Ask Me Help Desk - Why isn't my former teacher responding to my texts?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

I have to ask, and I'm not sure if anyone already asked this, but this is my gut speaking. Are you attracted to this teacher? Is this a sexual attraction, and that's why you're so upset that she hasn't contacted you?

It really sounds like more than just a teacher student relationship. The fact is, if you are attracted to her, and she meets with you, becomes a friend (because there's no reason to think that she's also attracted to you based on what you've posted), she could lose her job. Just forming a friendship with you, seeing you out of school, contacting you when she's no longer your teacher, could lead to her losing her job. Sounds to me like she figured out that you want more than just a pat on the back ,and good luck in your future, and she's now protecting her future by ceasing all contact.

No! I'm not attracted to her whatsoever. I mean yeah she's really pretty and I'm a little jealous but no I do not have a crush on her. My mom has told me she probably is just being careful because she's young and doesn't have a lot of experience. A lot of bad things happen in this world that I think she is just being careful and I understand that. I looked up some things to make sure students and teachers can even have a relationship after they graduates or whatever and a lot of people actually do hangout with their former teachers. I don't see why she would lose her Job because she stays in touch with a former student she has 2 years ago? My cousin is a teacher, she hangs out with former students. My step mom is a teacher and I check with her before I do anything. In about month me and my other teacher are going to meet up. I don't see the problem.

You aren't paying attention - is that a problem for you in school?

You may not see the problem. Your teacher does.

When I was 25 I had no interest in "hanging out" with 16 year olds. Maybe she thinks the same way.

And I'm not sure "Alty" didn't nail it - something about this isn't ringing true.

I also think after you've posted 17 times and it's right back where it started it's time for a Mod to close the thread.

I am surprised that your parents don't have a problem with you posting on an adult site when you apparently aren't terribly mature.

Once you get a "curious" thought in your head you won't let go will you. Please let this rest and see if you get a reply. Maybe its your curiosity pushing you, or maybe she is busy and trying to establish boundaries between you.

Relax and let time tell without you pushing to hard to satisfy that curiosity. You write well and I am sure she is proud, as there is no telling what's going on in her life so just chill for a while and see if she contacts you. If not then take the hint and back off.

Our "curiosity" cannot always be satisfied. If you cannot let it go, it does become obsessive. Now that's annoying and scary. Don't scare her if you like her, just understand and be mature about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

No! I'm not attracted to her whatsoever. I mean yeah she's really pretty and I'm a little jealous but no I do not have a crush on her. My mom has told me she probably is just being careful because she's young and doesn't have a lot of experience. A lot of bad things happen in this world that I think she is just being careful and I understand that. I looked up some things to make sure students and teachers can even have a relationship after they graduates or whatever and a lot of people actually do hangout with their former teachers. I don't see why she would lose her Job because she stays in touch with a former student she has 2 years ago? My cousin is a teacher, she hangs out with former students. My step mom is a teacher and I check with her before I do anything. In about month me and my other teacher are going to meet up. I don't see the problem.

If you're not attracted to her, and you have friends your own age, why are you so obsessed with this teacher? It's not healthy.

Has your step mother told you to leave this young teacher alone? Has any adult in your life told you that your behavior is inappropriate?

You texted, she didn't reply. She's making it very clear that she doesn't wish to be friends with you, and that's perfectly fine, and the norm when it comes to teachers and students. You obviously like her, but it isn't her job to be your friend, especially now that you're no longer in her class. She did her job, and that's all it was, a job. I don't know many normal 25 year old adults that want to hang out with a 16 year old child. Those that do, usually have ulterior motives.

She's young, she probably regrets giving you her number, because she probably thought you would never call. Now you're texting her, bugging her to meet with you, and you won't stop. She most likely has no idea how to go about telling you that she was your teacher, she was only doing her job, and she doesn't want to be friends with a child, especially a former student.

You stated that she's not the only one you try to contact, that there's another teacher as well. Has anyone recommended therapy for you? It's a bit alarming that you're trying to form friendships with people that are in an authoritative position over you. They really are risking their jobs by seeing you outside of school, befriending you, texting with you. Hopefully the other teacher you contact wises up and realizes she's putting her career at stake by being friends with an obsessed kid.

Get help for this, it's not normal, and it's actually very scary that you're this obsessed about your teachers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Once you get a "curious" thought in your head you won't let go will you. Please let this rest and see if you get a reply. Maybe its your curiosity pushing you, or maybe she is busy and trying to establish boundaries between you.

Relax and let time tell without you pushing to hard to satisfy that curiosity. You write well and I am sure she is proud, as there is no telling what's going on in her life so just chill for a while and see if she contacts you. If not then take the hint and back off.

Our "curiosity" cannot always be satisfied. If you cannot let it go, it does become obsessive. Now that's annoying and scary. Don't scare her if you like her, just understand and be mature about it.

I finally got to hear something I needed to hear. Thank you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

If you're not attracted to her, and you have friends your own age, why are you so obsessed with this teacher? It's not healthy.

Has your step mother told you to leave this young teacher alone? Has any adult in your life told you that your behavior is inappropriate?

