expenses have been covered.
The house we bought nearly 4yrs ago has been done up so much that we will easily have added great value to the house.
Anyway with this in mind both my mum and step dad willhave enough money to put down a deposit on another, smaller house each.
Now if my mum take my older brother (Lee) to live with her and younger brother - then she can still get a smaller house in a cheaper area and with Lee paying rent she will live comfortably as will my two brothers.
Now my step-dad is on his own, if I was to go and live with him, he would not be on his own, would again have me paying rent and Jake would feel at home at either houses.
I would then get on much better with my Mum and older Brother and have the best of both worlds - that of living an independent life but still having a parental figure around.
The only problem I have is tryiong to get everyone to agree to this.
I think I will go and visit my Step-dad and see what he thinks and then see if he can suggest this to my Mum - seen as they are on better more amical termes than my Mum and I are at the moment.
The only thing I can see is my Mum is ging to think I am going against her rather than trying to help her! - not sure how I will get around that - but I guess it's worth a try.
Obviously selling houses and buying hiuses all take time - so on a temporary basis I could move in with Kelly! - I would then be out of the firing range; have the opportunity to work on my Mum to try and get some sort of relationship back - and relieve my stress levels and above all make my world a happier place for Pete to be.
I was in a much ahppier place with Pete last night - talking to all of you made that happen - so thank you for your support and for being here for me!
You are all fantastic people and I value each of you greatly xxx
hat do you all think?
That's a good idea to go live with your step-dad.
Just have to see if he and the others will go for it and check that its doable.
It is too bad that they were giving you the cold shoulder. Its very childish. I think it is a good idea. Go for it.
Joe
If that is not bad enough - she has started having a go at me me for alsorts now. Any little thing that annoys her she blaes me for whether it is my fault or not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
She even called me a ***** this morning just because I was trying to let her vehaviour go over my head and resisted her comments. - she has seriously blown it and as soon as I have my fnds together I am go to move in with Kelly on a Temporary basis and talk to my step dad about living together.
Yes do that DJ H, then your mum will realise what a big mistake she did, and probably ask for you forgiveness. Xxx
I am just so sick of her at the moment and I reallt cannot cope with anymore. She is even blanking Pete now!
Holly,
Get used to it. My wife is telling me about how many things are my fault according the mother in law. Just because I encourage my wife to be her own person and stand up for herself and make decisions that make her happy. Next thing you know it is my fault she is changing and blah blah blah blah. Anyway, you know what is right and wrong and I know it is hard right now but you need to think about what makes you happy and what decisions you personally need in your life to fulfill it no matter what. Good luck!
Joe
I know you are right joe - so whatever happens it will be for the best.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
One of our cats gave birth to 4 beautiful kittens last night - so my Mum is talking to me now. My mum is going on holiday for a week and needs me to be at home to look after the cat & kittens. So now she needs me, she is being nice. She really has lost the plot.
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