You texted, she didn't reply. She's making it very clear that she doesn't wish to be friends with you, and that's perfectly fine, and the norm when it comes to teachers and students. You obviously like her, but it isn't her job to be your friend, especially now that you're no longer in her class. She did her job, and that's all it was, a job. I don't know many normal 25 year old adults that want to hang out with a 16 year old child. Those that do, usually have ulterior motives.

She's young, she probably regrets giving you her number, because she probably thought you would never call. Now you're texting her, bugging her to meet with you, and you won't stop. She most likely has no idea how to go about telling you that she was your teacher, she was only doing her job, and she doesn't want to be friends with a child, especially a former student.

You stated that she's not the only one you try to contact, that there's another teacher as well. Has anyone recommended therapy for you? It's a bit alarming that you're trying to form friendships with people that are in an authoritative position over you. They really are risking their jobs by seeing you outside of school, befriending you, texting with you. Hopefully the other teacher you contact wises up and realizes she's putting her career at stake by being friends with an obsessed kid.

Get help for this, it's not normal, and it's actually very scary that you're this obsessed about your teachers.

I'm not obsessed with her, I promise. I've sent her two texts and did not hear back from her. I assumed she was too busy or forgot to reply (this was a month ago). So today, I thought why not ask this question online to get other peoples opinion and advice. Instead y'all accuse me of being obsessed. Y'all make it sound worse than it really is. Enough with the negative comments please.

How do you tell people they mean a lot to you?

If you were to tell a friend they mean a lot to you, how would you tell them? What would you say?

That would vary person to person... based on your actual relationship with them... and both your personality types.

Meaning there is no one simple answer to this.

In what ways do they mean a lot to you? What is it you really want to say ?
What type of friend?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

in what ways do they mean a lot to you? What is it you really want to say ?
What type of friend?

Well I'm close to someone and I was wondering if I should say "You mean a lot to me" or is there's another way of saying it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

Well I'm close to someone and I was wondering if I should say "You mean a lot to me" or is theres another way of saying it?

There are tons of ways.

I love being your friend.
Our friendship is awesome.
We together are so much fun.
Etc. Etc. Etc...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

Well I'm close to someone and I was wondering if I should say "You mean a lot to me" or is theres another way of saying it?

You are the whipped cream on top of my pumpkin pie.

You are the sizzle in my steak.

You are the hot fudge in my ice cream sundae.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You are the whipped cream on top of my pumpkin pie.

You are the sizzle in my steak.

You are the hot fudge in my ice cream sundae.

I like those!

How about:

You are the bounce in my tennis ball. Haha. I just made that up. Kind of stoooopid if you ask me.

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

There are tons of ways.

I love being your friend.
Our friendship is awesome.
We together are so much fun.
Etc. Etc. Etc...

Can't I just say she means a lot to me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

Can't I just say she means a lot to me?

Yes. We tried to be creative since you asked us what would we say..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Yes. We tried to be creative since you asked us what would we say..

And thank you for sharing!!

I would just say what's in my heart. After all, this is a friend, so why can't you just say what's on your mind, and in your heart? You don't need fancy words to tell someone you care about them, and everyone likes to hear they mean something special to someone.

Lots of good advice from everyone, just curious, were you wanting to say this to a friend, or to a previous teacher?

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliseaodo

Lots of good advice from everyone, just curious, were you wanting to say this to a friend, or to a previous teacher?

Excellent question.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ts-754444.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliseaodo

Lots of good advice from everyone, just curious, were you wanting to say this to a friend, or to a previous teacher?

Good sleuthing. I thought the username sounded familiar, but I didn't go back and look at other question. I had hoped the OP had given up on her obsession with her former teacher. Maybe not. :(

I'll second that... are you still obsessed with someone you shouldn't be?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

Good sleuthing. I thought the username sounded familiar, but I didn't go back and look at other question. I had hoped the OP had given up on her obsession with her former teacher. Maybe not. :(

I am not obsessed, I promise!

So tell us what relation to you this other person is. If it's the former teacher... you are in fact obsessed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

So tell us what relation to you this other person is. If its the former teacher...you are in fact obsessed.

I've never been obsessed with anyone nor will I ever be. You're overthinking the situation I'm in with her. Yes I'm going to let her know she means a lot to me, then she will understand why I wanted to stay in touch in the first place.

You can always tell them how it much -------- meant to you when they -------- and there was the time when -------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

I've never been obsessed with anyone nor will I ever be. You're overthinking the situation I'm in with her. Yes I'm going to let her know she means a lot to me, then she will understand why I wanted to stay in touch in the first place.

I still believe you should leave her alone. You really need to let this obsession go. If one of my students was doing this to me, I'd call the parents and put a stop to it ASAP.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

So I have a former teacher who has always been my favorite teacher since middle school and I have only visited her once. We just got in touch two months ago. I have her number and about month ago I asked her if I could go see her. Well she said yes but then she had to cancel on me and told me that week wouldn't be good for me to come. So I asked about next week and she said yeah. Well next week came and I asked her but I asked while she was in school working and If I could go that day. I figured she would read it during her break or something but she never replied. So next week I asked in a better way by saying, "I understand you're busy and I hate to bother you but is there a time I can come by this week?". She still didn't reply!!

So now its summer and I'm miserable! I miss her terribly. I really wish to hear back from her. I stay in touch with my other teacher and she said she doesn't know what else I could do. Do you have any idea what I can do in this situation? I really dont want to text her again because then I'll sound clingy and annoy her. I'm 16 female and shes 25.

I was also told to just go right up to her school to see her when school starts up again, should I? I've done it before.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

I've never been obsessed with anyone nor will I ever be. You're overthinking the situation I'm in with her. Yes I'm going to let her know she means a lot to me, then she will understand why I wanted to stay in touch in the first place.

If you aren't... then why this great obsession... and this IS an obsession. She's a FORMER teacher... why this obsessive NEED to do anything involving her? She see's it to and that's WHY she's not responding.

In all fairness here, I was the one who said it was OK to send a birthday card with a note in it. I still see no reason why she shouldn't send it, as long as it's by US mail, and as long as she can handle not getting a response, or not even knowing if the teacher got it.

As a former class clown my teachers were happy the day I was promoted to the next level!!

I see an obsession here which could turn dangerous - for the teacher. Yes, I'd be notifying the parents that this behavior is unhealthy.
This is why/how teachers lose jobs, trying to be "nice" but not crossing a fine line.

One of my concerns is that this is 4 year old preschool "I love my teacher" behavior Perhaps the OP is locked at that emotional age level.

As sad as this situation is - obviously there's a problem in OP's life/home and perhaps there are no "same age friends" involved if I were the teacher I'd be running for the hills.

And the "I promise I'm not obsessed" statement followed by more expanations of obsessive behavior - ?

I always wonder where the parents are, both when these posts are made and when the behavior is in full swing.

This could be construed as stalking if it continues.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

This could be construed as stalking if it continues.

Agreed and it just gives me an uneasy feeling all together.

Legally I believe it could be considered stalking now - I don't believe we're getting the whole story, and it appears that this may not just involve one teacher. Wonder if it's a pattern. If so...

And it all boils down to this... they asked..

Why isn't my former teacher responding to my texts?

For the same reason anyone else won't take a call or answer a text or email from someone they are creeped out by because of inappropriate appearing actions... its because they don't want to... take a hint... they don't want to talk to you or they would have answered.

It really IS that simple. They are trying to be nice about it hoping you will just go away. They could just as easily gotten nasty about it, and quite honestly many times it is justified because the message doesn't seem to get through everyone's thick skulls all the time.

Face it.. they don't want to be friends or whatever else you might have in mind. Most teachers have their hands full with their current classes. And apparently she is one of them. At 24 its unlikely she has gotten tenure yet.. and really hasn't gotten the routine down to a science as more experienced teachers have.

"Why isn't my former teacher responding to my texts?"

Maybe he said teacher is wise beyond her years. Maybe the school has created a profile which this person fits.

I agree, most teachers will see you in a public setting, talk nice and say a few things, but depending on the grade, they have many students, and you are just one, most vaugely remember you at best after a few years,

Most do not want you at their home, most do not want to talk to you all the time, you were a student nothing more. They have no connection to you.
I taught 400 or so students this year, I do not remember many of them already, and will not remember hardly any in a few years.

You seem not to be able to take a hint, and have no reason to want to talk to and visit the teacher

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Legally I believe it could be considered stalking now - I don't believe we're getting the whole story, and it appears that this may not just involve one teacher. Wonder if it's a pattern. If so ...

What are you trying to say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

What are you trying to say?

That you're already stalking this teacher. It's obvious. You won't stop obsessing about her. You send her texts, you come online asking how to make her contact you, and now you're asking us (in a different thread) how to tell her you have feelings for her.

This is not only obsession, this has gone to a dangerous place. Your teacher realizes it, which is why she's not responding to you. I wouldn't be surprised if a restraining order came next if you don't stop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

That you're already stalking this teacher. It's obvious. You won't stop obsessing about her. You send her texts, you come online asking how to make her contact you, and now you're asking us (in a different thread) how to tell her you have feelings for her.

This is not only obsession, this has gone to a dangerous place. Your teacher realizes it, which is why she's not responding to you. I wouldn't be surprised if a restraining order came next if you don't stop.

I'm not sending her a million texts a day. I haven't contacted her in 2 months. She's not all I ever think about, I would get sick of it anyway. She's just very important to me. What makes you think I'm stalking her?
Btw, shut the h*** up about the obsession because its not true.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordonj

I'm not sending her a million texts a day. I haven't contacted her in 2 months. She's not all I ever think about, I would get sick of it anyways. She's just very important to me. What makes you think I'm stalking her??
Btw, shut the h*** up about the obsession because its not true.

I'm not surprised that you're denying your obsession. That's all we've heard about from you on this site, this teacher, and your "love" for her. That's obsession.

Until you admit that you can't let her go, you won't get any help from anyone. Until you admit that you have a problem, you'll be stuck doing the same thing you're doing now.

Do your parents know about any of this?